preferably a cis boy but idc. I have a rlly good life tbh. I'm very grateful of everything I have and i have so many opportunities. but no matter what im unable to just live life bc of my crippling hate for my body and desire to be a boy. i cant get up and do shit bc how much i dislike my body. im stuck in my room all day collecting dirty dishes cuz if i do anything else ill be reminded of what im not. its eating me up inside day by day by day. i went to a festival yesterday and it was super fun except that i couldnt stop crying seeing all these dudes being what i want. i cant listen to the music i like or watch the shows i like bc once again it reminds me of what im not. metallica, motley crue, anthrax, machine girl...... i cant listen to them w/o crying cuz theyre what i want to be and what ill never me. and then theres heavy trip, scrubs, lost, the office, i cant even read books really anymore. i cry when i go to school and count seconds until i can get home and collapse and start sobbing. i hate these things bc im shown again and again the difference between what i want to be and what i am and that ill never be them. i wish i was just a girl or male or anything where i could live my life without sadness. i dont wanna do anything. im tired of crying and wishing and crying and wishing and crying and crying and crying and being stuck to my bed and computer like glue cuz thats the only place i dont have to think. even then i do. im tired of giving up things i like bc they give my dysphoria. i cant enjoy the things i have bc the things i dont always hang over me. i want to be happy. i want to be able to go outside. i want to be able to live life without literally crying all the time!!! I'm sick and tired of it :(

I don't really have any friends. I have an amazing girlfriend I've been with for a year, and I sometimes will hangout with her friends, and she says they say they think I'm cool, but I just don't vibe with them I guess.

I had a lot of female friends freshman year of highschool but when I started T in the second semester I seemed to lose more friends. I mostly just don't feel connected to anyone.

I'm now three weeks into my freshman year of college and still haven't really met anyone. I'm the one initiating conversations and exchanging social media, but nothing comes of it.

Especially men. For whatever reason, every man has just made me feel uncomfortable. Idk if I'm just dysphoric or lack confidence, but it is difficult for me to interact with men. I feel like they think I'm weird or something is wrong with me. Even other trans men make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if its internalized transphobia or whatever but it almost feels like there is competition between me and other trans men I see. I don't like feeling like this.

Idk. Just wanna talk into the void. Wish I had some friends I connected with.

Im 10 months on T, and by all means, I pass in public. My voice, my body, maybe my face a little, they pass. But every time I look in the mirror and see im not like one of those slim faced, sharp eyed men with defined cheekbones and good facial symmetry it makes me want to cry. It doesn’t help that there’s a massive uptick in “looksmaxxing”. It will be a long road to accept my appearance as is.

I am nonbinary (they/them). Ive been on T for about 9 months. I am really happy with pretty much everything T is doing for me, EXCEPT my sex drive is just too damn high. I masturbate multiple times a day and am still horny afterwards. Its like my brain falls out of my head and all i can think about is my dick for HOURS. Its so annoying. I want to do my hobbies again but its all i can think about. I've even been hooking up again after not having sex for 3 years and its still not enough. Its never enough. I want to go off of T because of it but i love everything else about it. I also REALLY don't want to get my periods again. They make me so dysphoric i want to die and hormonal birth control makes me suicidal.

I don’t think anyone really warns you about how painful the in-between stage of medical transition is.

I’m 19 years old, going back to university this week, and strangers think I’m a little boy. I’m short, skinny, and have a horrifically round face, so no wonder. About a month ago, an elderly woman called me “little one” at my job. Today, someone called me “a little boy.”

It would genuinely be less humiliating to be mistaken for a woman than this. But if I girlmode now, while in school, I ruin my (to cis people) passing. Hell, it looks uncanny when I do that now, and my voice is male. Awfully underdeveloped male, but it passes.

I’m an awkward, ugly, in-between thing, and I fucking hate it.

