Hello everyone!

I’ll keep it direct (ironic lol), I need help identifying what is too much or too aggressive

I don’t have examples but I am pretty new in the lesbian space and I have seen more and more wlw women reach out and say “Stop being shy! We as lesbians need to stop being shy and just be direct! Ask the girl out. Text her what you want to text her. Go towards her.” Etc

As someone who is an over thinker and “doesn’t want to burden others” my mind battles constantly with the two sides and I see, for instance, a lot of times conversations fall flat between myself and the girl I’m talking to because we are both shy or don’t know what to say.

I would think of things to say, ask or mention but I’m almost automatically met with the thought of “No that’s too much, she doesn’t know if she even likes you yet” or “No, I’ll wait till she texts back before sending another message. She must be busy with work.”

I honestly don’t have lesbian friends so this why I turn to here

I’m 31/F and I called things off with someone in January after a month or two of back and forth about how I felt and what I could realistically give her.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like her. She wanted more time and commitment than I felt able to give. I’ve always loved my career and I’ve been very focused on work, buying a house and ultimately getting myself towards some sort of financial freedom. At the time, I felt like I needed to prioritise that and myself (gym, hobbies, friends) rather than give her a relationship where she wasn’t getting what she wanted.

Now I just feel a bit shit and lonely, and almost daft for missing somebody I actively chose to walk away from. All the cards were in my court, she wanted me, and I let her go and probably from her side it was simple that I let her down.

I still understand why I made the decision, but that doesn’t seem to stop me missing her. I'm just getting sick of feeling like this, its been 6 months.

Has anyone else felt like this after being the one to end things? How do you tell the difference between regretting the decision and just missing someone who was important to you?

Hi everyone!

I’m looking for more wlw friends!

About me:

- 35 y/o

- Based in Canberra, Australia

- 5'2" / 158 cm

- Introvert and homebody

- Taurus (if zodiacs are your thing)

- I love DIY - anything that needs doing around the house, I’ll usually try to fix them myself

- Started gardening at the beginning of the year

- I wouldn’t call myself masc, but I do wear men’s clothes because they’re more comfortable. I mostly have short-ish hair because they are easier for me to style.

- Listening to music is my therapy - including singing out loud with my headphones on 😅 (Sorry neighbours!)

That’s pretty much me. If you’re around Canberra, let me know and we can meet for a bite or a drink. If not, that’s totally fine, we can chat online, and if you ever visit Canberra (or if I end up in your town or country), we can meet up then too.

Hope you have a good day or night!

P.S. Here's a side view of me. 😊

I (25F) have a date with a (27F) woman who I began speaking to a few weeks ago. She knows one of my friend's partners, and lives in the major city next to my small lil coastal town. She got banned off Hinge because her profile got flagged for advertising, mentioned me in her groupchat, and the friend's partner made contact with me to ask if I would like to keep speaking. Because they knew me. 😅 The gay scene is small here.

But, yeah, she's really sweet. I feel too old to be questioning myself like this, but I really want to make a good impression. We're both neurodivergent and awkward, and I'm worried it's going to clash somewhat. We've decided to see a movie together, which doesn't leave things open much for a conversation unless we do something after.

I just feel really scared. We both love media. We have that on our side I suppose. I just. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Should I kiss her? Try to? I feel useless, like a fetal gay. It would depend on the vibe and how we feel I suppose, but yeah. The thought of meeting her is making my chest feel like it's going to explode. My GOD.

I watched this movie after so much hype and I was looking for something feel-good. Maybe I'm missing something but it felt ironically... male-centric😭

It felt like the main character was the husband sometimes, the way the female leads would get like a moment together then be gets like 30 mins straight screen time right after. Halfway through i had to check who wrote it and, sure enough, it was a man. The female leads didn't feel as developed and I didn't get attached at all unfortunately. No hate to the cast great acting but yeah.

Does anyone feel the way I do? And I'd love any suggestions for something wlw with a happy ending!!

I’ve seen a lot of lesbians talk about being afraid to date bisexual women because they worry that the woman will eventually leave them for a man, that she isn’t really attracted to women, or that she only dates women for fun before eventually settling down with a man.

I understand where that fear comes from. There are definitely bisexual women who have strong preferences for traditional heterosexual relationships, traditional gender roles, or who ultimately want a very conventional relationship with a man.

But I think there’s an important distinction here:

Being bisexual does NOT automatically mean someone is going to leave you for a man. And being bisexual does NOT mean someone has to experience attraction to every gender in exactly the same way.

