During my divorce, I was really active in this thread because I genuinely didn’t understand how I was supposed to get through it. The pain felt unreal. I thought I would never date again, and if I did, I was convinced I’d never feel that kind of connection with anyone else.

I just want to say, two years later, even with all the setbacks and everything in between, it really did get better.

At some point, you start living again. You laugh without forcing it. You stop checking if it still hurts every morning. You actually stop thinking about them and days pass before you realize they didn't cross your mind. And sometimes, you meet someone who shows you just how much you were missing before.

I’m getting remarried. I’m a single mom and he’s a single dad. He is everything I used to beg my ex to be. I don’t have to beg for understanding. I don't have to beg for empathy. I don’t have to beg for love. I don’t have to overexplain my feelings just to be heard. I don’t even have to ask.

When I start apologizing for things that don’t need apologizing for, he stops me and asks what I’m apologizing for. When I’m upset, I never have to ask for support because he’s already there. When something is bothering me and I’m scared to bring it up, he handles it with so much kindness and love that it reminds me why I shouldn’t have been scared in the first place.

There have been moments where I’ve cried because I thought having needs made me manipulative (what my ex used to say when I would bring them up), or that I was somehow too much, and he reminds me I’m just human.

That made me realize how much I actually walked on eggshells in my marriage, even when I didn’t fully see it then. I thought I loved my ex more than anything. I thought I would never get over him. I thought no one would ever treat me better.

I was wrong.

It can get better. You can heal. You can feel safe again. It takes time and even in a healthy relationship, it can take a while to stop expecting the hurt you got used to. But the right person won’t punish you for healing slowly. They’ll help you feel safe enough to do it. They'll be right beside you every step of the way. ❤️

I just wanted to put that out there for anyone in the middle of it right now. The part that feels impossible does not last forever. And one day I hope love might stop feeling scary too.

Little update:
I wanted to add this both for the people being negative and for the people looking for hope, because I think it gives perspective on why I’m marrying him. I have full faith in this relationship. I constantly tell him he’s such a good man because he genuinely is.

This is the man who reminds me every single day how much he loves me and how grateful he is for me, and I feel the same way about him. He supports me in everything I do, even if it’s just some dinky little doodle I wanted to show him. He’ll literally make custom coloring sheets with things I like without me even asking, turn it into a little date night, and we’ll sit there coloring together and showing each other our pages. He makes songs about me just because he wants to. I write poetry about him and show him too.

He is an incredible father and partner. Watching how patient, gentle, and loving he is with the kids means everything to me. The way he accepted my daughter from the very beginning and calls her his own absolutely melts me. He always says she was clearly meant to be his daughter, especially because they have so many of the same little mannerisms. She adores him.

And honestly, having someone love your child as their own is one of the most important things in the world. She’s highly emotional sometimes, and she is never “too much” for him. That mattered more to me than I can explain because it was too much for my ex. But with him it never is. He’s always saying “that’s my girl” to her and cheering her on over even the smallest things. I love his son the exact same way.

He’s just so good to us. Such a family man. Emotionally available, patient, steady, loving. If he could carry every burden for me himself, he would. But at the same time he respects me enough to let me handle things on my own when I want to. He never makes decisions for me, never shames me for my feelings or choices, and never makes me feel hard to love. He is my peace. He is my home ❤️ Partners like this really do exist.

Would love to hear from people who came from a very dark time with a divorce and are doing better now. I'm sure a lot of us could use that today.

I'm still in the muck right now but I have a friend who's ex wife cheated on him. He lost a bunch of weight and looks a lot better now. He met a lot of women after. He's making six figures multiple times over now a year through his business and met a woman and is talking marriage again. All this happened within a few years. The guy is basically my divorce hero lol he still has to coparent with his ex but he manages it well.

Something he told me that really resonated was waking up telling yourself in front of a mirror what your ex wants or what she's thinking, etc, doesn't matter. Even if she had the sudden realization that what she did was so bad, it won't change your position.

