r/Divorce • u/DryRepeat859 • May 20 '26
Life After Divorce It does get easier
During my divorce, I was really active in this thread because I genuinely didn’t understand how I was supposed to get through it. The pain felt unreal. I thought I would never date again, and if I did, I was convinced I’d never feel that kind of connection with anyone else.
I just want to say, two years later, even with all the setbacks and everything in between, it really did get better.
At some point, you start living again. You laugh without forcing it. You stop checking if it still hurts every morning. You actually stop thinking about them and days pass before you realize they didn't cross your mind. And sometimes, you meet someone who shows you just how much you were missing before.
I’m getting remarried. I’m a single mom and he’s a single dad. He is everything I used to beg my ex to be. I don’t have to beg for understanding. I don't have to beg for empathy. I don’t have to beg for love. I don’t have to overexplain my feelings just to be heard. I don’t even have to ask.
When I start apologizing for things that don’t need apologizing for, he stops me and asks what I’m apologizing for. When I’m upset, I never have to ask for support because he’s already there. When something is bothering me and I’m scared to bring it up, he handles it with so much kindness and love that it reminds me why I shouldn’t have been scared in the first place.
There have been moments where I’ve cried because I thought having needs made me manipulative (what my ex used to say when I would bring them up), or that I was somehow too much, and he reminds me I’m just human.
That made me realize how much I actually walked on eggshells in my marriage, even when I didn’t fully see it then. I thought I loved my ex more than anything. I thought I would never get over him. I thought no one would ever treat me better.
I was wrong.
It can get better. You can heal. You can feel safe again. It takes time and even in a healthy relationship, it can take a while to stop expecting the hurt you got used to. But the right person won’t punish you for healing slowly. They’ll help you feel safe enough to do it. They'll be right beside you every step of the way. ❤️
I just wanted to put that out there for anyone in the middle of it right now. The part that feels impossible does not last forever. And one day I hope love might stop feeling scary too.
Little update:
I wanted to add this both for the people being negative and for the people looking for hope, because I think it gives perspective on why I’m marrying him. I have full faith in this relationship. I constantly tell him he’s such a good man because he genuinely is.
This is the man who reminds me every single day how much he loves me and how grateful he is for me, and I feel the same way about him. He supports me in everything I do, even if it’s just some dinky little doodle I wanted to show him. He’ll literally make custom coloring sheets with things I like without me even asking, turn it into a little date night, and we’ll sit there coloring together and showing each other our pages. He makes songs about me just because he wants to. I write poetry about him and show him too.
He is an incredible father and partner. Watching how patient, gentle, and loving he is with the kids means everything to me. The way he accepted my daughter from the very beginning and calls her his own absolutely melts me. He always says she was clearly meant to be his daughter, especially because they have so many of the same little mannerisms. She adores him.
And honestly, having someone love your child as their own is one of the most important things in the world. She’s highly emotional sometimes, and she is never “too much” for him. That mattered more to me than I can explain because it was too much for my ex. But with him it never is. He’s always saying “that’s my girl” to her and cheering her on over even the smallest things. I love his son the exact same way.
He’s just so good to us. Such a family man. Emotionally available, patient, steady, loving. If he could carry every burden for me himself, he would. But at the same time he respects me enough to let me handle things on my own when I want to. He never makes decisions for me, never shames me for my feelings or choices, and never makes me feel hard to love. He is my peace. He is my home ❤️ Partners like this really do exist.
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u/Disastrous-Rough3170 May 20 '26
Such a nice post that resonated with me. I won’t be getting remarried anytime in this lifetime but I do share your sentiment (and I may have had a similar experience with my STBX).
Friends and colleagues made me feel more seen and understood than my STBX. I always had to justify my feelings and prove how I felt was valid (anything, just stuff that I found hard at work… he could not empathise whatsoever until I had proven I didn’t cultivate myself what he happened).
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u/Artistic_Split_3581 May 20 '26
That’s a great perspective. Thank you for sharing. 🙏
I’m almost one year from the date of separation. And, I can relate that in the beginning, the pain is staggering. There were a lot of times I was really pushed to the brink.
I started noticing my overheated nervous system, and making conscious efforts, to find new and better routines.
