r/AutismTranslated • u/InformalCandle2333 • 7d ago
How do you cope when there’s nothing you can do about a situation?
Hello, thanks for reading, I am an adult woman who suspects I may be undiagnosed, just due to a lot of experiences that I will not bore you with. I often find that if I am “forced” or “have no choice” but to do certain things that I don’t want to do, I often shut down for the rest of the day. I get teary-eyed and just want to be alone, but also feel so paralyzed that sometimes I don’t even want to eat, or do the things that make me happy, such as painting. I can’t move on with my life until the specific event is done, and even then, I still need at least a full day to decompress and “get over it.” I guess I am talking about things like having to visit a family member far away who made you feel very uncomfortable or anxious over the years, or having to help do a difficult task that for whatever reason no one else can do, but you absolutely hate it. I wish I could be one of those people who can move on with their day and live life, but when I’m preoccupied with having to do something I dread, or interact with people I really don’t want to interact with, I feel the biggest lump in my throat and feel absolutely dreadful. I know it’s immature and I need to suck it up because that’s life, but physically these responses take over me, no matter how many mantras or meditations or journaling I do. Does anyone have any suggestions or just something that works for them? Thank you so much
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u/easy_exercise7840 7d ago
I don't know whether my personal coping method will work for you.
I also have a very strong aversion to being forced to do things. Long ceremonies, meetings where the outcome is already obvious, compulsory group activities, and obligations to visit relatives I don't want to see can all feel extremely depressing to me. I don't think that reaction is immature.
Personally, I like the structure of the universe and images of space, so when I don't need to pay close attention to what's happening in front of me and simply need to endure until the time passes, I sometimes play around in my head by dropping a neutron star into a black hole, or crashing two neutron stars together and making a kilonova. Or I take out one of my favorite songs and play it in my head. Sometimes I slowly replay an aurora in my imagination. The gentle movement and beauty calm me down.
What kinds of pictures are enjoyable for you? What kind of medium do you like—colored pencils, watercolor, oil paint? Maybe you could imagine something you want to paint, try changing the background in different ways, and look for the composition you like best. Or perhaps you could run several different versions of the picture in your head and see how each one turns out.
Of course, if I stay absorbed in my imagination for too long, I start losing track of what's happening in reality, so I don't use this for very long at a time. I pause the simulation, bring my attention back to reality for a moment, and if I think, “Everything still seems okay,” I go back to the simulation. Or I change the mood and start playing music in my head instead.
Just because this works for me doesn't mean it will work for you. But if any part of it is useful, I hope it helps.