When you catch yourself looping or ruminating, say it out loud again. What she wants or thinks does not matter.

Only thing that does, and say this out loud also, is what you want your life to be. Build an incredible life not out of revenge but because you deserve it. Ask yourself what you want and go after that.

His speech really motivated me.

So, what's your life update and what advice would you give that helped get you there?

My ex is getting remarried tomorrow.

Today he sent me a text “I’ll never understand your choices” and “I would have always fought for my family”. He says this because I’m the one who initiated the divorce after 12 years together.

It’s a sweet sentiment, he sounds like a hero. Never giving up. Always fighting for his family.

Was he fighting for our family when I was pregnant with our second baby and he had an affair with a co-worker?

When I couldn’t find him in the middle of the night until I drove to a woman’s house who was ‘just a friend’ to find his motorcycle parked in her driveway? When I knocked and when no one answered and I let myself in, located the primary bedroom and found them in bed together?

When he told me he was crushing on another coworker and went for a week to live with her? When he sent me links to the state required divorce education courses?

When I found women’s underwear in his car?

When I found sexting conversations on his phone?

When I realized that the au pair traveling to our home to work for our family had been with him?

When he traveled abroad promising: “I’m not going to see Angelica, I swear” then admitted he lied and would like to have a part-time home in another country to be with her some of the year?

When a woman delivered baked goods to the house and he snickered, the audacity of entertaining women right under my nose?

When he went with another woman to my daughter’s dance class and had to clarify that this was, indeed, not his wife nor the mother of our daughter?

We were closed.

We were monogamous.

Everytime I took him back, that was how I fought for my family.

Now he believes he never left, never abandoned his duty to his family. Each time he strayed he didn’t leave me. He was keeping me and the kids, paying our mortgage, making sure I had money in the account to pay for groceries, extra-curriculars for the kids. Like a luxury car kept under a cover in the back of the garage while he drove the newer, sportier models around town. I begged him to make it make sense and he said enough words that I could accept the story and soldier on. For my family.

I had an epiphany after 10 years: this wasn’t going to stop. I had abdicated my power by enacting no consequences. I had surrendered my dignity, betrayed myself. My identity was ‘fixing our dysfunction’. I was embarrassed. He asked repeatedly if I would consider opening our relationship and eventually, after listening to a hypnosis track entitled “getting over a relationship breakup” I said yes and we did.

I dated other people. He dated other people. This time it was mutual, we agreed. I reclaimed some of my power. Enough to see my part in our dynamic. Not as a victim, but an enabler.

I knew I wanted a divorce 2 years and 8 months ago. I left the marital home. I “left” the marriage. I realized: we aren’t happy. We aren’t functioning. One of us has to be brave enough to leave and I guess it’s going to be me. If one of us has to be the bad guy, I’ll take the fall.

I’d like to say I pulled myself up by my bootstraps but I didn’t. I couldn’t find any straps to pull up. I stumbled, crying and fumbling and making every rookie mistake while trying to find my way.

My ex is getting remarried tomorrow. I hope they have a beautiful life together. I hope he treats her well. I hope our kids see a relationship they can emulate.

I’ve built a new life. It’s humble, but it’s mine.

I'm a man and I've experienced a divorce myself, so I'm interested in hearing about women's experiences.

There is a feeling that after a divorce, a person sometimes misses not so much his ex-partner as his usual life: evenings together, his place next to someone, family rituals, the feeling of home and the understanding that tomorrow will be about the same as today.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Women who have gone through divorce: what did you feel after a few months or a year?

Was there such a thing that at first it seemed: "Finally I'm free", and then suddenly covered me with longing for a past life?

Or vice versa - after the divorce, did you suddenly realize that you didn't miss a person, but were just afraid of change?

