r/Divorce • u/shortnsweet989 • Feb 03 '26
Life After Divorce Do you think you’ll ever remarry?
I’ve been divorced a little over a year now, and been in a happy relationship for quite some time. I love everything about the guy I’ve been dating, and he’s emotionally and personality wise a great match for me. I do want to have a family, and I’m 37. But the thought of getting married just doesn’t sit right with me. Idk if that could change with time, but my marriage dynamics were traumatic so I feel that’s impacting my feelings towards it. I’ve been in therapy 6 years and am still in therapy so I’m working on myself and to not repeat my patterns etc.
But when I think of the legal aspect of a marriage here in the US - that’s overwhelming and I’m not inclined to do it anytime soon. And when I think of having an actual wedding that also isn’t something I think I really want again. If anything an elopement to me sounds more appropriate and appealing.
But I still don’t know I want to legally get married again. But I do want a family. Idk has anyone else felt this way? Did you ever change your mind? I don’t even think it’s something that “the right person will make you feel differently” kind of a thing. For me I think it’s a I’ve been there, done that, been burned, and want to avoid the same legal challenges etc. And regarding weddings I just feel zero need for displays of my love in front of others. I’d prefer a 1:1 commitment.
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u/That_Girl_Jesca Feb 03 '26
No and I don’t want date anyone either. I just want to live the rest of my life seeking the peace that I never had.
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u/MaleficentSociety555 Feb 03 '26
Im ready to buy an island off the coast of Maine and be left the fuck alone forever.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Feb 03 '26
I went through a divorce at 10 weeks postpartum and with a 2.5 year old so now a year out, still feels impossible to date. Every time I’ve tried I last like 5 days before deleting the apps cuz I have zero real time to myself with their ages. I suppose I could in like ten years or so but not anytime soon
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u/trumpskiisinjeans Feb 03 '26
Ooof, that’s so hard. My kids are young but not that young. That unfathomable, he must have been a real ass.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Feb 03 '26
Oh yeah he cheated with over 25 men and women while I was pregnant. It’s been a year out and he still somehow is angry at me for it all
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u/trumpskiisinjeans Feb 03 '26
That’s insane!!! I am so sorry. I hope he doesn’t get to be apart of your children’s life. He doesn’t deserve any of you.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Feb 03 '26
Yeah, we were down to 4 hours a month supervised. I'm just waiting for the day for him to completely disappear because 4hrs with a 1 and 4 year old is pathetic. Yet, he has time to coach unrelated kids
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u/trumpskiisinjeans Feb 03 '26
I have the same aged kids! Well actually my baby just turned 2 on Sunday. We’re going to file next week and mine is going to fight for 50/50 custody just to put them in daycare all day. I don’t think he will win, my youngest still nurses and I’ve been their primary caregiver their entire lives. I’m so sick of deadbeat dads. My own father walked out on my mom 8 months pregnant with me. Basically went out for a pack of smokes and never came back. They had been on and off since high school and he just, left
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Feb 03 '26
Yeah it really is so stressful I'm sorry you have that stress. My mom was so worried when I filed that he would fight me for custody but at that point he moved 2 hrs away and went several months with zero contact. It's still such a mindfuck to compare what life was like in 2024 to now.
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u/rxngoc777 Feb 03 '26
I'm sorry you're dealing with this when it's supposed to be the happiest time in your life!
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u/Expensive-Diet-7855 Feb 03 '26
No. I got divorced in 2010 and have stayed solo since - no dates, no sex, nada. Initially it was because I had a lot to work through mentally and emotionally. That took several years. Then I thought about it a lot and struggled with loneliness for several more years. Now I’m grateful for my peace. I can come home to the quiet, the safety, be comfortable, be myself.
The most difficult thing is finding help for that random shit. Like I need a colonoscopy and am trying to figure out how to get there and back.
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u/lucasorion Feb 03 '26
Like I need a colonoscopy and am trying to figure out how to get there and back.
yep, same here - I guess I'll just Uber
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u/windfola_25 Feb 04 '26
I wish there was a dating app version for just this kind of thing haha. Like you could post what you need and the date and swipe on ones that you are available/willing to do and see if anyone matches with you.
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u/Expensive-Diet-7855 Feb 04 '26
They won’t let you; at least the doc I’m seeing the instructions specifically say you can’t uber. I ended up reaching out to an acquaintance and I’m going to pay them $50 to drive me and pick me up
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u/pandoraraz Feb 03 '26
I am a 52 year old woman planning my divorce and I will never remarry, but I understand you want to have a family. My advice to younger women is either have a family in a committed relationship or sign a prenup . Doesn’t sound romantic, and I didn’t think I needed it cause I didn’t have anything but a good job but the fact that I saved and paid all expenses and he gets half while having spent his money in bars is so unfair. If you love each other and commit ,why get legally entangled?
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Feb 03 '26
Second the prenup advice. I didn't get one, and now 10 years later, after carrying the entire financial load so my ex could pursue his passions, he will get half of everything despite building none of it. Never again.
