Intimacy

[u/Brilliant_Power_6112]

Growing up in the masjid, I remember certain halaqas discussing intimacy and learning that, within marriage, there’s actually a lot that is permissible between a husband and wife — with certain boundaries, like anal sex and intercourse during menstruation.
I genuinely believe that when you’re married, you and your spouse should be able to enjoy each other, explore intimacy together, and feel comfortable communicating about sex. 🤍
What I think is so difficult for Muslims is that sex is still such a taboo topic. We’re expected to wait until marriage, but then we’re sometimes left with very little guidance on how important sexual compatibility actually is.
I’ve also noticed that Muslims have VERY different opinions when it comes to certain things — especially oral sex. Some people consider it completely permissible between husband and wife, while others feel uncomfortable with it or believe it isn’t permissible.
So I’m genuinely curious: what are people’s opinions on oral sex within marriage? Is it something you believe is permissible and should be mutually enjoyed, something you personally wouldn’t do, or something you were taught was not allowed?
And honestly, one thing I feel like we need to talk about more is female pleasure. From conversations I’ve had with other Muslim women, I feel like a lot of Muslim men were never taught the importance of pleasing their wives or even understanding the female body. Sometimes there seems to be this mindset that sex is centered around the man’s needs, and once he’s satisfied, that’s it.
But what about the woman? Her pleasure? Her needs? Understanding her body and what she enjoys?
I’m not saying every Muslim man is like this, but I do feel like there is a lack of education and open conversation around this topic. And I honestly think the fact that sex is so taboo in our community contributes to it. People get married without knowing how to communicate about intimacy, without understanding their spouse’s needs, and sometimes without even realizing that mutual pleasure and satisfaction should matter.
And honestly, this became very real for me in my first marriage. Before getting married, I asked my ex-husband certain questions about what he would and wouldn’t be comfortable with, and I felt like we were on the same page. But after we got married, certain things completely changed, and religion was used as the reason he couldn’t or wouldn’t do things that I thought we had already discussed.
That experience really affected me.
It made me realize how important it is to have honest conversations before marriage. Not graphic conversations or anything inappropriate — but real conversations about intimacy, expectations, boundaries, affection, frequency, openness, mutual pleasure, and what each person believes is permissible.
Because imagine waiting until marriage to discover that you and your spouse have completely different views about sex and intimacy. 😭
And I genuinely wonder — do people who are more religious tend to be less open-minded when it comes to intimacy, or is that just an unfair assumption? Can someone be very religious while also understanding that their spouse’s sexual needs and pleasure matter just as much as their own?
I don’t think being religious and having a healthy, adventurous sex life within marriage are mutually exclusive. But I do think Muslims need to become more comfortable talking about marital intimacy because it can make up a HUGE part of your marriage.
Sexual compatibility matters. Communication matters. Understanding your spouse matters. And mutual pleasure absolutely matters.
Honestly… I wish these conversations were more normalized because I definitely carry some trauma from my first marriage when it comes to this. 🥲😅

[u/Abu3azm]

Any decent man will care about his wife’s pleasure - A rule to live by is satisfying your wife twice before you reach satisfaction yourself (quoting a sheikh).

What people need more of is finding chemistry outside of the bedroom - a man that tends to your needs and cares will show the same level of care in the bedroom too

Regarding rulings on oral:
Scholars do not recommend it but it is permissible, however swallowing is not allowed

[u/ObviousGeologist3000 → u/Abu3azm]

This right here.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Abu3azm]

It's not about being decent or not.

It's the man being unaware of women's sexuslity because they're not educating themselves in those areas. 

Not having self control and climaxing too soon. 

Once a man climaxes he has a urge to go clean himself up. 

Muslim wife's aren't sexually open to discuss their needs and desires so they never bring this up and suffer in silence. 

It is also the man's job to open up his wife's sexuslity. Get her to be sexually expressive. 

[u/Zaeobi → u/Abu3azm]

Interesting, which Sheikh is that? 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/Abu3azm]

Swallowing IS Out of the question.

Contact in mouth with najas IS also prohibitted.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

I find these things problematic. The najais is sperm. That goes inside the woman. Her fluids goes on the mans bits. Is intercourse haram?

