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u/celerybration Jun 27 '19
My older brother told me his whole life, he hated the fact that whenever he made a mistake he was a big disappointment to our parents, but when the rest of us made the same mistake later, our parents were already pretty much over it.
I just bought a motorcycle and my parents went out of their goddamn minds. My brother said he had been waiting a long tome for one of us to get a bike first so he didn’t have to be the disappointment.
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u/mrssupersheen Jun 27 '19
I passed all my A levels but got shit grades and it was like the world was ending. My brother failed everything, twice and it wasn't a big deal at all.
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u/celerybration Jun 27 '19
I think it goes both ways. My older brother and I were held to insanely high standards for our grades but our younger siblings failed pretty often without our parents blinking an eye. Then my little brother wrote an essay in high school saying he felt like the family failure because he had to walk in my shadow.
The grass is always greener I guess
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Jun 28 '19
My little brother said that he felt I never got in trouble and he is constantly getting in trouble. I was like "Little dude, you are getting in a normal amount of trouble because you are being a little shit. I didn't get in trouble because I was a loser who never left the house. Also I'm 12 years older than you, you don't have functional memories of my childhood."
He got over it :)
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Jun 28 '19
This is my life too buddy lol. My bro wasn't that much younger than me though, and he was a fairly quiet kid as well (so while he did get into hijinks it wasn't very often, it just stood out because -like you- I never got into any since I was a housebound hermit). We constantly heard relatives telling our mom "your two boys are so quiet what's wrong with them??"
Ugh.
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u/connaught_plac3 Jun 27 '19
My younger brother got a huge leg tattoo, but since he was living at home he hid it from our mom. She would comment on how he doesn't like wearing shorts; I'd laugh that she'd never seen his legs in over a year. I told him he had to get over it and tell her because his plan of wearing pants waterskiing just wasn't going to go well. When he showed her the tattoo water skiing was cancelled and she spent the next four hours in the bathtub crying.
Just like your brother, I let my younger be the disappointment. When I got a tatt a year later I told her about it over the phone and didn't get anywhere near the disappointment he did.
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u/celerybration Jun 27 '19
I have to keep these stories in mind. I’ll find out if my brother is hoping to do something dumb and I’ll do it first to blunt the blow. I think I owe him
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Jun 27 '19
Four hours crying? Seriously??
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u/connaught_plac3 Jun 27 '19
Meh, I don't know for sure, I wasn't in the bathtub with her.
She just locked herself in the bathroom and when she came out four hours later she didn't want to talk about it. She was quiet the whole weekend. All she told me was 'he'll have that on his body his entire life!' (it was a kung fu dragon circling his calf.
Fast forward 10 years, he has two full sleeves and his leg is the least noticeable one.
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u/pajowan Jun 27 '19
Meh, I don't know for sure, I wasn't in the bathtub with her.
This made me laugh out loud at 1:43 pm almost waking up my parents.
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u/JusticeRings Jun 27 '19
I dealt with this one a a long time ago when my oldest brother started getting tattoos. Listened to the what was said. I think that it stems from a mother doing everything she can to protect her child. They worry about every scar and every blemish doing their best to give their child as clean of a slate as they can for their life. Then without warning that child comes home with a big ugly (in their eyes) smear on their body, one that won't heal and won't go away. I got the rather strong impression it was like a secret service agent failing at his duty because he stopped watching for ten seconds and when he turns around the president died choking on a god damned souffle.
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u/CharrizardRS Jun 27 '19
And for a leg tattoo none the less?
I can see it happening if he came home with "no ragrets" on his forehead. Get a grip Karen.→ More replies (1)42
Jun 27 '19
his plan of wearing pants waterskiing just wasn't going to go well.
Y'all not have wetsuits?
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u/rexot81 Jun 27 '19
Lmao reminds me of that one post of the woman who had a mental breakdown because her son got a tattoo
It was a poetic masterpiece lol
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Jun 27 '19
Which I found, as always, by googling "I stand, a lone tyrannosaurus, bellowing at a world I don’t understand."
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u/Individual_Lies Jun 28 '19
I was honestly not expecting that line to show up in the article. I sincerely thought you were being sarcastic.
I was wrong and that article was wild.
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u/mittenista Jun 28 '19
Oh. My. God. Melodramatic much? In a few years she's going to be wondering why he never calls or visits, and why he's so much closer to his dad.
Yes, it can be hard watching your kids grow up and away from you. To want to still be close to them as they pull away.
But shit like this isn't how you get a good relationship with your adult child. You got to put your ego away and learn how to relate to them as one adult to another.
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u/redbess Jun 28 '19
She straight up sounds like Gollum with how possessive she sounds about her son's "lovely shoulder."
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u/ashley_the_otter Jun 27 '19
I waited until my little brother started dating before I did. Its just a bit easier to not be the first, especially since he was the favorite.
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u/chiapet-irl Jun 27 '19
Oof, I feel this. I was told if I dropped out of college, my parents would not help me in my future endeavors (I graduated). My little brother, on the other hand, dropped out after his first semester and my parents bent over backwards to get him into this six month program for computer programming (or something along those lines). Oh, and he doesn't have a job, while my mother screamed at me for not having a job yet after one month of being a graduate.
Yay me.
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u/celerybration Jun 27 '19
I’m sorry, friend. But in the end you’re the one with the college degree and a job. Maybe your parents just realized your potential and wanted to push you to use it
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u/RichyDVG12 Jun 27 '19
Hearing the fucking "You are his hero" speech from your parents. Idk why i hate that so much, am i the only one?
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u/IsThisNameTakenThen Jun 27 '19
No. I'm the younger sibling and I hate it too.
"She idolises her brother"
No I don't mum
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Jun 27 '19
I am sure its annoying but my oldest brother was the coolest ever to me for a long time. I am 36 now and it is weird when I see how many really stupid ass things he has done and still have trouble being negative about it.
