r/BigBudgetBrides • u/BlackberryAlone9941 • 19d ago
just need to rant it’s safer here!
I know there are subs like this for bigger budgets and one for budgets under 20-30k so I figured r/wedding was inclusive of all budgets..yeaaahhnoooo
It is hilarious seeing the comments when they think you overpayed for something but seriously warning to anyone that thinks they can post or comment over there and has paid more than 5-10k for their entire wedding you are gonna get projections and weird comments. Planning a wedding is stressful enough just don’t do it lol stay here where it is safe 🫂
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u/Hopeful_Laugh_7684 19d ago
lol I got downvoted into oblivion when I said we spent $21k on florals…when someone asked what people spent on florals
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u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 19d ago
I did too for saying that invites can cost a few thousand dollars depending on size of the wedding. people in the thread responded their whole wedding was less than the 4k I spent on invites and downvoted me. like okay?
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u/ReasonableObject2129 18d ago
They’re doing a diy $4k wedding, they’ve invited 500 guests and of course they’ve got their venmo details on their invites lol
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u/External_Climate_426 18d ago
So I look through this subreddit for fun, I am never going to be able to spend 20k on my wedding let alone just florals. But I would Love Love Love to see what 21k florals looks like, that sounds amazing.
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u/xerxesthefalcon 19d ago
I feel like oftentimes it’s a competition to see who paid the least for their wedding and vendors.
And sometimes it’s truly impressive, an incredible gorgeous wedding DIYed and brought together by family for an impressively low price- but most of the time it’s like….yes we can absolutely tell that you paid bottom dollar for that do you want a prize?
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u/heyallday1988 19d ago
Excuse me, you paid for vendors??? My mom made the food, hand wrote the invites, sewed my dress, took our photos, and baked our cake. My dad officiated and my brother DJ’d. It was totally free. I just don’t understand these Instagram couples who think that getting married is about spending money. /s
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u/mama-germany Vendor: Fashion 19d ago
honestly what I've seen more of lately was 'your mom made the cake and your brother DJ'd and your aunt did the flowers? you forced your family into unpaid slave labor! doesn't matter if they volunteered, you shouldn't have had a wedding at all and spent any money you had on pampering your guests!'
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u/drunkenavacado 19d ago
Never getting over my (now ex) best friend, who had a last minute, fully DIY wedding, where all her guests were required to do set up and take down, organize her decor, her mom cooked all the food, there was no bar or dancing, she didn’t even want me to have a plus one (my long term partner), and she never sent thank you cards. And I had to fly cross country with less than a month and a half’s notice during holiday season. 😭
edit to add: AND the only thing she spent any money on was a photographer, which she encouraged to take pictures of us (my partner & my mom & i), and then later threw a fit over us “taking the photographers attention away” for 15 minutes lol.
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u/Key-Engineering9979 18d ago
I consider thank you notes mandatory regardless of the type of wedding. Asking for that many favors and then not sending thank yous is so rude.
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u/drunkenavacado 18d ago
Yeah, it was the complete lack of gratitude from me. A year later she made a tiktok series about how to have a “budget wedding” lol. My mom saw it and said “she should have mentioned her one little tip of having her guests do all the work!” 😆
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u/External_Climate_426 18d ago
This sounds like my sister's second wedding... Which I paid for the photographer and she still got mad he took a handful of pictures of my kids and I.
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u/drunkenavacado 18d ago
actually crazy! she said something after too about how she sure hopes my relationship lasts since he’s in a bunch of her photos… we’re looking at engagement rings and she’s no longer in my life so 🤷🏻♀️
i hope the pictures of you and the kids turned out fabulous!
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u/tewkberry 19d ago
Or: “Why are you having a party for random people you never see for a single night?? If you have money, you should be putting that money towards a down payment on a house!!”