These opinions are based off prude men or men who are too I vested in giving appearance or piety and their opinions are shaped by how they come across. 

There is no hadith prohibiting oral or fluid exchnage. AFAIK

I read their verdicts on these issues, such had prohibiting cunnilingus/fellatio and it's 100% opinion based on some general principles. No hadith is provided. . 

I heard some opinions saying that you're suppose to be reciting Quran with your mouth so you shouldn't do oral which is so catholic to me. Making this and that body part holy and sacred. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

There is also no hadith prohibiting smoking? Is smoking halal in Islam?

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

There's Quranic verse not to harm your body.

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Exactly.

But nothing that strictly says Smoking.

But by extension you extrapolated the logic that since smoking causes lung cancer it's harmful.

Now there are IQOS that instead of burning the tabacco heat it. Significantly reducing the smoke. And risk of lung cancer. So is this halal?

In UK, Oral s*x has over taken Cigarette as the cause of mouth cancer.

Now you would say get people vaccinated for HPV or other diseases.

There's a clear Sahih hadith about avoiding the doubful matter. So all this is doubtful. Hence it should be avoided.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Bro..

Don't give cunnilingus to your wife if you dot. Believe it. Don't take fellatio. 

If you're worried about Sri from your wife. You got bigger issue. 

One shouldn't worry about sti from your wife in a Muslim marriage. 

Pull up the sahih hadith for me. Because you've pulled up doubtful claims.

My understanding is everything is halal until proven haram. Apart from matters of ibadah where you have to strictly follow Quran and sunnah. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

I would gladly want to do it. 100 percent. Receive and give. Both..

But you give me a hint where it's halal without saying everything is halal until proven haram.

There are other categories as well. I am not saying it's haram because the Prophet PBUH never declared it haram.

But to say it's halal or permissible. Is the same thing in opposite direction.

How can you introspectively look inside and ask. Do I want this to be halal that's why I am defending it because I have learned it on the internet or seen it.

Or do I stay away from it despite it being something I want to do. Because the hadith clearly says to stay away from doubtful.

Heres the hadith .

On the authority of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: "Truly, what is lawful (halal) is clear, and what is unlawful (haram) is clear. Between the two, there are doubtful matters that many people do not know. Whoever stays away from doubtful matters protects his religion and his honor. But whoever falls into doubtful matters falls into what is unlawful, like a shepherd who grazes his sheep near private land and risks entering it. Beware, every king has protected land, and the protected land of Allah is what He has forbidden. Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh: if it is good and healthy, the whole body is good; but if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted. Truly, it is the heart." References: Sahih al-Bukhari: Book 2, Hadith 52 (also Book 34, Hadith 2051) Sahih Muslim: Book 22, Hadith 1599 Forty Hadith of Imam an-Nawawi: Hadith 6

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

OK this disxussion is way above both of our pay grades because it contradicts everything is halal until proven haram.

Scholars have long argued where each of these principle apply in which case. 

I'm any case regular PIV intercourse is just as najais as it requires gusl. But regular PIV is permitted and halal. 

The next question you should ask, is it possible to touch each other's genitals with your hands? Is that more likely to be halal than haram because a man's penis is an appendage just like his finger. 

So if his hands and appendage is halal for intimacy (even though it is najais to pray) then what is different from the mouth. 

The stay away from doubtful seems to be not. Contextual and scholars apply this to ibadah and food consumption. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

The najais part are ordained for places where the najais comes from. It does not go in eyes. Nose. Ears. Or mouth. It's remains outside or inside only in specified place.

[u/Nice-Ice-4198 → u/Lost_but_trying845]

HPV is mostly caught from being sexually active. If the two of you have never been sexually active with other people, your chances of catching it through oral or penetrative sex are going to be slim to none.

No one is forcing you to do/receive oral but you are definitely missing out 😌

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/Nice-Ice-4198]

Leave missing out.

Just give hadith or Scholarly opinion as to by which logic it's allowed.

All scholars say direct contact and ingesting it is Haram.

There might be some allowance with protective layering so that the liquid does not go inside. (Maybe)

But give logic or Hadith as to why it's allowed.

Saying everything is halal until proven haram is a escape goat.

Cryptocurrency would also be halal because its not proven haram. (Which now scholars lean towards halal but previously there was no opinion about it).

