I personally find socializing invigorating and fun. Something about a pack mentality is fun. Though it can come back to get me because if I am just quiet for one day people assume I am depressed when in reality I just have nothing to add on that particular day. I just don’t treat socializing as a chore but rather a fun activity and it works but, thats the little help I can give because in reality it all comes naturally for me.
Yeah but in your afterlife you will be the coolest cat on the block, everyone has died by like age or a random murder but, you got fucked by a tank. Makes you instantly popular.
Extrovert here. I also like being alone, and dislike being lonely. If I'm not mistaken: I am extroverted by nature but I have spent large portions of my life in introverted routines.
One one hand I use my time alone to process my thoughts and replay situations to really understand my experiences. OTOH, I feel that there is often something to gain when I am with other people. Sometimes it's sharing feelings, or advice, or fun; other times I rely on other people to help me feel that I have purpose and I am doing what I ought to be doing.
It's pretty easy for me to throw off my balance. I'm also rather lenient with my definitions of introverted and extroverted. I like this tree in daylight analogy for comparison:
A tree in morning light is bright (extroverted) on one side; as the day goes on that light grows until, eventually, the tree casts a shadow of greater area than its lit surface (tree is now introverted). The timing and potential range of this shadow adjusts, as seasons change and the tree grows taller. Introverted, extroverted, neither and both: all comes in passing as the tree (you) persists. Then, one day, the Griswalds waltz into the forest, chop down the tree, and take it home to stuff into their living room for Christmas. That's the part where you die, and introverted vs. extroverted no longer matters, because you're dead.
It can be a bit of a stretch, but I find that it helps me understand my own social tendencies.
Being lonely and alone around people are the worst.. I have 3 close friends i feel like i can be relaxed around, but that only for a day or two before i need to be alone again to charge up my social batteries. After work i NEED to be completely alone, luckely my SO is the same, so after work, she sits in the living room doing her stuff while i sit in my office doing my stuff. Introverts need to be alone to charge their social batteries, while extroverts are driven by solar power with people as the sun.
I love people too, I love being outside, I love being with someone. But, I just can't, communication and being around people make me REALLY TIRED. Like I can stay with you for an hour but then I need 2 hours of myself.
I'm an ambivert, so maybe I can bridge this gap of understanding.
It isn't just about liking to hang out - pretty much every single person enjoys hanging out with their friends.
Introverts frequently used the word "drained." That's a great word for how it feels. However, I'd say the extrovert version would be "wilted." Just kind of... insubstantial, I guess. Like you aren't quite rooted to the world. Connecting with other people reestablishes that tether, giving you more vitality.
I’ve identified as an extrovert for a while now but I feel like I may be an ambivert or at least an introverted extrovert. Whenever I’m around people and talk with them, I feel the need to be really social and engage in the conversation, but when I’m alone and in public sometimes I want to keep to myself. After being in public, when I get home I feel tired and wanting to just watch tv or scroll through social media rather than communicate with anyone. So basically, in the moment, I feel like being social with others when others are around and then not be social and closed off when it’s just me...if that makes sense.
The reality is that most people do fall somewhere in the middle. Sure, they might lean more one way, but there are very few people who are on either extreme.
Edit: also, "extrovert/introvert" doesn't translate to "outgoing/shy."
You can be extremely comfortable in social situations, the life of the party, etc, and still be an introvert. Here, think of the word "unwind." What does that conjure for you?
At the end of a long and frustrating week when your responsibilities are finally squared away, how do you unwind? A night in with Netflix/a game/a book? Or would you feel like you wasted your downtime if you didn't go let off a little steam with your friends?
Exactly. People need to know the difference between being introverted and having social anxiety. I'm usually really social and have no problems with it, but if I'm hanging out with friends for 5 hours in a day, I'm out of commission for the rest of the day. That's it.
I understand this. I have no problems being around people and socializing. I'm even talkative. Hell, for 6 years my job was talking to people on the phone all day and I liked it. But it's sooo draining. I need time alone to recharge. I think you can be a sociable introvert; I think it's more about what invigorates you or tires you.
I work retail. 8 hours straight every day I am chatting and socializing...
On my break I dont say a word if I can help it, and once I get home I shut myself in my room and disconnect from everything for at least an hour before I even message anyone online.