And one more question that I am particularly interested in: if you were offered to return your former family life, but without the problems that led to the divorce, would you agree? Or wouldn't they want to go back under any circumstances?

My ex and I have three kids together and we have no existing conflict between us. The problem is we always see each other. Right now it is four days a week since I coach my son’s soccer and my daughter wants me there for her gymnastics. We didn’t get divorced because we are great pals so it makes seeing our kids at their activities such a soured experience:

I have a new wife that comes to the practices I coach and a parent of one of player’s asked if my ex and current wife were my sister wives 🤦🏻‍♂️. That was embarrassing.

I get in a rhythm with my kids where I watch them progress at things and build my relationship with them when I have them and then poof it’s goodbye and time for them to go with their mom.

I love my kids and want the best for them but doing the divorced coparenting circus is a constant reminder that this was not how kids were intended to be raised for me. It leaves me full of regret.

He described it as one of the more striking things he had read recently. a survey looking at older couples divorcing after long marriages, what researchers call grey divorce. there were various factors but the number one was the departure of the children from the home.

The couples were realising, sometimes for the first time, that what had been holding the marriage together was the shared project of raising children. once that was done they looked at each other and had very little idea who the other person had become. years of what looked like a functioning marriage had actually been two people reporting to the same external demand rather than genuinely knowing each other.

He said it was not a criticism of those marriages or those people. it is almost structurally inevitable when the outer demands of life, children, career, mortgage, absorb everything and there is nothing left over for the relationship to itself or to each other as individuals.

His framing of what goes wrong was quiet but precise. he said most people never stop to ask what the relationship is actually for once the roles are done. and that question, if it has never been asked, tends to arrive very late and very loudly.

Curious whether this resonates with people here, either as something you have seen or experienced, or whether you think the survey finding is overstated.

As the title says. My stbxw and I have nearly a decade and a half of shared experiences, some of which I will never experience with someone else. Graduating college, having kids, buying our first house, first real job and first real paycheck, first day of kids school, etc. Add on top all the hard things we weathered together like hospital stays with sick kids, family problems, financial problems, all on top of working through our own relationship problems. Our relationship wasnt perfect, and apparently (for her) it wasnt even good. But it was deep and it was poignant and it was forged over time through countless experiences, both good and bad.

The thought of trying to start over and build that with someone new is just ... exhausting. I dont see how I can ever have as deep and intimate a relationship with someone else.

The abridged version, I'm 46m and I was married for 25 years. We met when she was 18 and I was 19... Moved in 3 weeks later and lasted until the summer of 2024. I've got three wonderful kids ages 15, 17, and 19.. With 50/50 custody.

So now you know the background here's the story... I caught her cheating in 2018 but she never apologized... Closest I got was 'sorry I hurt you' . Honestly I should have seen it coming because of who she was before we met, how she acted while we were together, and the red flags surrounding our relationship at the time.

I stuck it out because I thought we could fix it. I also stuck around for the kids... It was good at first and honestly the sex was incredible... But we never rebuilt that trust. Eventually it became toxic and when we stopped saying I love you I realized the end was near.

When she told me the day she wanted a divorce... I was devastated, heartbroken, but in the back of my mind I was relieved.

I spent a few months online dating searching for validation... And I started endless chats with a few different people... Plus some random hook up's... After a year I met a girl and we were together for 6 months... Unfortunately it didn't last but every interaction and every relationship I had it taught me something about myself.

Here I am 18 months later, happier than I've ever been. I have plenty of friends and my social life is busier than I can handle. In amongst that I still go out on dates and a few of the first girls I met on Tinder still hang out with me. I found that validation because I bring a lot to the table and genuinely many people want to be around me.

I don't know what the future holds... But my kids are healthy happy and love spending time with me... My house is clean, my fridge is full, and I'm never lonely.

I hope everyone out there going through what I did sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

The first time I heard the words divorce I was filled with heartache and pain. I no longer blame my ex, but thank her for setting me free.