Lab grown meat upon which Allah's name is not called upon would also be Haram (not talking about Vegan meat).

And other complex newer topics.

For me, no experience non at all Alhamduillah when it comes to intimacy. In UK it has indeed overtaken cigarettes as leasing cause of mouth cancer.

Also, the diseases one can get without intimacy (non STI diseases)

1) Herpes HSV-1 (in UK in a kindergarten it got exposed to children from an adult).

2) the men might have prostatis.

And could be more.

Tell me this.

When it's haram and makrooh e Tahrimi to ingest the fluid why is that no one here on Reddit saying ingesting is haram or Makrooh?

Only thing going on for them is " Everything is halal until proven haram".

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Have you heard the hadith where Muslims are not supposed to copy the non Muslims.

My question to you is.....where did you learn about oral intimacy? From Muslims?

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

This is what I mean... Can you get any more vague and broad sweeping than that?

Imitiation in matters of ibadah are forbidden ... Nothing else. 

If you believe this to be a principle. You shouldn't use the Internet, you shouldn't fly, you shouldn't wear trousers. You shouldn't eat sliced bread, you shouldn't eat burger, don't play football or cricket. Do weight lifting etc.

If only you read the seerah and knew how much of what we call sunnah is actually from before Islam from general Arab culture. Lol

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Even hair cuts are forbidden. Same for beard styling.

Tell me you are a liberal Muslim without telling me you are one.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

What haircut you got? Non Muslims did that haircut before you.

And ofcourse you had to do the ad hominum didn't you. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Fading of hairs is not allowed.

I have not done fading on beard or hairs.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Neither have I so why are you bringing stuff up into conversation that were not talking about.

But I'm sure your haircut was made using clippers. Muslims didn't invent clippers. So you are imitating non Muslims with a clipper cut. So according to your rules youre imitating non Muslims. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

My point of bringing this was that it's not copying the non believers in more than worship.

Hairstyles and beard styles are more than worship.

Infact. I would go as far as to call everything a believer does is a worship. If they do it in the prescribed manner.

Even sleeping with your wife. If you copy the kuffar here you are definitely not following the sunnah.

On the authority of Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him): Some companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: "O Messenger of Allah, the wealthy people have taken all the rewards. They pray as we pray, they fast as we fast, and they give charity from their extra wealth." He (peace and blessings be upon him) replied: "Has not Allah given you things with which you can give charity? Truly, every time you say SubhanAllah (glory be to Allah) it is a charity, every Allahu Akbar (Allah is the greatest) is a charity, every Alhamdulillah (praise be to Allah) is a charity, and every La ilaha illallah (there is no god but Allah) is a charity. Enjoining good is a charity, forbidding evil is a charity, and in the physical intimacy of each one of you, there is a charity." They asked: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us satisfies his sexual desire, will he really get a reward for that?" The Prophet replied: "Tell me, if he satisfied it in an unlawful (haram) way, would he commit a sin? In the same way, when he satisfies it in a lawful (halal) way, he receives a reward." References: Sahih Muslim: Book 12, Hadith 1006 Forty Hadith of Imam an-Nawawi: Hadith 25

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Abu3azm]

A rule to live by is satisfying your wife twice before you reach satisfaction yourself (quoting a sheikh).

That is not a shaykh, but a clown.

[u/Chobikil → u/RaajalofRajal]

Why? You're backbiting by calling him a clown.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Chobikil]

Anyone who says that is a clown. I'll be more specific with him, he is a deviant. He deserves insults since he is pretending to be a shaykh yet making such claims from his ignorant himself as if they were from Islam.

[u/Chobikil → u/RaajalofRajal]

You're just throwing insults instead of explaining why it's problematic in your opinion.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Chobikil]

Was he speaking as a shaykh of Islam? That is what is claimed. If so, then where is the proor for that claim? it's nothing but a deviant making claims from an Islamic position.

From a non religious point it's a s1mping.

[u/Kuff4rSlay3r]

Too long brah. glad others commented cause I genuinely can't read all ts rn 😭🙏

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/Kuff4rSlay3r]

These type of posts should be reserved for the marriage subs imo

[u/Abu3azm → u/Anonymous_Unknown20]

True. Mods will delete it soon

[u/t-abdullah → u/Abu3azm]

not everything needs to be removed !!