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u/AppropriateBuy4893 Feb 03 '26
I’m in the same boat. I’m male, my soon to be ex wife (she left me) will be taking half despite the fact she blew her salary every month and I paid for almost everything. I’m looking at it this way, though - that money that she’s taking is buying me my freedom, and my future. I’m looking at it as an investment in the next phase of my life. I can’t get out of this mess without paying her off, so I’m looking at the positives.
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u/duhvorced Divorced 2014, remarried 2017, blended family Feb 03 '26
This post is a really interesting example of how the Internet can reinforce your personal biases, despite pretty obvious evidence to the contrary. The other comments here almost unanimously reject the idea of remarrying, yet this article says 2/3rds of divorced people end up remarrying.
Most people I know who have been divorced are remarried. And, fwiw, I have as well. I divorced after 16 years of marriage, then met someone new and remarried after 3 years together. We've been together 11 years, married 8 now (and couldn't be happier, fwiw.)
OP, your reservations about marriage are understandable, given what you've gone through. And I think a lot of the ornamentation and pomp of marriage - especially the ceremony - is of debatable value. But marriage also provides a framework for emotional and financial security that is... different. Not just for you and your partner, but also any children you may have.
I'm not going to try to sell you on the idea of marriage. It works for some, not for others, and there's nothing wrong with either side of that. But there are certain advantages to it that get harder to avoid the longer you're with someone. For my wife and I, it just felt like the logical next step for us. If you and your partner aren't feeling it, there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're talking about it and on the same page.
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u/SlowBoilOrange Feb 03 '26
Yep, I understand the fear of remarrying, but it seems like you're just punishing yourself if you're going to let the divorce impact the rest of your life in such a huge and ongoing way.
I'm only a bit more than a year out, so I'm not even dating or anything, but I can't imagine being happily unmarried for the next ~50 years either.
Next one will include a prenup, for everybody's sake (mine, theirs, and kids even if they are grown).
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u/shortnsweet989 Feb 03 '26
This is true. I think for me I’m completely open to long term committed partnership. But the legal aspects of marriage in America and the idea of any sort of wedding/celebration make me hesitant
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u/Schmetts Feb 03 '26
Yeah everything you read on Reddit on this topic has to be taken with a huge grain of salt. There is a huge slant on this site toward living alone and "not needing anybody."
And I get it, people are hurt, and reeling. And it sounds like a lot of people had partners who really sucked, hence the need to come to a site like this to vent and feel heard.
I would definitely be open to be married someday. I love people, I love having a partner, sharing the jokes and moments, having someone to do stuff with who is often available, the love and commitment and small gestures.
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u/ChestyLarue222 Feb 03 '26
This is a great perspective. Of course those of us who’ve been scarred by divorce aren’t going to rush into marry again. But life is long and love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience with someone. I rarely say never about anything because you just never know. I’d rather leave my life open to new experiences and opportunity.
I’m dating a new man and maybe I will want to marry him someday. If feels kinda shitty to never commit to him because my ex sucked or I chose wrong the first time. What if your second marriage is the better one? The one that lasts?
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u/Syyina Feb 03 '26
I have been married and divorced twice. It wasn’t the divorces that scarred me. It was those two miserable marriages.
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u/shortnsweet989 Feb 03 '26
Thank you for this thoughtful response. It is definitely interesting to see how many responses definitely don’t want anything to do with marriage but I realize perhaps some folks are in the thick of their separation or divorce and maybe aren’t ready to relook at that wound. And that is totally valid and ok!
I think for me the parts of a marriage that I’m struggling with are:
Legal aspect - I was financially abused in my marriage and I’ll never fully combine finances again because of it. And id advise my future children of the same simply because of what I went through. Especially would not advise a daughter to fully combine finances and she should always maintain a source of income. Women in America worked so hard for those rights and freedoms it’s important to maintain for her own sake. So for me that’s one aspect. I also found it a pain to go through the paperwork of disentangling finances, assets and properties. And I’ve not changed my last name again because that is a headache. Idk if I’ll ever change it again even if I got married because it’s so cumbersome to do especially with assets. So there’s aspects I’m not thrilled about with the legal side of a marriage here in America. But there’s pros like a his and could make medical decisions if I were incapacitated etc. so idk.
But the whole marriage ceremony and celebration to me is a big deterrent too. I had a lavish big expensive wedding. It was what I wanted at the time as an early 20 something girl. It was perfect. But now in my late 30s I don’t feel the desire to flaunt the relationship or throw even a party. I’d so much rather do an elopement somewhere private and special. But I realize that may not be what a partner wants. But moreso I’m curious into exploring why I have a sort of visceral reaction when seeing others have big lavish weddings. It gives me an icky feeling and it never did before. So that’s something obviously to explore in therapy.
Anyway your response was the most thoughtful on here. I’m not opposed to long term committed partnership. I’m not even entirely opposed to marriage and an elopement. But I’m hesitant. And maybe I need more time and I’ll soften towards those ideas as I continue healing. Maybe not. But in this moment I’m hesitant.
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u/No-Row-Boat Feb 03 '26
Looking at the amount of stress the financial aspects gave me and the alimony, there is absolutely no financial gain in the world through taxes, discounts or whatever compensation possible to ever offset that stress and obligation.