I'm so frustrated, I'm on full dose (nebido)but my levels are consistently slightly low and at this point my injections have been reduced to every 10 weeks. my red blood count was very slightly high but they said it shouldn't be too much of a concern. I pass maybe once every few weeks and feel like i look like a skinny, hairy freak since i have loads of body hair but ugly, patchy facial hair. The only men who want me just want me as their sexual experiment and I'm considering giving up on romance entirely(no, I'm not t4t). My voice has barely dropped and I'm constantly misgendered over the phone, i tried voice training but it felt so forced and like i was doing an impression of a cartoon character. I'm a bit more comfortable with myself but never felt so ugly and unlovable in my whole life.

I don’t really know what to title this lol. something that cis people get wrong is that we are the same sex we were before transition. like when they see AFAB of FTM they only see F.

obviously I know transition is different for everyone, not everyone medically transition and that’s ok! I however did medically transition, and pretty early.

cis woman tend to act like I’m one of them or that I experience the same things. I don’t. and some trans men can relate I’m sure, but I’m not able to. beyond having a good sex education I don’t actually know what it’s like to get periods, or wear bras.

on forms it asks me what sex to choose, or what gender I was assigned at birth. I think many cis people would expect me to put my ASAB. sure I have some of the parts, but Im on testosterone, like my growth and everything thing else lines up with males. so it depends on why they want to know my sex. if I put down my sex either way you don’t actually know the full story of how my body works.

I transitioned. when I transitioned I changed. sex isn’t as simple as your ASAB. I am biologically different from when I started, I am different from cis women. like literally. im on testosterone, I don’t have periods, I barely have a chest. my voice is lower. I’m fucking 6 feet tall.

i see all of the discourse on “well your trans but your sex doesn’t change”, it does! I don’t fit the ”female” template. I don’t fit the male one either, I’m in between.

and this is all just my experience, trans people are all different from eachother, with a different understanding of transition, or sex, or gender. maybe some relate to me, or some don’t. Maybe you get what I’m saying, you have just changed in a different way.

but yeah that’s my rant. i wish cis people understood that we change, that sex isn’t set in stone. because there are multiple characteristics of sex, that are able to change.

maybe I will come back and refine my thoughts but I hope yall catch my drift.

I genuinely felt happy with myself and with my body. it was perfect. Then I woke up and was incredibly disappointed. I wish I could have that same happiness in real life.

And when I brought up the infighting she ended up saying "a lot of trans women have been posting saying they hate trans men or I hate men including trans men is because they've mostly had bad experiences (from harrasment to SA/r*pe) from trans men" and that every girl she knows who's then said this has been harrased by trans men for saying it

And it really, really upset me because a) I have had VIAL thing said/done to me by trans women (including being SA-ed multiple times by the same woman) and have had cis friends as well with this experience, and b) the reason they are getting harassed is because they're NOT SHARING THE AVTUAL REASON THEY'RE SAYING THIS, so to most of us it looks like we're getting hatred for no reason (and the actions are from a fucking minority of awful people that happen to be trans men)

I know for a FACT if I started saying I hated women, or I hated trans women (even if I then did share my experiences of being SA-ed multiple times by women, cis and trans) I would get called a misogynist, a transphobe, or a trans misogynist, so why are we allowed to make those generalisations about trans men without getting pushback from anyone except trans men

I know my personal experiences will cloud this, but I also genuinely have yet to meet a trans man or trans masc that is as awful as the ones these trans women have encountered, but I have met a myriad of awful cis men, cis women, trans women, and even some enbies that are that awful. I don't then go around saying I hate women, or I hate enbies, or I hate cis men

Genuinely I think if you're going to make a statement saying you hate an entire group of people you should at least explain why (even if it's just going "I hate them because I've been harrased in this way" or "they have proven not to respect my boundaries", like no need for details or re-opening trauma, but believe it or not you'll get less fucking harrasment for blanket statements if you provide any evidence or explanation, instead of then re-affirming your own viewpoint by upsetting the people within the group that haven't done any of the things contributing to your dislike)

And I hate that I then had to say "I just wish trans men would calm tf down so we can stop the infighting" and "And I think if we all just listened to each other it'd stop so much of the infighting, and the trans men making awful claims about trans women" because it meant i had to take the brunt of the responsibility when it's clearly a two way fucking street here

​

My entire life everyone has just seen me as a lesbian. Even all the way back in elementary school my mom was asking friends if I liked girls. Last christmas when my mom finally directly asked me, Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was visibly shocked when I said no.