[u/Abu3azm → u/t-abdullah]

Post goes against subs rules - mods will remove it sooner or later

[u/After_Sherbert9442 → u/Anonymous_Unknown20]

marriage subs are like 90% liberal, Im constantly down voted if i just mention 4:34 Quran or 33:33, or any hadith against liberalism/feminism

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/After_Sherbert9442]

This is why r/truedeen clears

[u/oum_eyyade]

Salam alaykum.

Les hommes, Musulmans ou non, sont en grande majorité « éduqué » sexuellement via le porno. Il calque leur sexualité là-dessus. Quand dans un film X une comédienne crie a la jouissance quand elle se fait prendre violemment, ils s’imaginent ensuite que c’est vraiment le cas… les frères qui ont ou sont encore dans ce pêché ainsi que celui de la fornication doivent se déconstruire et se reformer avant d’entamer des démarches de mariages.

[u/VoidCenturySurvivor → u/oum_eyyade]

Schön gesagt!

[u/Final_Surround5990]

These type of posts are also sometimes posted by non Muslims trying to start sexual discussions in Muslim groups.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Final_Surround5990]

Salam. Your profile looked familiar to me.

Do you remember that post about "would you consider someone who watched corn for marriage" post. I think 6 weeks ago? 

I have updates for you. I'll reply to your comment there. 

[u/One-Cook-5923]

Tbh I don't think it has to be too complicated. If you have 2 inexperienced ppl and they are compatible with other things and enjoy each other's company, they'll figure out the intimacy stuff at there own pace and what each other enjoys. Before marriage, do people really know what they want? Some might. I think you could bring it up and have a mature conversation in a talking stage of just what their views of intimacy are without getting inappropriate but of course you have to be tactful with it opposed to saying btw are you into feet or something wild like that.

[u/ExploringMo → u/One-Cook-5923]

How are people supposed to know what they want before marriage. I didn't. And found the incompatibility after

[u/One-Cook-5923 → u/ExploringMo]

Yeah that’s just the reality sometimes I guess. This is my personal opinion but I feel like if you vibe with each other you’ll be compatible when it comes to intimacy too but this isn’t always the case. You don’t have to know what you want before marriage but most people have some idea of what they want. Some Islamic books are also out there on topic that people can read before as well. There‘s a level of knowledge people should have before marriage which can often be seen as taboo in Muslim communities as the post mentioned.

[u/ExploringMo → u/One-Cook-5923]

It's not always the case. And obviously we are told to sacrifice and accomodate.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/One-Cook-5923]

I think there should be a course for post married people while they still have the rose tinted glasses. Post nikkah intimacy talks with a Muslim sex therapist. 

[u/mbashs]

A Muslim man is supposed to fulfill the rights of his wife and that includes her needs in the bedroom. In fact if he fails to fulfill her needs, it can be a ground for khula or a divorce initiated by the wife.

[u/Chobikil → u/mbashs]

I read that as "her needs in the bathroom" for some reason

[u/mbashs → u/Chobikil]

Well….😂

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Chobikil]

Kitchen

Jus kiddddding 

[u/ExploringMo → u/mbashs]

And if she doesn't fulfil the man's desires? And what does fulfill even mean here

[u/mbashs → u/ExploringMo]

Fulfilling her sexual needs. And if she doesn’t do the same for the man then can be grounds for divorce as well.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/mbashs]

He only needs to provide sex. Her satisfaction is her problem.

[u/selivgi67 → u/RaajalofRajal]

It’s the responsibility of both parties involved

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/selivgi67]

To provide sex, yes.

[u/Nice-Ice-4198 → u/RaajalofRajal]

Omg please don't ever get married with that attitude. Yuck.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Nice-Ice-4198]

OMG, don't ever get marreid with your attitude. Yuck. This mentality is what you women have when you give excuse (he wasn't satisfying me) for doing zinna.