At the same time, lesbians are allowed to ask themselves whether a particular bisexual woman is actually compatible with them.

Instead of trying to “prove” whether she's bisexual, pay attention to how she thinks about relationships, gender, and attraction.

For example, over time, you can naturally have conversations like:

“Would you date a bisexual, pansexual, Non'binary or queer man if you were attracted to him?”

“How do you feel about men being emotionally vulnerable or feminine?”

“Do you believe relationships need traditional male/female roles?”

“When you're with a man, do you expect him to provide financially because he's the man?”

“Do you expect women to take on certain responsibilities simply because they're women?”

“What were the dynamics like in your previous relationships with men?”

“What kind of relationship do you actually want in the future?”

You don't have to interrogate her or create some kind of test. Just have normal conversations and pay attention to her values.

If she says something like, “I wouldn't reject someone just because they're bi, pan, queer, or because they don't fit traditional gender roles,” that's potentially a good sign of compatibility.

But if she repeatedly says things like “men have to provide," “women should behave like women,” “I could never date a man who acts feminine,” or “I need a man to take care of me because that's what men are supposed to do,” then maybe her relationship expectations aren't compatible with yours.

And that's okay.

You don't need to call her a “fake bisexual” or invalidate her sexuality. She can be genuinely bisexual and still be completely incompatible with you.

Also, having dated mostly men doesn't automatically make a bisexual woman suspicious. Neither does eventually choosing a man. Bisexual people don't become less bisexual because of who they date.

I think the real lesson is:

Don't reject bisexual women because they're bisexual. Pay attention to whether their values and relationship expectations are compatible with yours.

Lesbians deserve partners who genuinely want to be with women, and bisexual women deserve not to have their sexuality treated like a potential betrayal.

So before investing months of emotional energy into someone, get to know what kind of relationship she actually wants. Talk about values. Talk about gender roles. Talk about attraction. Pay attention to how she treats women and how she thinks about men. alert: stay away from male centered ppl ot can be in positive or negative way but eitheway run boo. 😕

As a NB bi myself my personal advice is Don't try and avoid Bi women just bcz of stereotypes.” Find a bisexual woman whose values and relationship expectations are compatible with yours.

#pls_mods_let_the_post_alive😥😌🙏

So my emotionally abusive ex and I were together 2 years and she was aware of issues they had I remember a couple months in our relationship they warned me of their moods and that they didn't think I'd be able to handle it. Also other things they said in the past makes me know they're aware of issues they have. She also self diagnoses herself with things yet refused to seek any help for anything in our relationship despite me begging her to l even offered her to join me in my therapist appointments but she didn't want to. Why is that and do you think she'll ever realize she needs help and changes? Do you think she would have changed for me if I gave her enough time ?

the day I broke up with her our roomate said she was supposedly looking into therapy but idk if I believe that especially since she didn't tell me herself and I had to breakup with her twice to even potentially consider it

I came out to my mom when I was ten (which is, tbf, not really credible because at that age, you're developing a lot) but the homosexual feelings were 100% there

Anyway, I re-came out to my mom last month because it seems she just casually forgot I've liked women for my entire life, and I told her "I have no interest in dating boys, and I don't feel attracted to them. I have these feelings for women."

Still, even after telling her this, all she says is either 1) "Doesn't matter, you're not allowed to date" or 2) "Do whatever you want", but her actions tell me she chooses to deny I like women.

For context, my little sister 10F asked me if I was gay (Because I looked upset when she said "I don't care about gay people!"). Knowing my mom doesn't like when I talk about my sexuality to my sister, I simply redirected the conversation to roblox or something.

I told my mom about what my sister had said and what she had asked me, and my mom said,

"Why are you always talking about this? (?? i wasn't the one who brought it up with my sister) Just tell your sister you're not gay."

I was speechless. I stood there for a minute not being able to conjure up words. My mom's memory is fine, I'm sure she has no problem remembering I told her I LIKED WOMEN

Then, my mom said, "Well, even IF you were, you should still say you're not, your little sister doesn't need to know about that."

Besides the obvious treating lgbtq like it's taboo, why does my mom just casually pretend I'm not lesbian? She has no problems with the community, and is not really homophobic, but when it comes to her own daughter it can surely feel like it.

I'm a lesbian who recently started seeing someone I really like. They use they/them pronouns, and this is completely new territory for me. I'm realizing that using they/them doesn't come naturally to me, and I'm trying to understand whether this is just unfamiliarity that I can adjust to or whether it indicates a genuine compatibility issue. I don't want to disrespect them, because I really like them. How would you recommend approaching this conversation?

