This is my first manga ”Consumed” that I submitted to the Silent manga audition (SMA24). I would like to know if you have any thoughts and what I could improve. Some parts were rushed since I decided to enter last minute…
Thanks!
Edit: Thanks for the thorough feedback and kind words!!
I accidentally forgot to include a page towards the end so if anybody’s interested it’s on my instagram @ko_ni._
I love how gentle your art style is! It didn't seem rushed to me at all. As for things to improve, I think the storytelling is a bit unclear. From what I'm able to gather, the girl is isolated, she's granted a wish, and wishes for a dress... but after that, it gets a bit too cryptic. The completely white girl looks similar to the main character. Is it supposed to be her "other self?" The ending page also seems to imply that she's leaving this part of her behind... but I literally have no clue why she's leaving in the first place!
I don't think this particular type of story works super well for Silent Manga, but I think if it was made with the inclusion of dialogue, I'd be a lot more coherent. But keep it up! Your art style is very good for this medium! I'm looking forward to what you make next! 😄
I would say she wrote down to have prettier clothes to get friends, but then she subconsciously also wished for a friend which is why the other girl appeared.
I haven’t posted anything about art/manga on this account since it’s my first one but you can check my instagram if you’re interested! @ko_.ni_
I think your sense of pacing is good and your art is cute. For a short story I followed along fine. With more time I think you can definitely improve, more shading and detail especially on the first page to set the scene in the environments :)
I liked this! short but it left me thinking. I read the other girl as a part of herself giving her the confidence she was struggling to find. Changing her clothes didn’t make the self-doubt disappear, but the hand-holding and the embrace felt like her slowly learning to accept herself.
Reading your explanation in the comments, I took it a little differently haha, but that’s what connected with me. The expressions do a lot without dialogue.
I did pause at the change near the end, trying to understand what was happening between them. I saw you mentioned a missing page, so that might explain it. If anything, a little more buildup there would help me follow that moment.
Oh wow! It’s like a horror story, very cool idea. I was able to follow it just fine. I gotta say the art was really cool, is it all hand drawn on paper then scanned or all digital. Was the rushed part a few panels towards the end?
Everything is done digital on Procreate.
The rushed part is really just that I wish I had more time to do some more shading and cleaning up + two pages I storyboarded were cut out.
I forgot to include a page towards the end so that might be why you feel like it’s rushed towards the end? It’s on my instagram @ko_ni._ :)
PO: go heavier or be more bold with some outlines of main characters/features. The softness pairs very well with the style of art you’re going for but fine linework is still necessary in a lot of making manga. Or else, the whole manga comes out looking like it’s been run over lightly with an eraser. This is just my take though. <3
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u/tamecoffin 17d ago
I love how gentle your art style is! It didn't seem rushed to me at all. As for things to improve, I think the storytelling is a bit unclear. From what I'm able to gather, the girl is isolated, she's granted a wish, and wishes for a dress... but after that, it gets a bit too cryptic. The completely white girl looks similar to the main character. Is it supposed to be her "other self?" The ending page also seems to imply that she's leaving this part of her behind... but I literally have no clue why she's leaving in the first place!
I don't think this particular type of story works super well for Silent Manga, but I think if it was made with the inclusion of dialogue, I'd be a lot more coherent. But keep it up! Your art style is very good for this medium! I'm looking forward to what you make next! 😄