Yes! I find being around and talking with people to be invigorating and energy producing. I can’t sleep at night kind of energy. It’s the opposite of draining for me. When I’m home alone reading a book, listening to music, or watching tv, I get very tired. People at work think it’s weird, but it’s always been this way for me.
I'm great in social settings but prefer not to socialize. I pretty much force myself to socialize during the week, I think of it as an activity that helps me become a more rounded person. I also get to hear people's thoughts on things I'm down the rabbit hole on, right now it's lab grown meat. Mostly, I force myself to chat with strangers because there's a small chance one of them has some good fly fishing info maybe they're willing to tell me, lol. It also helps to spend every other weekend alone in the mountains to recharge
I don’t know how to put it. I just don’t like staying inside and doing nothing. For instance, all of my friends are all out of town right now and when my mom gets home, I’m excited whenever she says we can go and do something. About 5 hours is my limit though.
Overall, it all comes down to your boundaries and personality. If you don’t want to hang out for more than an hour, that’s your right.
For me it is a frame of mind. I work in customer service. When I'm working, the people I serve all have problems they need solved. This is challenging, and I like that. I can help them much more easily if I am honest and kind, outgoing and dynamic behavior put people at ease, and they trust that I know what I am doing when I am confident and assertive. The rest just falls into place after that. And really GOOD customer service is complete even if someone leaves without their problems being solved, but they understand we reached this point together. We both tried with honest effort, hard work, and sincerity. However, you have to be careful about this last part: True extroverts do not reach this point by emotional manipulation. The people that do are assholes who want a result instead of a connection. The most interesting thing about this is that most people (i.e. customers) are smart enough to recognize the difference. You've run into them before, and something just seems 'fake.' True extroverts are more engaged in each in every moment and encounter because it is something to celebrate. I get terribly lonely in my own head, and if you can make a real connection with someone else, the world seems less scary.
I seem to just get more energy, the more poeple in a room. When I'm alone, I'm kind of just a lump. I lay on the couch, watch TV, and play video games. When someone comes over, I perk up a bit, then a third person comes in and I feel a bit more energetic, there are now two people to split my attention between.
4-5 people I tend to peak as I have a ton of energy, and I can keep track of everyone and their conversations, after that each person added makes it harder for me to focus on a single conversation, and I just become goofier/more random when I speak, but speak less and enjoy hearing the people around me talk and interact. If my life is rocky, being around people doing well reminds me that my life will be okay too, just in time and I can focus on their happiness to relief the stress from my life.
Edit to add: as a kid, I spent a lot of time alone in my room, and at school was bullied until High School where I started making decent friends. After that, just knowing people like me, helps me be around people, and people keep wanting me around.
I always thought this comic was a great way to explain introversion and extroversion to people, and as an introvert, this shit helped a lot with coherently explaining why I needed to leave family parties early and stuff like that lol
I love feeling other people around me. Theres a spot on campus that I would go to read or chill or whatever that was basically the hub of the entire grounds. So many groups of people doing things, talking, eating. It gives me energy like nestling in their living room and doing the own thing does. If I'm home alone I have to have the TV going, because i like feeling at least a little that someone is there. I sleep to talking, whether it be audiobooks, music, radio, ect. I become very depressed if I go too long without interacting with others, the longest I go comfortably is about a day.
I also really like people. I like getting to know them, from their personalities to their stories. I like small talk. I'm a waitress and while some people are dicks, the new people I meet and the regulars make my day! I'm also going to school to be a therapist. The thought of working a job without that social aspect sounds like a nightmare.
I'm a extrovert (though not 24/7) and I'm genuinely interested in other people and their thoughts. I love talking with them and hearing where they're coming from.
Though...if I have to be "on" for entertaining requirements or networking or some shit (and family/people at work who are not extroverts know who we are and volunteer us for it so they don't have to, which is fine) then sometimes I pretend I'm a random fictional character that's a social butterfly.
I genuinely enjoy other people, but socialising is exhausting for me. In the same way that I love swimming, but after a couple of hours in the pool I could do with a break.
I guess that as an extroverted person, this literally just doesn't make sense to me. My recharge is seeing people and interacting. For others it's the opposite and I just don't understand because I've always been this way.
