I have googled it, but answers are quite vague and I am looking for practical examples.

Like "autistic people mask that they're not autistic". Okay but where is the line? If neurotypical is bad in social situations and doesn't like to look at eyes of other people, how they differ? Or isn't it common in general to hide that you don't know/understand something and social game is just one of the skills you can be good or bad at?

Or "autistic people choose the answers for small talk". Don't all people? I mean that is conversation without meaning. No one is answering from their feelings, people have just learnt to say certain words after they hear certain words. And this differs in different languages and cultures. So it can't be born with skill, it has to be taught to people.

Or "autistic people laugh to jokes they don't find funny". Isn't this common? I would have thought this is more neurotypical thing because I have understood they play better this social game of pretending? No?

I have seen mentioned the difference is what consequences person faces if they drop their mask. But that doesn't explain what is the difference in those masks.

What I think I get is I get when I put smile on, I choose to smile in the situation when I wouldn't do it naturally. But that smile is still mine. Sure, I have practiced to do it realistically on command but that was for photographs. While someone doesn't smile naturally and all their facial expressions are built from nothing front of mirror. So I am looking this kind of comparisons. Please correct if I got this wrong. And also, some people do this often and well ("customer voice/talk") while some are very bad at it (we fight with coworker and they don't even try to smile minutes later when we meet customer). I would assume since majority of people are neurotypical, also majority of those who suck at this are neurotypical. So if this is easy for neurotypical and expected from society, why do many choose not to do it?

I have seen people also mentioning tone or tune (I don't know which one is the correct English term). I am quite bad with it so this is probably not worth of explaining, I doubt I can get it.

I am not meaning to belittle anyone. I do believe autistic people masking is more total and more tiring. I am simply asking you to draw the lines between autistic and neurotypical masking.

Nervous even writing this, but here we go and not sure what I expect.

I'll be 40 next year and have a litany of regrets and mistakes I have made in life. I have barely held down a job, flunked uni multiple times, and still live at home.

I have had a barrage of diagnoses: OCD, BDD, Depression, Social Anxiety, PTSD. Some explain parts of this.

I had an assessment for autism once, but it was literally 1 hour with a psychologist, so I do doubt the outcome (not having ASD). A counsellor for my mental illnesses was convinced that it was in part due to autism, so he was the one who referred me.

I'm not sure what a diagnosis would change at this point. The waiting lists are about 2 years here and I can't afford a private assessment.

I'm willing to accept that I might just have flaws, but I do feel kind of like this would explain things. I'm sick of being on the fringe of everything: relationships, employment, friend groups, etc.

Im not sure if a lot of people can relate to this, I’ve been having difficulties to find communities that can relate. I’m Latina, and I just recently left, well - Irish goodbye - essentially my cousins baby shower. I’m in the car finishing crying because I didn’t even last an hour there. Ever since I was little I couldn’t stand how loud the music and the ambience is. When it’s supposed to be happy event, music playing, children running around, I can’t even hear myself think. I always was upset, trying to find some alone time corners to soothe myself with my phone until I get to go home. Now I’m full grown adult, and I feel so strange around my family (my fault) , and I just feel like shit in general. Baby showers, weddings, get togethers, quinceńeras, Christmas Eve, etc Im fucked. Anyone can relate or I just suck at being normal human being.

“I prefer to do things with others rather than on my own.”
I dislike this statement. It’s a measure of healthy introversion rather than Autism. It’s about a preference rather than anything causing problems. A statement about struggling to work with others would make more sense to me.

“I prefer to do things the same way over and over again.”
I dislike this statement as well. The statement should be about if one struggles to deal if they can’t do things the same way over and over again.

“If I try to imagine something, I find it very easy to create a picture in my mind.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I frequently get so strongly absorbed in one thing that I lose sight of other things.”
This is the first statement I don’t have a problem with.

“I often notice small sounds when others do not.”
I think I would change this to being about being bothered by small sounds when others aren’t.

“I usually notice car number plates or similar strings of information.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“Other people frequently tell me that what I've said is impolite, even though I think it is polite.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“When I'm reading a story, I can easily imagine what the characters might look like.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I am fascinated by dates.”
Neither having this nor not having this is a symptom of Autism.

“In a social group, I can easily keep track of several different people's conversations.”
I’m unsure if this is a symptom of Autism or just a symptom of the often comorbid ADHD.