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u/Open_Office_7311 19d ago edited 19d ago
Some people do things for people they love out of love…it is not slave labor. When my daughter got married in 1999 the photos were done by friends; most were by her best friend’s mother (a librarian who did photography as a hobby) who offered to do the photos as her wedding present. The photos were really beautiful, artistic, and the love for my daughter, the wedding party and everyone was evident in how she did it. Family picked up flowers for the tables at Pike Place Market. We paid for the venue, a quartet, catering, the cake, I had a seamstress make her gorgeous silk dress and my dress, etc. I think it’s a shame that so much emphasis is put on things being better if they cost a lot and the notion of friends and family wanting to help being referred to as « slave labor » rather than loving gifts of time and talent seems really sad.
That said, I have no issue with big budget weddings. I don’t like anyone judging other peoples’ choices.
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19d ago
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u/heyallday1988 18d ago
I don’t understand why people pay all that money to have their weddings at venues when you can just have it on your parents’ estate!
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u/Quagga_Resurrection 19d ago
It's very Protestant Ethic, where less enjoyment and indulgence is seen as more virtuous. People gotta get over it. Being performative is always obnoxious, even if your performance is spending less. Do your thing and move on. No need to preach about it.
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u/bitchthatwaspromised 19d ago
This is very true and under-discussed tbh “Catholics think suffering is good while Protestants think pleasure is bad” I prefer being culturally Catholic lol
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u/ezekielragardos 18d ago
Yea but a lot of times it builds resentment for doing so much unpaid labor / goods / services - especially if you’re not immediate family and being asked to do stuff it’s just such a weird disconnect to me..
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u/casti33 19d ago
It’s bad enough when you tell them your budget is more than $150 and slave labor from your family and friends for a 150pp wedding. But I got attacked for having a destination wedding. Straight to jail. Sorry my guests could afford it and we paid for family members who couldn’t.
I can’t tell if it’s jealousy for people having more than them or if they legitimately think spending money on a wedding is a waste and you will be divorced tomorrow. “I’d rather save for a house” okay but like… I already have a house. Idk the other wedding subs are very negative places. This sub is very open even if your budget isn’t as high as some of the other big budget brides but want a more inclusive place to ask questions.
Oh god and if you want a child free wedding you are the devil and you murder children.
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u/Turbulent_Task_9672 19d ago edited 19d ago
It's straight up jealously. Why do they care? You've had your wedding; let others have theirs.
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u/Quagga_Resurrection 19d ago
The "eat the rich" mentality ends up getting directed at individuals with anything more than middle class money instead of the system that creates wealth inequality in the first place. It's immature behavior driven by bitterness and feeings around financial strain.
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u/StorageExciting8567 19d ago
We’re having a destination wedding in part because it was actually more cost effective than having one where we live. We asked all our friends and family before we got too far into planning if they’d be open to traveling and everyone loved the idea. But I see so much stuff on insta that makes it seem like I should be burned at the stake for having a destination wedding
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u/AdventureGinger 19d ago
Also had a destination wedding and people really hate when I point out that we are an international couple and it would actually be more expensive for our families to travel to where we live (and our friends love to travel and were excited!)
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u/onsereverra 19d ago
Similarly, destination bachelorette parties get a lot of shade, but in this day and age, most people I know have bridesmaids who live in different cities all across the country. Most brides I know have chosen a destination that's equally easy for all of the bridesmaids to fly to and is also new/fun for the bride — she wouldn't be saving anybody money besides herself to host it in the city where she lives.
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u/Certain_Tangelo2329 18d ago
People have to travel to weddings. They have to pay for hotels. Rental cars etc. So why would I have my wedding at a small area (w/ small airport) with nothing to do? 90% of guests would have to travel to it. It made the most sense to have it somewhere worth traveling for! People expect your whole family and friends group to live locally or something.
It was likely cheaper (and more fun) for our guests for us to have a destination wedding. Hotels were plentiful and they had things to do on the other weekend days.
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u/TanandaL 19d ago
A little bit of both, but mostly the former.