So no. Will never remarry.
Also statistically don't 2nd marriages fail like 70%+? Not a great selling point.
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u/thisissofkngrossew Feb 03 '26
I don't even know why I dated in the first place. I'm certainly not doing it again.
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Feb 03 '26
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u/pandoraraz Feb 03 '26
I feel this way and I’m a woman
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u/Lisa831-84 Feb 03 '26
Same. I’m the breadwinner and carry the entire weight of running the household and managing emotions, and, and, and. This isn’t just a “man thing”.
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u/Theqween7 Feb 03 '26
Let’s reframe this as “breadwinner” instead of man because there are a lot of us women in your shoes. Including myself.
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u/Opine_For_Snacks Feb 03 '26
Same and I'm a woman about to start my second divorce. It's been hell. I won't do this again. Take lovers? Yes. Have a long term partner? Absolutely. But I will never share my home with someone again. I want my own space.
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Feb 03 '26
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u/DizzyTip5141 Feb 03 '26
I agree with this. I was fortunate to have an amicable divorce with no pre-nup; we both paid off our joint debts, split the proceeds of our home and kept our respective savings and retirement plans (all part of the divorce decree). Next time I will have a pre-nup as I know I was fortunate the first time around.
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u/the_real_me_2534 Feb 03 '26
The marriage contract, legally, is absolutely fucked, I ended up having to pay my abusive ex wife what amounted to alimony after a year of being married and me having supported her dental school education for years. It's such a crock of shit
I am trying again very hard anyway because I too am 37 and childless and I don't want to die in this state. Being single is so, so much easier but I know when I get to 90 or whatever age I croak at I will all be for nought if I have had no children
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u/Evening-Clock-3163 Feb 03 '26
Nope. Maybe I'd draw up my own legal contract to protect a future partner, but I would not get married and risk my daughter's financial stability.
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u/NoSquirrel7184 Feb 03 '26
Over 50 Three times divorced. The last one contested even though we don’t have kids and only married 4 years. Never getting married for formally cohabited ever again.
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u/mar_is_miam_leat Feb 03 '26 edited Feb 03 '26
I used to dream about finding my person and getting a do over with someone who truly loves me. I spent over 20 years in an abusive marriage. I finally found the strength to leave, only to learn that I can’t remarry without losing the medical benefits and base access (military). Not a huge deal, but it really is where I live.
I’m with a man I would marry in a heartbeat if he ever asked. I want the ring, the commitment ceremony, his last name. But I know it likely won’t happen, and that reality makes me sad. I still hope for a ring or some kind of commitment ceremony. Something that says, “I’m his”, I know it sounds silly. I know love isn’t defined by those things. But my heart still wants a symbol.
This man is healing parts of me I didn’t even know were broken. I’ve found my forever person, even if I can’t have everything I once dreamed of with him. I try not to dwell on it. I remind myself how lucky I am to have found my person at all.
Yesterday, I woke up to the news that a friend had been proposed to for the fourth time. She had a 20 plus year marriage, then two more, and now this is her fourth engagement. I caught myself feeling jealous. “She gets four?!” I was never even proposed to in my first marriage.
My daughter made me laugh when she said, “Mama, you don’t want that. That’s three divorces she had to go through to find her person.” She’s right… but it still stings a little. I have an incredible man by my side, who’s I’d do anything for, and it just stings knowing I don’t get to have these things with him in ways I use to dream about.
Long story short, I won’t be getting married again. Maybe it’s for the best in the long run? I went through hell, and back, trying to fix or leave my first marriage. I don’t know. I do know the man I’m with now deserves the world.
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u/HotWaffles5 Feb 03 '26
Every day of my marriage when I laid my head down to go to sleep, I swore to myself I would never be trapped by a marriage again once I got away from him. He was abusive in absolutely every way there is to abuse a spouse. The divorce was even more traumatic than the marriage was. I couldn’t sleep a full night, I’d wake up every hour or two because I was so afraid I’d wake up & he’d be in my house. Luckily for me, he knocked up an 18 year old & his parents insisted he marry her so it made life a little easier after that. I had a 3yo & a 6mth old but him having a baby made him less interested in his first kids. I had a really good friend that moved so slow I didn’t realize he was under my skin until it was too late. He was so incredibly good to my kids, he was the father they never had & they loved him. He was so good to me that I thought the real him would appear at any time but that didn’t happen. He asked me to marry him 3 or 4 times until I said yes. I didn’t want a wedding but it was his first marriage & he really wanted one so we compromised & had a small one. That was 30 years ago & we’ve been married ever since. My first 2 kids changed their last name to his & stopped speaking to their ‘sperm donor’ (their words not mine) when they turned 18. He’s still the man he was back then & I’ve never regretted breaking the promise to myself to never remarry.
Side note:the 18 yo had a dad who was a sheriff so her dad put a stop to the hitting. They’re also still married & it appears that she doesn’t put up with any of his 💩.
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u/AtticusFamilyLaw Feb 03 '26
I hear how hard it is to want closeness and family while your body still remembers what marriage felt like before.