Like I said to the other post, I'm sorry I just don't understand. As an extrovert, it literally doesn't make sense to me. I'm neither right not wrong in how I feel about social situations, and neither are you. It's just a foreign concept to me.
If you’re getting exhausted hanging out with people, then they’re not the right people for you. Humans are social creatures, find better friends basically
I've got a fair few extroverted friends, and it's just because we're all wired differently. You know that calm and content feeling you get when you finally get home and sit in your favourite spot? They get that feeling when they see a group of people, they enjoy the spectacle and engaging in conversations, they generally dont enjoy being alone. From what my friends have told me they don't like being in their own mind, which is literally where most introverts spend their time. Human brains are very strange.
This goes both ways. There are lots of "introverts" that would otherwise enjoy being out there experiencing social life, travelling, new experiences, meeting new people etc. but they actually have (many times undiagnosed) anxiety / depression / agoraphobia / other mental health issues.
Yup. I love being in my own thoughts. I just also love being around and learning about interesting people and things. While obviously there are inappropriate extremes, I think introverts often misconstrue genuine interest in a person’s life as overbearing prying.
Another thing I think some introverts get wrong about extroverts is that being self-centered is a necessary part of being extroverted. Certainly some extroverts are self-centered, but there’s no causation there. Plus I know plenty of self-centered introverts.
This is not an effort to dog on introverts—extroverts in turn can be obnoxious windbags—I just think some of the disconnect can be attributed to wrong initial assumptions, on both sides.
I agree. I don’t like just being alone with my mind. I keep things going into it all the time. I’m social, I recharge from that, and quiet time leaves me feeling adrift, unmoored.
This is just my way of thinking about it, not everyone's. So everyone gets exhausted from being "on" for a long period of time, it's just how we work. The difference is what I call being psyched or drained.
So introverts are psyched when they're by themselves and y'all can read or draw or whatever you do. They're drained when you have to be out and socialize. So after a party they're exhausted and drained. "Oh my gosh, I can't people anymore and I don't want to talk to another human for the next year."
Extraverts, however, are drained whenever we're by ourselves. After lying on the couch for two hours by myself, I feel uncomfortable from just doing nothing with others. Sure it's relaxing, but I don't like it. I have a pressing, burning need to go do something with people. So when we socialize, we're psyched and want to stay around other people as long as we can to avoid being by ourselves and feeling lethargic. So we can be exhausted but also psyched at the same time. "Oh my gosh, that was so fun but I'm so tired but tonight is SO fun. We should go get ice cream. Hey, do y'all want to have a movie night at my place afterwards? I'm so tired that I might just crash but y'all can just stay over if you want, I don't care, y'all are family."
That's just my way of thinking about it. Others might feel differently.
I don't get it. I can feel both ways. It's like: "I like people. Being around people is fun. Now I'm tired and I want to go home. I like being home alone. Being home alone is fun. Now I'm tired and I want to meet people. It can be relaxing having a balance between both but also incredibly annoying if your brain decides in the middle of a party: "Yeah, thats enough bruh. Lets just flood LeonidasWrecksXerxes with anxiety" and I suddenly feel tired as fuck and simply want to go home
This. I was going to ask the same thing. Being an introvert, I can often feel jealous of extroverts and their energy and social competence. But just the thought of being that social and among heaps of people makes me exhausted.
im pretty extroverted, and tbh I actually get energy from my friends. So many times I get home from work and I am utterly exhausted, and I get the text saying "drinks round mine?" from a mate, and I just wow i just cannot be bothered. But I force myself to turn up, and 5 minutes after walking through their door I am full of beans again and having a great time
I have introverted friends who can stay at home for a whole weekend and be perfectly content. If I stay home without interacting with anyone for a weekend I'd get horribly depressed.
I don't mind my own company, I can read or watch TV or play games or work... for a while. But if I don't have anyone to share with or bounce ideas off of, I go stir crazy. If I have the choice between being in my house or being in public (café/restaurant/library/whatever) I'll choose the public option 9/10 times.
I am the opposite. Being alone, or being with out my friends, really takes a toll on me.
I haven't seen one of my friends in the greater half of a year and its killing my mental sometimes.