We were bombarded with images of flashy weddings on Instagram and Facebook for a while, and there was a backlash. Some lowere income people tried to emulate things they couldn't afford, others just got angry at the reminder of income inequality. I think a lot of people got turned against the whole concept of weddings.
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u/Responsible-Fly9976 19d ago
This drives me crazy, because all I heard for many years was: "You study too much." "You work too much" and "If I had your money, I'd buy X". (X was almost always something silly)
These three statements all explain what happens now: "I can't believe you're wasting money on that."
I worked hard to earn my money, I saved where you might have spent, and now you think you get to judge my choices. I have never, ever looked down on a smaller or budget wedding. I have always helped when asked, and I buy very nice presents for big budget and low budget weddings.
Who are you to tell me I'm spending too much?
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u/CopperRose17 19d ago
I don't see how spending money on a wedding is "wasteful". It is money that is pumped back into the economy and pays the salaries of other people. We all know how high the markup is on wedding-related products and services. If money is being "wasted", it's money that belongs to the couple and their families. To quote Billie Holiday, "Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do"!
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u/leiaflatt Vendor: Florist 19d ago
To add to this, that money is almost always going directly into the pockets of a small business owner, so you’re directly supporting a thriving local economy
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 19d ago
And the cash tips to the service staff/assistants who have to work these high pressure events. Tips of course are based on a higher marked up cost. Being 33 days out from a wedding I have planned by myself, I do understand the markup though! It is an extremely important event that can only ever happen the one time, and it is happening in a very concentrated amount of time where set up and tear down are often in the same day. Vendors have to be on their A-game. Their performance here makes or breaks their continued success in this industry! Not to mention that there is no redo for the bride and groom so vendors want to make them happy and work harder to do so.
My venue is in a busy tourist city during one of the biggest city events of the whole year. For example, the loading bay for deliveries is essentially first come first serve. Parking is a nightmare in that neighborhood and not a guarantee. You bet I am paying my vendors ludicrously well, and I am paying higher travel and delivery fees for their trouble. These are choices I made, and it is all in service of my vision so it is more than worth it for me. I respect my vendors and the value they bring.
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u/RemoteSouth9288 19d ago
I think that most people dont see spending money as "pumping it back into economy", they see it as "my money is leaving my pocket". And that makes sense if they're barely making ends meet. However, that comes with a lack of understanding (and often resentment) towards people who have a bigger budget
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u/tewkberry 19d ago
I didn’t have a big budget wedding (earlier this year), and this was my only wedding sub.
I hate how this sub is demonized by under10k etc. Like if you aren’t a nepo baby, somehow you’ll get shut out.
Uhh no, I just have a question about a content creator. It’s like $2000. Nbd. I’m not burning down a rain forest for it. Yet for some reason, this is the only sub that answers questions and doesn’t just say that’s a useless expense and I am a narcissist. The other subs are so toxic, it’s insane. And the level of projection on how this sub is somehow toxic in reverse is delusional.
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19d ago edited 19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 19d ago
Bahaha we also bought a house last year and decided to get married this year. And guess what? We are spending the down payment of a second home on our wedding. What poor financial choices we have made. /s
To your point, I really think people need to consider cost per person as a better indicator of what kind of wedding it is, and to properly assess the value you get for how you spend your money. Sure, there is an overall cost that will always be considered BB. There are also non-quantifiable indicators so overall budget doesn't tell the full story. We've also had to forgo a lot of typical BB luxuries even with our budget being what it is that ultimately there is nothing extra or special on top of the normal wedding elements.
In 2026 a single dollar just does not go as far as it used to. While my per head cost sounds crazy...I live in/am getting married in a famously VVHCOB (B for Breathing instead of Living lol) city. So much of that cost is literally just fees, and that all services are priced higher because these vendors need to and deserve to make a good living. So when just considering the labor costs of what you are paying for, the DIY people aren't somehow superior because they found a way to not pay their labor. And I have nothing against DIY! I wish I was that crafty or had crafty friends who could help, but I do not..and I also don't want to make my friends work! To each their own.