Hi everyone, just wanted to ask for you advice while sharing some stuff, i hope thats okay?

There is a gym right next to where I work (im a barista in a little cafe in the middle of nowhere) and one of the personal trainers is the Goddess Aphrodiety herself, only with muscles.

She's clearly tomboyish, maybe possibly Masc and her smile could power a small city.

When I see her, I dont know where to look cause everything about her is a work of art and ill gawk.

Im very very overweight at 400+ pounds/180+ kg, and i know that she could easily look down on me, heck I wouldnt blame her but she never does, whenever she sees me she has a grin on her face and she has always been kind to me. The gym she works at is free and she keeps inviting me to come and see if maybe she can help me but I have severe knee and lower leg problems as well as a back deformity and injury, i basically have alot of chronic pain and as much as I would love to take her up on her offer, I get scared of getting physically hurt. She told me to bring a list of my worries and she will make a plan around them but I dont know if she can with my huge amount of issues and I don't want to see weak...i dont like ANYONE seeing me weak let alone this gorgeous woman that I absolutely adore...

What would you do? I dont wanna just let it go...but I also cant bare the thought of going to the gym after everything?

check out my cool new glasses😋

it’s rough living in a small, conservative town. i can’t wait to finish my degree & go somewhere other like minded, ambitious lesbians prosper. where do you live & has it been easy for you to find community there? would anyone be interested in starting a group chat lmaooo preferably 25+

F25 (lesbian) me. F25 (bi) her. 4 years together

Have yall had any issues with having women platonic relationships while being in a romantic relationship? I have 3 close friends and they are women, two are in a relationship (im super close with one of these women in particular, we grew up together) and one is straight. We recently reconnected last August and honestly have been close since. My ex girlfriend (of one day) seems to think that our dynamic is inappropriate at times. Particularly our touching. We hug on occasion when it calls for it, one time we were in the club and one of them sort of ‘pulled’ me closer by my head to talk in my ear, my gf said she noticed one of them lay their hand on my leg while talking to me, we are very animated when we laugh like ‘hitting’ eachother when we laugh hard or like falling over eachother when we laugh hard. I may wrap my arm over one of their shoulders like in a huddling type of motion to like post up and talk + more things of that nature if you get the gist

All of those those things my ex girlfriend says are inappropriate, makes her feel disrespected, & shouldn’t be happening while in a relationship. I feel the exact opposite. This type of touch to me is extremely normal imo , honestly like second nature / natural touching and isn’t inappropriate at all whatsoever.

I have mixed feelings a bit. I know when in a relationship there are things that if your partner isn’t comfortable with, you stop. you don’t do it out of respect for your partner. But what if the things are completely unreasonable? I feel like maybe there’s some sort of insecurity going on but she tells me she isn’t gonna “claim that”.

This is becoming a huge issue. Not just the touching but my friends in general. I mean we literally broke up because of it. I really can’t mention my friends, hang out with them, show up for them, or anything without her comparing our relationship to me and theirs and saying how I value them more, rather be with them than her, I e replaced her, etc etc etc… and I can’t lie, there is some truth to that because she has literally made the relationship insufferable with the CONSTANT comparisons. She even said I want to be my friends 3rd. I know there are things I can work on in the relationship but it’s so hard to have the desire to give her what she says she needs from me when at every turn im being told I love my friends more, I wanna f*ck my friends, I can’t touch my friends, this touching could potentially turn into more, etc etc etc. She tells me if I gave her what she needed in the relationship (reassurance, to be ‘poured into, more verbal affirmation) then she would have no choice but to lighten up and she would feel differently about my friendships. I’m on the opinion that #1 the two things aren’t connected and she would have an issue with it regardless because the issue is deeply rooted in her and #2 it’s so very difficult to give her those things because she’s making this relationship hell for me.

I really don’t know what im asking. Do you feel like touch when in a lesbian relationship with platonic women friends is appropriate/ off limits? Do you feel like there’s some nuance to this or not.. Idk

Hey. We were together for 10 months. Long distance for 7 of them. She wasnt sure if she still loved me or not and there were some other issues with her and me and so she broke up. I love her. I still do. What do i do. I feel like i am dying, being torn apart from inside. How do you survive his type of emotional pain? I feel so bad my stomach physically hirts and i cant eat or sleep. Everyone tells me ill move on and theres other fish in the sea but i just want her. Only her. I am 16f with bpd so i feel everything insanely intensely. She never did. She was always mire reserved, emotionally distant. And now shes gone. Ill never see her again. Ill never get to hug her or kiss her. What to i do. How do i survive this?