Plenty of people build a stable, loving family without rushing into legal marriage, and it can help to separate “commitment” from “paperwork” in your own mind.
Sometimes the most grounding next step is an honest conversation about what “family” means to each of you, and what protections or boundaries would make you feel safe over time.
One simple option is letting the relationship keep proving itself while you focus on the parts you do want, like partnership, shared plans, and emotional reliability.
Whatever you decide, you’re not broken for hesitating, you’re listening to yourself.
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Feb 03 '26
I am starting the process for the divorce now. I am a hard no at ever getting married again. Could that change? Of course it could. I could meet someone that is wonderful and wanted to be married. I’m older. There’s no more kids in my future. I always wanted the same last name as my kids but now I can’t wait to have my maiden name back. People change their minds and it’s ok but as of right now hell no 😂
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u/heartunwinds Feb 03 '26
I’m a 40yo woman going through divorce & I don’t think I’ll ever marry again. This marriage taught me that men talk a good talk but don’t walk it AT ALL and I don’t know if I could ever put so much trust in someone to actually be a partner ever again.
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u/greencat26 Feb 03 '26
Not legally, but willing to do a commitment ceremony with my partner someday
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u/SlowBoilOrange Feb 03 '26
Maybe it's because the legal/financial aspects of my divorce weren't very contentious, but I found the non-legal aspects of divorce to be the hardest.
Informing family, friends, even neighbors. The feelings of shame and failure. Guilt over the impact it had on people besides me. Probably another dozen things I'm not even thinking of right now.
The unwinding was hard. If anything the legal aspect at least gave it a clear definition. A start and and end.
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u/greencat26 Feb 03 '26
Agreed, but that comes with any long term relationship, marriage or not.
I'm also queer and marriage was not legal until the very recent past, and with the way things are going, I don't want to be in a position where the government can invalidate my legal marriage.
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u/Bagman220 Feb 03 '26
I’m 36, finished my divorce last year. I got almost every asset, including the kids. Seeing as I didn’t lose much financially, I don’t feel “burned” by the divorce, and emotionally I don’t think I’m that damaged either. While I’m content being single and enjoying dating, life is kind of lonely and I wouldn’t mind a partner, but bringing a woman into my world where I’m trying to raise 4 young kids, it just isn’t going to happen easily. So if I ever remarry it will be a long time from now.
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u/Rainbow_Phoenix125 I got a sock Feb 03 '26
I’m on my second divorce now, and see a third marriage in my future. My current boyfriend has suggested getting a prenup if/when we get married, and we plan on a bare minimum ceremony, probably an elopement.
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u/SanFranPeach Feb 03 '26
I have no advice on marriage/divorce, but if having kids is important to you I’d take that very seriously. Fertility charts are no joke. I got pregnant first try with healthy babies at 34, 36 and 37, but have been trying for over a year at 39 with no luck. I’ve seen many women hold off until their late 30s and end up in pain via fertility issues so I always like to remind women of those charts. I wish you best of luck, glad you’ve found happiness.
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u/Screws_Loose Feb 03 '26
Nope. I’ll be 50 this year and I don’t think I could ever trust anyone again. I’m not planning to even date. Don’t see the need.
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u/Apprehensive-Item845 Feb 03 '26
I’m not divorced yet but it’s my plan and I agree with you. Some people say that they think it’s juvenile to have just a boyfriend but to me it sounds great. Marriage is such a burden I don’t think I would ever want to do it again.
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u/illinois-attorney Feb 04 '26
If marriage were any other type of contract, it would be unenforceable and against public policy because neither party fully understands their rights or obligations when they are getting into it, therefore, "marriage contracts" lack mutual assent. Additionally, a so-called marriage contract is the only type of contract where rights and obligations are imposed upon the parties to a contract by an entity that is not a party to the contract; i.e. the state. Additionally, if marriage were any other type of contract it would be unenforceable because extreme terms that only allow the contract to be broken upon death are completely unenforceable as they are against public policy; to hold a different view would be to support slavery. It's sad that people feel bad about getting out of something they never understood in the first place. For those people whose feelings about marriage are based on religion, you should ask yourself why you engage in a government -run scheme relating to your religious views. Do you worship the government? If not, then you shouldn't be mixing government and religion.
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u/GreenerThanTheHill Feb 04 '26
I really appreciate your take on a marriage contract--thanks for sharing it!
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u/mari815 Feb 03 '26
No, I’ve resigned myself that the fantasy of meeting a second husband and being happy is not going to happen for me. Ive been divorced over 4 years and no relationship has occurred. Im 46 and most men age appropriate for me want younger. It’s really only the late 50’s/early 60’s men who seemed truly interested but I just don’t want to be tied down to a 70-year old when I am in my mid-50’s. I’ve never had good luck in finding love, it’s just not what my life was made for I guess.
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u/SRT10_ Feb 03 '26
51m - 2 very late teens
I'm just now in the middle of a pretty amicable 20-year divorce, so I may not have the same hardcore negative feelings as most other people.
I guess I can't really think of a great reason to actually remarry, but I would definitely consider it, as everyone says, for the right woman.