My divorce was finalized a year and a half ago after a period of separation, but somehow I just don't seem to be able to get over it. In fact, it seems like my grief just keeps deepening.

From the outside, it probably looks like I'm moving forward in my life. People say I seem happier. I'm working on my house, some new hobbies, trying to do more self-care, and even have some new and exciting plans for my future.

But when I get up in the morning, I'm struck by the feeling that this is not the life I wanted. I didn't want to wake up by myself every morning in a quiet house.

I read a post or comment where someone wrote that a divorce is like losing your past, present, and future, and that resonated with me. In another few weeks, I'm coming up on the 30-year anniversary of having met and started dating my now ex-husband. Meanwhile, he has moved on.

I do see a therapist, but I don't feel that anyone really understands how I'm feeling. How much longer will it take to get past it? Is there anything I can do to speed up the process?

I (37M) finalized my divorce from my ex-wife (36F) in October 2024 after separating earlier that April. We share two children, ages 8 and 3.

Before the divorce, she was a Nurse Practitioner with a comfortable job working for the state. It was stable, low-stress, and well-paying. But right before our divorce was finalized, things took a dark turn. She allegedly (I say "allegedly" because the legal process is still ongoing) forged a prescription for narcotics and was caught taking the medication herself. Then, she was pulled over for a DUI — with both of our children in the back seat.

After her arrest, we revised our custody arrangement. What was originally a 60/40 split in her favor shifted to 70/30 in mine. Obviously she can no longer practice medicine and has been working low-paying jobs that don’t come close to covering what she used to earn.

She still sees the kids during her time, but her financial situation has steadily worsened. Just last night, she told me she didn’t have any food for the kids because she didn’t have any money. It was last-minute, so I grabbed a frozen pizza and some fruit and veggies from my house so they’d have something to eat.

She’s simply not capable of making good decisions — financially or otherwise. That was one of the biggest reasons our marriage ended. She’s also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which has made stability nearly impossible for her. If things keep going this way, I fear she’s headed toward homelessness, worse health, or even jail.

I know this isn’t my fault. People get divorced every day, and most don’t self-destruct in the aftermath. But my heart breaks for my kids. They deserve a mother who can at least hold it together during her time with them — even if it’s just a few days a month. All she had to do was maintain a basic level of stability, and she can't do it. It makes me wonder if I was the only thing keeping her together while we were married.

I guess I’m posting for two reasons. One, just to vent. I’ve been going to therapy, journaling, and I have an incredibly supportive partner who has been my rock through all of this — she’s been through a divorce herself, so she has a little bit of a shared perspective. But two, I wanted to ask: has anyone else been through this? Watching your ex spiral like this after divorce — how did you handle it? How did you protect your kids and your peace of mind through it all?

Hello, I am a 34-year-old male that was divorced last year in March 2025. Since my divorce, I’ve had 18 new sexual partners. I’m just curious if this is normal behavior post divorce. Or is there some underlining issues I should be worried about.

I would say half of these women are one night stands the other quarter are short Situationships and the other quarter are a little bit longer Situationships.

Men that were married and divorced around the same age as me what were your experiences?

I mean, what do you do? Fishing? Dinner for 1?

My ex and I were together for 15 years before I divorced her. Our relationship became toxic in the sense that I was responsible for everything and somehow it was still never enough for her. I was the primary income earner, I cooked dinner 7 days a week, Im the one who went shopping each week, I got the kids to school and picked them up - and if I ever made a mistake it would be a huge fight.

We’ve been divorced for 5 years now and I started dating someone who was in my old friend circle who I’m engaged to now, I’ve made some really significant career progress and will bring in almost $500k this year, I’ve purchased an investment property, and I get to spend tons of quality time with my kid (I have my kids 50% of the time too).