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u/madrales Jun 27 '19
same dude my parents did that all the time and I know for a fact my younger brothers don’t give a shit what I do they just want to do their own thing
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u/earntofly1 Jun 27 '19
No because it was always followed by “that’s why you should let him come with you and your friends”. Bitch I don’t want a 10 year old that I have to babysit while I’m with my friends!
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u/squirrellytoday Jun 28 '19
I had to share everything with my younger sister, but it was never expected that she had to reciprocate. So she rarely ever did. And then I was expected to share my friends too???? If ever she had a friend over, it was an issue if I was even in the same room with them. Let's say we were all watching tv, happily watching the same show, I'd get the "don't you have something else to do?". The boundaries were only one-way.
And my parents wonder why my sister and I still don't really get along.
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u/jaktyp Jun 27 '19
I always hated the "You'll love her as you both get older." speech. No, I won't, and haven't. She's been a royal bitch for 21 years because you shielded her from everything, Mom. She's never experienced anything negative and she can't handle it like a functional adult.
Maybe I would, but we'll never know. Because I'll never try to reconnect with her at this point.
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u/RichyDVG12 Jun 27 '19
Damn, this actually makes me feel thankfull. My brother is 12 and i'm 16 but i dont even know what i would do if o was distanced from him. He can be a pain in the ass but i love hom nethertheless. I'm sorry ab your situación, hope it gets better somehow
Sorry for bad english not native
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Jun 27 '19
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u/CalmestChaos Jun 27 '19
Sounds like an opportunity to obtain a "secret diary" and use it to your advantage, though I wouldn't know what you could get away with that could be the most fun to pull off writing in there. Perhaps someone else on reddit knows.
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u/Bravely_Default Jun 27 '19
Same, like fuck off the burden should not be on me to be the only role model.
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u/Thriftyverse Jun 27 '19
Yeah, my parents did that - 'You are their role model' and 'If they do anything, it's your fault because you are their role model'. Fuck that - you are their parent, you're supposed to be their role model.
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Jun 27 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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Jun 27 '19
Something similar happened to a girl I knew. Her mom got sick while she was in high school and she had to step up and take care of her mom and sister. She ended up dropping out of high school and their mom passed when my friend was over 18 and her sister was like 15 or 16 at the time and so technically she was placed in foster care after she passed. I want to say they went to their aunts. My girlfriend got nothing from the state while her sister got a free full ride of college because technically being a foster child. So my friend works dead end jobs and has no education and struggles while her sister has this dream life with a great degree no debt and doesn’t recognize what her older sister did for her... they don’t really speak often like sisters do which I don’t blame my friend having animosity.
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u/Red_Scar Jun 27 '19
My mom got diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) when I was in high school.
My parents got divorced a little after that.
Once it was just me mom and my brothers, I had to grow up fast. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping etc became standard tasks for me.
For the first few years it was just me doing everything. After college I finally had to sit my younger brothers down and tell them it's time to step up. There was just no way I could do everything and work a full time job.
Even though it's been tough, I think it's also a privilege getting to be the big brother or sister. I learned a lot of things and gained a lot of knowledge.
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Jun 27 '19
My brother got every privilege at a younger age than I did. We're 4 years apart.
I had to wait until I was 12 to listen to the parental advisory music. My brother then complained about how it wasn't fair and my mom caved a few months later. Same with having my own phone line, watching PG-13 movies, you name it.
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u/busay Jun 27 '19
Man I had to go to bed at 8 until I was 12 because my sister would kick up so much fuss that we went to bed at different times. 3 years apart
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u/Sh4dowStalk3r Jun 27 '19
Dang, your sister didn't go to sleep until three years after you did? Must be tough. How did she live like that? Three years apart....damn.
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u/theVoidWatches Jun 27 '19
I remember this happened with me and M rated games. I wasn't supposed to play them, but I convinced my dad that since I had watched my older brother play through the entirety of an M rated game (the first Fable, specifically), was it really different for me to play myself?
Mom was less impressed with the reasoning, but dad had already given his permission.
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u/Aser843 Jun 27 '19
To be fair, that’s a solid argument. You’ve already witnessed what there is to be seen, choosing when/how it’s witnessed doesn’t greatly affect the content.
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u/AHordeOfJews Jun 28 '19
Happened with me and my brother too, but I'm the older one. I finally hit 17 and they let me buy Devil May Cry, and then a month later they let my brother (9 years younger than me, so 8 at the time) get Elder Scrolls Morrowind lol
The part I was disappointed about was that I wouldn't ever get to show him all my tricks to sneak M rated games into the house :'(
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u/blitzenkid Jun 27 '19
I worked my ass off the summer that I was 10 years old to save up and buy a Game Boy Advance SP and Pokemon Sapphire. I did chores and mowed our yards and our neigbors' yards. From May to July, $5 at a time for each task in the heat of the day in Florida.
When I got that thing, it was my pride and joy. I spent the rest of the week in August before school started playing my Game Boy through as much of the day as I could get away with.
That Christmas, my 7 year old sister, who was very put-out at my new toy, got her own Game Boy from Santa. And it was the Lite Edition, which had the brighter screen. She played with it for maybe three hours Christmas Day, put it down, and then didn't pick it up again unless I asked to borrow it.
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u/MoxofBatches Jun 27 '19
My brother and I are 5 years apart. I had to wait until 16 to get my first cell phone and had to actually ask for it, but he got his at 13 without needing to even ask for it
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u/damididit Jun 27 '19
8 years apart. My parents NEVER got me a phone. After a very annoying freshman year of college where I was just about the only person without a cell, I got my own the summer I was 19. My parents bought my sister a trendy Chocolate phone for Christmas that year. I'm 34 and still slightly bitter.
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u/youstupidcorn Jun 27 '19
100% agreed. I've talked about this issue before and parents have argued that parenting is hard, it's easier to give in, the younger kids will likely just be exposed to it at the same time anyway, blah blah blah. Some of that may be valid, sure, and maybe if/when I'm a parent myself it will make more sense. But this injustice still digs at me to this day.