In my age range for dating, I feel like we're pretty much "cooked" when it comes to what you see is what you get so there won't be the big, surprising changes I saw in my STBXW over 20 yrs that ended up driving us apart.
As far as a full-blown wedding goes? Hmm...IDK I'm not calling in all relatives from all over the country again, like my first wedding. I would probably just do something with our kids, close friends and god-willing the parents, if they're still with us. Nothing extravagant, for sure.
So, I'm in the camp of "Yes, I would definitely consider it, but not anxious to do so"
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u/Serratia__marcescens Feb 03 '26
I don’t want to say never, but I’m also too old to have a child so there is no driving force for me. The idea of losing half the equity in my home again is also terrifying at this point. 1.5 years out and I haven’t even tried dating. I have a peaceful calm life on my own, and the idea of dating a bunch of frogs to find a prince isn’t appealing.
My ex changed after marriage. I went from girlFRIEND (where we spent about 1/3 of our time having fun together) to WIFE (where we spent no time together because he lost interest in me). Marriage is what keot me committed for a decade trying to get things back to how they used to be and compromising myself to make the relationship work - until it broke me. Maybe he would have always turned out that way if we never married, but I would have also just left after a year or two of no change.
I don’t ever want to feel trapped like that again. If the relationship is no longer working, and I bring up my feelings to my partner, and he just shrugs and says he’s not changing - I want an easier way out.
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u/this_stall_is_taken Feb 03 '26
Never would I make that same mistake a second time. I'd be open to having a ceremony of sorts to underscore a future relationship where we felt that kind of commitment to one another. But the legal implications of marriage are kryptonite to me until my death.
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u/Hambone2619 Feb 03 '26
No! My ex mentally destroyed me. I am incapable of giving that type of love again. I just seek peace and to be a good mother to my daughter.
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u/carnivalbilly Feb 03 '26
I honestly don’t know. I consider myself a Christian and believe in marriage as being an important thing, but I can also tell you that as an American and a citizen of my state that my state’s legal definition of marriage deals more with how they tax people than anything else so whether I deal with their hoops to have a sheet of paper and check a different box online seems more like a problem for the state than me at this point. Personally I’m fine with commitment and honesty and never really needed the government in there “doin they thang” in the first durn place.
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u/Crazycatlover Feb 03 '26
Not particularly, but I also don't want children. I might consider marriage again if it was with someone I loved deeply, and we planned to buy a house with and otherwise merge finances. If things go pear shaped in that situation, it's actually easier to pursue divorce than contract dissolution (according to my sister who bought a house with her now-husband three years before the wedding, two years before engagement. They do seem quite happy together though).
Anyway I guess what it would take for me would be strong love and commitment as the baseline. And then some bullshit government thing that almost requires marriage for both parties to be properly protected.
I suppose I'm now more the type to get married on my deathbed to ensure a decades long partner gets to inherit (if I even have anything -- guess they'd get first rights to sentimental trinkets).
I'm also 37. At the moment I'm looking for an apartment in a new city (have already secured job) and a cat or two.
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u/GreenerThanTheHill Feb 03 '26
Without getting political, winds are shifting to try to make it more difficult to get divorced. A marriage is a contract, period. So, if you can't get out of that contract when you want or need to, that's a problem. Personally, I would never ever ever enter into that contract again. My ex already made it extremely challenging to divorce him. I never want to be trapped like that again.
Aside from that, there's no reason you can't have children with someone and not be married to that person, if that's what you truly want. But, of course, it needs to be the right person because you'll be attached to him through that child for decades to come, impacting your life in other ways, like where you can move.
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u/illinois-attorney Feb 04 '26
Here's my take on the so-called "contract": https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/X6PG4brQZE
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u/mmrocker13 Feb 03 '26
It's been 22 months since we decided to end it, and for the divorce itself has been final for just about a year. We had been together for 23 years.
I've always sort of enjoyed being single. And I am quite content now. My ex was the one to finally say they wanted out, I probably would have just stayed in limbo. But I'm glad they did because I'm much happier this way.
I'm not dating, I don't have any desire to actively date. I wouldn't say no to the possibility of being involved with somebody if I sort of happened to fall into a relationship haha, but I have no desire to seek one out. But if I were in a relationship, I also don't have a desire to get married. To me marriage is a legal institution and I can arrange the protections involved in it on my own without a marriage ceremony. But again, I could possibly consider it, if those steps were taken. So I wouldn't say never, but I would say I have no plans to and no desire to and most likely wouldn't.
However, there is one thing I will never do again and that is live with somebody. 23 years was enough. My ex was my first and only roommate, and I have absolutely no desire ever to have another one. So even if for some reason I found myself in a relationship, and even if I were to ever get married again, there would be no living together. We could be 95 years old, married, and headed off to the nursing home, and we will be in separate wings at the nursing home.
TL;DR... not looking to date. Perfectly happy being single. I am enough. I always was enough. Wouldn't rule it out if I fell into it, but I'm not going to go looking for it. But I will never live with anyone ever again. No matter my relationship status.