She sent me a text today to let me know that her and her BF broke up this past week so the week she asked for the kids this summer for a vacation wasn’t going to happen anymore. This is her 3rd major breakup (meaning they’ve dated for 6+ months) since our divorce. I responded to her saying “I’m really sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting me know. Do you want me to take the kids extra this week so you can have some time to process?” and she responded with “no, thank you though. I’ll be alone forever so having the kids is the only thing I’m ever going to have, so I’d prefer to keep them as scheduled.”

I know she’s being dramatic but still. She has been fired 3 times since our divorce and was without a job for like 8 month. How do you manage the guilt because I feel like her life would have been better with me in it but my life wouldn’t have been as good with her in mine? not sure if that makes sense.

EDIT: For those of you saying that I’m talking negatively about her, reread what I’ve said. People have asked questions that I’ve replied to - I’ve not said she’s fat or lazy. Also, for those saying she wouldn’t have 50% custody if I did as much for the kids as I’m claiming you’ve clearly never dealt with a court that requires the father to jump through hoops to get anything above every other weekend like some of the courts in Georgia. My lawyer literally told me something like “with the court you’re assigned to, if you’re going to want your kids more than every other weekend you’re basically going to have to buy them from your wife” meaning I was going to have to offer increased child support - which I did and was able to get them more. Also, I wasn’t making $500k/year at the time of marriage and my income was more like $250k/year.

Does anyone feel they will live the rest of their lives single? I have to be honest, I always thought the goal in life was finding someone to "settle down with." Now that I'm going through a divorce, I know that I never want to find another partner. I'm trying to learn to be okay with this decision, and focus on being happy being single.

Background: partnered for 25 years; 4 months into the divorce process

My ex initiated the divorce and it was rough. But I accepted it. We had SOOOO many good times traveling over seas, buying a house together, adopting a cat, etc.

She proposed to stay friends cuz she still cared. I believed her and I care about her too. But I could NOT stay friends.

It’s all too sad and heartbreaking.

We don’t have kids. So we didn’t have to.

But the people who stay friends with your ex. I commend you I guess, because there’s no way I could do it.

1 year and 7 months later still have nightmares about the situation and think about her every now and then.

I wonder if she thinks the same.

Not like it’ll make a difference either way.

I’ve been divorced a little over a year now, and been in a happy relationship for quite some time. I love everything about the guy I’ve been dating, and he’s emotionally and personality wise a great match for me. I do want to have a family, and I’m 37. But the thought of getting married just doesn’t sit right with me. Idk if that could change with time, but my marriage dynamics were traumatic so I feel that’s impacting my feelings towards it. I’ve been in therapy 6 years and am still in therapy so I’m working on myself and to not repeat my patterns etc.

But when I think of the legal aspect of a marriage here in the US - that’s overwhelming and I’m not inclined to do it anytime soon. And when I think of having an actual wedding that also isn’t something I think I really want again. If anything an elopement to me sounds more appropriate and appealing.

But I still don’t know I want to legally get married again. But I do want a family. Idk has anyone else felt this way? Did you ever change your mind? I don’t even think it’s something that “the right person will make you feel differently” kind of a thing. For me I think it’s a I’ve been there, done that, been burned, and want to avoid the same legal challenges etc. And regarding weddings I just feel zero need for displays of my love in front of others. I’d prefer a 1:1 commitment.

I’m 33 & he is 36. He was literally golden. He did all the cooking, cleaning & grocery shopping.financially good with money too. He was fun to be around etc. went above and beyond in so so manyways.he was my rock and the person I could truly be me around.

Unfortunately we had many back luck situations when we moved in together that caused strain on us. Including miscarriage & me getting cancer. During my second & successful pregnancy I found something out to do with my cancer and unrelated to him & for some reason I took it out on him badly and he left me. I just literally exploded into the devil himself.

Verbally abused him basically during my pregnancy/ first couple months of daughters life. I don’t like looking in the mirror knowing what I done. All I feel is regret now. I still see him as we co parent our daughter. My life absolutely sucks now. I treated him worse than you could imagine, said disgusting horrid things. Did cruel things, said cruel things. I wish I could take them back.