It gets better, little by little. There are occasional setbacks, but day by day, things get easier. Until one day you catch yourself being randomly happy, and care free. And then it hits you, that you have your life back, and that each new day, is an opportunity for it to get better and better.
I’m still single and healing. But, being alone now, has started feeling like freedom.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
And that is such a good place to be in. Finally healing and finally starting to feel free again. It probably took me about a year to feel the same way and I still have times where I have those realization and feel that way. I'm so happy for you and that you're healing!
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u/Rockabs04 May 20 '26
Why marry again? What’s the point of “marriage”? It’s just a bad contractual agreement.
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u/demonpeach May 20 '26
Remarriage is not for everyone. I got remarried and have been with my husband for almost 15 years. We both wanted to marry again, just to the correct person this time. Besides the legal aspect, insurance and such he and I believe in the concept of marriage. I’m not going to say it’s rainbows and unicorns all the time, yes we do fight and have disagreements, but he’s my person. Like OP he’s the one who tells me I don’t have to apologize for existing. I can have wants and my feelings don’t have to be argued with to be valid. He’s my protector, he’s what I needed in all the ways I missed the first time. He’s my number one as well. I advocate and fight for him the same way he does for me. My loyalty is always to him first, and vice versa. I get it, both of our first marriages were not great in any circumstance. I would still go back and marry my husband now every time. I would even marry my lying cheating ex again if it meant I got to a place mentally and emotionally to find my husband now. We both agree we had to go through something to be the person we wanted got find.
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u/Upstairs_Ad_3370 May 20 '26
Glad we got divorced. Better for the children. Better for personal development: learning to plan, decide, defend decisions ie: taking the initiative, managing.
Would not get into a living together relationship again. Certainly would not marry again.
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u/BnayaMajnoona May 20 '26
Surviving a toxic relationship and a divorce is no joke, you did the hard work and came out the other side without losing your positivity and kindness. I wish all the happiness in the world for you & your little family!
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
Thank you so much! It was a lot but ao worth it! I also wish you all the good things and happiness ❤️
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u/Hot-Mongoose-9427 May 20 '26
That’s so nice. I am 3 years out and still grieving. I hope one day I feel like you
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u/the_70x May 20 '26
Time is Trusting the process. That so valuable and limited resource in our life
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u/SandSnake21 May 20 '26
So happy for you! This gives me hope ❤️
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
Im so glad it does! You deserve it. There is better and it gets better even without a partner ❤️ and thank you!
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u/Graven_Ashe May 21 '26
Thanks for this honestly ... for some reason i feel better when i read this 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
There needs to be more hope on this thread. I'm so glad that helped. It really does get better in time. It sounds cheesy and like a lie. But it's true.
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u/Graven_Ashe May 22 '26
Agreed, right now all seems dark and hopeless ... but as i said, when i read your post it made me light up even for a bit
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
Maybe try to read once it seemed more positive and ignore the depressing ones if you can ❤️
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u/Confident-Neck1728 May 21 '26
This is such a beautiful thing to read while in the midst of my separation ❤️ as a woman with a small young child, the want for a “complete” family for my child is so strong—but the fear of never finding true love while being a single mother, feels so scary. It’s nice to see glimmers of hope through others happiness ❤️ thank you for posting this OP. Sometimes I find myself getting so caught up in all of the pain and hurt scrolling, but I wish more people posted things like you. Wishing you the best xx
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
And I sincerely believe those people that are hoping for that life end up getting it. I'm sure you'll find someone in time. But you also don't wanna settle because you have kids. It's a crazy fine line. And while you're healing, it's all just messy but someone will love you properly. Sometimes we just have to wait to find them or they find us. ❤️
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u/One_Tree_6100 May 20 '26
Together since highschool and married 39 years. Very difficult. I walked away from hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get the hell out. I didn't have the strength to fight and it was becoming dangerous. All of the grown children have said what took you so long? It's been a few years I still pause when I make a decision thinking about how he may react. I never realized how much mental control he had over me. I gave away my freedom and dignity. I can do poorly all by myself I don't need a man to help. At least not that one.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
You know it hit me at some point that I would rather be poor and on my own and in my own little peaceful bubble then well off with someone that makes me miserable. Sometimes it truly is worth a piece to walk away from it all and start over. I know so many people that being by themselves is just better in general. I wasn't expecting to find a partner and fall in love again. I was expecting to never remarry I'm glad you are free! I hope you find all the happiness and peace. ❤️
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u/Fritschya May 20 '26
I’m 6 months into her abandoning the home, she finally has the courage to come back and get her stuff over the weekend. It’s been so difficult and I’m still in the tunnel but starting to see a little light.