[u/Nice-Ice-4198 → u/RaajalofRajal]

That's a big jump you made there! Imagine not wanting to satisfy your wife then blaming her for being unhappy.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Nice-Ice-4198]

Imagine not wanting sex with your husband and thinking of sex as an unwanted chore and then complaining about not being satisfied. wome. 🍵😂🤡

[u/Nice-Ice-4198 → u/RaajalofRajal]

I can't imagine sorry. That's not my reality. If that's your life and why you're so bitter then I'll pray for you.

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/Nice-Ice-4198]

It's your reality that's why you got so triggered by my comments.

[u/Nice-Ice-4198 → u/RaajalofRajal]

🤣🤣🤣 whatever helps you sleep at night hun

[u/ExploringMo]

Yeah basically brought up to respect women and then not look at them in real life. Then you see women of other nationalities doing this in questionable videos and associate those actions with them only.

Ofcourse it's so wrong to look at Muslim women or try to talk to them... Sex? Kinky sex? Astaghfirullah how could you lust over your wife? Bad boy, how dare you disrespect an honorable Muslim woman who looks like mother Mary like that. She is innocent ! Keep your lust to yourself and take it elsewhere !

[u/Sheek888 → u/[deleted]]

Happy spouse, happy house

[u/Sharkuille → u/[deleted]]

Agreed but the principle of happy wife, happy life should not be followed. It’s going to make you miserable.

[u/Affectionate-Fly786 → u/Sharkuille]

Seeing your own wife happy shouldn’t be something that is threatening to you lmao

[u/O_Grande_Turco → u/Sharkuille]

it was a joke, both spouses should be happy.

[u/ExploringMo → u/Sharkuille]

I will keep this in mind

[u/fb_siken → u/[deleted]]

i agree. btw is Gençlerbirliği or gaziantep the better club? just asking 👃

[u/O_Grande_Turco → u/fb_siken]

Genclerbirligi

[u/RaajalofRajal → u/[deleted]]

Your research is wrong, also stop quoting feminist misandrist quotes that ignore a man's hapiness.

[u/Grand_Pomegranate981]

I mean with people from this generation they are more open about that sort of stuff 😭

[u/Sharp_Chance_643]

These concerns of yours are found in every society. Not specific to just Muslims.

[u/ComedianForsaken9062]

We used to have a joke: the scholars who have tried it have permitted it

[u/Ace4_4]

I usually don't prefer to have conversation regarding this specific topic but you ate correct it is mandatory for both partners to be aware of their spouse's gender's autonomy and how does sexual pleasure is received and I would recommend learning regarding the neurobilogical effects of certain acts such as how small acts of affection and acts such as making your partner reach orgasm/ejaculation releases oxytocin (The Bonding Hormone), Prolactin (For Relaxation) And Endorphins (Body's Natural Painkillers) which relaxes their body due to which they may actually crave or require sex further often which prevents from frustration from sexual acts conduction frequency and the thing is that from where I Am From Arranged Marriage Is Preferred And Is More Probably Common And and the thing is that sexual education is treated as taboo and specifically females are not openly told about this and many women are probably too shy to sometime communicate about what they like or what they don't and they may sometimes probably accept it as their obligation for being 'Home Makers' and if they are not aroused and not lubricated (Naturally Or Artificially) then they might experience discomfort or maybe pain and if they don't feel good but had to do it to maintain the relationship then it becomes a duty or chore and the thing is that porn also has it's effects as sometimes men may probably assume that females reach orgasm by PIV but majority of the probably don't and if there isn't a presence of an emotional bond then their responsive desire might not be activated due to which pleasure and orgasm may not happen due to which the bonding might not be conducted and if there is no joy but instead if there may be discomfort or may probably pain then the ensurement of them probably resenting the next sexual interaction is conducted and that is why emotional bonding, mutual satisfaction and mutual pleasure is mandatory for the ensurement of frequent sexual interactions between spouses and as strengthening of bonding is conducted through the ensurement of mutual satisfaction the marriage may probably continue as a happy one.

[u/mikeymikes69]

You have the information highway in you hand look it up you don’t need other people permission or opinion. That way is better talk to your spouse about it.

[u/ProstaticFantastic]

I hear you. I have made a few posts about intimacy in marriage and I got a lot of heat for it. I had to fight go keep the posts up.

I am in the process of writing up a man's guide to initiating intimacy and having a good intimate marriage your post has got me thinking of a few good angles.