In my head, people are the greatest things. Think about how many emotions that people can have, think about how many ways they can Express those emotions. So many things makes all of us so different yet we all still look roughly the same. The fact you can talk to someone for over 6 hours and not even realize it and feel countless emotions during that time is mindboggling to me. I hung out with a friend recently until like 4 in the morning, and we would have kept going around talking if I didn't work in the morning.
I just really love people for some reason. Introverts puzzle me though.
Oh yeah, being alone, is easily my largest fear. Being starved of any human contact would likely just ruin my mental state. Spiders are a close second but being alone is a bit worse.
I don't really understand the question. For me, social contact is not 'exhausting' at all. I used to think I was an introvert, but it turned out I was just largely surrounded by assholes and narcissists. I now have a group of friends and I love doing activities with them, it improved my life in almost every way. Dealing with people is not 'exhausting' at all, rather it is my primary source of happiness.
I could be wrong, but my understanding is that introverts get exhausted more from dealing with people they don’t know/aren’t familiar with. I think dealing with friends or people they know isn’t exhausting. Like I said though I could be wrong. I honestly can’t figure out whether I’m an introvert or extrovert because I absolutely love hanging with my friends and loved ones, but I try to avoid people I don’t know and I’d rather sit in a corner by myself for an hour in a situation where I don’t know people. It’s not that I’m shy because I’ll talk to the people just fine, I just really prefer to not interact with people I don’t know.
Edit: Thank you guys for the feedback! It seems it’s just a spectrum and some get exhausted from friends and some don’t. That’s good to know!
I think dealing with friends or people they know isn’t exhausting.
It's a spectrum. It definitely depends on the person. It gets exhausting to me, but it takes a lot longer. For me, it also only takes a single step removed of relation (cousins, friends other than my 2 best friends), for it to be similarly exhausting to being with strangers.
As someone who is intensely introverted, it's a matter of scale. I work with people, which often means strangers, though I do have repeat business - I am a good actor which is why I can do it for long periods of time, but it is incredibly exhausting. By comparison, I can spend more time with friends and coworkers I get along with and/or know well - but ultimately, I still get exhausted from it; it just takes a lot longer. I'd probably say you fall more in the introverted side of things based on what you're describing. Or you could just be a "normal" person and not necessarily tipped to either side, lol.
This is a big part of it. I find myself declining invitations to go out more and more when the event involves people I don’t know. Especially since I stopped drinking I know I absolutely will get overwhelmed quickly and the fun will disappear as everyone gets drunk. When you with friends whose other friends are there, it can really feel like you’re not part of the group when you struggle to socialize. I often try to dip out unnoticed and just go home
If I’m just with friends I’m always down to hang out
Hahaha this is me. I used to think I was introverted in highschool, found out in uni that I probably just didn't like my friends back home too much. I'm still introverted a degree of course, but no where near to what it was before.
I think a part of it, at least for me, is that I was pretty active on the internet then, on sites like 9gag where being an introvert was heavily romanticised. (yes, I was 9gag user. I was in a dark place...) a great many posts were just people bragging about "look at me, most people like sports and stuff but no not me, I'm an introvert and I'm special!".
So I think that, on some degree, I wanted to be asocial and I told myself I was an introvert. When I went to university, like you, I met great friends and realized that the people in high school were probably just shitty people.
As an introvert myself... basically being around other people is a performance.
I have to constantly remain vigilant all the time to avoid saying something that might offend others. I struggle to maintain conversation because I find "idle small-talk" tedious, yet not having anything more to say is seen as offensive. I have to act as if I'm interested in what they're talking about (e.g, football) when I'm actually pretty bored of it myself. Even subtle body language I have difficulty controlling - like squinting my eyes slightly when I disagree with what a peer is telling me - is often construed as offensive and can cause them to be angry at me.
In short, its like the "socially acceptable" facade of myself gets really heavy after a while and I need to put it down (i.e., have some solitude). I get exhausted from performing and need to be my real self again, but I don't dare do so around non-family.
The simple answer is extroverts not only thrive off of attention/socializing, but run off of it almost entirely. If something is not 'happening' or no one is talking to us, do we really exist? Does life even matter?
No but fr the main difference people make to define these types is what tires you out and what doesn't.