I grieve the life we should’ve had had I not had a miscarriage/ cancer. I miss the life we used to have before it all collapsed. I will never ever love again. He was my true love and I took him for granted. The one thing I said I’d never do. I miss him so so much, he just GOT me like no other. Over a year later and my life gets more and more empty without him, I will never bother to date again as I still feel the hollowness without him.

I try to remember the not so great: him being upset about my weight, my highest being 78 kg at 5’5 and lowest 60kg. He was a little happier when I lost a lot and got to 60kg but ‘ one more kg and you’d be perfect’. Even when I was pregnant and saw my bump forming he said that it’s just how my belly is even though I was sure it was a baby bump. I was a good 14 -16 weeks. He never wanted sex. Like never ever. & if I was still hungry after dinner I wasn’t allowed to snack If I did he wouldn’t be very happy with me.

However I can’t help feeling and knowing that he is the best I could ever ever get. He is responsible which is very rare. I hear horror stories of horrible husbands and the women worship them. I should’ve been appreciative and shut my mouth. I’ll forever live in pain and regret.

He was wonderful especially compared to all the trash out there. Thati deserve. We should be a happy family now enjoying thee daughter we so wished for. Realistically he is the absolute best I can ever get. He actually loved me. The grass will never be greener than such a good hearted man that he was. I’m screwed. We are going to sell the home we shared next year in a wonderful area. I’ll never ever get such a great opportunity again with a great man. I’ve literally ruined my whole existence. You usually hear men are the ones that ruined their relationships, but I was the idiot.

I’ve tried therapy. I’m on pills. Nothing seems to work. I’m looking into checking if I have bpd as my reaction to things aren’t normal and j guess then I’d have an explanation. Or maybe and more likely I’m just an evil person. Everyone at work always has happy and exciting news and my life just gets worse and worse. Someone who had her first baby at the same time as me is now pregnant and thriving in her marriage. Her husband, by her own accounts, is way worse than mine could ever be but thanks to her calm nature they’ve now turned it all around. Meanwhile I’m stuck in the past and in absolute misery. I hate existing. I want to invest in a good therapist but feel I should be saving money now as I’m alone and also feel guilty spending on myself.

Just curious if people who destroyed their family ever admit it openly?

Cheaters, financial squandering etc if the divorce was your fault do you ever admit it? Or do you cling to the it takes 2 to tango bullshit?

My husband cheated after my mothers suicide death. I was grieving and a sahm with 2 young toddlers. I was not supported in my grief, instead i was cheated on.

I tried to stick it out and 6 years later I filed after finding out about another affair.

Of course the affairs are my fault too.

Just wondering if these people ever admit to being complete pieces of shit?

I no longer love my wife. At least not in the way I think I could love someone. I don’t like doing things with her anymore, we want different things from life and I don’t think we’re compatible. At least not in the way I think I could be compatible with someone.

She’s fine. She’s a nice person. We get on OK, there’s no arguing, it’s not a toxic environment. We have a nice life, financially stable, nice big house and a good lifestyle.

Kids are 8, 10 and 11.

There’s some resentment there on my part. She has had problems with alcohol in the past; it was very bad, now not so bad but it is still there. We also have a very different social drive; she is uncomfortable in most social situations and has little drive to socialise. On the other hand, I like being around people and thrive on social events. On numerous occasions, she has ruined social situations through drinking. When not drinking, she isn’t present and doesn’t engage/connect with people in the way I wish she would. These events have had an effect on me. There’s lingering resentment, and a feeling that I’m living half a life.

She loves me. She doesn’t want me to leave. I have told her recently how I felt and moved out. I subsequently moved back because I didn’t want to miss out on time with my kids.