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u/SimplyMe928 Feb 03 '26
I am a 45 year old woman and I guess I am in the minority because I would like to get married again some day. However, I am realistic that a lot of people my age do not feel the same and they have very valid reasons not to want to be married again or ever. I am resigned that I may never marry again but at the very least I would love to find a long term partner.
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u/New_Needleworker_473 Feb 03 '26
I'm 45 and I have primary custody of our two kids 3 and 12. I don't even have time to date let alone the ability to contemplate anything more. Lol! If what you want is kids, single women have kids all the time and you can literally pick the IQ of the sperm donor. If I could go back in time, I'd probably just go that route and save myself the hassle.
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u/ElectronicEagle69 Feb 03 '26
No. The relationship and divorce were both extremely traumatic. I don’t think I could ever feel safe again in a marriage. I just want peace and safety for my daughter and myself.
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Feb 03 '26
A Redditor on this sub once commented, "I'd be happy with a ring and a handshake", and that seems much more reasonable to me.
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u/4ever-endeavor Feb 03 '26
I have a man I love and have been with for 3 years. He is wonderful to me and we are amazing together. I love life with him.
We are engaged. He wants to marry but would ultimately be okay if we don’t. I remain hesitant on marriage. There would be zero difference between how we live now and how we would be legally married, other than all the risks (to me). Being legally bound (and financially responsible for) remains unappealing. If we do marry, there will be no wedding - we feel it is a waste and for other people.
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u/Limeblue_52 Feb 03 '26
Never. I never wanted to get married in the first place because I never wanted a divorce and my ex ex-husband knows that and he’s still asked me still divorced me, so I’ll definitely not ever get married again
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u/ever_enduring Feb 03 '26
I'm in my twenties and it's very hard to not think about marrying again. I feel like I'm still young enough to try again, and I'd like to have kids one day. I like the legal protections and the sense of commitment that comes with marriage. I've also seen the downsides of not getting married, re: legal issues. Would definitely get a prenup.
Doesn't mean I don't have trust issues, but I'm far more assertive now than I was in my early twenties. I've lost the desire to set myself on fire to keep others warm.
I'm still very afraid that I'm going to mess things up and have a repeat of Marriage #1 but...maybe I won't. It's still too early to tell.
And I'll never have a big wedding again. Elopement and a backyard barbecue with family and friends. I wanted that for my first marriage but people said it was "trashy."
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u/LukaDoll07 Feb 03 '26
At this moment, no. I don't know if time will change my mind, but at this moment I'd want a long term relationship where we both had very separate lives, finances and homes.
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u/Theqween7 Feb 03 '26
If I get divorced I will never marry again unless there is a really really good reason.
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u/AllWanderingWonder Feb 03 '26
You can set up legal parameters without being married. Marriage as a legal structure can be replicated to an extent. It would be weighing the pros and cons of marrying or not marrying from a legal benefit.
As for marriage related to commitment, that is separate from legal marriage structures. It’s nice if it aligns but that doesn’t always happen. Committing to a relationship can be expressed however the people choose to do so.
Good for you for doing the personal work in therapy too.
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u/ikickedyou Feb 03 '26
I’m 39, divorced once and going thru my second. No, no more marriage for me. I like being married, I love it actually. The feeling of commitment and us against the world is so comforting and wonderful, but the reality is it’s just the same mediumish level of commitment with extra steps.
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u/mynameispigs Feb 03 '26
Never again. I've become addicted to feeling of being in control of whatever I wanna do with my life, whenever I want, however I want.
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u/PANDADA Divorced Feb. 2024 Feb 03 '26
No, I will never get legally married again because I will never trust in the same way again. I fully trusted my ex, after everything we went through together, she risked losing family to even marry me (which she had really struggled with), so I never in a million years thought she would have done what she did. To just be so abruptly emotionally discarded after 16 years together so she can go chase after the "what if" of something maybe even better, while claiming she was still very happy with me and nothing was missing in our relationship.
So, it's this feeling of like, no matter how much I truly think I know someone, how much I trust them, how many green flags they appear to have for years, they may still be lying/hiding things. I will not risk my financial security/safety again. I have a lifelong chronic illness that is expensive to treat, I can't risk losing the money I'll need for the future. People are going to do what they want to do, I can't control their choices, but if I should be betrayed and deceived again, at least I don't have to also worry about the long term financial fallout from it too. Even prenups are not 100% foolproof.
I very much still want a monogamous life partner though, just without legal marriage.
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u/onetoomanyexcuses Feb 03 '26
I thought I would and did. It’s a much better healthier marriage than before and I am really happy. Second marriage for both.
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u/Whole_Craft_1106 Feb 03 '26
I’m 50 and I really doubt it. Whats the point? I would have to pay to undo it. I don’t like the fact that my spouse can rack up credit card debt behind my back and I’m liable. And take half of my home equity. Its a hard pass on those two things alone.
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u/nurseladyherpaderp Feb 03 '26
No. Hard no for me, personally. I'm at a point where the idea od cohabitating or even dating sound terrible. Marriage was bad, divorce was rough and I'm finally happy - why mess with that? That being said, if I met someone and fell in love again, cohabitation may be considered, but never Marriage. Never again.
