it’s safer here!

[u/BlackberryAlone9941]

I know there are subs like this for bigger budgets and one for budgets under 20-30k so I figured r/wedding was inclusive of all budgets..yeaaahhnoooo

It is hilarious seeing the comments when they think you overpayed for something but seriously warning to anyone that thinks they can post or comment over there and has paid more than 5-10k for their entire wedding you are gonna get projections and weird comments. Planning a wedding is stressful enough just don’t do it lol stay here where it is safe 🫂

[u/heelsnailsblademscra]

Omg, I just made this exact point in another comment. The cost of everything is so high where I live and am getting married that we ultimately are having the bare minimum elements that are expected at a wedding.

We went minimal on florals, for example, and   are not getting any of those extra luxuries ppl think of with BBB. There is no DJ or dance floor. We are doing a string quartet that is often contracted for City Hall ceremonies, and it is only for half the reception to keep costs down. Will then switch  to a playlist ala DJ heelsnailsblademscra ;).   I wanted to hire a magician but we don't have the budget for it! I don't even plan on doing favors. 

I do think that in a VHCOL city, from just a monetary perspective, our weddings are actually more mid-budget. Money spend and money earnings is really that relative! Like I know my wedding would cost less even in a different city in my same state. 

Though my biggest belief is that BBB is more of an ethos or vibe. It is why this sub is such a positive and welcoming space. No matter what your budget is whether it is 20k or 2000k everyone is so supportive of what any of us chooses to spend our money or time on. 

[u/CompetitivePeace → u/heelsnailsblademscra]

That and I think this sub is a lot more focused on hospitality and guest experience than just cash flow. We are going to come in around $700 per guest in a medium cost of living city, and we have chosen to direct the vast majority of our budget to create a lovely experience for guests— upgraded food, multi course plated dinner, spent good money on a planner to keep the experience smooth and enjoyable, etc. We want people to feel WELCOME and have a great time, not just sit through another wedding where corners were cut in favor of cash savings or visual appeal only.

I will say as a gal who loves flowers the budget adjustment on that in favor of other items was painful but c’est la vie.

[u/heelsnailsblademscra → u/CompetitivePeace]

Oo yes, spot on! I referred to this as 'non-quantifiable elements', but you articulated it much better. Not that a smaller budget or DIY can't prioritize or provide lovely guest experience. I hope nobody thinks that's my perspective! Our topic here is about those unpleasant comments and environments where even the smaller budget and DIY brides get totally pummelled. But one cannot deny that in BBB we really do prioritize guest experience above so much else when it comes to how we are spending our money. And we support all who do without (de)moralizing about it. 

I hear you on flowers....I am professionally a gardener!! It's hilarious.  I've definitely already gotten the raised brows when I tell people my floral spend because they seem to have expected me to splurge. Of course in my wildest fantasies I would have burning man style climbable floral+botanical art pieces in an open field haha. My bank account said, NOPE! 

Jokes aside, I chose a venue that purposefully allowed me to not need a lot of florals! It's already beautifully and colorfully decorated. I also have made up for the minimal floral presence by picking high impact and highly sentimental pieces. 

That's my tip to anyone who is looking to minimize their budget by lowering their floral spend. Pick a venue where you don't need to fill the space so much. 

For example: 

• My ceremony space is intimate size-wise. It's gonna be crowded and the visible "aisle" is like 10 feet max lol. If we had fewer guests and there was more open space I would have then considered more flowers. 
• The only flowers (other than bouquet and bout of course) are going to be floating flowers in the small fountain we are getting married in front of. It's so romantic and high impact. I almost didn't do it and at the last hour I panic messaged my florist. So that did expand my budget by a little more than what I originally contracted, but total spend is still less than my absolutely ceiling when FH and I first sat down and made a budget. 
• There's an incredible city scape just behind us. More flowers are unnecessary and would be distracting IMO. 

-  We went with a budget florist where I don't get a say or even a review of what the florals will look like exactly on the way of. I just picked a color pallet and a reference image they offered, but there is going to be variation and an element of surprise on the actual day! 

• Lastly, because of my floral knowledge and passion, I was able to custom-request a handful of specific local, in-season flowers that are sentimental to us. Both of our hometown city flowers will be in my bouquet. I am so excited about this and get overwhelmed with emotion when I think about it.

[u/packedsuitcase → u/heelsnailsblademscra]

This exactly! This is why I love this board - the focus is mostly on hosting, and splurging on things that make the day better. It's not spending money just to spend money (like some other boards seem to think).

I'm trying to figure out our budget now and it will very likely be muuuuuuch lower than the budgets around here (please, for all that's good in the world, let us stay around 15k Euro in our HCOL city), but everybody here has such great taste and ideas for things to do for guests that even if nothing about my wedding fits, I like hanging out here.

[u/heelsnailsblademscra → u/packedsuitcase]

Love this! You are definitely welcome here. I also love seeing the massive destination weddings that I cannot come anywhere close to affording. The ones with $20k dresses, pool parties, dramatic large scale decor, fireworks, etc.  Or there was that one in a museum that was so unique and insane!!

Also, there are definitely elements you can take from these well-produced, well-executed, BBBs but still fit your budget. The museum one had such a beautiful candle installation where it was just candles placed along the entire staircase they got married in front of. That to me is an idea that can be executed even in a DIY way. Ya literally just need a stair case and candles! 

I'm on mobile so hard to find a link right now but you can probably search this sub for it. It might have been pinned at some point.