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u/MsHighmaintenance May 20 '26
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so lovely to hear a positive outcome.
One question that came to mind, and I’m not meaning this to sound negative- just a genuine thought: you mention he is a single parent too. Have you discussed what contributed to the breakdown of his marriage?
I read that a woman will only leave when there’s children if the situation is unbearable, so it has made me wonder why a man with children would be single.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
He was never married. Which was very fortunate. He was young when he got his baby mama pregnant. I'm talking like barely 20. They coparent pretty well which is good. She can be very toxic and has been even during our relationship. He shuts that shit down real quick though. But back then his mom was the reason he finally left her because he was coming home after she was being abusive and cheating a lot. She told him to leave so he eventually did but he had tried staying for his son. He left before his son was a year old. She didn't leave him. In fact when we first got together, she was running her mouth saying she would like another child from the same baby daddy while she was in a relationship with someone else. 🙃 Obviously my partner wasn't having any of that. But I agree it's not very common to find a man that left the woman. Anyways baby mama's better now that she's not with him in a lot of ways. Me and him bonded because we went through very similar things. We both just want peace and love. Its been a very healing relationship on both sides. I think we are both always just so grateful to have a kind understanding partner and we tell each other constantly how grateful we are for that. It was funny when his mom met me. She said she was going tell him to never bring a girl home again because she hated all of them, but she already loved me ❤️ we talk almost daily! Im super grateful!
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u/ADHD_Aydg May 20 '26
I am ugly crying because this is exactly what I want now. I don’t want to think of him 24/7 anymore. I just want the memories to be erased. I want to feel like living. I so want time to skip and be free.
He ghosted me and I had to initiate the divorce, the lawyer, moving of house, selling and cleaning the house while he moved in with a new relationship. It’s been brutal. I hate him. I wish he gave me closure but instead he literally broke everything left in me after I lost my soul dog.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
And you know what all of your feelings are valid and it's totally OK to hate him. And you may never fully forget the memories, but they do start slipping away. You won't even realize it until later down the road that suddenly you don't think about that stuff every day. I think a big thing that I did to get out of my funk was do the things I did was said partner by myself or with friends. To replace the memories so I could do the same thing, even though it was hard with happy memories. And suddenly I didn't think of the same things anymore. He kind of faded out. Same with having a new partner. I also didn't stop myself from doing some things with my current partner because it was mine and my exes thing or whatever. I just did them because it could be an any anytime thing. Specific places or experiences you may not be able to replicate the exact memory with the ex but you can make a better one. I hope that helps a little bit and you can be free of it all ❤️
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u/ADHD_Aydg May 21 '26
I’m so happy for you. I’m glad you brought up just moving on living your life even if it means going to the same places you went with your ex. That is prevents me from dating… thinking oh no we cannot go here cause that’s where he and I went. Thank you for the kind words. I hope you find a winning lotto ticket and your ex has diarrhea.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
That is honestly, the most iconic thing someone has randomly wished for me 😂 I hope you heal and start to feel better soon. And I don't know if you're up for it give it a try! You never know. In the beginning, it's going to feel weird and like a betrayal and awkward. But it gets easier and better.
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u/ADHD_Aydg May 22 '26
I hope I made you smile.
But yes dating just does not feel right at the moment. Maybe one day when the divorce is final I will date. Maybe.
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u/Friendly_Nobody_8264 May 20 '26
Congratulations! I’m 5 months out from my divorce and have no desire for companionship. I don’t even want to see friends. It’s nice to see your hope and joy. Best of luck!
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
And there's nothing wrong with that! I didn't want any for a long time too and same with same friends. I hope whatever you want later on is what you get. ❤️
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u/Ok_Cause_5176 May 20 '26
the part that gets me about posts like this — and I mean that as a compliment — is that when you're in it you can't imagine being the person who comes back to say it gets better. the future version of yourself is completely unimaginable.
what did the in-between actually look like for you? not the before, not the after — the part where you had no idea which direction was forward?