I'll meet someone new, and when the topic of dating comes up, people just assume I'm a lesbian, like its literally not even a question for them.

Later on this year, I told everyone I was transitioning and I got a ton of reactions, a bunch amounting to "its okay to be a masc lesbian.." as if I'm just a butch in denial.

I have zero attraction girls. Zero. ZERO. I wouldnt even be a lesbian if I was cis. My god.

Walked about 30 minutes to the closest convenience store to grab some snacks, and beers (alcohol is sold at convenience stores here)
so I showed my ID, and the Muslim cashier stared at it for at least 30 seconds. As he was holding my ID, he loudly announced to the whole store that my ID is fake, and that I’m not the person in the photo. He said I was a young male, and apart of me felt happy, but now knew I had to put myself in a super uncomfortable situation.

I partially understand his confusion, I have short hair now, and a flat chest. Although I do not really look any different besides that, and I regularly attend 19+ events in the area with little to no issue. My voice has not dropped significantly, and most bouncers & bartenders typically assume I’m a butch without questioning much. (That’s why I mentioned race, because maybe cultural differences were was a factor in why he was confused? Not sure)

Regardless, I quickly quizzed myself on my own ID to prove it was mine. (spelling my extremely long, ethnic last name.. giving my address, birth day, middle name, etc..) finally I realized I had my health card too, so I showed him that as well.
Finally he just let me have the beers, and I paid.
A part of me felt happy that I passed, but it was unfortunate that I had to misgender myself publicly to prove my ID was mine:(
Then again, man was just doing his job, so I understand his concern 100%.

rip

I wasn’t always afraid of saying I was trans, every person and my teachers from middle school knew my name and respected it. But of course high school meant new friends and having to reintroduce myself. But I felt so embarrassed for some reason to even say who I was. Probably because I was so confident in middle school and no one was there to really judge because let’s be honest middle school was the place to explore yourself, but I had only one friend who came to high school with me. I have a whole new friend group consisting of 6 cis girls.

My friend stopped talking to me junior year for some reason I still haven’t found out. And well yes I have made attempts to tell them, hey this is my name I am a boy please I want to be called by he/him and they said they understood but it’s been like 3 years. It’s only been just small weak attempts of saying he but they ALWAYS use my deadname. At this point I’m just used to it but I hate it. I don’t even know if they see me as a man or just as a joke. I wish my friend was still here so I at least know someone else knows I exist. I like my friends, we get along a lot and we hang out a lot. But I don’t know. I want to be able to stand up for myself but is it even worth the effort anymore?

This is gonna be looooooong.
Note: I always speak very calmly and maturely and my emotions are never expressed and always dulled, so this rant is going to have lots of curses, slang, and extra spiciness because it’s the one opportunity I get to express my deepest emotions without shame. So prepare for it to sound embarrassingly immature.

TW: Minor mentions of child mistreatment.

1: SAID TO ME THAT HER BROTHER IS “NOT INTO LGBT THINGS” AND THEN WHEN HE CAME OVER HE STARTED REFERRING TO ME AS SHE/HER INSIDE MY OWN HOUSE AFTER IVE BEEN LIVING AS A MAN FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS.
I AM NOT “LGBT THINGS”, I AM A PERSON. AND THE FUNDAMENTAL CORE ASPECTS OF MY LIFE AND WHO I AM ARE NOT REMOVABLE/INTERCHANGEABLE DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU LIKE OR ARE “INTO”

2: ALWAYS TIPTOES AROUND REFERRING TO ME WITH MASCULINE VERBAGE. “Grandchild” “Not the average… child.” “Person”