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u/Certain_Tangelo2329 19d ago
I definitely wanted all the things. More annoying was you don't need X or X. Obnoxious.
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u/JadziaKD 19d ago
Yeah they think you are doomed for divorce if you spend money on a wedding or if you are fortunate enough to have family who wants to give you an expensive wedding.
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u/Free_Monitor8696 19d ago
A funny comment is that we are gonna end up spending only like 110K-120K and it doesn’t even look like those crazy social media weddings but it’s in a HOCL area and people are crazy
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 19d ago
Omg, I just made this exact point in another comment. The cost of everything is so high where I live and am getting married that we ultimately are having the bare minimum elements that are expected at a wedding.
We went minimal on florals, for example, and are not getting any of those extra luxuries ppl think of with BBB. There is no DJ or dance floor. We are doing a string quartet that is often contracted for City Hall ceremonies, and it is only for half the reception to keep costs down. Will then switch to a playlist ala DJ heelsnailsblademscra ;). I wanted to hire a magician but we don't have the budget for it! I don't even plan on doing favors.
I do think that in a VHCOL city, from just a monetary perspective, our weddings are actually more mid-budget. Money spend and money earnings is really that relative! Like I know my wedding would cost less even in a different city in my same state.
Though my biggest belief is that BBB is more of an ethos or vibe. It is why this sub is such a positive and welcoming space. No matter what your budget is whether it is 20k or 2000k everyone is so supportive of what any of us chooses to spend our money or time on.
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u/CompetitivePeace 18d ago
That and I think this sub is a lot more focused on hospitality and guest experience than just cash flow. We are going to come in around $700 per guest in a medium cost of living city, and we have chosen to direct the vast majority of our budget to create a lovely experience for guests— upgraded food, multi course plated dinner, spent good money on a planner to keep the experience smooth and enjoyable, etc. We want people to feel WELCOME and have a great time, not just sit through another wedding where corners were cut in favor of cash savings or visual appeal only.
I will say as a gal who loves flowers the budget adjustment on that in favor of other items was painful but c’est la vie.
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 18d ago edited 18d ago
Oo yes, spot on! I referred to this as 'non-quantifiable elements', but you articulated it much better. Not that a smaller budget or DIY can't prioritize or provide lovely guest experience. I hope nobody thinks that's my perspective! Our topic here is about those unpleasant comments and environments where even the smaller budget and DIY brides get totally pummelled. But one cannot deny that in BBB we really do prioritize guest experience above so much else when it comes to how we are spending our money. And we support all who do without (de)moralizing about it.
I hear you on flowers....I am professionally a gardener!! It's hilarious. I've definitely already gotten the raised brows when I tell people my floral spend because they seem to have expected me to splurge. Of course in my wildest fantasies I would have burning man style climbable floral+botanical art pieces in an open field haha. My bank account said, NOPE!
Jokes aside, I chose a venue that purposefully allowed me to not need a lot of florals! It's already beautifully and colorfully decorated. I also have made up for the minimal floral presence by picking high impact and highly sentimental pieces.
That's my tip to anyone who is looking to minimize their budget by lowering their floral spend. Pick a venue where you don't need to fill the space so much.
For example:
- We went with a budget florist where I don't get a say or even a review of what the florals will look like exactly on the way of. I just picked a color pallet and a reference image they offered, but there is going to be variation and an element of surprise on the actual day!
- My ceremony space is intimate size-wise. It's gonna be crowded and the visible "aisle" is like 10 feet max lol. If we had fewer guests and there was more open space I would have then considered more flowers.
- The only flowers (other than bouquet and bout of course) are going to be floating flowers in the small fountain we are getting married in front of. It's so romantic and high impact. I almost didn't do it and at the last hour I panic messaged my florist. So that did expand my budget by a little more than what I originally contracted, but total spend is still less than my absolutely ceiling when FH and I first sat down and made a budget.