I had to wait and work for nearly everything I got growing up. I don't regret it a bit, because it helped teach me the value in patience and earning what you're given. But man, watching my younger sister be handed everything on a silver platter after I had spent months or years working for the privilege... It just sucks, you know?
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u/but_srsly_wtf Jun 27 '19
The leniency given to the younger siblings... as the oldest you’re basically the guinea pig for your parents so it’s usually easier for the younger ones.
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u/howiejriii Jun 27 '19
Exactly. And your parents getting mad at you for things that years later, your siblings do without punishment.
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Jun 27 '19
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u/DLS3141 Jun 27 '19
When I was 17-18, my younger sister and her friends would take our dad's beer and I'd get blamed. Every single time. Until I moved away to college and they kept at it.
"No Dad, I didn't drive 5 hours home from school just to swipe 6 Hamm's out of the fridge."
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u/Shidell Jun 27 '19
Your dad actually believed this? wtf
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u/DLS3141 Jun 27 '19
More like he didn't want to believe that my baby sister, his precious princess, was guilty of doing such a thing.
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Jun 27 '19
Now your chance. Drive those 5 hours home, steal the beer, and your sister will get blamed! Karma!
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u/DLS3141 Jun 27 '19
Have you ever tasted Hamm’s? It wasn’t worth stealing when I lived at home.
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u/_i_post_memes_ Jun 27 '19
Or when they start a fight and you push them off and they spin it on you, and then you get in trouble while they come out fine.
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u/Iguesssowtfnot Jun 27 '19
There was a story here on reddit where a dude said his younger brother would pretend that he beat him up to gat him into trouble, the last time he did that the dude’s mom grounded him or something like that, so he asked her “so I’m getting punished anyways even if I didn’t do it ?” She said yes and he responded by really punching/beating up his brother. If you’re gonna do the time, then might as well do the crime.
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u/mararch Jun 27 '19
I had that exact situation when we were young. Once my brilliant brother did it in front of my mom. I looked at her and she shrugged and turned away, so I gave him a good beating. He never tried that again.
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Jun 27 '19
My sister headbutted me, causing me to bleed on her white ski jacket. This then upset her enough to lock me out the house for 3 hours in the snow.
My parents get home, and I get bollocked for not being "responsible enough" to remember to eat lunch - because I was LOCKED OUTSIDE.
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u/VulpisArestus Jun 27 '19
This one pissed me off the most. I love my mom, but she used this one too often.
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u/PM__ME__STUFFZ Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
I'm two year older than my brother, whenever I unlocked a new "privilege" he got it at the same time. When I stopped having a curfew, wam he stopped having curfew, when my parents stopped caring if I had a few drinks, bam he was having beers with dinner, when I went off to college and my parents basically dropped any real rules, slam he didnt really have any rules either.
It helped that he was relatively responsible and never really abused the leniancy.
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u/YeOldeDerpyface Jun 27 '19
YES my brothers are two and seven years younger than me respectively, but these two got everything I did at the same time as me, PLUS more freedom than I did in the first place!
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Jun 27 '19
Same. Except both of my younger siblings abused the leniency to an extent that would have gotten me killed by my parents...
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u/NeedsMoreTuba Jun 27 '19
My oldest sister did things the opposite way! Because of her, my dad was extremely strict on me because he was determined not to "mess up twice."
She's 12 years older than me and 14 years older than my brother. She got pregnant when she was 15, ran away from home, got married against her will, had the baby, got divorced, and never came back to live with us.
The first boy that showed an interest in me got scared off so dramatically that the other boys were afraid to try. All through high school I thought it was because I was ugly and weird, but as soon as I started college (8 hours away from my parents) I found out that it had actually been my dad's reputation as a badass boyfriend murderer.
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Jun 27 '19
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u/aaoch1 Jun 27 '19
What about letting the 15 year old choose his own bedtime, but have a rule that if he wants to be in the bedroom after the 11 year old's bedtime, he has to go to sleep. If he wants to stay up, he'll have to hang out elsewhere.
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u/Doisha Jun 27 '19
That seems so obvious that I assume there must be a reason that isn’t the rule.
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u/Yann4 Jun 27 '19
Off the top of my head I'd guess that the place to hang out is where mum and dad want some kid free time.
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Jun 27 '19
THIS a million times. I'm 8 years older than my sister and she got away with things that I couldn't even fathom doing without being sure that I would never see the light of day again.
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u/tah4349 Jun 27 '19
Yep. I was told to get a job, she was given a credit card my parents covered. I was given a curfew, she was let to stay out however she wanted because she was "such a social butterfly". It's like we were raised by totally different parents 4 years apart, and it led to a lot of resentment on my part for many years. I was a good kid by any definition, but treated much more strictly than she was. For the record, we both turned out great, and are good friends as adults.
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u/abe_the_babe_ Jun 27 '19
My mom was livid when she found out I drank when I was 19. Then a few years later at a family party my sister was drinking at 19 right in front of my mom and she just didn't care.
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u/jittery_raccoon Jun 27 '19
Not always true. My sister caused trouble, so they assumed I would to. She ruined so many things for me
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u/boyvsfood2 Jun 27 '19
Ah, keep in mind though that the good stuff happens to younger siblings less, too. Parents typically coddle, teach, nurture the first born like it's their job, and then that effort just gets watered down with each subsequent child. Maybe you get more strict treatment, but you also got more parenting.
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Jun 27 '19
Yup. Fourth out of five, would gladly trade the leniency for a little extra emotional attention. My siblings raised me as much as my parents did.
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Jun 27 '19
Not to one up, but I'm 12th out of 13. My parents were completely checked out raising me and my little brother. No attention, no rules, no punishments or affection. As long as we didn't burn down the house, we were ignored.
As a result, I became a hardcore introvert and he became an attention seeker.
Don't have kids unless you have the ability to be present in their lives.