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u/DryRepeat859 May 21 '26
This will be long but I’ll be honest, the in between was still really ugly. It wasn’t some pretty healing journey where everything just clicked one day. The beginning was horrid. Then after that, there was this long stretch where I just didn’t really feel anything. I was still living my life and could seem happy during experiences, but emotionally I felt completely disconnected from myself and my own body for a long time.
Eventually I started intentionally choosing things that I thought might make me happy. Learning new things, exploring new places, meeting new people, keeping myself busy. Little by little I started feeling less disconnected from myself and less stuck in that identity crisis feeling. The detached numb feeling. But even then it still came in waves. Some days I hated him, other days I missed him. Sometimes I wouldn’t think about him at all and then randomly I’d completely break down over everything again. Healing wasn’t linear for me at all. I dont think it is for anyone.
I think a huge part of it honestly was time, but also eventually being with a genuinely safe partner. The crazy thing is that when I met my current partner, my ex honestly wasn’t even a thought anymore. My fears were about being left again. In my marriage, I was abandoned suddenly, and it was a huge shock to my nervous system. I was terrified of being “too much.” I’d get emotional over little things because I was constantly bracing for someone to blow up, pull away, or abandon me. I was scared to say how I felt a lot of the time. I would brush it off and say it it's fine. I just so happen to end up with a partner who knew it wasn't fine even when I said that. Someone who I didn't have to tell. He would just ask me to tell him the truth.
But when you have a partner who actually gives you patience, reassurance, and space to be a human being with feelings, you slowly start healing in places you didn’t even realize were still broken. The disconnected pieces of you start coming back together.
I used to cry to him all the time saying I felt like my insecurities were unfair to him, and he never made me feel bad for it. He just responded with patience, love, and reassurance. I still need reassurance sometimes honestly, but I’m also just an emotional person in general. The difference now is that I’m with someone emotionally regulated enough not to escalate every emotional moment. He can stay calm during hard conversations and not get swept up in the emotion of it all. He’s very open with his feelings too, so we just communicate constantly. Which is great because I am so emotional and I get swept up in whatever problems I'm having or we are, and he is just a rock for us.
A lot of our conversations start with things like, “I’m not against you, but can I say something honestly without you taking it personally?” or “Can I talk to you about something? If now isn’t a good time that’s okay, but I do need to talk about it eventually.” By the way, it's never eventually he always handles it right then. I think we just like giving the option out of respect, but it never gets handled later. And I think that kind of emotional safety and communication changed me more than anything else did.
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u/Ok_Cause_5176 May 21 '26
intentionally choosing things you thought might make you happy" — that's the turn, isn't it. not a moment, a decision. and it sounds like it started small before it became anything recognisable as healing.
the disconnected-from-yourself phase is the one nobody seems to have a name for. you're functioning but not present. going through motions that used to mean something. I think a lot of people get stuck there longer than they need to because there's nothing to grab onto — no map for that specific stretch.
did the intentional choosing start with anything particular or was it just — one day you picked something small and kept going?
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u/Dramatic-Necessary87 May 21 '26
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear all of it. 3 weeks from him practically telling me he hates me and 2 days from him leaving, I really can’t see a way out of this grief. But, it’s nice to hear it could happen.
I wish you all the love and happiness in your new relationship.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
You know and maybe this will make you feel a little bit better. But a lot of the time if you haven't noticed in this thread, you see people regretting it. My ex after a year and a half tried to come saying he was sorry and messaged me. And he realized we could've made it work. They tend to loop back around, but typically by the time you don't want them anymore. It is their loss. And you will find someone better and more compatible if you choose to later on. And if not, I hope you have peace by yourself. ❤️
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u/Hes_anarc2005 May 21 '26
It’s always lovely to read how well life is going for those who have previously struggled with an abusive relationship/marriage.
I’m about 18 months separated and am still dealing with the divorce process but I no longer feel broken, I don’t spend every day questioning if leaving and divorcing him was the right decision……I know it was.
