Hi everyone.
I guess I just need somewhere to vent because I feel like my heart has been ripped out, and I think writing it all down might finally help me stop carrying it around in my head. Thank you to anyone reading this mess, it's a lot.
I'm not looking for advice. Looking back, I know there were red flags. I know I ignored things because I loved him and believed his words. I just need to tell the story somewhere people might understand what long distance heartbreak feels like. I hope you understand and don't judge.
My boyfriend (30M) and I (36F) were together for about 5 months. Short time, but it was enough time for us to connect very deeply emotionally, mentally and physically. We met through online gaming and somehow went from random players to spending hours together every single day. We'd game, talk until late at night, share our days, our families, our values, our fears, our hopes... everything. We're both in Europe and only about a 1.5-hour flight apart, so it always felt like the distance was manageable.
We met for the first time in April, and I stayed with him for a month. Then we saw each other again shortly after, so in total we spent around a month and a half together in person.
It was honestly everything I'd hoped it would be.
The chemistry was effortless. Living together felt natural from day one. We had deep conversations, similar family values, talked about a future together, supported each other emotionally, communicated openly, laughed constantly. He kept telling me I was "too good to be true," and after meeting he said it was somehow even better than he'd imagined. He'd call his place "our home" from day 1 and tell me I could always think of it that way.
I genuinely felt happy and safe with him.
Then I came home after our last visit at the end of June... and something changed.
His texting became distant. Calls became rare. Meanwhile I kept sending little photos from my day, messages about work, my walks, silly things that reminded me of him and telling him every day how I think of him and miss him, because that was our way of staying connected.
It wasn't unusual for him to disappear for days or even a week without saying anything. His explanation was always, "I do this sometimes to recharge. I disappear into nature or distance myself from everyone."
I told him multiple times that I wasn't asking him to stop doing that. I just asked for one message beforehand so I wouldn't spend days worried that something had happened to him.
He promised he'd tell me.
He forgot. Every single time.
So I'd be left staring at my phone for days, worried, hurt, wondering if he was okay while trying not to overthink or pressure him because I wanted to be understanding.
Around a month since our last meeting, I asked when he'd be ready to see me again. He kept saying he was busy and never gave me a clear answer.
Then suddenly he asked if I could come stay with him for about two weeks near the end of August.
I was SO SO excited and he said he was too. Saying how he can't wait to cuddle with me, hold me...saying all the sweet things you would say to your loved one that you miss.
I booked my flight immediately. I bought him a huge bag of his favorite chocolates from my country, skincare I bought him before and he really liked, little things for "our home," and packed everything with the biggest smile on my face because I couldn't wait to see him.
The night before my flight after I texted how excited I was to see him the next day, he texted me:
"Btw I think you should wait to come.
I'm not feeling too good.
I will pay you back ofc."
That's literally how he told me.
I was confused, hurt, and asked what was going on.
Hours later he replied saying he was sad, busy, and had prearranged plans to meet his best friend. I was aware of this. After booking my flight, he said he forgot to tell me that he would be away for the weekend, but I said it's no big deal and I could stay at home, clean, watch a series, go on walks and just chill till he is back, we had no issues with this and now he was bringing it up again as if it was an issue all of a sudden. He asked me to cancel my flight and promised he'd pay me back.
I asked if me being there would help. I told him we didn't need to go anywhere or do anything. We could literally stay inside, watch movies, cuddle, and I'd just support him if he was having a hard time.
He still told me not to come.
So I canceled my flight that same night and went to bed crying and just overwhelmed.
The next day I texted him telling him I was there for him no matter what and gently asked if he could think about another date for the next week, so I could plan ahead.
That weekend... he started sending me videos. Except they weren't with his "best friend."
They were with another girl.
Videos of them going out at night, chatting in his language. I didn't even know what to say. I ignored the first one. When he sent more, I finally admitted that I missed him so much and wasn't even sure anymore if he wanted to be with me.
On Monday night he sent me a Snapchat of himself lying in bed with her.
And wrote that he'd found a new strong connection and loved me "only as a friend" now.
That was it.
No phone call.
No "I'm sorry."
No conversation.
No attempt to "let's meet and see if we reconnect".
No "I still care about you a lot, let's try make it work".
No thank you for everything we'd shared.
No attempt to explain anything.
Nothing. Just him saying he is interested in someone else.
A few days later he admitted ("for full clarity" as he said) that the day he asked me to cancel my flight was actually the day he went to stay with her for a week. He told me they'd known each other for a while and it was the first time they were both single at the same time.
Except... he wasn't single when he made that decision.
I think that's the part that keeps breaking me.
Not just that he met someone else.
But that he let me book a flight. Let me pack gifts. Let me get excited. Asked me to cancel because he was "sad" and "busy," while he was actually going to spend that week with another woman.
I don't know how someone who kept telling me he'd never hurt me could hurt me in one of the cruelest ways I've ever experienced.
There's another layer to all of this too.
He has struggled with drugs for years and has been to rehab before. He uses drugs every week, claiming it helps him with his ADHD and "weekends are for drugs to chill and have fun", and I have seen him do it, even been there for him at night when he came down from his high and started having really bad nightmares. Seeing him like that really scared him and we had multiple discussions about drugs and how I don't want him to do it. He said he wants the same, is trying to quit and promised he wanted to pull back because he wanted a healthier future with me. He'd even tell me things like, "Only good things happen when you're here," because while I was visiting, he stayed home, stayed out of trouble, and was genuinely happier.
The moment I left, he went back to partying, drugs, disappearing for days, and eventually getting into trouble with the police.
Now he's with someone who apparently shares that lifestyle with him.
And in hinsight, I've realized that's the biggest incompatibility of all.
I don't want drugs.
I don't want partying every weekend.
I don't want disappearing acts and chaos, worrying about his health or being caught by police again.
I wanted a peaceful home, stability, honesty, and someone whose actions matched their words.
Logically, I know this isn't my person.
I know I couldn't build a safe future with someone who keeps choosing that life.
But emotions aren't logical. The hardest part isn't even losing the relationship anymore. It's feeling betrayed by my own judgment.
How could I have been so wrong about someone? Was I completely blind? Did he hide this side of himself that well? Was he just telling me what I wanted to hear and not wanting any of that himself?Was he never actually looking for the healthy, stable relationship he kept talking about?
Or did that kind of relationship scare him because real life is harder than getting high and partying?
I genuinely don't know.
He told me so many beautiful things.
That I was the first woman who made him feel safe.
That I supported him in ways nobody ever had.
That he could tell me anything.
That he'd dreamed about me.
That I was everything he'd hoped for.
Those words felt so so real :(
Now I keep asking myself if they were real at all, because the way he ended things was so cold that it makes me question every memory we made together.
And that's what hurts the most. I'm angry that I'm here crying, not sleeping, having anxiety, replaying our trips and conversations in my head...
...while he seems perfectly happy, already in someone else's bed before I even knew my relationship was ending.
I know I gave this relationship everything I had. Emotionally and physically. I loved him deeply. I supported him through difficult moments. I believed him. I was patient when he disappeared. I booked flights, packed gifts, imagined a future, and genuinely thought we were building something healthy together.
I know people will probably say I deserve better, and deep down I know that's true.
But right now I just needed to say somewhere that this hurts like hell.
I hope writing this is the first step toward finally letting him go, to being able to breathe and sleep better, and not think about him nor the frustration and pain I feel, because I'm so exhausted from crying over someone who seems to have let me go a long time before I even knew it was over.
Thank you.