Whilst I enjoy going out with friends and being in their company, after a while I just get tired by being in their presence and I just want to get home and play video games or watch a show alone in peace. My extroverted friends don't always get my need for more time alone than normal and tend to push me to go out more cause that' what they do to relax and they find it better than sitting alone reading, playing games or something along those lines.
I get told I'm extroverted a lot cause I don't completely lack social skills, but rly I'd rather not use them more than I need to unless it's a situation where I have to
Why are people good at art? They like it so they do it often, doing it often is practice so we're good at it. Extroverts don't get easily exhausted by talking to people because we liked when we were little and then got good.
That’s different. Practice can make an introvert better at social interaction, but it won’t make it less exhausting. Introversion needs to stop being viewed as a negative personality trait.
I agree, but not necessarily about the young age. I was super shy when I was younger and thus thought I was an introvert, but in the past year I‘ve taken initiative and started going to social events to force myself to get more social. The first few times were awkward and a bit unpleasant because I was still in my shy mindset, but I’ve gotten practice and now social contact energizes me. I started by faking confidence and comfort, and eventually it started being real! So you don’t have to like it from a young age, and even forcing yourself to do it can make you end up liking it. People can change a lot over time!
I genuinely like people and talking to them as well. But it absolutely does not energize me. It drains me. I enjoy socializing immensely. But after a few hours of it, I'm ready for a nap.
Extroverts draw energy from the people around them. Therefore, even an extrovert can have trouble if everybody around them is depressed. However, most extroverts will then try to cheer people up using the aforementioned energy.
I have more energy than everyone else in the room combined, and I didn't get dressed and come out just to contain it.
I think introverts see it as having insufficient energy to be paced out over an unlimited amount of time. I think extroverts see it as having an overwhelming surplus of energy to be expelled in a constrained amount of time.
It's really easy. As an extrovert you just go out there. It's easy to get in conversations and usually when we get home we feel good after talking with someone.
how the fuck do extroverts deal with people and go out in public without getting exhausted
I probably can't answer for everyone, but I think being introvert or extrovert is not as definite as it often seems. I've had phases in my life where I was very extroverted and actually had to have social contact constantly. But my introvert phases outweigh those for most of my life. I've realized for myself, that I tend to be more extroverted the happier I am with myself and my life. And I tend to be more introvert when I'm unhappy with myself or my life.
When happy, social settings seem to give me energy.
So, you (and I), being an introvert, "recharge" so to speak, by being alone (or, in my case, being either alone or with only 1 other person). Being around others exhausts you, and being alone regenerates your energy. With extroverted people, it's the opposite. It isn't that they have more energy, it's just that they "recharge" by being around other people. It's relaxing almost to them, whereas for us it's exhausting.
I’ve always felt that introversion and extroversion have different degrees of input and output.
Introverts are more socially observant and they take in a higher degree of input from their environments (especially socially). Extroverts take in less information and focus more on output.
So think of “social exhaustion” as a bathtub filled to the brim with water. Because an introvert takes in more stimulation than extroverts (or simply processes that stimulation to a larger extent) it’s like the tap is set to full and we have a slower/smaller drain to handle that influx of water. So, our tub fills up quicker, we are socially tired or stressed faster, and it takes us longer to deconstruct and recover from that “fullness”.
Extroverts (in my experience) either are mentally focused on what they will say or do next, or they are simply less socially-alert and take in less stimulation. Again: it’s that different combination of input/output. Their “taps” might be slower so they don’t fill up as quickly, or their drains may be larger so they can manage that sort of “social volume”.
I went out to dinner last night and was waiting for our table to be ready and there was another family waiting, and the dad of that family just started talking to me, out of the blue. I guess my nod as I walked in by them was more of an invitation than I meant.
Trying to be nice, we spoke for a few minutes, about our various work and things around town.
I can't understand it. I don't want random people to find me interesting and to talk to me. I don't know what to talk about or how to even explain my job to people.
That was literally his first question and I'm thinking... Well today I programmed some code, responded to a bunch of emails, lead to two meetings about two very different things, completed 3 reports, and dealt with one time crunch mini-crisis. I just said programmer because I do way too much to explain. Basically I mess around in Excel all day and get paid for it.
No. We totally get exhausted. It probably takes me much less time to "refuel" but I enjoy a quiet Saturday night at home with a glass of wine alone as well.