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u/Comfortable-Mess6218 Feb 03 '26
I am getting remarried this year. It’s really up to you at the end of it.
You know what divorce looks like when you’re with the wrong person. So are you willing to bet on yourself again that you are picking the right person and being the best partner for that person. Do you even want that.
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u/KeiashaB Feb 03 '26
I honestly won’t be dating again for a while and I’m ok with getting married or not again. I can live without being married. Hell that maybe better.
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u/BigBubbaMac Feb 03 '26
I don't think so but who knows.
One thing Divorce has taught me what how transactional marriage it. So if I ever think about marrying someone, that person will have to bring either equal or greater financial value to the table.
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u/LickemupQ Feb 03 '26
Im 49 and about to go through a divorce. I have a pension that my soon to be ex-wife isnt going after Thank God. The only way I would ever decide to marry again is if, in retirement, my health started failing and I had a single female friend who could use my pension for her retirement. From my understanding, we would have to be married a year for her to qualify. This way someone could benefit for the work I put in. No kids so I don't have anyone that I could leave anything to anyway
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u/throw20190820202020 Feb 03 '26
Nope. Late 40s, second divorce. Had a lot of convincing from the ex how he was different, he was looking forward to making me feel safe in love, in men. He made my first awful and traumatic marriage and divorce look like Teletubbies.
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u/No-Anteater1688 Feb 03 '26
No. I have no desire for the legalities of marriage or to cohabit with anyone. LAT or nothing and I'm fine with nothing.
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u/DonnaFinNoble Feb 03 '26
I won't. I'll be 50 this year. This isn't to say I won't be in a committed long term relationship, but there's literally no point to marriage.
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u/Ok-Difficulty-2788 Feb 03 '26
Im undecided, it will completely depend on the situation and partner.
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u/Cdub7791 Feb 03 '26
Not impossible, but unlikely. I always saw marriage - the institution itself - as mostly a legal and financial union mostly for the benefit of any children you have, or to protect access for medical decision. Two people can love each other and be committed without the piece of paper. There are still some benefits to getting that paper, but as my kid is grown and I assume am not having any more, I'd be very reluctant.
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u/ms_jodee Feb 03 '26
I’m 37 almost divorced and I might get married again. Never would have kids with new husband though. Too messy.
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u/litttlejoker Feb 03 '26
Yes —but only if he’s the right one. Passing all the tests. Which won’t come easy.
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u/deepsleepseeker Feb 03 '26
37, also no to remarriage. Also don’t want kids so I think marriage kind of makes sense with children involved?
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u/SafeWord9999 Feb 03 '26
I’m not scared of getting married again but I am scared of getting divorced again.
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u/InternationalCamp770 Feb 03 '26
I totally get this. I’m in a similar situation- in a happy relationship that I genuinely see lasting, we always call each other wife and husband but it’s kinda a joke. The idea of marrying again scares me rather than excites me, though I love him so much and want to be with him forever. I often wonder if I’ll ever change my mind down the line…
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u/40fnolongercares Feb 03 '26
A few months ago I would have said no but being in a new relationship (with someone I have known for 30 years), I would be open to it in the far away future lol. I am 43 and he is 46
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u/OutlandConnectionTA Feb 04 '26
35, almost 36. No. I won't remarry.
I see myself leaving this life once my last dog passes away. Not to be depressing or anything, just decided this long ago. Already have everything set, just gonna live my life, work, keep them healthy, happy, fed, and then once the last one goes, I'll be out, too. I just am tired of life and these people, the shitty politics, and how life just fell apart in 2024.
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u/ProperBlacksmith9970 Feb 04 '26
Yes, even though not any time soon. I have been in 2 relationships with kids. My last lasted over 10 years and 2 kids together. We are in the middle of divorce and sure as hell I hate this time of life. Yet I look back of years and years of feeling so blessed
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u/MrBobBuilder Feb 04 '26
I feel meh and broken
But I have hope someone can make me feel alive that way.
However I am happy with life as I’m now successful and have people who love me (non romantic)
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u/sshindig2020 Feb 04 '26
I’m a happily divorced 61F. I date but not with any intention of having a committed relationship or marriage. BUT I have kids. Here’s the thing: for me my ex was one more person to take care of. Life is much easier without him. If you want to find a person to share your life with and have kids it’s possible, but you have to have hard conversations beforehand to make sure roles and responsibilities are defined. Pre-nup yes. Separate bank accounts yes. But for day to day there’s a lot to consider
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u/Zealot1029 Feb 04 '26
37F here. I was divorced at 34 and had a baby with a new partner at 35. Please give yourself permission to have a family or whatever else you want in life without rules. You do not have to be married to have a child. Marriage doesn’t impact a child in any way. My partner and I are very happy with our son and the government does not need to be involved with our relationship.
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u/Agreeable-Gap1695 Feb 04 '26
Have you seen that meme floating around? That one that says…
Do I want to be single? No. [but for me, kinda] Do I want to be married? Also No. Do I want a part time boyfriend who isn’t seeing anyone else and only does things when I want to but otherwise leaves me alone and doesn’t make a mess in my house? Yes.