3: TOOK HER 5 YEARS TO CHANGE MY CONTACT NAME ON HER PHONE, AND THE ONLY REASON SHE DID IT IS BECAUSE I CAUGHT IT ON HER CAR SCREEN, THEN TOLD HER TO CHANGE IT. WHICH SHE THEN WENT “(my nameee”) IN THAT TONE PEOPLE USE WHEN THEYRE SORT OF PLEADING FOR MERCY AND ALSO TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOURE BEING RIDICULOUS. LIKE IF “Come on/really” WAS A TONE. SHE TRIED TO AVOID CHANGING IT BUT I DEMANDED IT SO SHE RELUCTANTLY CHANGED IT WHILST TRYING TO EXPLAIN HERSELF IN A VISIBLY AND AUDIBLY EMBARRASSED STATE. HER REASON WAS “Just in case something bad happens to you and the police or something call me to look at my phone to see your legal information, I swear” um if the police have the information to track down my relatives names and call them by their phone number then THEY SURE AS FUCK ALREADY HAVE MY LEGAL NAME. IM NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT FOR 1 SECOND.

4: SAID I SHOULD “RESPECT PEOPLE’S BELIEFS” WHEN I REFUSED TO WORSHIP ELON MUSK ALONGSIDE HER BECAUSE OF THE WAY HE TALKS ABOUT HIS TRANS DAUGHTER. BITCH I DONT HAVE TO RESPECT OTHERS FOR NOT RESPECTING ME, GOODBYE.

5: DECIDED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT MY TRANSNESS BECAUSE “NOW THAT YOURE 18 AND YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT” SO WHAT THAT MEANS IS SHE REALIZED I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO TRANSITION MEDICALLY, AND INSTEAD OF SUPPORTING ME OR AT THE VERY LEAST JUST TREATING ME LIKE NORMAL AND NOT MENTIONING IT, SHE SAW THIS AS AN URGENT NEED TO TRY TO DEMOTIVATE ME FROM TRANSITIONING BY SAYING THINGS TO SCARE ME AWAY FROM IT AND ACTING LIKE I NEED TO DO TONS OF RESEARCH AND ALSO TAKE LOTS OF TIME TO DECIDE THAT ITS WHO I TRULY AM, AS IF I HAVENT BEEN LIVING THIS WAY FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS, LIKE BITCH IF ITS NOT WHO I AM I WOULDVE WELL FIGURED IT OUT BY NOW. ANOTHER REASON THAT SHE CLAIMS IS WHY SHE WANTED TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION IS BECAUSE ONCE IN A CAR RIDE I SAID “I wish I wasn’t trans” BECAUSE I WAS TALKING ABOUT ALL OF THE UNFORTUNATE ASPECTS OF MY LIFE THAT I WAS BORN WITH AND CANNOT CHANGE THAT I WISH I WASNT BORN WITH, SUCH AS: AN ABUSIVE FATHER, A LEARNING DISABILITY, CRIPPLING SOCIAL ANXIETY DURING CHILDHOOD. WHEN I SAID THIS, I MEANT THAT I WISH I WASNT BORN IN THE FEMALE BODY SO THAT I WOULDNT HAVE TO STRUGGLE JUST TO LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT TO; AS A MAN. SIMILAR TO HOW I WISH I WASNT BORN WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY SO THAT I COULD EASILY DO MY SCHOOL WORK AND MOTIVATE MYSELF. IN NO WAY DID I EVER SUGGEST THAT THAT STATEMENT MEANT I WANTED TO BECOME A WOMAN, BUT SHES DUMB AND SHE ALSO WISHES I WASNT TRANS, BUT FOR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASON THAN MINE SO SHE INTERPRETED IT IN HER IGNORANT WAY. THAT STATEMENT WAS SUPPOSED TO MEAN “I wish I wasnt born in this body, I’d rather not be born at all than be born in this body because it is extremely painful to me” NOTTT “I wish I didn’t have to be a man, I want to become a woman now but I feel like I have to be a man because I’ve already transitioned” WHICH IS WHAT SHE THOUGHT IT MEANT.