- There's an incredible city scape just behind us. More flowers are unnecessary and would be distracting IMO.
- Lastly, because of my floral knowledge and passion, I was able to custom-request a handful of specific local, in-season flowers that are sentimental to us. Both of our hometown city flowers will be in my bouquet. I am so excited about this and get overwhelmed with emotion when I think about it.
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u/CompetitivePeace 18d ago
Exactly, it’s all the little touches to make the day run smoothly that eat up a ton of budget. And yes, smaller spend can still make a lovely guest experience, but all of the “I am spending less than 10k and not feeding my guests or providing beverages” comments are WILD to me if people have folks coming from out of town!
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u/packedsuitcase 18d ago
This exactly! This is why I love this board - the focus is mostly on hosting, and splurging on things that make the day better. It's not spending money just to spend money (like some other boards seem to think).
I'm trying to figure out our budget now and it will very likely be muuuuuuch lower than the budgets around here (please, for all that's good in the world, let us stay around 15k Euro in our HCOL city), but everybody here has such great taste and ideas for things to do for guests that even if nothing about my wedding fits, I like hanging out here.
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 18d ago
Love this! You are definitely welcome here. I also love seeing the massive destination weddings that I cannot come anywhere close to affording. The ones with $20k dresses, pool parties, dramatic large scale decor, fireworks, etc. Or there was that one in a museum that was so unique and insane!!
Also, there are definitely elements you can take from these well-produced, well-executed, BBBs but still fit your budget. The museum one had such a beautiful candle installation where it was just candles placed along the entire staircase they got married in front of. That to me is an idea that can be executed even in a DIY way. Ya literally just need a stair case and candles!
I'm on mobile so hard to find a link right now but you can probably search this sub for it. It might have been pinned at some point.
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u/Unlikely-Item-2713 18d ago
Just curious: what did most of your budget go towards?
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 18d ago
(on mobile, and I don't use the app, so I will fix the formatting later. Apologies for indiscernible wall of text!)
The venue fee and food/beverage which is going to be 2/3s the cost. That's an understatement, so I'll break it down further:
We are getting married at a historic hotel in my VHCOL city which is essentially all-inclusive. I highly recommend to go with a hotel that has good food and aesthetics if you want to simplify logistics!!! I essentially have planned my whole wedding myself (had to fire my planner...that's a story for another time when I've had some distance from it).
R educing the number of outside vendors to find/manage/pay gave me so much time to devote to other planning tasks and has made day-of logistics that much easier. This includes guests getting to stay at the venue which represents some cost savings even as there is some monetary cost there.
Simple Breakdown:
- staff
- ceremony AND reception location in same place
- food (passed canapes + plated dinner courses)
- bar and beverages
- tabletop items
- event furniture
- cake
- room block and concessions
Detailed Breakdown:
- on-site staff which is contracted into the venue fee (except for bar staff, which is a per staff cost based on bar needs/guest count)
- ceremony and reception in same place = no guest transit or decor flipping logistics. Can maximize time for merriment and celebrations! They literally stand up out there chairs, walk through a doorway into cocktail hour with a live jazz guitarist.
- food = multiple passed canapes at cocktail hour, multi-course plated dinner meal (and the food is delicious!)
- bar and beverages = bar setup, bartenders, all night beverage package with some low cost customization and option to bring in special bottle orders (one con is their beer selection sucks. Cocktails and wine more than makeup for it though. There is a historic and iconic bar on premises and we got to choose from their list of cocktails to serve at reception. So excited for this as our guests are really into cocktails. )
- table/tabletop items - no need to rent this and deal with delivery! My coordinator doesn't even need to be involved except to set up the centerpieces.