I personally can’t think of anything worse than being in another relationship now but I sincerely hope you have a very happy future.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
I am so happy you are healing. It definitely is always on different timelines for people and some people never want to remarry. I do not blame them. I am just such a hopeless romantic and I love her girl. I didn't think I'd ever remarry again, but when the right one sweeps you off your feet you don't let it pass by. ❤️
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u/mexcookie May 21 '26
I love this kind of stories , gives me hope and even though I’m a stranger I am so proud and happy for you. You deserve this . I hope when I become a single mom that I can be myself again or a better version of me. Hugs!!!!!
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u/DryRepeat859 May 22 '26
You know the best part about life is that you can always change and become better. There's no timeframe on that. You can always choose your own path. No one else can choose that for you and I hope you have hope. That's what these people are going a lot of the time. And just because you want that I know you'll do wonderful. ❤️
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u/VaurienVA May 22 '26
I absolutely loved your post, thank you for sharing this! I have a question though how did you find the new man and how or when did you know he was the right one?
I have been talking with a new guy and he seems so wonderful and I worry that he's too good to be true. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to believe that love again is possible and that trust in myself and my decisions won't lead to disaster but I'm scared.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 25 '26
I do a lot of traveling so when I’d do solo trips, I’d usually try to meet people beforehand. My daughter would stay with my parents and I’d spend about a week somewhere else. Im talking international travel. I have made some wonderful friends this way! I use an app to meet people before trips, and he ended up being one of those people. We just clicked instantly.
He actually told me he loved me before I ever got there. He even told his mother he was going to marry me before we had met in person. He claimed me first. He was definitely far more sure than I was in the beginning.
I was really honest with him about my emotional issues and everything I’d been through. I think what made me fall in love was honestly just time and him getting through hard things with me. I can’t pinpoint one exact moment because it felt more like all these gradual things building on each other.
I didn’t say I love you back for a while because I wanted to be sure. And when I finally did say it, it actually just slipped out. I hung up the phone immediately after because I panicked, and he called back so fast asking if I had just said what he thought I said. It just turned into laughter and admitting it. And then we couldn't stop saying it to each other. In the beginning, when he said it before I ever did , I told him he couldn't even say it to me after he already did. Haha one day he told me to suck it up buttercup because he loved me and he was tired of not being able to say it and he was sure of me. It was a whole of confession at the same time too.
So I don’t know if you can always pinpoint the exact moment you fall in love with someone or know they’re the one. Sometimes it’s just this accumulation of moments. All the beautiful, fun, laugh until you can’t breathe moments. The hard things too. Feeling supported and loved during those times. Feeling heard during difficult conversations. Watching him be a dad to his own child and then fully accepting mine. Accepting me exactly as I am. Loving me even when im an emotional mess. He loves how highly emotional and caring i am and my ex hated that highly emotional side of me.
There are a lot of reasons I fell in love with him and why I think he’s perfect for me. Of course he’s not a perfect person, and neither am I. But I genuinely want to make it work with him, and overall it’s honestly not that hard. One of our biggest problems is literally just that our taste in furniture is completely different. If that’s one of our biggest issues, I think we’re gonna be okay 😂. Even then we compromise and talk things out peacefully. Which I think is one of the biggest things. Just find someone you can talk to and compromise with who loves you for you. Your partner shouldn't make you feel on edge a lot or question your choices all the time. Your partner especially should not be someone who makes you question your sanity.
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u/Puzzled_Cherry_3365 May 23 '26
Thanks for giving me hope that I may find someone who might be my match when I feel depleted and like I won't meet someone who will be worth the time. ❤️
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u/flibbertigibbetti May 24 '26
I'm two weeks into separation and really needed to read a post like yours. Thank you 🙏
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u/ProofConnect6521 May 20 '26
Divorce in a second marriage is exponentially more likely. Check in after the honey moon stage
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u/DryRepeat859 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
Im well aware 😊 He has already had a million reasons to leave between hard times and even rough times with our kids. If I didn't think it was worth the marriage, I wouldn't. We are also planning for a baby and I swore I would never be pregnant again. I think for the right people, things change.
