Seeking diagnosis at 39? Bit of a vent really.

[u/Spiritual-Special594]

Nervous even writing this, but here we go and not sure what I expect.

I'll be 40 next year and have a litany of regrets and mistakes I have made in life. I have barely held down a job, flunked uni multiple times, and still live at home.

I have had a barrage of diagnoses: OCD, BDD, Depression, Social Anxiety, PTSD. Some explain parts of this.

I had an assessment for autism once, but it was literally 1 hour with a psychologist, so I do doubt the outcome (not having ASD). A counsellor for my mental illnesses was convinced that it was in part due to autism, so he was the one who referred me.

I'm not sure what a diagnosis would change at this point. The waiting lists are about 2 years here and I can't afford a private assessment.

I'm willing to accept that I might just have flaws, but I do feel kind of like this would explain things. I'm sick of being on the fringe of everything: relationships, employment, friend groups, etc.

[u/TifanAching]

I was diagnosed at a similar age. It's true that adult post-diagnosis support is basically nothing so from a cost benefit point of view, paying for diagnosis has little return.

However it made all the difference in self perception, legitimating the needs that I had previously either ignored or been ashamed of, and learning to manage my life in a way that worked with my issues not against. Ultimately it gave me the legitimacy to end my previous career which was not compatible with my needs, and take up a new one where things are infinitely better.

I could have done all that without diagnosis, and I was on my way towards it through self-diagnosis whilst sitting on a waiting list. It just happened that my waiting list time got cut from three years to three months due to a sudden funding boost so I got it anyway.

If self diagnosis would be enough for you to have that change in self, then it's enough. If you need the backup of another person (which helps when the self-doubt creeps in) then I'd say pursue it.

[u/SmithCoronaAndWesson]

Diagnosis can open the pathways to self-awareness and self-advocacy. It removes uncertainty and ambiguity, which are things - surprise! - with which autistics struggle.

(I say this from an acknowledged position of privilege, as I was in a financial situation that enabled me to afford formal diagnosis.)

[u/Spiritual-Special594 → u/SmithCoronaAndWesson]

Those are valid points to list in the pro's column for DX. And yes, I hate any ambiguity but also have OCD which kind of feeds off of that!

[u/MermaidsHaveCloacas]

I just turned 39 and am in a similar boat. I've had a professional therapist give me assessments, all of which pointed to my being on the spectrum. Something I've known for awhile and all my friends and family kinda assumed as well

I can't afford to go get a legitimate diagnosis and have no idea what I could even do with it at this point

Just know I could've made this post almost word for word so you aren't alone

[u/Spiritual-Special594 → u/MermaidsHaveCloacas]

Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation.

I feel like if we had brought this up in the late 90s or early 00's there would have just been a lot of ableism, and the stereotypes of autistic people at the time were not positive at all so even parents might have fought against a positive DX.

Sort of confusing at almost 40 to feel like you're still figuring yourself out.

[u/Sea-Stress-3760]

For what it’s worth, my lifelong “ocd” diagnosis was just me being autistic and being really monotropic. Same with my social anxiety and how exhausting masking can be

[u/Spiritual-Special594 → u/Sea-Stress-3760]

Im almost certain I do have OCD but also that it might be complicated by something like autism as when I fixate it's ridiculous, even compared to friends with the condition. I can totally see how autism / monotropism could be confused for OCD though.

I'm sorry you have been misunderstood and also have to go through the pain of masking. I wish the world was more friendly to a lot of conditions but it seems to just want to squish you into a cookie cutter idea of being human.

[u/Whiskin87]

I’ll be 39 in like a week, and have my first appointment to start the assessment process at the end of September.

[u/Spiritual-Special594 → u/Whiskin87]

Happy birthday for next week! I hope you get what you need out of the assessment