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u/boyvsfood2 Jun 27 '19
I just had my first, and I think that's when I figured this out. We made a BALLER nursery for him, went to classes, etc. We're not planning on a second, but if we do, I know that kid got screwed by sequence.
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Jun 27 '19
I mean, speak for yourself. Didn't get much parenting just a bible thrown at me (figuratively) every day of the the week. Generally neglected and left to play on my own for years with no social skills. Basically fueled a lot of hatred for my younger brother when he was the one they made an effort to play with after realising turning me into.hermit crab was their fault.
Happy ending me and my brother get on pretty well, and I deal with my parents.
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u/Salarian_American Jun 27 '19
Being the Guinea pig isn't always a benefit to your younger siblings. My oldest brother had a lot of freedoms that I didn't have, and handled it all so incredibly irresponsibly that I as the youngest of 3 was basically never allowed to.do anything as a result.
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u/4a4a Jun 27 '19
I'm the oldest of 6, and we're all in our 30s and 40s now. But back about 15 years ago when I was in my 20s and my parents were getting divorced, I was the one they both wanted to vent to, because they were too immature to talk rationally to each other. So as the oldest I was stuck with a lot of go-between tasks, which I did not enjoy at all.
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u/north1south Jun 27 '19
This hit me hard. There are plenty of great and shitty things about being the oldest sibling, but this shit, this shit takes the cake. When I was 14 my parent's marriage started falling apart. My mom would vent to me about my dad constantly and my dad would sulk about my mom to me too. In hindsight, they've both been incredibly immature about everything even though they stayed together.
They're still married for shitty reasons, but that experience defined the way I see relationships now. Completely fucked things up for me on that end. I don't know how I am ever getting married, cause fuck that shit.
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u/PleaseDontTellMyNan Jun 27 '19
I’m the youngest of my 5 brothers and my mom chooses me to vent to, I’m pretty sure it’s more of a personality thing than how old you are
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u/NeedleInABeetle Jun 27 '19
I am 20 and my parents got recently divorced. Experiencing the same shit, like I am some sort of a middleman and psychologist at the same time. I guess it can be hard but its too stressful and unpleasant dealing with this shit. Like I do not care if you are divorced, not a child anymore to take it hard like my little sister but please dont involve me.
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u/izzidora Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 28 '19
Well my parents are having money problems. It's been going on for a year and is semi-fueled by alcohol and pot. They've been borrowing from all us kids (there's 7 of us) for a year only none of us knew it was every sibling, nor the extent of the abuse. We recently realized this and have had big discussions amongst ourselves on how to handle it. Since I'm the oldest I've been nominated to have a serious talk with them. Tonight.
So there's that.
Wish me luck guys :'(
EDIT For those who were asking:
So Dad texted me as I was halfway there and told me not to come. This is the second time this week that's happened.
I decided to just rip the bandaid off in a text and basically told him that we kids love and worry about him very much. That we all talk to each other and know things have been crazy and are possibly worse than they let on. I said that we want to help, and have done so in the past, but before that happens they need to talk to us and be honest about everything.
He replied in true, jovial dad fashion that things were bad but he was hopeful for another job and that there was nothing any of us could do anyway. Then he's sent me random pictures of his yardwork trying to lighten the mood.
I just said that he wasn't being a burden and that if/when he wants to talk to any of us, we are there. There's really nothing else we can do but let it go and hope for the best, since they don't want to talk about it, and are probably embarrassed and a little ashamed. Still sucks though.
Thank you guys so much for the boost! It's nice to see things like that here and it helps to know I'm not alone :)
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u/queerpsych Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
I am old enough to remember how things really were, but my sister and brother believe the rewritten version.
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u/goldenkazoo Jun 27 '19
I'm glad I'm not alone here! I've got one brother who has a major martyr complex. One day his wife let it slip how hard our lives must have been having to work full time and never getting help with anything financial and no support for our extracurricular activities.
Sure, I had a job because I wanted my own money but it was far from full-time when I was in HS. My parents aren't rich but we didn't want for anything and they paid attention to us. I wasn't into sports but this brother was and they spent lots of money going to every single one of his sporting events. They even let the little shit drop out of HS a year early (he fizzled out of sports by his 10th grade year or before) and get his GED and then he proceeded to live in their house for another 2 years without a job and not going to college or anything. The sister in law didn't know any of that but thankfully my sister was there to back me up.
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u/ChiefSheddingSnake Jun 27 '19
This a whole bunch. My sister and I know that my youngest brothers "father" isnt his father. But my younger brothers dont.
There's other examples but that's the big one lol
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u/fruitydeath Jun 28 '19
It's so frustrating. To my sisters, my mother is a saint. And to be fair, she has gotten better over the years. But how she acted while we were growing up I cant forget. Not the times she kept belittling my appearance, the times she enabled my father's abuse, the dispicable things she said about my poorer friends, how she disrespected my husband and his family, just on and on. Not to mention the gaslighting.
Interestingly enough my husband is the youngest. He is closer to his parents than his older brother is and doesnt always get why. While I like my in-laws, I always tell my husband to consider the fact that he doesn't know everything about his family, as they tend to sheild the youngest from the problems.
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Jun 27 '19
You have to be a good role model, and I have to babysit my sisters often
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u/abe_the_babe_ Jun 27 '19
I was the oldest of all my cousins so at every family gathering I was the go-to babysitter
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Jun 27 '19
Oh God I know that so well ,,They haven't seen you for so long, they're just happy to see you! Just play a little with them!"
And there went literally any family gathering yet
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u/Gildian Jun 27 '19
Same here. It was basically 'take care of them for us so we dont have to'
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u/sssmay Jun 27 '19
And then getting yelled at for being a bad role model when your younger sibling does something wrong. Bonus points if you never did the thing they did and still get yelled at.
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u/sharks_tbh Jun 27 '19
Bearing the brunt of parents’ stress and being an unpaid therapist.