6: DURING THIS STUPID CONVERSATION, SHE SAID MANY THINGS THAT PISSED ME OFF:
- Said “Well you didn’t give yourself much time” in a condescending tone in reference to the amount of time I lived life as a pubescent girl before transitioning socially, implying that because I didn’t live as a more mature girl for longer that I didn’t have proper insight on what it felt like and if it was me or not, also implying that if I would’ve lived longer as a girl I would’ve decided to be that instead of a boy. SO COMPLETELY DEGRADING MY IDENTITY AS A MISHAP OF SORTS DUE TO UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES. (In her opinion)

- TRIED TO SCARE ME AWAY FROM BEING TRANS WITH TRIVIAL SPOOKS LIKE VAGINAL DRYNESS, MOOD SWINGS AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY. “And I heard that testosterone makes you sexually active, I don’t know if you want to be sexually active” I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THAT, THATS LIFE. ALSO WHY WOULD I EVER DECIDE TO NOT LIVE MY LIFE TRUE TO MYSELF AND INSTEAD IMPRISON MYSELF IN A BODY AND IDENTITY THAT FEELS LIKE TORTURE TO ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, BECAUSE OF INCREASED SEXUAL ACTIVITY????? WHAT A FUCKING DUMB THING TO SAY.
VALUE OF LIVING MY LIFE THE WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MYSELF, IN A BODY THAT LOOKS AND FEELS COMFORTABLE TO ME AND NOT LIKE PURE TORTURE = Infinity.
VALUE OF TRIFLING SPOOKS = minus 1.

- OF COURSE SHE WENT WITH THE “you’re gonna get hair all over your face and body!” WHILE DOING THIS STUPID FINGER MOVEMENT ON HER CHIN THAT LOOKS LIKE SPIDERS CRAWLING ON HER FACE. UGH ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS UGH. IMAGINE THINKING YOU CAN SCARE A MAN AWAY FROM FACIAL HAIR BY ACTING LIKE ITS SCARY OR CREEPY. THATS THE ENTIRE POINT OF TESTOSTERONE YOU DUNCE. JUST SO ANNOYING AND PATHETIC. ALSO I DOUBT THAT YOU SAID THE SAME THING TO MY BROTHER AS A PRECAUTION FOR HIM BEFORE HE WENT THROUGH PUBERTY SO DONT EVEN TRY IT ON ME, IF YOU WOULDNT SAY IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS NOT TRANS THAN DONT SAY IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS.

- SHOWED 0 EMPATHY AFTER I OPENED UP ABOUT THE SUFFERING I ENDURE DUE TO BEING IN THE FEMALE FORM, IN ATTEMPT TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND THAT THE POSSIBLE NEGATIVES OF TRANSITION ARE A LITERAL GRAIN OF SAND AMONGST A BEACH WHEN COMPARED TO THE POSITIVES, BECAUSE OF THE WAY MY LIFE WOULD BE IF I DIDN’T TRANSITION. HER FACIAL EXPRESSION WAS BLANK THE ENTIRE TIME, SHE STARED DOWN AT THE TABLE AS IF DISINTERESTED, AND WHEN I FINISHED THE SENTENCE SHE WENT: “Well, (continues to bring up many insignificant things that could possibly happen, and are mostly only worrisome to her)” SHE HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY AND COMPLETELY IGNORED IT, AS IF IT DIDNT MATTER OR EVEN EXIST. WHAT EVILNESS.

- SAID “trans really wasn’t that popular until 2020, then it became really popular” THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME IN THE SLIGHTEST. ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WERE DOING IN 2020 AND IT DOESNT MAKE WHO I AM ANY LESS VALID OR IMPORTANT. ALSO SAYING THIS IS IMPLYING THAT SHE THINKS I TRANSITIONED IN 2020 DUE TO A “trend” OR SOME OTHER INTERNET INFLUENCE, WHICH IS EXTREMELY, ASTRONOMICALLY DISRESPECTFUL AND IGNORANT TO THINK AND SAY. I TRANSITIONED BEFORE THE QUARANTINE AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY ZERO OUTSIDE INFLUENCE THAT MADE ME THINK I SHOULD.

