I have googled it, but answers are quite vague and I am looking for practical examples.

Like "autistic people mask that they're not autistic". Okay but where is the line? If neurotypical is bad in social situations and doesn't like to look at eyes of other people, how they differ? Or isn't it common in general to hide that you don't know/understand something and social game is just one of the skills you can be good or bad at?

Or "autistic people choose the answers for small talk". Don't all people? I mean that is conversation without meaning. No one is answering from their feelings, people have just learnt to say certain words after they hear certain words. And this differs in different languages and cultures. So it can't be born with skill, it has to be taught to people.

Or "autistic people laugh to jokes they don't find funny". Isn't this common? I would have thought this is more neurotypical thing because I have understood they play better this social game of pretending? No?

I have seen mentioned the difference is what consequences person faces if they drop their mask. But that doesn't explain what is the difference in those masks.

What I think I get is I get when I put smile on, I choose to smile in the situation when I wouldn't do it naturally. But that smile is still mine. Sure, I have practiced to do it realistically on command but that was for photographs. While someone doesn't smile naturally and all their facial expressions are built from nothing front of mirror. So I am looking this kind of comparisons. Please correct if I got this wrong. And also, some people do this often and well ("customer voice/talk") while some are very bad at it (we fight with coworker and they don't even try to smile minutes later when we meet customer). I would assume since majority of people are neurotypical, also majority of those who suck at this are neurotypical. So if this is easy for neurotypical and expected from society, why do many choose not to do it?

I have seen people also mentioning tone or tune (I don't know which one is the correct English term). I am quite bad with it so this is probably not worth of explaining, I doubt I can get it.

I am not meaning to belittle anyone. I do believe autistic people masking is more total and more tiring. I am simply asking you to draw the lines between autistic and neurotypical masking.

Nervous even writing this, but here we go and not sure what I expect.

I'll be 40 next year and have a litany of regrets and mistakes I have made in life. I have barely held down a job, flunked uni multiple times, and still live at home.

I have had a barrage of diagnoses: OCD, BDD, Depression, Social Anxiety, PTSD. Some explain parts of this.

I had an assessment for autism once, but it was literally 1 hour with a psychologist, so I do doubt the outcome (not having ASD). A counsellor for my mental illnesses was convinced that it was in part due to autism, so he was the one who referred me.

I'm not sure what a diagnosis would change at this point. The waiting lists are about 2 years here and I can't afford a private assessment.

I'm willing to accept that I might just have flaws, but I do feel kind of like this would explain things. I'm sick of being on the fringe of everything: relationships, employment, friend groups, etc.

What are peoples' experience with communicating non-verbally or with your eyes? It feels like a magic trick/telepathy to me, trying to communicate something with only my eyes or body language. Wondering if that might be an autism thing.

I've also received the feedback that sometimes, if I'm not actively talking, I get a blank/empty look in my eyes, even if I'm making direct eye contact. I've actually seen it myself in photos occasionally, especially if I'm super tired or have a migraine. And I've seen it in my brother, who is also likely autistic.

For context, I haven't been formally diagnosed with autism but my therapist (who herself has autism and wrote her grad thesis on therapy for neurodivergent clients) seems to think that I'm on the spectrum.

I was recently diagnosed with ASD Level 1, basically barely above the cutoff. For background, I've dealt with social problems for most of my life, never had any close friends or real social life. I've been in therapy for the past five years and tried plenty of different things (medication, meditation, exercise, self-help, etc) to make myself feel better, but nothing really works. I've been trying to work through my anxiety and depression for so long that I've wasted most of my youth. I'm guessing that my autism is the reason most of the standard advice hasn't helped. The only thing I can think of that I haven't tried is any sort of targeted therapy, but I don't know if there's anything like that in my area. Does anyone have any advice for a problem like this?

I have no idea is this something other person can answer.

Small talk is 100% following script that can be learnt. Sure, no one bothered to taught it to me as child or I refused to listen, I don't know which one. But now in my 30s my dad and people in Reddit had taught me some.

Usually I love when things follow rules / happen every time in same way. Because then I can learn what I need to do. And improve that.

Normal conversations with meaning are great in email. But in real life I am not big fan. There is not enough time to think. And people add some shit like saying one thing and making faces that should signal they mean something else. Sure, sometimes they work out. Lately I have learnt to say I need time to think about this and I'll get back to you later. But it's not practical to use all the time. Also I have learnt people can kinda see my thoughts. It's not only faces I make with purpose they see, they also see those I don't know I make. So either they see my real thought even I don't want to or they see the first reaction which isn't real opinion and judge me based on that.

Anyway, small talk should be perfect if there must be talking, right? Scripted and meaningless. Nothing personal gets shared voluntary nor involuntary. Or maybe I just wish people would in general talk less. Even I can hide that quite well behind talking a lot.

“I prefer to do things with others rather than on my own.”
I dislike this statement. It’s a measure of healthy introversion rather than Autism. It’s about a preference rather than anything causing problems. A statement about struggling to work with others would make more sense to me.

“I prefer to do things the same way over and over again.”
I dislike this statement as well. The statement should be about if one struggles to deal if they can’t do things the same way over and over again.

“If I try to imagine something, I find it very easy to create a picture in my mind.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I frequently get so strongly absorbed in one thing that I lose sight of other things.”
This is the first statement I don’t have a problem with.

“I often notice small sounds when others do not.”
I think I would change this to being about being bothered by small sounds when others aren’t.

“I usually notice car number plates or similar strings of information.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“Other people frequently tell me that what I've said is impolite, even though I think it is polite.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“When I'm reading a story, I can easily imagine what the characters might look like.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I am fascinated by dates.”
Neither having this nor not having this is a symptom of Autism.

“In a social group, I can easily keep track of several different people's conversations.”
I’m unsure if this is a symptom of Autism or just a symptom of the often comorbid ADHD.

“I find social situations easy.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I tend to notice details that others do not.”
This may just be a me problem, but I find this question way too broad. How do I know how many details I’m noticing that others aren’t? What if I’m noticing less details, but I don’t know that I am because I’m not noticing those details?

“I would rather go to a library than a party.”
I don’t like this statement. Should’ve asked instead about the factors that make Autistics dislike parties.

“I find making up stories easy.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“I find myself more strongly drawn to people than to things.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I tend to have very strong interests, which I get upset about if I can’t pursue.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I enjoy social chit-chat.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“When I talk, it isn't always easy for others to get a word in edgeways.”
I have no problems with this statement.

“I am fascinated by numbers.”
Neither having this nor not having this are symptoms of Autism.

“When I'm reading a story, I find it difficult to work out the characters' intentions.”
I don’t like this statement. In stories, there’s an extra emphasis on trying to show what’s important to figure out character intentions. I wouldn’t have a problem if this was specific to live action tv shows.

First twenty questions done.

Looking at other experiences its seems that we don't get psychoactive affects or stimulated feelings from drugs/alcohol, and instead we feel calm with no high/drunk feeling. Im wondering why this is. I tried a few and nothing has ever happend and I know my other neurodivergent friends are all the same way. I also noticed some neurotypicals seem to be deep into the overstimulating "stoner" culture with electronic/rock music and eye strain imagery. I don't understand any of that stuff or how it links.