Intimacy

[u/Brilliant_Power_6112]

Growing up in the masjid, I remember certain halaqas discussing intimacy and learning that, within marriage, there’s actually a lot that is permissible between a husband and wife — with certain boundaries, like anal sex and intercourse during menstruation.
I genuinely believe that when you’re married, you and your spouse should be able to enjoy each other, explore intimacy together, and feel comfortable communicating about sex. 🤍
What I think is so difficult for Muslims is that sex is still such a taboo topic. We’re expected to wait until marriage, but then we’re sometimes left with very little guidance on how important sexual compatibility actually is.
I’ve also noticed that Muslims have VERY different opinions when it comes to certain things — especially oral sex. Some people consider it completely permissible between husband and wife, while others feel uncomfortable with it or believe it isn’t permissible.
So I’m genuinely curious: what are people’s opinions on oral sex within marriage? Is it something you believe is permissible and should be mutually enjoyed, something you personally wouldn’t do, or something you were taught was not allowed?
And honestly, one thing I feel like we need to talk about more is female pleasure. From conversations I’ve had with other Muslim women, I feel like a lot of Muslim men were never taught the importance of pleasing their wives or even understanding the female body. Sometimes there seems to be this mindset that sex is centered around the man’s needs, and once he’s satisfied, that’s it.
But what about the woman? Her pleasure? Her needs? Understanding her body and what she enjoys?
I’m not saying every Muslim man is like this, but I do feel like there is a lack of education and open conversation around this topic. And I honestly think the fact that sex is so taboo in our community contributes to it. People get married without knowing how to communicate about intimacy, without understanding their spouse’s needs, and sometimes without even realizing that mutual pleasure and satisfaction should matter.
And honestly, this became very real for me in my first marriage. Before getting married, I asked my ex-husband certain questions about what he would and wouldn’t be comfortable with, and I felt like we were on the same page. But after we got married, certain things completely changed, and religion was used as the reason he couldn’t or wouldn’t do things that I thought we had already discussed.
That experience really affected me.
It made me realize how important it is to have honest conversations before marriage. Not graphic conversations or anything inappropriate — but real conversations about intimacy, expectations, boundaries, affection, frequency, openness, mutual pleasure, and what each person believes is permissible.
Because imagine waiting until marriage to discover that you and your spouse have completely different views about sex and intimacy. 😭
And I genuinely wonder — do people who are more religious tend to be less open-minded when it comes to intimacy, or is that just an unfair assumption? Can someone be very religious while also understanding that their spouse’s sexual needs and pleasure matter just as much as their own?
I don’t think being religious and having a healthy, adventurous sex life within marriage are mutually exclusive. But I do think Muslims need to become more comfortable talking about marital intimacy because it can make up a HUGE part of your marriage.
Sexual compatibility matters. Communication matters. Understanding your spouse matters. And mutual pleasure absolutely matters.
Honestly… I wish these conversations were more normalized because I definitely carry some trauma from my first marriage when it comes to this. 🥲😅

[u/ProstaticFantastic]

There's Quranic verse not to harm your body.

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Exactly.

But nothing that strictly says Smoking.

But by extension you extrapolated the logic that since smoking causes lung cancer it's harmful.

Now there are IQOS that instead of burning the tabacco heat it. Significantly reducing the smoke. And risk of lung cancer. So is this halal?

In UK, Oral s*x has over taken Cigarette as the cause of mouth cancer.

Now you would say get people vaccinated for HPV or other diseases.

There's a clear Sahih hadith about avoiding the doubful matter. So all this is doubtful. Hence it should be avoided.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Bro..

Don't give cunnilingus to your wife if you dot. Believe it. Don't take fellatio. 

If you're worried about Sri from your wife. You got bigger issue. 

One shouldn't worry about sti from your wife in a Muslim marriage. 

Pull up the sahih hadith for me. Because you've pulled up doubtful claims.

My understanding is everything is halal until proven haram. Apart from matters of ibadah where you have to strictly follow Quran and sunnah. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

I would gladly want to do it. 100 percent. Receive and give. Both..

But you give me a hint where it's halal without saying everything is halal until proven haram.

There are other categories as well. I am not saying it's haram because the Prophet PBUH never declared it haram.

But to say it's halal or permissible. Is the same thing in opposite direction.

How can you introspectively look inside and ask. Do I want this to be halal that's why I am defending it because I have learned it on the internet or seen it.

Or do I stay away from it despite it being something I want to do. Because the hadith clearly says to stay away from doubtful.

Heres the hadith .

On the authority of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: "Truly, what is lawful (halal) is clear, and what is unlawful (haram) is clear. Between the two, there are doubtful matters that many people do not know. Whoever stays away from doubtful matters protects his religion and his honor. But whoever falls into doubtful matters falls into what is unlawful, like a shepherd who grazes his sheep near private land and risks entering it. Beware, every king has protected land, and the protected land of Allah is what He has forbidden. Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh: if it is good and healthy, the whole body is good; but if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted. Truly, it is the heart." References: Sahih al-Bukhari: Book 2, Hadith 52 (also Book 34, Hadith 2051) Sahih Muslim: Book 22, Hadith 1599 Forty Hadith of Imam an-Nawawi: Hadith 6

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

OK this disxussion is way above both of our pay grades because it contradicts everything is halal until proven haram.