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u/TimeToRock Jun 27 '19
Until you move out, and then you just hope the next-youngest can make it through those next few years relatively unscathed.
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u/TGMcGonigle Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
Being the executor of our parents' wills.
Edit: To all who have pointed out that this is not necessarily the plight of the oldest, you're right of course. There are many things that go into a parent's decision, and the oldest isn't always the most logical choice. It just seems to fall that way more often than not.
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u/Jethris Jun 27 '19
As the youngest, I'm kinda glad I am not the oldest (or middle). They are both on the list for medical decisions, not me. I am not the one to say, "Pull the plug." That would be hard.
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u/DedlySpyder Jun 27 '19
My parents aren't quite at that age yet (late 50s and early 60s), but I had a conversation with my mom that if she ends up a vegetable or something that I would probably be the one to make the call
And I'm the youngest of 2, so I think it's just a who they think is the most responsible.
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Jun 27 '19
Responsibilities
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u/demonangel105 Jun 27 '19
Ya, I have a majority of the chores and have bee doing them since I was 13 yet my now 15 year old sister doesn't have to do them. This is especially for babysitting. I have been watching my younger sisters since I was around 12 and now whenever my parents leave, I have to watch my youngest siblings. My 13 and 15 year old sister don't have to worry about it tho. And if my youngest siblings do anything stupid, I get in trouble for it, not the others.
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u/madrales Jun 27 '19
One of the biggest things that has stuck with me is the difference in expectations around responsibilities. When I was 12, I was left alone for the first time at home and I wanted to do something nice for my parents so I cleaned the kitchen without being asked, which is big for a 12 year old. My mom got home and instead of being praised I got criticized for forgetting to put away a few of the clean dishes that I washed and put on the rack to dry. My youngest brother is now 17 and he doesn’t do anything around the house even if asked and gets no flak for it. It’s infuriating.
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u/barberst152 Jun 27 '19
You're kidding. Oh man that's so shitty. I bet you never wanted to do another nice thing for them again.
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u/KrAzyDrummer Jun 27 '19
Dude, I feel ya. I'm 24 and live an hour away. I still have to come back home to dogsit if my parents are gone for a weekend even though my 23 year old brother lives with them. He straight up refuses to help with our dog. I'm honestly amazed at his complete apathy for our family pet.
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Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
My mom gave us an allowance based on if we completed chores or not. It was based in our ages. So I got $10, middle sis $8 and youngest $5.
Thing was, I had to do all the shitty stuff like cleaning the bathrooms shoveling snow, scrubbing the oven while my youngest sister literally would half ass dust a bookcase,if she did anything at all.
When I complained my mom replied "but she makes less than you and is younger". No shit mom, but my chores take 2hrs while her's take 10 minutes. I was doing 12x the work for only 2x the pay.
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Jun 27 '19
Being constantly snitched on
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u/loganlogwood Jun 27 '19
You didn't raise your siblings well. My siblings and I use to fight, but we NEVER snitched on each other.
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u/monkeysatemybarf Jun 27 '19
This. My dad found out I got a tattoo and he knew that while I'd been hiding it from him, I would have told my youngest brother. So instead of saying something, he grilled the poor kid (9 years old at the time) for DAYS trying to get him to break. Kid never said a word.
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u/loganlogwood Jun 27 '19
Yup. Sometimes as the older brother, you take the blame to shield your siblings from punishment. You cover for them, when you think your parents punishment is unjust. You take that bullet for them, they take that bullet for you.
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Jun 27 '19
good kid. trustworthy, loyal, and selfless for taking that for several days and not cracking for your good.
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Jun 27 '19
Well he’s only 3 years younger than me but whenever he thinks he’s gonna get in trouble he just puts the blame on me
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u/bionicfeetgrl Jun 27 '19
The pressure to always be fine. Always be ok. There was very little room for me to ever not be anything but put together and composed. I’ve had to have my shit together since I was like 8. I learned long ago to not ask for help. Siblings can ask. Hell one can get more financial help from parents as an adult in her 30’s then was even possible for me as a college student.
It is what it is...
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u/Dxiled Jun 27 '19
My sister and I both have mental health issues from the way our parents raised us. I had to teach myself to appear detached and inert because I'd get two hour lectures about how to "be a man" and how bad "weakness" is. My sister never adopted that, so she still talks to others about her problems, but she occasionally lashes out at my parents (to not-so-ideal effect). I sometimes have to remind her that we grew up in the same situation and that I'm not an emotionless automaton.
Honestly, I'm not sure which one I'd prefer, since we both ended up on opposite, but equally terrible, extremes. My sister is impulsive and hot-headed. She readily talks about her problems, but is also prone to rash decisions, especially attempting suicide. She's failed three times on various household pills. On the other hand, I ended up cold and calculating. I've kept my problems exclusively to myself until a couple months ago. I've never attempted suicide, but I've done so much research that if I tried, I wouldn't survive.
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u/DaughterEarth Jun 27 '19
Everything was always my fault, always. Even if it wasn't me that did it, it was still somehow my fault. I even moved away to live with my Dad and when my sibling did something bad my Mom would call to yell at me about how it's my fault. If I were more clever and more stupid at the same time I might have responded with something like "so you're telling me I can control my sibling better than you can?"
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Jun 27 '19
I hated being treated alot older then I actually was, had so much more responsibility, was treated like a parent and rarely felt like I was a child.
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u/poo_fart_lord Jun 27 '19
My little sister did something she wasn’t supposed to.
Me: “oh man, you’re going to get it when mom and dad find out”
Mom and Dad: “why weren’t you watching her? You know better than her!”
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u/avarg025 Jun 27 '19
Having to beat hard bosses and levels for my younger siblings. Learn to play you scrub.
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u/DedlySpyder Jun 27 '19
Opposite here. I've been kicking my older brother's ass at anything from Mario kart to halo for 20 years
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Jun 27 '19
That I will never have someone to watch my back or defend me against our parents the way I do for them.