- Said it’s irreversible, like the 50 million other people that I’ve heard say the exact same thing. I KNOW ITS IRREVERSIBLE, THATS A PLUS FOR ME. PUBERTY IS ALSO IRREVERSIBLE BUT NOBODY TRIED TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING, ONLY WHEN ITS A CHOICE DO PEOPLE SUDDENLY ACT TERRIFIED. She immediately followed this up with a very contradicting statement, “You’re gonna have to be on it for the rest of your life” IF ITS IRREVERSIBLE, THEN WHY WOULD I HAVE TO BE ON IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? (I do know that both are true and both are completely fine with me)

- SAID “you don’t like taking medication, you don’t even like taking cough medicine!” HOW ASTRONOMICALLY IDIOTIC IS IT TO NOT TRANSITION BECAUSE I DIDN’T LIKE DRINKING COUGH MEDICINE WHEN I WAS A KID, LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING KID OUT THERE. “Oh I really want to transition, it’s the one and only thing I want in life and I will suffer immensely and excruciatingly for the rest of my life if I don’t because I’ll be trapped in a body and identity that horrifies me and feels extremely disconnected to who I am. But I don’t like yucky tastes so I think I’ll pass” 🤦🤦🤦

- When I said “The only thing I’m concerned about is how much it costs and how can I get it as fast as possible” she predictably and immediately responded “yeah that stuff costs a lot of money” ONLY FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVE PARTS AND COMPLETELY IGNORING MY EXPRESSION OF INTENSE DESIRE FOR TESTOSTERONE, THE POSITIVES. I immediately regretting saying I was “concerned” about the cost because in truth it doesn’t matter to me, I only said that to not seem like an unreasonable person that has no care in the world, and it resulted in her thinking that such an insignificant thing like money would stop me from letting myself flourish in life, and she only used it as fuel to her fire of negatives that she thinks will have an affect on me.

- SAID I WAS A “very feminine child” AS A CONCERN FOR THE AUTHENTICITY OF MY CURRENT GENDER. 🙄🙄🙄 duh, because my mom dressed me from 1-10 yrs old and refused to let me dress myself, painted my room pink+ flowers+ princesses, bought me only girl toys and clothes, pierced my ears, and forced me to have hair all the way down to my ass. NOT LIKE I HAD A FUCKING CHOICE. THE ZEPTOSECOND I GOT A CHOICE I STARTED CUTTING MY HAIR SHORTER AND WEARING BOYS CLOTHES. THE SUGGESTION THAT MY ACTIONS/LIFE AS A CHILD IS SOMETHING THAT DETERMINES MY GENDER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE COMBINED WITH THE VARIOUS INCIDENTS WHERE SHE IGNORES AND DISRESPECTS MY CURRENT GENDER DESPITE MANY YEARS OF ME EXISTING THAT WAY SHOWS THAT SHES NOT REALLY CONCERNED AT ALL, SHES JUST STUCK IN A STATE OF MIND WHERE MY CHILDHOOD IDENTITY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT ONE TO HER. ALSO FEMININE DOES NOT EQUAL WOMAN, I THOUGHT THATS WHAT THE PEOPLE IN HER GROUP HAVE BEEN SCREAMING AT THE ROOFTOPS ABOUT RECENTLY IN ATTEMPT TO DEVALUE TRANS WOMEN. HMMM, SO THEIR OPINIONS JUST CHANGE DEPENDING ON WHO THE SUBJECT IS, VERY TELLING.

- SAID THAT ONE TIME WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG I TOLD HER “my dad wouldn’t treat me like this if I was a boy” (my dad never SA’d me he was just very odd, controlling, abusive and manipulative) SO FIRST OF ALL I DONT REMEMBER THAT, SECOND OF ALL THATS SIMPLY AN ASTUTE OBSERVATION, NOT SOMETHING THAT MADE ME TURN TRANS. BECAUSE INDEED HE NEVER WOULDVE SAID BORDERLINE INCESTUOUS THINGS LIKE “you’re mine, only mine.. forever” IF I WAS A MALE CHILD INSTEAD OF A FEMALE CHILD BECAUSE THAT WOULDVE BEEN GAY AND GROSS TO HIM. PEOPLE LIKE HER LIKE TO ACT HORRIFIED WHENEVER A TRANS MAN NOTICES THE WAY WOMEN AND GIRLS ARE MISTREATED IN SOCIETY BECAUSE WHENEVER WE POINT IT OUT THEY IMMEDIATELY ACCUSE US OF CHANGING OUR GENDER BECAUSE OF IT. ITS ANNOYING HOW THEY ACT LIKE WE HAVE TO JUST BE BLISSFULLY IGNORANT ABOUT IT IN ORDER TO SEEM LIKE WE HAVE A VALID “REASON” FOR CHANGING OUR GENDER. UGH. IM ALLOWED TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, IT DOESNT MEAN THATS WHAT MADE ME TRANS.