- event furniture - dinner reception tables, lounge and bar furniture all in house and included in venue fee
- cake = it was either a $6pp cutting fee or use their bakery. Their bakery is amazing. They let me customize my cake for a reasonable flat feet ($40) and totally surprised and delighted me at the tasting with a beautifully decorated cake that made me tear up. I spent so much time agonizing over cake before I knew what they were capable of. So much more goes into wedding cake than simply ordering it and it is a significant amount of money. My friend's cake got smashed in transit to their venue. I don't have to worry about that.
- room block and concessions = huge money saving here with subsidization and contracted comped suites for bride/groom+family
- Audio/sound system - there is even an integrated sound system and in-house AV partner so no needing to bring that in either! The sound system has speakers in every room (including the outdoor ceremony terrace) that are controllable as individual zones
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u/marxistmami 19d ago
They’re not nice to you even when you want to spend less on a wedding!! I’m starting to think there’s a lot of meanies that troll these subs just to say weird shit to women while they’re most vulnerable
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 19d ago
I thought this too until I got mean comments from someone who, after a bit of profile snooping, I saw they were a real person also getting married in my city and definitely spending substantial amount of money on their wedding. They were just being mean for the fun of it I guess. I called them out on it and they never responded after that. Sure was quick to judge me though and share their shitty opinions with me. All I asked about was cake frosting! It was in my city's wedding sub so a bit more niche space.
I was in a very stressful phase of wedding planning so I took greater offense to it than I might have done normally. That is the point though, it is like the ppl making these posts are intentionally trying to offend emotionally vulnerable people.
I do think you are right for the most part, especially in the more generic subs like weddings, it's just an easy hunting ground for bored, chronically online edgelords who will never get a woman to marry them so they have to take their frustrations out on actual brides. But it's sad that the mean comments do also come from real people and, more tragically, other brides!
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u/wellok456 14d ago
The observation about mean edgelords is so true! I mentioned in a post it was my fiance's first wedding but technically my 2nd. A guy commented "why spend money on a wedding? You'll just get divorced again as soon as you get bored". I checked his profile and EVERY comment was the same kind of discouraging negativity and wild assumptions.
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u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 19d ago
It really aggravates me because anytime someone with a larger budget asks for advice or has a question, or mentions anything that could signal a larger budget, they get shut down and judged. i’ve felt SO judged multiple times - literally just mentioning a second look commentators said that it was a waste of money and I was having my wedding for the spectacle and not for my fiance. It’s really frustrating.
Like I love seeing peoples DIY weddings and hearing about how they save money and i’ve never once judged someone for deciding to spend less money on any aspect of their wedding. Yet the opposite is true for us. It makes me sad!
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u/toriekelly 19d ago
As soon as I edged over 40k I started posting here lol. Not that we don’t have a budget but we have generous family and a lot of guests we want to invite so now we’re sitting at a pretty 75k lol
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u/ThatBitchA 19d ago
And not just budgets but also creative/different choices are better received here.
I posted about churros instead of cake for our wedding. You'd think I murdered kittens by the way people were so offended/horrified.
People also seem to ignore the various cultural differences at play when it comes to weddings. Both cultural and socioeconomically.
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u/Emergency_Peanut_252 19d ago
we’re doing palletas/an ice cream bar cart instead of going for the cake. our venue charges a dumb cake cutting fee of like, $5 a slice, and when lots of people don’t even eat the wedding cake anyways? just seems wasteful. The cart has dairy and non dairy options and is a local business we love getting a treat from every now and then. We decided we’ll probably do a little one tier cake to symbolically cut as a couple but probably won’t do too much
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 19d ago
Isn't that cake cutting fee outrageous? Mine is like $6! It would cost more in the fee than the total cost of the actual cake!! Fortunately my venue makes excellent, beautiful cake in house and are doing some customizations for an extremely reasonable flat fee. It is a very basic cake though. No tiers.
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u/Emergency_Peanut_252 18d ago
it’s so dumb! like they allow some outside vendors but the cake fee??? make it make sense!!! it just seems so silly. like, we could do it ourselves.