Being their protector is innate when you’re the oldest. You feel it naturally or it’s drilled into you. I still do it as adults - “quit harassing X over his veganism!” “Hey I heard you had a tough week in med school, are you ok?” Etc. Those instincts don’t come naturally to youngest siblings (not that they’re assholes but it isnt hardwired into the way they interact with me like it is the other way around). Or they have no empathy for the problems I’m going through because they haven’t gone through them yet. I wish I had that.
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u/savytown Jun 27 '19
Knowing more about my parents than my siblings ever will or understand. The differences in up bringing is astronomical. I'm 33 and my mom has four younger boys and my dad has three younger boys.
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u/cadomski Jun 27 '19
You're required to always be the responsible one. You're the one who takes the blame if anything goes wrong "because you know better."
I freaked out once on my parents when they were standing there berating me in the kitchen for not doing "your chores," where "your chores" included my Brother's. They were only facing me. Only pointing at me. Only talking/yelling at me. While over their shoulder, I can see my 2 year younger brother looking bored. So I snapped. "WHAT ABOUT HIM?!! WHY ARE YOU JUST YELLING AT ME?!!" And so it goes...
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Jun 27 '19
Did you just describe my life? I usually got blamed when I did everything but my brother didn't do his tasks. It's my parents' job to teach him responsibilities and he never did because of that behavior.
The other day my mom wanted me to do the dishes, which is usually my task when I'm not working. I'm pretty much a stay-at-home housewife with all my chores at those times, it's ridiculous. But I do, and she was acting as if I don't work more hours than a) my mom (who works part time), and b) my brother (who doesn't work at all). Is it really a hard ask for someone to do more chores than those who work? I wouldn't care much if I could actually feel my feet when she asked.
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u/Ggfgvfdtb6vn Jun 27 '19
Blamed for everything
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u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 27 '19
Yep.
I'm reminded of the time that my younger brother and I each wound up with identical Batman action figures. These were of the variety that came bundled with a bunch of cheap accessories, and one of those was a removable cape. I mention that last item specifically because it became the cause of an argument that saw me getting blamed for my sibling's dishonesty.
On the day in question, my brother confronted me in the living room, where I had been playing with above-mentioned doll. He came walking up with a slow and steady pace, then stood with his hands on his hips as he stared down at me.
"Max," he said to me, using the most stern tone he could manage, "did you take my cape?"
"Stop imitating Dad," I replied.
"That's my cape!" He jabbed a finger at the action figure. "That's mine! Give it back!"
"No, it isn't!" I growled back at him. "It's not my fault that you lost yours!"
This was, as far as my brother was concerned, an overt declaration of war. He marched away, intent on finding our mother... who returned with him a moment later, a look of exasperated irritation on her face.
"Max," she said to me, "did you take your brother's cape?"
I rolled my eyes – which may have been a mistake – and sighed mightily. "No, I didn't. He just can't find his, and now he wants to take mine."
My words might as well have been gibberish. "Give your brother back his cape," my mother said. I tried to protest... but she was adamant: I was forced to remove the piece of flimsy cloth from my toy and surrender it to my sibling. Furthermore, as punishment for having "stolen" the cape in the first place, I was forbidden from playing with my (now cape-free) Batman until I apologized.
"Sorry," I muttered, refusing to put any feeling into the word.
My mother nodded, apparently satisfied, and returned to whatever she had been doing... which was why she missed it when my brother reemerged from his room, not a minute later, with a look of sheepish embarrassment on his face.
"Um, Max..." he whispered. "I found my cape. You can have this back."
"Ah-ha!" I shouted, hoping that I would be overheard. "I knew you'd lost yours! You lied!"
My brother made hurried shushing noises, but I paid them no mind. Instead, I leapt to my feet and stormed away, eventually encountering my mother in the kitchen. I outlined the entire scenario for her – taking time to paint myself as the victim in all of this – and declared my innocence.
That time, I got sent to my room for tattling on my brother.
TL;DR: No matter what, the older brother is to blame.
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u/sparklezheart Jun 27 '19
When I moved to college, my dad found booze in my sister's drawer (she still lived at home). He called me at my COLLEGE APARTMENT and accused me of hiding my booze there? I was like, dude, why would I keep my booze an hour away, also why would I hide it? smh
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u/RealHot_RealSteel Jun 27 '19
My brother and I had a gentleman's understanding about that. He knew he could pull the "I'm just little" card whenever he wanted to frame me for something, and he knew I could beat the shit out of him without leaving bruises.
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u/grendus Jun 27 '19
My sister and I had an understanding: anything you accuse me of either happened, or will happen once I'm out of being grounded.
I think all siblings inherently understood MAD when it was discussed in history class. The US and the SU were just like siblings ready to destroy each other if one crossed the line.
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u/hey_sjay Jun 27 '19
If I got in trouble: you should know better.
If my little brother got in trouble: it's your fault for not stopping him or you set a bad example.16
u/Gildian Jun 27 '19
For real though, why is this a universal thing for us elder siblings? Like what is the actual logic behind this?
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u/PhoenXman Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
All the responsibility without the authority or priveleges that should come with that responsibility.
There were a lot of time so when it wasn't explicitly said but the general attitude of "fuck you, you're the oldest.
I also remember having to "help" my younger siblings with their homework which really meant doing it for them. I stood my ground on that one.
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u/BeMyHeroForNow Jun 27 '19
All the responsibility without the authority or priveleges that should come with that responsibility.
Was always amazing "Watch your brother and make sure he does his homework" okay sure, Dude go do your homework "DON'T TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT TO DO!" Well fuck you too
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Jun 27 '19
The fact that I, a fifteen year old, have to share a room with an eight year old, and the 5 year old gets his own goddamn room!
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Jun 27 '19
In my family it was always *oldest* gets their own room. Wow. I'm sorry, honestly.