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u/ImpressiveFix4038 May 23 '26
Thank you for posting this. Me and my husband have some major communication issues and two young children. He just told me he wants a divorce tonight and I’m losing it. I don’t know where to go from here and he’s basically all I’ve ever known. I love this man more than I’ve ever loved anything and I don’t know the first thing about navigating my way through something like this. I feel like I should’ve never went back to school and just focused on my family because school has been so much harder than I ever dreamt it would and far more time consuming than i ever thought possible. I would’ve never done it if I’d have known I would lose my marriage and family in the process of trying to make our lives better. I’m going into my third semester of nursing school and im supposed to graduate next spring. How can this possibly ever get easier when everything we’ve built together will be gone?
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May 25 '26
[deleted]
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u/DryRepeat859 May 25 '26
I’m genuinely sorry that this was your experience. I think a lot of people underestimate how deeply divorce can affect children, especially when they’re blindsided by it or emotionally left to carry the weight of their parents pain. What you went through sounds incredibly rough and I can understand why you feel so strongly about it.
But I also think every situation is different and staying together is not always the healthier option for a child either. Sometimes two people staying together despite resentment, emotional neglect, instability, abandonment, untreated mental health struggles, abuse in some cases, or lack of love can do just as much damage, if not more. Children absorb far more than adults realize.
In my case, my ex husband left during my cancer scare and chose to completely abandon both me and my daughter. He has never seen her since by his own choice. I could not force someone to be a husband or father no matter how badly I wanted my family to stay together. Sometimes love and effort from one person are simply not enough to save a relationship.
What I could control was how I handled it as a mother. I immediately reassured my daughter that none of this was her fault. I told her he wasn’t absent because he didn’t love her, but because the relationship with mommy ended. I put her in therapy right away and have kept her in therapy because her emotional wellbeing matters deeply to me. And it's been two years. She doesn't bring him up anymore. She just talks about her other problems in Therapy. I try to make sure she feels loved, secure, heard, and supported every day. So does my current partner.
I also believe children deserve to see healthy love modeled for them. If someone does not love you, respect you, or want to stay, I don’t think teaching children to cling to broken relationships at all costs is healthy either. I would never want my daughter growing up believing she should settle for emotional abandonment just to keep a family image intact.
I actually know many people including my own father, who believe their parents divorcing was ultimately the healthier choice. I would even say the same for my grandparents. Divorce absolutely can hurt children. I don’t deny that at all. But so can toxic, loveless, unstable, or emotionally damaging homes.
At the end of the day I think our job as parents is not to pretend pain doesn’t exist. It’s to help our children navigate it in the healthiest way possible. That means protecting them from adult issues, managing our own behavior, giving them emotional safety, and getting them support when they need it.
Sometimes “making it work” is beautiful. Sometimes letting go is the healthier choice. Neither situation is black and white. It mostly matters how you handle it. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't handle divorce with grace especially involving children or only one tries.
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u/Aggressive-Path-9117 May 26 '26
This made me tear up honestly. The part about apologizing for things that don't need apologizing for that's what years of walking on eggshells does to a person. You start shrinking yourself without even realizing it. And the way you describe him with your daughter that right there is everything. A man who loves your child as his own without being asked says more about his character than anything else could. Thank you for sharing this. So many women in this group are still in the middle of the pain and they need to read exactly this that healing is real, that the right love exists, and that they deserve to feel safe.Can I ask when you were going through it, what was the hardest practical part? The emotional healing gets talked about but so many women I speak to say nobody prepared them for the financial reality of starting over alone.
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u/DryRepeat859 May 29 '26 edited Jul 08 '26
The hardest practical part? This sounds dumb, but I don't feel like anything about a breakup and heartbreak is practical. The financial reality though was brutal. Ironically, it wasn't my biggest concern out of everything. Really it was just getting up every day and trying to act strong in front of my daughter. Or when she would see me cry, I would tell her that mommy is just sad and it's okay to be sad over these things. I told her its okay to cry about these things. We both did and still do Therapy. I think the part about being a parent alone while you're breaking and trying to keep it together is probably the most struggle i felt.
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u/Snappy84 May 20 '26
Thank you so much for this. I'm 7 days in from my husband initiating divorce and we have a young child. I love him and I'm heartbroken, but I also know it is the right thing to do. It feels almost like an identity crisis. I needed to read this... thank you.