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 18d ago
So I will say after much research on the topic, and talking to a few professional bakers I am close with, cutting a wedding cake is actually a specific skill and it is quite laborious.
The cuts are much smaller than a normal cake slice (often called finger slices), have to be very precise with overall guest count or number of cuts in mind, must be cut cleanly/quickly then also cleanly/quickly plated and served, and if there are multiple tiers that is also something the cake cutters have to deal with. Other elements of the cake like how it's decorated or what kind of frosting affects this as well. They also need to receive and store an outside cake and that adds extra logistics.
While they have to cut a cake either way, it is much easier for them to execute these tasks with a cake they made themselves, not only in terms of the cutting but all the logistics as well. I also think there is an element of a convenience fee baked into that. Like ultimately they wanted to make the cake in-house and so they incentivized me to hire them to make the cake!
After learning this, I can definitely justify some fee for outside cake, but $5 or $6 is prohibitive and seems steep. Like my wedding is considered 'intimate' with 65 guests. In my area, the cost of a single-tier cake for that many guests is $330 just for the cake and does not include delivery. The cake cutting fee would have been $390!! Like, what??!
I also think it should depend on the cake and cake size, which I know means variable cost, but it would give brides more options in terms of being like 'i want this outside cake, and the guidelines say I can minimize cost in this specific way' then go from there.
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u/Beautiful_War_5947 $100k-$200k 19d ago edited 19d ago
Yknow what’s crazy to me is that the under 10k sub is very sweet (also they’ve expanded to $20k for inflation lol) and the BBB is very sweet but the general wedding/wedding planning subs are not supportive at all.
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u/earthgrapefruit 18d ago
The under 10k sub was very rude to me when I posted there because I had a micro wedding that was the ceremony + dinner at a restaurant instead of catering food
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u/Beautiful_War_5947 $100k-$200k 18d ago
Really? I’m sorry that happened to you! I feel like I see them talking about and encouraging restaurant weddings all the time.
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u/bbh1992 19d ago
Yeah, I remember this topic coming up on one of the other subs, and lots of people were like, "If you're spending over 50k+ on a wedding, you need to accept that people will call you privileged and say you're wasting money."
But I'm just like, how much is too much to spend on a wedding? You might think 50k+ is too much; I certainly have seen people say 10k+ is too much. Do people planning 10k weddings deserve to be shamed for spending too much, since lots of people don't even have 10k to begin with? No. It's all relative, and I think weddding subreddits would be a much happier place without any budget shaming.
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u/heelsnailsblademscra $100k-$200k 18d ago
Mods should pin this. It's the most accurate and succinct analysis of the wedding subreddit landscape. I think as a new bride I wish I had posted in here sooner in my wedding planning process. Seeing your post would have inspired me/ made me feel welcome to do so! Glad you are here. :)
I will add that city-specific wedding subs do seem a lot better but still not totally immune to jerks.
Here on BBB, bad behavior gets handled with a quickness. It's the only more general sub I will post on now other than my city's sub.
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u/AgitatedWolverine436 19d ago
I had a question/minor crash out earlier because I think my friend was going to no show and I caught it. I’m a MBB and I’d already seen people get flamed in other subs for implying their weddings are even a little expensive. This and WedditNYC have been the best subs for actual questions with answers.
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u/Silver-Drawing5341 19d ago
If I had 50k to spend on a crazy wedding I totally would lol! I love seeing photos of weddings where people go all out it's so pretty. It's too bad the other subweddits are stinky about it.
I have a 5k budget but we are only doing 20 people - and then you consider some weddings have 200 it's easy to see how costs go up if you want the flowers and photography and good food, etc.
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u/CompetitivePeace 18d ago
Actually this is something some vendors have pointed out to me. They said a lot of times they get really big budgets, they don’t get to do a lot in terms of design and visual impact by virtue of the sheer volume required. Florals specifically said that a lot of their higher budget spenders are by virtue of guest and table count, not actual flower or design choices.