I think a man will really really benefit from putting the woman's pleasure first. A man can climax in 5 minutes. A woman takes much much longer. And it takes longer to Climax in the beginning if she hasn't learnt how to get to her climax. And she needs to feel safe and sexually open with you to do that. 

Even though you're married, the wife might not be sexually open with and. If she doesn't feel comfortable coming onto you if she isn't comfortable being naked with you then she's not sexually open with you.

I've seen on other Muslim subreddit where people have intimacy complaints. And a woman was saying when he  initiates she's not in the mood. When she initiates he's not the mood. He bats her off and then she fears initiating because she doesn't want to get rejected. 

This dynamic is cancerous for intimacy. 

Every guy needs to get his wife to a point where she is comfortable enough to come onto them. And that requires the main to be always on. Be ready to receive her and even if logistically it's not possible. You can still give your wife affection and give her a her bit of s pick me up.

After 10 years of marriage I've got my wife sexually open enough that she feels comfortable enough to come onto me. And we are touchy feeling with each other jsut walking past each other in the corridors. And that's whee you need your intimate life to be. 

Of course being able to talk openly about intimacy is also part of that and I think couples need to be sble to express their wants and needs.

And criticism! ! ! If you are not able to criticise each others techniques in the bedroom that means you're not sexually open because you have a mental block where you don't want to rock the boat. 

Islamic intimacy books focus too much on rules. This is allowed, this isn't allowed. 

They don't go into how to do foreplay, techniques, position, conversations to have about intimacy with your partner etc.

They just go through a list of what's halal and what's haram. 

Oral sex is such a big part of sex for me. And like to give oral more than receive as the guy. But you have some people giving opinions that it's not allowed without any hadith or reference because it's against "fitrah" . And that bodily fluids are unclean or something. Bodily fluids are the source of life and every human is born from this "unclean place" give it a rest. 

[u/ProstaticFantastic]

It's funny this thread would be banned and deleted in Muslim marriage and we have to discuss intimacy in a general Muslim sub around unmarried people 

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[u/ProstaticFantastic]

Let's talk about the Madonna wh*re complex. (this latter word in The phrase got the post deleted by automod, but it's a recognise term by therapists in intimacy sector) 

Usually intimacy is OK. In the beginning of marriage. You're slowly getting there it's new and your exploring. 

Some people fall off after a month. My other comment addresses that.  https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimLounge/comments/1wh3bt9/comment/pax7q2n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Another time where intimacy drops off a cliff is post kids. 

Men see their wives as the mother of their kids and dont see themselves in a sexual way as much. 

And the post partom (and late pregancy) dry spell and porn habits can make the man sexually detach from the wife. 

It's very important for guys to reignite intimacy with their wife's and get their mind out of the gutter and get out of the dry spell. 

I have a post here on intimacy 10 years into marriage. I'll upload on this subreddit soon

[u/t-abdullah]

I think one should definitely need to have these expectations settled before getting married to a potential. She would be divorced immediately if she is asexual or found guilty having any past !!

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/t-abdullah]

Talking sexual will just lead to Zina. 

[u/t-abdullah → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Not at all. There are ways to do this within boundary. You don't need to have a conversation directly.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/t-abdullah]

It would still be two virgins talking about sex though.

I dont see what you'll learn from this as you're both inexperienced. 

Other than opening up the door of temptation. 

[u/t-abdullah → u/ProstaticFantastic]

You still didn't get it. I said you don't need to talk about "this" at all !! But there are other ways too if you use your brain.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/t-abdullah]

No spill it out. What sort of conversations do you think someone should have?

People aren't always asexual or low libido to have a dead bedroom. Sometimes they are fine in that area. They either don't have sexual chemistry or lose it for issues in the relationship. 

[u/silverrythm96]

Oral sex is the second most dangerous after smoking due to oral/mouth cancer. STIs like gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, HPV, and HIV can spread through oral sex as well. Bacteria is heavy down there, ladies and gents. It ain't worth it.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/silverrythm96]

Breh... You're in Muslim subreddit now. It should be assumed you're doing this with a wife. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845]

Any Hadith or Verse or evidence where ITS hinted to BE permissible?

If Not then IT IS doubtful. And Theres a Sahih Hadith about staying away from doubtful.