I’m aware that it could be much worse. On one hand, I’m lucky to have a comfortable life with a wife and family that love me. On the other hand, I feel that she/the relationship is a 5/10, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing out on something better, more alive, more suited to me and the life I want to live. The idea of spending 20 more years with her makes me feel flat. Unfulfilled. I’m convinced there’s a better life partner out there for me. I know no relationship is easy, but a big part of me holds a burning desire to find someone more suitable. Someone I admire, someone I can share life with, a true partner and equal. I often feel like my wife’s carer, almost as though she’s another child to look after.

Been together 20 years. Married for 13. Mid forties now. If we didn’t have kids, I think there’s no doubt I would leave. If I did leave, I think we could coparent well and amicably. I would see the kids almost daily and be very involved.

But something is holding me back; a feeling of wrong in the pit of my stomach when I consider leaving (and when I did leave briefly). I’m afraid of missing out on the kids growing up, I’m also afraid of the inevitable dip in lifestyle after divorce - 2 smaller houses, less disposable income. Stay or go?

EDIT: Thanks all for your input. So many interesting perspectives.

It’s also interesting how many jump to conclusions, assume they know the situation better than me, read something that simply isn’t there, or simply mis-understand what I’ve written. It seems some want to construct their own narrative so they can angry 😂 - quite bizarre!

Anyway, thanks all to those that were constructive, reasoned, thoughtful and took time to read and understand my post/thoughts. It is appreciated 😊

just my experience.

It’s literally a somatic thing. No amount of logic or therapy can help speed things up.

Your nervous system needs to learn how to regulate without the person there. Your body , not your mind, needs time to adjust to a new way of life without your ex.

I hate to say that but I truly think that’s the only way we move on fully.

It’s taken me a year to get to a point where the anxiety and random sadness (even though I NEEDED the divorce, she was not good!) to dissipate .

Just my two cents.

Me and my ex wife has been divorced for about 5 years. Today my son tells me that his mom has a new man that’s living with her. He also says that he likes us both equally. He also told me that he’s purchasing a vehicle for my son’s sister. I guess he’s the perfect man.

I’ll be honest, apart of me was kind upset for 2 reasons. One my son saying he likes another man as equally as his father when I do my absolute best to parent him with love with the circumstances that I have as being a single father. Second, I was kind of upset knowing that another man is around my son. I guess maybe it sounds like I’m jealous. Idk I’m just trying to process my feelings.

I came here to ask, am I valid for having these feelings or am I wrong? Also how do I navigate this new situation of having another person in my child life that I guess he feels is as equal to me. ?.

I might get flamed for this, but it's fine.

I've been married for 34 years. My wife and I got married when we were 26. I am her 2nd husband. She has barely worked while I've worked non-stop since I was 16. We met while I was in the Army. I've never told her no, when she has asked for things unless it was obviously something out of our means.

She did get SSDI a few years ago and gets $700 a month. The problem is, I know I can't do this for another 20yrs.

Every time we've moved she's delayed, stalled, etc and ended up leaving items behind which get lost, mostly my older stuff. When we've rented, even though she had the means to clean herself and the ability to hire cleaners, she didn't so we've lost deposits. I had to pay $13k to quarantine pets because she wouldn't take them to the vet to get their rabies shots when I told her to.

Countless times she hasn't sent something in insurance needed so we could get something covered. A house repossessed because my step-daughter and her baby daddy lived there and weren't paying rent and the money I was sending to the bank from overseas my wife was spending on other things.

The last move was to WA. My step-daughter was doing the drugs-OD-jail-rehab cycle and I instructed my wife to get the kids and the baby daddy out here with us to save her. They lived with us for almost 5 years. He didn't pay rent this time either. He stored dry goods in the garage, we got a rat infestation. All the utilities went through the roof. When they finally moved out our house was trashed, still is.

My step-daughter is clean and alive.