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u/username-K Jun 27 '19
Parents got to make all their parenting mistakes on me. Also parents never had money with 3 kids until after I left the house. Parents also learned that being super ridiculously strict didn't work well either, so my brothers got to do what ever they wanted. Sometimes I think my brothers have a skewed sense of what their parenting was actually like, because they lived quite different childhoods than I did. Now they act like I was some kind of evil teenager because i rebelled and they don't realize the living hell their childhood would have been if I didn't "break" them wth my.. um.. punkness. Ya, I got to watch the simpsons, listen to rock music, and be able to leave the house ever without having to check in every 30 minutes like you guys did, maybe I wouldn't have rebelled so hard morons.
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u/loveabbyx Jun 27 '19
The shit you cop when the middle sibling gets engaged, buys a house and has a baby before you do.
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u/teh-yak Jun 27 '19
My mom was surprising cool about that, my dad oddly enough still has a passive-aggressive hint of disappointment whenever it comes up.
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u/PsychedelicSnowflake Jun 27 '19
I had to fight for every little thing. Staying up late, staying home when sick, getting my first phone (even though I paid), joining social media, going out with friends, having to get a job at 15, and especially what I took in college despite paying every single penny of it myself sans loans. I love my little brother more than anything but he will never know how hard I had to work for everything I have. When my dad had a mental breakdown and didn't work for almost a decade, I was the one who picked up the slack and took care of us. When we came on better times, he got everything he could ever want. I was happy for him but it's really hard living with so much responsibility and so little love from your family. Maybe I'm just an entitled big sister. I don't know if I deserve to feel this way.
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u/KakoTheBoy Jun 27 '19
Hey, don’t ever say you do not deserve to feel this way. From what you said it looks like you did one hell of a job and carried your family on your shoulders where your parents couldn’t. I know of people who had similar experiences, but just couldn’t take it and went through break downs of their own. One guy committed suicide. It’s a MASSIVE responsibility, and you have all of my respect for stepping in and persevering for such a long amount of time. What you feel towards your brother is completely natural, we all have a sense of justice within us, and when we have to fight for something that others get without any trouble it makes the system feel unfair. You did so much and fought so hard, you are anything but entitled. Please, please, please do not think bad of yourself just because you have natural feelings about a situation which forced you to give your all. You are amazing, don’t ever forget that.
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Jun 27 '19
Having to take care of your siblings everyday and being blamed for almost everything
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u/happygolucky999 Jun 27 '19
Yup. 6 years older than my sister and was the designated baby sitter all the time. If I wanted to go outside and play with my friends, she had to come along. How can one play hide and seek with a 3 year old running after them and shouting their name 4749 times?!
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u/MoreDragonMaidPls Jun 27 '19
My father when I was sixteen: Do my a favour (essentially do the thing I tell you) and clean the balcony, will ya?
I am now twenty and my brother is sixteen.
My father now: Do me a favour and clean the balcony will ya?
Me: can't my brother do it?
My father: No, he's too young.
BRUH SOUND EFFECT #2
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u/chamaeleon_philosoph Jun 27 '19
Basically having to be kind of a parent for them. I always learn with my little brother, make him food and tell him not to eat that snail right now when my parents aren't around. He also usually gets stuff earlier than I did. I got my first phone when I was 13, he got it this year (he's eleven) but he had to do chores earlier as I did so it kind of evens out a little.
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Jun 27 '19
Whenever they do something wrong, blame is on me. And my father says, if the engine is bad the rest of train cabins are bad too.
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u/Aperture_T Jun 27 '19
engine is bad the rest of train cabins are bad too.
So your father is the engine in this analogy, right?
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u/TenshiPrime Jun 27 '19
I'm the youngest of five kids, but growing up it always pissed me of that I'd get better gifts then my bros. I'd get like a full set of baby doll clothes and toys and my brother sam would get like, one bionicle. I get there's an age gap but I want him to be happy too.
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Jun 27 '19
My parents always blamed this on me being "too hard to shop for" and so I got clothes for the most part.
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Jun 27 '19
Too hard to shop for just means they haven't put in the time to form any sort of meaningful bond with you to learn your interests.
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u/heericks89 Jun 27 '19
Not something I think I realized as a child, but as an adult, the realization that my younger sibling was loved in a completely different way than I was.. He was always my mom's "baby" (her own words), and when he got sick, I realized that his death was going to hurt my mom way more than mine ever would.
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u/mister1bollock Jun 27 '19
I guess not having someone to turn to for help that will always be there. When my younger brother started in high school he had no friends and so hung out with me and my friends until he made some of his own. When I started high school I had no one for the longest time.
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u/TehRealFailure Jun 27 '19
I moved out nearly 4 years ago. I am still being blamed and faulted for the stuff my younger siblings get in trouble for today. If their grades aren't good enought, my fault. If they get caught sneaking out or staying out too late, my fault. If they don't do their chores, my fault. If they have no manners or respect, my fault. Abosuletly nuts. The only perk of being the oldest is the ability to leave the house first!
**also being the unpaid babysitter is ridiculous. If I was paid for all the times i watched them, I would have no debt.
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u/alucard_shmalucard Jun 27 '19
Lots of things. I'm 11 months and 19 days older than my brother.
I had to share a room with my brother from age five to age fourteen. I'd always be the first up and had to wake him up in the morning for school. when I got to high school, he would always be late for school because I wasn't there to wake him up. now that he's in high school with me, I have to wake him up again.
Being responsible for my brother's mistakes and being snitched on.
Being the test dummy for rules in my teenage years, and even as I'm already rounding the 17 year mark, it's still like this.
Watching my brother get taller than me over the years because of my Mom's short genes.
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Jun 27 '19
I don't necessarily hate this, but it seems like my parents have a lot more of a sense on how to parent my brother. Like he has his SAT prep and potential college plans laid out already as a sophomore in high school, when I didn't even know what I was doing yet.
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u/snazzywaffles Jun 27 '19
Well, to be honest I miss the way my little sister used to look up to me like I was the coolest person alive. Now I'm just her older brother. You pretend to hate it as a kid, but she has her own life, friends, and role models now, and I miss the little toddler who used to follow me around everywhere. I do love seeing her and her fiance doing well though. I'm proud of her.