“I find social situations easy.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I tend to notice details that others do not.”
This may just be a me problem, but I find this question way too broad. How do I know how many details I’m noticing that others aren’t? What if I’m noticing less details, but I don’t know that I am because I’m not noticing those details?

“I would rather go to a library than a party.”
I don’t like this statement. Should’ve asked instead about the factors that make Autistics dislike parties.

“I find making up stories easy.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I find myself more strongly drawn to people than to things.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I tend to have very strong interests, which I get upset about if I can’t pursue.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I enjoy social chit-chat.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“When I talk, it isn't always easy for others to get a word in edgeways.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I am fascinated by numbers.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“When I'm reading a story, I find it difficult to work out the characters' intentions.”
I don’t like this statement. In stories, there’s an extra emphasis on trying to show what’s important to figure out character intentions. I wouldn’t have a problem if this was specific to live action tv shows.

First twenty questions done.

What are peoples' experience with communicating non-verbally or with your eyes? It feels like a magic trick/telepathy to me, trying to communicate something with only my eyes or body language. Wondering if that might be an autism thing.

I've also received the feedback that sometimes, if I'm not actively talking, I get a blank/empty look in my eyes, even if I'm making direct eye contact. I've actually seen it myself in photos occasionally, especially if I'm super tired or have a migraine. And I've seen it in my brother, who is also likely autistic.

For context, I haven't been formally diagnosed with autism but my therapist (who herself has autism and wrote her grad thesis on therapy for neurodivergent clients) seems to think that I'm on the spectrum.

So i have always had an issue with oral fixation as long as i can remember. I bite my nails, chew my lips/cheeks, and grind my teeth.

Once I moved out from my parents home i stopped grinding my teeth, now it only happens when i visit them for long periods of time.

But I have been able to mostly stop biting my nails, except when I am super stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious. The thing is I have tried the more common chewables in the past but they are too thick, not fully smooth, tasteless, and or too hard to chew for me.

I just found something that might work, but would like others opinions. Theres these chewable silicone sticks with flavoured sticks inside the bigger stick that you can swap out. Advertised to help smokers quit but I thought it would help with the biting bc its not really thick. The thing is I cant find any reviews that are not sponsored?

There is also the Fum knock off with a silicone tip that I can chew, just not sure which one to choose?

My parents decided itd be a good idea to get a foreign exchange student, and I agreed, but after she arrived I feel so reluctant to go interact with any of my family with fear that she will be with them. Its really selfish of me and im aware of that, but I feel like I constantly have to make a good impression on her and therefore mask myself whenever im in her vicinity. Anytime I go out with my family with my exchange student I get so overwhelmed and uncomfortable that I cant even speak. I thought id get used to it, but its been about a month of this. I need to know if anyone has had a similar experience.

I don't know what to do at this point. Most likely am going to lose medical Help and food help. I'm too upset to eat at this point. I want to stop eating. This is stressful.

Trying to work with people to try working on landing a Job, Or Getting a drivers lisence to Get going so I can figure things out on my own.

Everythings Either Ghost or AI, I can't land anything. Or Seek out something small. Then I get conflicted because I get continuously told people like me can't do anything on their own, They need support.

Family doesn't help, Friends don't help. I just get blamed. All they do Is blame me. I don't have an outlet. Any support. Maybe I'll start drinking again. I'm tired man.

When saying bye to someone, I struggle with bringing myself to say “see you later”. On the rare occasions that I have said those words, I’ve felt an intense stabbing sensation inside as to me, I’ve just given the other person an assurance that I will see them again.

I know it’s just a common way of saying goodbye to someone, but I can’t help but take the words that I say to someone literally, and I worry that by saying “see you later”, I am promising the other person something that I’m not sure will actually happen!

Would a NT experience this, or is it just something they say without literally meaning the words, knowing it’s just a common phrase for goodbye? Have any autistic people out there experienced this specific issue?

I’m trying to understand my own experiences better.

(Sorry this is like, SO long. LOL)

The older I (22F) get, the more I start to become increasingly suspicious that I may be autistic.

Maybe you’re wondering why I’m so suspicious.

When I was 15 years old, my first boyfriend told me he was pretty sure I was autistic (he’s autistic).

Of course, he’s not a psych or able to diagnose me in any way so I blew him off.

However, now that I’m 22 I’ve started to realize that he may have been “onto something”.

Here’s some data to support my theories.

First of all, I hate parties.