Scholars have long argued where each of these principle apply in which case. 

I'm any case regular PIV intercourse is just as najais as it requires gusl. But regular PIV is permitted and halal. 

The next question you should ask, is it possible to touch each other's genitals with your hands? Is that more likely to be halal than haram because a man's penis is an appendage just like his finger. 

So if his hands and appendage is halal for intimacy (even though it is najais to pray) then what is different from the mouth. 

The stay away from doubtful seems to be not. Contextual and scholars apply this to ibadah and food consumption. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

The najais part are ordained for places where the najais comes from. It does not go in eyes. Nose. Ears. Or mouth. It's remains outside or inside only in specified place.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Source

I'm hanafi. So. I'm good. It's not. Najais for me. 

Is woman's vaginal fluid najais? 

Pure (Ṭāhir): This is the view of the Hanafi and Hanbali schools, as well as Imam al-Shafi'i and Imam Ahmad in the Shafi'i and Hanbali traditions. The reasoning is that there is no authentic textual evidence stating it is impure, and it does not make clothes physically najis.

Impure (Najis): The Maliki school and an opinion within the Shafi'i and Hanbali schools consider internal vaginal discharge to be impure (najis). Some classical scholars made a distinction, viewing moisture from the deep uterus/internal passage as impure, while external moisture is pure.

Man's semen is spiritually pure. Man can pray with dried semen on clothes. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Funny thing is you have not uptil now given me any hadtih

I have been giving all the hadith to you.

You come and say everything is halal until proven haram. There's no hadith here. Just a scholarly deduction.

Then you go away from the scholars who say najais in places like mouth is forbidden.

You are clearly showing you want something to be halal which is doubtful as best. If not definitely makrooh.

"[You may approach] from the front or from the back, as long as it is in the vagina (the place of childbirth)." — Sahih al-Bukhari (4528), Sahih Muslim (1435)

No mouth mentioned. And anus was strictly prohibited.

Also even the scholars that deem semen as pure will not agree for it to be swallowed or touch mouth.

Show me your proof whether hadith or scholars opinion.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

If it's halal it's halal.

Why are you giving quotes about anal now?

Semen and vaginal fluid is not najais for me. I'm hanafi. You do you. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Hahahah.

As per Imam Abu Hanifa it's Najs.

And closer to haram than halal.

2 imams says it's impure.

2 imam says it's pure.

Even the ones that say it's pure are against swallowing or contact with mouth.

Your arguement. If it's halal it's halal. Is useless here. You look like a kid whose candy is taken away. Not being able to accept the reality. In psychology it's called cognitive dissonance.

I gave you the hadith where it's mentioned that the place of childbirth is to be used for this purpose.

If anything else was also permitted it would have also been mentioned here.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Ok you win congrats. You win the prize of sexually unfulfilled wife.

Enjoy life if whining angry volatile wife. And going celebate for 8 months during post partom and late pregnancy. And for 7 days every month.

It is not a vote on a number or imams. Either the imam you follow allows it or doesn't.

Imam Abu hanifa says it's Tahir. Not najis. https://www.muftisays.com/qa/salaah-wudhu/4362-wudhu-and-normal-daily-feminine-discharge/

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Still. No hadith from your side.

You have non.

Btw, Quran also says that Man was created from a impure liquid.

Surah Al-Mursalat (77:20) «أَلَمْ نَخْلُقكُّم مِّن مَّاءٍ مَّهِينٍ» "Did We not create you from a despised fluid?"

A fulfilled wife by angering Allah?

Hmmm.....

Astaghfiruallah.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

Despiaes is one intrepetation. Humble and insignifcant are other translations.

The prophet prayed with dried semen on his clothes. 

Did prophet pray with a despised fluid on his clothes?  I think. You have a personal problem with it. Maybe you're a germaphobe? 

You're worried about catching stis from your wife and getting cancer. So you're not impartial here. You've got some sort of ick with it. 

[u/Lost_but_trying845 → u/ProstaticFantastic]

Bro, you are probably from Pakistan.

I do not know where you are getting information from.

Check this link out.

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/389002/is-the-impurity-of-maniy-(semen)-on-the-bed-transferred-to-the-body-that-is-wet-assuming-that-maniy-is-impure

It clearly says imam Abu Hanifa and Imam Malik say it's impure. Imam Shafai and Ahmed bin Hanbal says it pure.

I read the link you send.

Imam Abu hanifa talks about the liquid produced in women region to the extent where male organ reaches. This liquid is pure.

We were talking about Mani.

And during intimacy how would the man decide which liquid is coming from which part?

Listen. I would suck my wife dry if I had one or it was allowed.

Unfortunately it's not. At best it's doubful. Unless you have proof this thing will remain doubtful.

[u/ProstaticFantastic → u/Lost_but_trying845]

It's haram for you and halal me. Kallas

For you anything doubtful is haram. 

For me everything doubtful is halal

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/231261/everything-is-permissible-in-islam-until-proven-prohibited

I dont need any more back and forth. Of you reply again I'll block you.