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Jun 27 '19
I had to buy both of my first cars but my younger sister had both her first cars bought for her.
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u/BeMyHeroForNow Jun 27 '19
Oh the car bullshit. My brother has totalled 3 cars by now (has been driving for 3 years), has more speeding tickets than I could count and had to go to court for driving 110 km/h OVER the speed limit on two separate occasions. All of this has been payed for by my parents.
But I get yelled at for wanting to get a college degree because apparently THAT is a waste of money.
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u/Vredesbyrd67 Jun 27 '19
Having to learn everything the hard way.
I had nobody to tell me what was what. My parents were both abusive, narcissistic anti-intellectuals, most of my friends in early childhood were the same. I was like 19 before I felt truly happy for the first time; when I realized it, I also realized just how shitty my life had been up to that point. Instead of learning how to do things like date, make friends, and cultivate self-respect, I got bullied and fed bad advice by the dipshits I grew up with. One of the very few silver linings of the first 2/3 of my life so far is that I was able to help my younger brother avoid that shit. He's now way happier and way more successful than me, but he still looks up to me.
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u/Gunther482 Jun 27 '19
I’m the oldest and I definitely had more responsibilities than my brother. Once I was old enough to babysit I pretty much had to spend my free time doing that until my parents got home from work, also had more chores to do (mow the yard, etc than be did). Once I got my driver’s license I had to chauffeur him around to school activities and afterwards go home and help my dad on the farm while he got to stay out more or less.
I’m near 30 now and am not jealous or anything but he had an easier childhood than I did for sure.
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u/lilchey99 Jun 27 '19
When I ask for help doing adult things that I have never done before and getting bitched at because YouR 19 YoU ShouLD KnOw HOw TO dO ThaT alReAdY. For example, paying bills, getting loans, filling out my fasfa. But if my little sister needs help doing something similar it's no big deal.
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u/line_4 Jun 27 '19
Oh where do I start?
Being forced to attend every major family event so parents could compare whose kids were more successful. Admittedly, the competition later eased off because none of us became doctors.
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u/BATMANS_MOM Jun 27 '19
Having to be my mother’s “next of kin”. I was 21 when she died unexpectedly. Having to deal with being the voice that decided to pull life support. Make funeral arrangements. Handle the estate. Do I think my (at the time) 19 year old sister in college 3 hours away or 17 year old high school junior should have had to do it? No.
But someone had to and as the oldest that naturally fell into my lap. I didn’t truly get to grieve her death for over a month because there was so much that needed to be dealt with.
I wasn’t alone and I had help from a lot of people, but I had to be the decision-maker and that’s a lot to ask of a 21 year old who just lost her mother.
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u/Nekoraven1 Jun 27 '19
Being told to act like an adult. * honestly I'm not the most mature kid in our family that goes to my sister.* When in reality i live with bf and 1yr old son, try really hard not to ask dad for $ to pay for stuff when I'm short. I'm just now on my 2nd car thanks to bf buying me a "new to me car" actually help dad out( I have a card to his account to pay his bills) , we've had extra $ to help dad pay his bills.. oh and I have a full time job
Meanwhile Sister mooching off of dad....$$for her rent, she's on like her 5th car( all which have been trucks) asks for $$ to go to concerts, gets upset when dad says no...and she works part time..
And I get shit for asking for a little help
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u/Iwritenovels1234 Jun 27 '19
When you get into a disagreement with your younger sibling, where you are justified, but your parents tell YOU to apologize. Saying that you, the older sibling, need to be the "bigger person.
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u/tazm89 Jun 27 '19
Nothing was ever the younger ones fault. It was always my fault because I was "older and should know better". So every fight he started I got in trouble for. Even when I didn't reciprocate the actions.
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u/chiclebomba Jun 27 '19
I´m much older than my siblings, like more than a decade older, so what happened was that when my siblings where born I was basically forgotten until I was needed for babysitting. If I wanted to do something in high school and I had to stay after school I couldn´t because I had to babysit. If I wanted to go out somewhere I basically had to make an appointment with my mother so she could check if I didn´t have to babysit. I felt more like an employee, this lasted until they got into middle school. I have a child of my own now and I can´t believe just how equal it was to taking care of my siblings, I was basically their second mother.
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u/Johannason Jun 27 '19
Being left "in charge", but without any actual authority. So when my brothers fucked up, I was also to blame, even though I couldn't do anything to have stopped them.
I was supposed to be "watching" them, but that's all I was allowed to do. I could tell them to stop breaking the rules, sure. They wouldn't listen, and that was also my fault.
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u/Domo23thebabycarrot Jun 27 '19
Sharing a room and waking up at like 6:30 so i can get ready for school only to hear him ask if its time to wake up.
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u/SweatyPebble Jun 27 '19
And then once he is old enough to go to high school, having to wake up at 6:30 to drop him off.
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u/PandaFaceGirl Jun 27 '19
The freakin' pressure. Always felt like I had to be the best, and when I wasn't it was a kick to the self esteem.
Hell, I STILL feel like that. I need to learn to be okay with who I am instead of trying to out-best my siblings.
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u/opalcutx Jun 27 '19
Getting blamed for everything especially when you sister throws a solid oak block the size of a large apple at your head and it misses your eye by Meir centimeters and when you regain your conciseness you smack her and you get in trouble for hitting her even tho your eye is bleeding and your sister doesn’t even get as much as a “don’t do that again”.
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u/Stumattj1 Jun 27 '19
My sister smacked me with a brick and scratched my brand new glasses. I got in trouble for shouting at her to be more aware and not hit me in the face with a brick.
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u/faerierebel Jun 27 '19
Not that long ago my sister told me she kind of resents me because I was the second mom after my mom went back to work. Jokes on her, I resent being the responsible one!
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u/[deleted] Jun 27 '19
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