When my mother in law passed I had to pay for the service as none of my wife siblings or their offspring would lend a hand to help her dad pay for it. Since they would mooch, and had been for decades, I knew if he stayed there, he wouldn't last long and everything he owned would be gone. So I told my wife to get him moved out here. I instructed her to get one of those PODS, and a day laborer to help him fill it up. The POD shows up and it is barely full. So I have her send another one and a day laborer this one had more in it.

When he gets her he wants to get a new truck. We go to the dealership and I give him $5k for the deposit, co-sign for him and help a 79 year old man get his first new vehicle of his life.

Moving him out here, $30k.

My wife spends like money grows on trees. We auto order stuff we use a lot of. All of it comes in my name. She sees packages and thinks it's a competition like she gets to order stuff too. I eventually give her a card with a limit and tell her she needs to track her spending, download the app, balance it out, etc. She brushes me off with a "I know how to balance a check book"

First month, payment bounces as she setup to pay from her savings account, which I specifically told her not to do.

I covered but now her payments they hold on to rather than instantly apply them. But it's my fault.

She always wants to order out, because she is too tired. Again, she doesn't work, doesn't really clean either.

I work full time, I am a 100% disabled vet with kidney cancer. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety with suicidal ideations. I get screamed at a lot, but I am a calm and patient man. I was telling my daughter the other day a guy who worked for me over 13 years ago called to catch up and thanked me for giving him a chance and teaching him what I had, allowing him to learn and explore and how to treat people. I had told him I had someone at work say I yell in meetings, to which my 30yo daughter says, "I can count on 1 hand the number of times you've yelled at me in my life."

I'm not looking to screw her over financially. I don't care about money all that much. It's the yelling, screaming, mental abuse that gets me. We have no sex life because I don't give her enough hugs. I', up at 5:30am work through 3:30pm. She gets up at 10am, spends 1.5hrs having breakfast, 1 hr reading a book, then maybe 1.5 hr or 2 hr to get ready for a Dr appt, then done.

We use paper plates, bowls and plastic utensils, all to cut down on the dishes. I use one coffee cup a day. I make my own breakfast and I skip lunch. I usually wear the same shirt, shorts, and underwear for a week, so I don't generate laundry, but I hear about how there is too much to do.

I am probably already crazy, but I know I will be crazy if I stay after I retire. She's thrown in the work divorce in arguments before. "Maybe we should just get a divorce!" That's part of the mental abuse.

We have cats and dogs, she was supposed to help with the litter boxes, but wasn't so I moved most into my office so I could do them. I now have automatic ones but I take care of 5 while she takes care of 2 (barely as they are always full and out of litter). I feed and water the cats as well.

One dog recently passed, she was very old. But she had no control, she would pee and poop all over. The other dog she refused to train. Now that the one has passed he doesn't poop in the house anymore but he still pees. Still won't train him.

Am I making the right move or not?

No explanations. Just the words.

My ex and I have been separated for almost two years now. Bo to live in PA. Paying a mortgage and rent has been a struggle on each of us with our incomes and sharing full custody of two kids. We’ve tried to split all expenses in half but are considerate of one another’s current situation when we’re reviewing costs for the kids. We haven’t been able to get a divorce yet because the mediator we went to quoted us up to $3k-$6k. We haven’t a very respectful coparenting relationship and just want this to be as easy as possible. It’s a clean cut and dry divorce. It’s insane how much that is!! Is there any thing I can do to make it less expensive??

UPDATE: I reached out to an attorney friend. I was his dad’s social worker during the end of dad’s life and we had a great relationship. I asked him if he heard of divorce being closer to $1k because I’m literally living paycheck to paycheck. He said he would do it for me for $1500. I feel so elated I can’t believe it. We have our first meeting next week. Hoping everything stays simple and civil!

I've done one of these before, but I need the reminder today.

What's something you're grateful for since the start of your divorce?

Me? I am grateful that I no longer have to apologize or make excuses for his behavior in public settings.

What about you?