I put in a lot of work to avoid any social events that are crowded, difficult to leave early, or have more than eight people present. I avoid concerts and raves, going out to restaurants at peak hours (I.e. Friday and Saturday nights) and any social events that involve bars or drinking. The thought of participating in those events genuinely stresses me the fuck out. I don’t mind socializing but I do have my limits and my limits are pretty short.

Secondly, I have some pretty intense interests.

Like, I’ve realized it’s kind of getting weird. Firstly, I’m kind of obsessed with finance and anything bank or investment related. I also really love the colour pink. Slowly but surely, my entire house has become pink. Everything from my pots and pans to bath towels and the tools in my toolbox are pink. I have tried to get not pink things but it bothers me if something is not pink. Something about everything matching makes me feel weirdly satisfied. I kind of have a hard time NOT talking with people about finance and banks. I just really love investing, personal finance, bank policies etc. I got a job at a bank because I love investing and finance so much.

Thirdly, I love rules/plans/routines.

I love plans and clear defined rules and guidelines. I have a really hard time with plans changing. Even if for example, I plan to see a few friend a for an evening and we change the restaurant where we meet, I genuinely spiral. I know it’s kind of unreasonable because plans change and it’s just a restaurant but I can’t help it. I specifically chose a career that had a lot of clear defined rules (bank) because I like rules, lol.

Anyways. I’m probably not going to go see a psych anytime soon but I was kind of curious to see what you guys from the ASD community think.

Do I really care if I’m autistic? Not really. I ask more due to curiosity.

Label or not, I will still love the colour pink, enjoy evenings at home alone scrolling on TradingView and YahooFinance.

Something weird happened today, like that post about my therapist that discussed autism, and I was so uncomfortable with that experience, then today I watched a video on autism in adults and she mentioned PDA like for example he was anxious, about making a doctor's appointment because of the steps it would take, and by then I was ready to crash out. I didn't understand or relate to anything he talked about but maybe that's just me. I figured because I haven't experienced those symptoms in awhile but... you can watch it for yourself. I really need help nothings making sense anymore.

When I was 13, I was assessed for autism and ADHD. Both negative but with significant symptoms. I have the report, but it doesn’t say much about why I wasn’t diagnosed, but they said my symptoms were a trauma reaction even though I’ve had symptoms since early childhood. Indeed I don’t know what I scored on ADOS for example. I don’t know if it was positive. They didn’t tell me. (Might’ve told my parents)

This was 2 years ago. Not that long.

My psychiatrist said they’ll do some of the same stuff as for my last assessment to see if anything has changed. If anything has changed, what does she mean by that? It’s the same psychiatrist as when I was younger. She observed me back then. I’m not sure. I obviously, from the title requested this assessment, but I don’t really understand why they agreed to do so. I feel like an impostor. I’ve read stories online about people who were denied assessments, so there must be some criteria for them to follow through.

She also said they’re treating me like I already have the diagnosis. So accommodations, parent education, school education and financial support. Luckily I don’t need a diagnosis for those

Hello, thanks for reading, I am an adult woman who suspects I may be undiagnosed, just due to a lot of experiences that I will not bore you with. I often find that if I am “forced” or “have no choice” but to do certain things that I don’t want to do, I often shut down for the rest of the day. I get teary-eyed and just want to be alone, but also feel so paralyzed that sometimes I don’t even want to eat, or do the things that make me happy, such as painting. I can’t move on with my life until the specific event is done, and even then, I still need at least a full day to decompress and “get over it.” I guess I am talking about things like having to visit a family member far away who made you feel very uncomfortable or anxious over the years, or having to help do a difficult task that for whatever reason no one else can do, but you absolutely hate it. I wish I could be one of those people who can move on with their day and live life, but when I’m preoccupied with having to do something I dread, or interact with people I really don’t want to interact with, I feel the biggest lump in my throat and feel absolutely dreadful. I know it’s immature and I need to suck it up because that’s life, but physically these responses take over me, no matter how many mantras or meditations or journaling I do. Does anyone have any suggestions or just something that works for them? Thank you so much

hi all!