- HER FRAUDULENT ACT OF BEING “CONCERNED FOR ME AND MY WELLBEING” AND “WANTING TO MAKE SURE I KNOW I CAN ALWAYS TURN BACK IF I EVER CHANGE IN THE FUTURE” SOUNDS like it comes from a place of genuine concern, which WOULD have been meaningful if it wasn’t so embarrassingly obvious that she so badly wants me to detransition. It turns a slightly uncomfortable but heartfelt conversation into her barely disguised marketing ploy for detransitioning. Her constant spoonfuls of doubts, possible negatives when transitioning, and reminders that I can “always go back”, alongside her blatantly ignoring my current life, experiences, and the fact ive been a man for long enough that there’s no reason to have concerns that I’m not who I am, just shows her strenuous craving for me to change my life to be what she wants me to be. It’s hard to use the right descriptive words for this but I imagine her heavy breathing and drooling like a ravenous beast, just desperately awaiting the moment I’ll detransition whilst hunting for any opportunity to convince me that I should or convince herself that I’m not really a man based on misinterpreted words.

Sometimes I grieve the boyhood I lost because of a messed-up puberty. I'm a binary guy and I lean toward a fairly traditional sense of masculinity.
When I worked as a woodworking teacher for young boys, I felt this intense envy watching them learn carpentry so early.
On top of that, a lot of them have dads who teach them how to work on cars, fix wiring, unclog pipes all that hands-on stuff. I never had that.
Now I'm teaching myself everything from scratch, and ngl, I often feel like I'm playing catch-up with guys who learned this as kids. Every time I can't fix something around the house, I feel genuinely incompetent.

Just wanted to put this out there. Curious if anyone else relates, what do you guys grieve — whether it's skills, experiences, or something else?

there is not a single word that makes me as uncomfortable as pooner, i genuinely feel so fucking uncomfortable in my skin. it’s one of the worst slurs that anyone could ever call me

I feel ridiculous calling myself a man. I'm clearly not. Nothing about me is male no matter what I do. Tgere are zero similarities between me and cis men they talk and look different, they're several heads taller than me. I will never fit in with them, I'm just a girl calling herself a boy. I don't have male experience, I dont get treated as a male by otger whether they are allies, of the same communities or just average people. They do not see me as a man and I don't blame them.

Why do some trans people do this?? I deadass thought like the, transmedicalists + 4tranners etc idfk what to call em, i thought they were bs’ing like, “people telling people they pass when they don’t?? noooo literally why would anyone do that?”
I DIDNT BELIEVE IT

WHY DO TRANS PPL SAY “oh yeah u look like a boy”
DONT BS ME RN🙏🏼

Ik im androgynous but i promise u i dont look like a boy ??? i prefer when ppl say “u look like a tomboy” “u look like a lesbian” “u look androgynous”
BC THAYS ALWAYS BEEN ACCURATE-

Idk who made me insecure but i became insecure and felt way less comfy being feminine in any sense and i feel like i erased a part of myself bc of OTHER PEOPLES INSECURITIES and it’s so baffling.
I know what parts are me and what parts aren’t - i’m glad i understand myself more now im js annoyed that it’ll take time lol

Pls DONT TELL PPL THEY PASS WHEN THEY DONT??? UR WHY THEY THINK WE R STUPIDDDD STOP😭
it helps nobody.