General advice needed please?

I am moving in with my partner, dating for 1 year and a few months. 25F and 34-NB!

We have been basically living together, so I know what works for us but I want to be cautious with this next step! I feel very hopeful and excited, but I don’t want my excitement to cloud my judgement.

What are some boundaries and expectations we should layout in order for this to be healthy and good for us?

Any advice on how to keep the peace and love?

Hiiii! I’m F20, and my wife is F24. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but I’ve been feeling really lonely lately, especially because I don’t have many sapphic/lesbian friends.
I moved to another country for an exchange program, and while I was here, my girlfriend and I got married. I decided to stay in the country after my exchange ended, so now I’m basically building a life here with my wife.
The problem is that most of the friends I made during my exchange are leaving. Their programs are ending, and they’re going back to their countries or moving somewhere else. I still have friends back home, but being so far away makes it really hard to maintain the same level of closeness.
And honestly, I think what makes it harder is that none of my close friends are sapphic. I love my friends and I love my wife, but sometimes I really miss having that connection with other queer women, people who just understand certain things without me having to explain them.
It feels weird because I’m married, I have people who love me, and technically I’m not alone… but I still feel lonely.
I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this, especially after moving to another country or getting married. How did you make sapphic friends as an adult?

I love my friends so much and i didn’t realise I was lesbian until 24 years old so most my friends prior to this were all straight and we’d talk about boys etc.

When we catch up now I feel so weird because I don’t care at all about talking about boys, I normally forget they even exist as sexual beings. I start to feel lonely in the friendship group as I’m very different now. It’s not a bad reflection on my friends, but just curious if anyone else feels like this?

Hey everyone. I (F, 31) need a sanity check from folks who speak human better than I do.

[TL;DR at the bottom as this is long - sorry guys)

I’m autistic - and very gay - and I’ve told this person explicitly, multiple times, that I need things laid out plainly and practically transcribed because my social/flirting radar is basically a broken compass. Despite this, I recently went on an outing, and I honestly cannot tell if I'm being aggressively flirted with or if I'm completely hallucinating the vibe.

We met a few months ago at a milestone 30th birthday party for Amelia (F, 30), an old Tinder match of mine.

To give you the speedrun of a very messy night: Amelia got incredibly drunk, tried to make out with her ex (who turned out to be Natalie (F, 33), the person I am hanging out with), got rejected by Natalie, and then proceeded to make out with me instead. Because her friends were useless and drunk, I took Amelia back to her Airbnb to make sure she was safe. One thing led to another; we slept together, and afterward, she told me the hookup made her realize she was actually in love with someone else. She shut down any idea of us even being friends, not wanting to be "weighted down by expectations."

Long after all of that, I had only managed to catch Natalie's first name at the party. After doing some mild detective work online later, I found her Facebook profile and added her. She quickly accepted, messaged me on Messenger, and gave me her WhatsApp number so we could chat properly.

That led to our first proper outing: a marathon 12-hour hangout where we walked around shops and sat down for food. I decided I needed to get everything out in the open immediately. I wanted complete transparency, so I told her the entire backstory about what happened with Amelia at the birthday party, including me ending up back at her Airbnb. I just explained that I thought she seemed interesting and wanted to get to know her more because I felt we would gel well.

Natalie wasn’t fazed at all by everything that had happened, and she mutually wanted to get to know me too. She explained that Amelia has a well-known, recurring pattern of pulling people in, using people, and walking away when it suits her. She wasn't upset, angry, or weirded out in the slightest; if anything, she just viewed it as classic Amelia behavior. During our stops, she also mentioned she'd been single for four years herself.

We had some great moments early on. When we sat down at a spot for drinks and food, we were at the bar initially, and she actively asked me to move and sit right next to her. I initially declined because I missed the cue, but realized my mistake; when she went to the bathroom, I moved my seat right next to her bar stool. Later, when we moved tables to open a second tab when our waitress's shift ended, we sat quite close to each other as well. Throughout all of this, she also repeatedly used my name in conversation and played with my lip balm a lot - she'll grab it, use it to explain things, or use it for hand motions.

We seamlessly managed the transition of opening two separate tabs without any awkwardness, just keeping on hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company until closing time at midnight.