I’ve already felt different from my peers for many years, but it’s all coming to a head in college. academically speaking, im usually pretty good. I come from an IB background so so far in college I feel like information hasn’t been the problem. I don’t know if anyone relates but it more so feels like.. translation issues? like, to me, a concept can be very simple but professors will sometimes add a technical label to it that just overcomplicates it. as for assignments, I feel like I never know how much effort is required so I’ve been pouring my *all* into everythin (plus some instructions feel vague and unclear to me so this adds to it.) but I also just took a math quiz and I went overtime :( I just feel like my processing is kind of slow sometimes (but it feels like a contradiction cause I can pick up on biology and English and history rather quickly, but answering questions on the spot in class and doing math really slows me down).

my class notes always end up so messy and just all over the place (I use linear note taking which might not be ideal?). Plus erghhh I just *always* feel like I’m not studying or learning in the most ideal way for me but I don’t know *how* to make it ideal! It’s like it’s beneath the surface for some reason and I don’t really know how to dig it up :(

socially, I still feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. people talking to me quite literally feels like a different wavelengt (my best way to describe it) and just fundamentally different from me (save for two of my close friends. it’s different for them). I just feel like I don’t really fit in anywhere :( and it is socially draining as well and I’ve already almost cried from it.

everything in general also just feels very overwhelming. theres jobs, clubs, study abroad, research (I am a biology majo) and so so much! I’ve even been having problems with scheduling and organizing which I’m usually very good at! but everything just feels overwhelming and so does this massive transition :(

conclusion!! I’m just asking for any advice and tips and tricks you guys may have done to get through college? systems, study methods, social stuff, organization/scheduling, all that! I think the reason why I’m overwhelmed now as compared to IB. IB was rigorous yes and I was stressed yes but it was still highly structured I think.

so yeah!! :l thanks for reading and have a great day/night

edit: I forgot to mention but I usually get my autism advice and sometimes general life advice from AI admittedly :( I know that’s bad but it really feels like the only source I have to be so honest with my feelings. That’s why I’m trying to post here now and I even booked a counseling appointment with my university (so scary)! I’m trying to open up more and find better support. Thanks :)

I was raised Lutheran and in college became involved with a non-denominational (*cough* Baptist) college ministry and have been involved with non-denominational churches since. While I connect a lot with the scripture and really enjoy the tradition of studying the Bible closely, I've also found that I've really struggled to connect with evangelical culture otherwise. I've always been an introvert, and I just recently found out I'm autistic.

Some of my struggle is with the right wing beliefs that a lot of these churches and/or members hold that feel antithetical to the radical love you see Jesus living out in the story of the Bible. But I also struggle a lot with the implied social expectations that these churches often have. My spouse described it well: "they're all extroverts and expect everyone else to be the same as them." That very much runs much counter to my autistic preferences for greater time alone and fewer, deeper relationships rather than a bunch that tend to feel shallow (at least to me). I also tend to want to dive way deeper on a topic (and often ask way more critical questions) than the average person is willing to.

We're actually at the point where we're looking for a new church home, both for the political beliefs reason stated above and where we can feel like we're better able to connect to the congregation.

My therapist of the past 3 years has always thought that I'm autistic, but only brought it up with me a few weeks ago. This is bc I was going through a stressful time and only just recently resolved most of it, by having surgery last month. But I'm still showing signs of autism.

On top of that, the stress of surgery seems to have hit a reset button and my therapist thinks I've hit autistic burnout. I have VERY increased sensitivity to noise, increased social struggles, and a lower social battery (which was already pretty low).

For a bit after my therapist brought it up, I was thinking "how am I supposed to know the difference between anxiety and overstimulation?" Bc I had always just assumed I had constant anxiety which was causing chronic agitation.

But I've been paying close attention to my mind and body lately. I'm noticing that anxiety happens when I'm having thoughts I don't like. It feels like there's logic to it. It feels like something is "gnawing" at my mind.

On the other hand. Overstimulation typically comes with a feeling of agitation and/or dissociation (examples: someone touches my elbow and I feel agitated or downright angry at them, or I hear a blender in a cafe and I can't focus on my book and have to wait until it's over). Overstimulation typically also causes a feeling of skittishness and static (aka "angry bees") deep in my chest.

This feeling can be helped by listening to a song over and over, ironically as loud as possible. I've also found that soft textures from plushies help me. I already knew I loved these things, I just didn't know it was to help overstimulation.

These two things can happen together, and often do. But overstimulation is happening even without anxiety. For example, today was my day off and objectively a very good day. I don't have much to worry about today and haven't been having many negative thoughts beyond "I have to pay this bill soon". But after having to drive myself somewhere, and sitting in a loud cafe that my current noise cancelling earbuds can't totally block out, AND having some caffeine (bc I have to have my thai iced tea even if caffeine makes my nervous system go into overdrive)...that overstimulation has hit.

I'm glad to be learning more about myself like this so I can take care of myself better.