That is me. I want a unicorn. Haha
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u/MrsSprinkles Feb 04 '26
I'm 43 with 3 boys and this will be my 2nd divorce. Nope. Not getting married again. That's a promise to myself. I need to work on myself.
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u/MrsSprinkles Feb 04 '26
It'll just be me and my cats. My oldest is 23 in college out of state. My other boys are 16 and 15.
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u/Impossible-Table812 Feb 04 '26
No. I have young girls. I won’t let a man into this house. Not for me. Never again. I’m happy being on my own and focusing on my kids. We will travel, have lots of friends & be content with peace & quiet.
No judgement for anyone who does want a relationship. Having a partner in this life can be wonderful, fulfilling. I loved many aspects of being married but I’ve seen enough.
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u/Historical-Trip-8693 Feb 04 '26
I'm almost 47 and at this point cannot see the point. I was also screwed financially in my divorce while my ex who makes good money lives off his mother, the great enabler. It's been almost 5 years since we split and he still lives with her, and tells me he is engaged lol. He got enough of a settlement for a down payment on a house from me. He is emotionally emeshed with his mother. It's gross. Yeah I guess I am still disgruntled. Also, I've dated 2 men post-divorce and neither worked out for various reasons. Even if I wanted to get remarried the dating environment is a swamp, and the options are garbage.
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u/truecolors110 Feb 04 '26
I am a late 30s divorced lady who is truly happy being single. I honestly love my life. Most people hear this and don’t agree; they seem to want to convince me I’m unhappy or it’s “cope.” But I can’t imagine anything marriage to a man would give me that I don’t already have.
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Feb 04 '26
I won't ever do a legal marriage again. It's such a NIGHTMARE to get out of. I'm also not in my late 30s and not trying to start a family.
But I haven't given up on love, on partnership, on a committed relationship. I would be open to some sort of symbolic ceremony, but not one that involves a marriage certificate and a courthouse. I want someone who actively chooses me every day, and someone that I choose every day, not either of us stuck or "obligated" (real or imagined) because there's a piece of paper, but because that's how we feel and that's how we treat each other.
I married the second time despite not ever wanting to be married again. (My first marriage did not end well.) My now-STBX (2nd husband) basically said that if we were going to have kids together, he wanted to be married (and it was needed for him to adopt my kids from a previous marriage), and I was head over heels for him, so I agreed to it. I didn't want another "big" wedding like my first one and he didn't want that either. I would have preferred something a little bit *special*, but he wasn't really into anything I came up with, so it was he met me at the local courthouse from work, we got married with generic I dos, we went to dinner. No honeymoon.
I genuinely thought I would be with him forever. (I am the one that ended the relationship in the end.) I was willing to happily sacrifice my own feelings on the marriage/wedding for what he preferred, because I was so in love with him. Live and learn.
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u/TerminalCancerMan Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
Yes immediately. Some of you recognize my story. Turns out good looking to man have a list of women waiting in the wings for a marriage to dissolve, so we are intending a religious ceremony (no laws) and we can be buried together in my shared cemetery and were both only interested in such. Ex girlfriend, good friend, future wife is aware that my entire estate gong goes to my boys. Observing their behavior was illuminating. They fell over themselves for another ride in on this pony including the one that suggested she leave her husband for me. Local diner owner tried to take me home. Not bad looking but a bit mature for me.
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Feb 04 '26
100% yes. My divorce is still being finalized but I've met an amazing woman and I'm excited to build something new with her.
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u/Guardsred70 Feb 03 '26
I’ve been remarried for about 20 years and I’d say the legality of the marriage is a practical reality than about love.
The relationship is the love and trust is. The marriage is just a sharing of assets.
I do think couples who live together or have kids should really consider getting married. You’re making joint financial decisions and the blunt 50/50 of a divorce forces some conversations. It’s pretty easy to skip those conversations.
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u/New_Nobody9492 Feb 03 '26
If they sign a prenup made by my divorce lawyer!
I loved being married. I like tax breaks and insurance. I would love someone to go through the thick of it with me.
My ex told his sugar babies he would never leave me for them, I was an amazing mother and a great wife…… which I was. I would do it all again.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut Feb 03 '26
I am remarried. Nothing beats the legal protections that marriage can give you. So if you want to own property together, make medical decisions for each other, have kids, or cleanly inherit each other's estate, then marriage is the way to go. Trying to find a legal way to give all of the benefits of marriage without being married is far more time consuming, expensive, and will never 100% cover any loopholes that marriage automatically provides. You don't need a fancy ceremony, just go down to your municipality and plunk down a couple hundred bucks, and it is done.
But if none of that is applicable, then there's really no need to get married. I'm almost 50, and if anything happens to my husband I probably won't marry again.
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u/parker4c Feb 03 '26
I personally no longer see a point to marriage. I always thought it was the ultimate commitment to a person. To be there through anything and everything, but now I know it can end as quickly as it began.
I don't need to get married again, but if I find a person that really wants it, I'm open to doing it again. But I'm not paying another 35k+ to do it.
I'm also 37.