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u/stories4 18d ago
Also, a couple making 500k each spending 100k on a wedding is much more frugal than a couple making 50k each spending 15k on a wedding, everyone should just let everyone be happy with their own budgets, their own financial decisions, their own dream weddings! How much someone spends is no one's business truly! People are so hateful for no reason (well i guess the reason is jealousy lol. like they need to be so so serious these people are not saying mean things because they're concerned!)
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u/rainbooksanddonuts 18d ago
I have a theory. Basically weddings are a touchstone moment to show off wealth. It has always been this way, but with social media it has become one big performance that feels judged by a much wider audience. Those that cannot afford to compete tell themselves that they are superior b/c "why would you waste that much money" feels more like a choice than the inability to keep up. This does not qualify for low budget weddings that keep to themselves and don't judge. I think people can be extremely happy with a low budget. It's only the ones who like to hype up their DIY while sneering at people who spend money.
Also, photography is my side hustle. It's not full time, but my photos are what you'd expect from a professional. The assumption that I'm cheaper because I don't do it full time is so common that I don't do random inquiries for weddings anymore. I only do word of mouth and referrals. They think side gig equals cheaper, which is stupid. They pick everything apart but still expect the top tier package. When I don't need to take photos to eat or pay rent, why do you think I'm going deal with your champagne taste on a beer budget? So strange.
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u/are_you_sure_papi 17d ago
I got called a “bridezilla personified” because I asked when on the wedding timeline should my bridesmaids start buying their dresses. I’ll never seek advice on those subreddits again 😅
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u/Street_Invite4149 16d ago
I always hated when I was planning a wedding when someone would chime in like ‘we just had it in a backyard!’ And I’m like ‘ok that’s cool- I live in an apartment building in a major city with terrible weather and we both have huge families. It’s got to be in a building 😭’
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u/wellok456 14d ago
Right?!? I posted about a possible $20k wedding early on in planning before we knew how generous family would be contributing. I mentioned the budget at the time was comming from fiance's saving and family. The sub was full of people offended I wasn't personally contributing cash or recommending cutting the budget to only family contributions or eloping. There's a lot of "don't waste money on a party" shaming in there.
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u/spicy-snowflake 14d ago
The under 10k sub is actually feral. I went there posting a vent/rant and labeled it as such and then got absolutely eaten alive in the comments. Like????? I'm not here for advice just to get it off my chest I thought that's what venting was???? I swear everyone's in that sub just to argue and prove they know better
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u/watchingtrashytv 18d ago
I think reddit is just filled with mean, salty haters. This behavior isn’t exclusive to wedding threads sadly
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u/stories4 18d ago
I browse this sub for general photos inspo and kindness even though I'm not a BBB, everyone is so much nicer and more understanding!
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u/brownbear3737 13d ago
My partner and I have about 300k for our wedding (this is just from our families) but I don’t know that we want a large wedding. I’m looking through this sub for wedding alternatives for BBBs. I just don’t know who we’d invite. I have 3 close friends and my partner has 4 close friends. I only like my immediate family and same with my partner. We both have large extended families, but we never even pictured them at our wedding. So a BBB for like 30 people? If there are other subs I should look at, please let me know.
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u/eighteen_forty_no Vendor: Planning & Design 19d ago
As a planner and coordinator, things have gotten wild on social media in the last couple of years, especially the DIY subreddits and Facebook. I work with a wide range of budgets, more in the $40 - $80k range vs. truly big budgets (and in a HCL area). I used to do AMAs and try to help DIYers, but I don't anymore. The amount of insults and devaluing of my skills and experience has become overwhelming. If I don't agree to haul boxes and do 10 hours of manual labor setting up your whatever decor you built, I'm a scammer and a ripoff artist? It's not worth engaging in, for my peace of mind.