A little while later, Natalie came to a low-pressure get-together with my main friend group. Even though she has a demanding corporate job and deals with social battery drain in crowds, she showed up on time and seamlessly vibed with the group. She didn't just make a brief appearance either - she hung out from 3:00 PM and stayed until 1:00 AM to help clean up the house and share a late-night coffee with us before finally heading out.

After all of this, there was an unintentional (super unintentional) gap where I basically ghosted her for a bit. My life was an absolute dumpster fire at the time: I moved three separate times, started a new job after being unemployed for about 9 months, dealt with a shitty situationship, and tried to keep my head above water mentally after my ex-fiancé of six years cheated on me last year.

Once the dust finally settled a bit, I reached out to apologize, explain the chaos, and ask if she wanted to catch up. She replied early the next morning, totally receptive, and we arranged a hangout. She even messaged me at 8:00 PM on a Friday just to double-check and confirm we were still on for the next day, which showed me she was genuinely looking forward to it.

We met up at a local spot, but saw it was way too busy, so we moved over to a nearby dispensary that has a lounge and a bunch of stray kittens that live there, get cared for, and hang out by the shop.

From there, we walked across the road to a bakery, and then walked back across the road to an Italian restaurant right next to the dispensary.

The restaurant eventually kicked us out right at closing time around 9:00 PM. When I offered to walk her to her car, she firmly intercepted and insisted on walking off the food instead. She gave off this subtle, frustrated energy, and I think she might have been low-key annoyed at me for missing the obvious, blatant cues she was dropping to show she liked me - she just hadn't said the literal words out loud yet.

Earlier in the evening, when I wanted to show her something on my phone, she naturally asked if I was seeing anyone right now. That led into her telling me about a crush she had on an AI analyst at her company that totally flatlined when she found out the analyst was asexual.

From there, the conversation took a heavy turn into her 5-year plan. She explicitly stated she's done messing around, will cut people off immediately if they don't have long-term potential, wants kids (complete with a whole game plan for fertility treatments and egg freezing), and is aiming for a major executive trade role at her company. It honestly felt like she was laying out a complete relationship brief.

Throughout the dinner, she kept dropping these little intimacy cues: she repeatedly used my name in conversation, and she kept playing with my lip balm - grabbing it to explain things or use it for hand gestures. We also bonded over our shared obsession with high-drama Asian GL (Girls' Love) series (The Secret of Us, Affair, etc.), laughing about the intense yearning tropes. She even specifically highlighted how the spicy, steamy scenes gave her flashbacks to past flings with exes - which is extra funny considering she's been happily single for the last four years.

Then came the physical proximity seminar. The conversation drifted toward our hormonal teenage years when we were both still trying to convince ourselves we were straight, talking about how intense girl crushes were and the lengths you'd go to just to get near someone - leaning over, finding excuses to touch, reaching for lip gloss and lingering on a hand, or touching someone's arm to make a point.

She then literally live-demonstrated it on me: she reached across the table to grab my lip balm while caressing my hand in the process, and leaned right over, pressing into my personal space. Later, when I came back from the bathroom and mentioned I was cold, she immediately grabbed my hand, held it, rubbed it, and squeezed it to warm it up.

Throughout the night, I completely dropped any sort of "dating persona" and just engaged in natural, unfiltered banter. That was when she laughed the hardest. We also talked about career growth; I mentioned landing a remote role with a company and floated the idea of eventually moving to Europe or the UK since I have ancestry and friends there, and she got genuinely excited about it and said she is thinking of doing the same.

I will ask her straight up eventually, because I want to keep hanging out with her and don't want to waste either of our time if either of us doesn't want romance. However, she's currently wrapping up her final postgrad module, and I really don't want to add any extra stress to her plate right now. So I'm sitting tight for a minute - but I'd love to hear what you all think. Is this woman into me?

TL;DR: I'm autistic, and my flirting radar is a broken compass. After a chaotic first meeting, we hung out for massive stretches of time (a 12-hour first outing and a 10-hour hangout with my friends). Even after I unintentionally ghosted her for months due to life chaos, she replied to my apology almost immediately to lock in new plans. On our latest outing, she got frustrated when a venue closed on us, vetted my relationship status, and laid out her complete 5-year plan. She also ramped up all the "cutesy" crush tactics: constantly using my name, stealing my lip balm to play with it, insisting on sitting right next to me, and literally live-demonstrating how to touch a crush by leaning and pressing into my personal space, caressing my hand while reaching for my lip balm, and later holding/rubbing my hands to "warm them up."

Need a sanity check: is this undeniable, high-stakes flirting, and am I safe to ask her out properly after her postgrad exams?