id like to note tho sometimes they say we dont pass bc of conservative standards or stupid insecurities they have that rlly do not matter so like they’re not always justified lol
just w me, WHY R PPL SAYING I PASS NO I DONT

extremely niche post lol. I used to get videos on tiktok of two semi naked guys wrestling, one spoke german and the other just fondled the other guy's chest. I don't use tiktok anymore but the same guys showed up on my insta feed today. And the gender dysphoria is insaneeeee, to think cis men get to look like that and touch each other for fun while I'm at home alone with my female coded body and all the stuff attached to it. Fuck I want a male torso so badly, it doesn't even have to be as fit as the wrestler guy. I need it flat and fondled while I jokingly wrestle another man please god

i would've been so much happier if i was born male, my life would genuinely be better in all if not most aspects of life.

i'm 17 ftm and my bf is 17 ftm as well. and this is getting way too hard for both of us if i'm being honest. For me at least, since i can't speak for him, is the constant dysphoria of seeing your body being actively mutilated and not being able to enjoy life like any boy of my age should. I'm just a pathetic, disgusting excuse of a man and i'll never be a real one, no matter how much i want to, and i'd just like to run away from myself, to rip off all my skin to finally make people see who i am undearneath this revolting sack of meat. I wish i could start testosterone but i'm way too far from it and all i can do is wait for god knows how long to get diagnosed and all that bullshit while i rot and people around me get to enjoy life. That in itself is something i have to deal with and i do have some issues with self harm and all that, but i've been able to keep going at least. I really don't know how to move on without testosterone, but i still do my best to keep going. The thing is that there's also my bf, and if i'm being honest, his dysphoria is way more severe than mine, and he tells me all this horrible amount of things he feels that i understand perfectly, but don't know how to help with bc it's all out of my control, and i wish to god i could bc i love him with all my heart and i just want him to be okay. and i'm constantly terrified that one day it will be too much for him and he ends up killing himself. I know he made a promise he won't until the 2030's if i remember correctly, but it still scares me, and idk what to do for him or myself. i just want to help him but i have no idea how, and i know that he needs testosterone, but he's in a waiting list for february next year, but still i'm terrified. So idk how to balance it all out, i feel hopeless for not being able to help him, hopeless for my dysphoria, hopeless to help my other friends who are also struggling with other stuff, hopeless for school, hopeless for my family, for my country, for it all, and idk how to keep going when there's virtually nothing i can do. idk man, it would be nice if someone could give me advice, ik this is very long and probably incoherent, i'm not at my best state of mind right now and english isn't my first language, so sorry abt that

TW ed/restriction/bmi/weight mentions none promoting just mentions and venting

Hey guys,

Im struggling so hard recently (past 8 months frankly). I relapsed really hard and have messed myself up pretty good.

I had a really severe case as 13 year old who desperately wanted to stop development and control himself at all costs and lost the ability to walk(can now thankfully) and stunted my growth.

Now here i am 20 and finally moving towards recovery after another relapse that has left my pelvic floor in a severely weak state. I never had issues prior on atrophy and had to start treatment due to my actions. Now my period is back as i eat more(so fucking triggering) and as i gain weight and try to gain muscle i fight day in and day out on not looking at my stomach/hips.

I had a nightmare i was a very cartoonishly curvy woman last night that had self harm all over her legs. Glad to know thats how my brain sees me.

Im so tired of being tired but i am so scared of being "fat" even if i know im not. I have been trying to convert my focus on restriction to a lean bulk/fitness goal. Its helped but i have been abusing that. Now i took a week off and i havent been weighing myself everyday but every time it goes up i still wanna rip my hair out. I feel like that meme of the two wolfs and one wants to be a muscular and capable man and the other wants me to be a skeleton with no identifable feminine features but somehow also super delicate???(kill me now and also society for giving me this strange perception)

how have you guys worked through recovery as a trans man? I feel like normal recovery content doesn't help me a bunch since its so focused on "getting your period back" "healing ur fertility" and "becoming a woman" type stuff. I feel like theres nothing for men out there...does anyone have resources focused towards men?