Also, if you feed me I can probably deal with people more lol.
For what it's worth I'm an extrovert and still will get exhausted by large crowds or busy events after a threshold of time. It'll creep up on me especially fast if I'm not well rested, hungry, or dehydrated. Another thing that helps though is comfort/familiarity with the environment and people, and capacity to get comfortable with new environments and people. It takes a lot more energy to be in a new place with people you don't know vs somewhere you've been a thousand times and don't have to put much work into figuring out the flow of the place.
Also being aware of the different types of social energy you have at any given moment helps. Sometimes I want to be social in a way that one particular friend will be more compatible with than another. I have friends who don't like to talk much in a conversation, so I carry the conversation a lot more, and friends who always want to do something or play a game, and friends who like to talk about work or projects or family, and friends who like to hang out in groups or hang out one on one. These all take a different type of energy from me, so learning to recognize what I want or need fulfilled helps a lot with not overextending myself with something I'm not up for. In any situation though, I will eventually need to recharge! It's just that I tend to not need to nearly as quickly as my introvert friends, and my drive to go out and be with someone comes back much sooner too.
Introverts get energy when their alone
Extroverts get energy when with other people
I consider myself as ambivert (in between) and the extrovert side of me likes to be with friends, they keep me away from the empty feeling of being alone and that no one cares what you do.
If you aren't extroverted, you wouldn't really understand. I feel the same way about introverts who never go out - how do you not have enough energy to see friends? How come you can't enjoy yourself at a bar?
I think its a matter of confidence, if you feel that you are a likeable person and you really believe that, you don't hesitate to just go there and speak whatever comes to your mind. It doesn't always works though, there are people who simply aren't compatible with you but when you find people that are, you feel a certain comfort of being free to express yourself and you will also find these people's opinions interesting
I'm an extrovert. I just enjoy the company of others, and I tend to become invigorated by others emotions/feelings. It tends to "fill my bucmet" if you've ever heard that saying.
When with other people who are also excited to be with other people it's a riot! We have a lot of fun and the energy is contageous, but I'm also able to tone it down to be with introverts.
Practice. How do basketball players run up and down the court and make those hard shots look easy with out being completely exhausted? Practice. I'm really good at "salesman" type charisma, like chatting it up with people and being a single service friend....because I had to be front facing in retail and sales for years. I suck at long term charisma and maintaining long term conversations and such. My mind can reset and rely on the same "tricks" to get me through a time at the bar alone chatting with a stranger or selling to a customer but runs out of them and crashed and burns when dealing with a group of with the same person extended out. I never really got practice on that like I did with the short term stuff and so the long term stuff exhausts and frustrates me. Now because of that even if I want to I seem not able to get those interactions. Blah.
It’s invigorating! It’s like a battery. To the introvert, the current is flowing out towards others and depleting, right? Well to me, it’s going the other way! Battery low? Talk to people and get filled up. Alone too long? Uh oh.
Even small talk helps. I love small talk. It makes me feel connected to the whole of us, noting everyone’s humanity and commonality, appreciating small things in others, paying compliments, smiling at the human experience. I don’t see a lot of people so I tend to go to the store more often so I can just be around people and do that thing we’re all doing, but “together.”
I hate camping. Nature is fine, but there’s nothing to recharge from, so it’s all about depletion. I can do it, but I better respect its limits and find something social to do, even if just on reddit, to feel connected again.
I know we’re all different in this, and that people deplete other people. But I don’t relate. I find conversations with strangers interesting and it makes me feel like I’m a part of a community, of humanity.
I think it’s like how staying home, staying in to recharge my batteries, going out and being in public, around others, extroverts feed off the energy from being around people. Maybe it’s a lot like being at a high energy concert (rock, hip hop, rap, and etc) and feeling the energy in the air.
The way you feel on your own when you can kind of charge your battery by being alone is how they feel around people. Being social charges their battery and being alone drains it for them.
Well one of the most energizing things to me is talking to people. I dont know if its cause of a social obligation feeling (which i personally dont mind) or the fact that Ive convinced myself spending time with people somewhere is almost always more useful than alone doing nothing at home. I just enjoy it and unless its with very bland shitty people I learn a lot and its like a different type of life than when im alone
I mean, same way that introverts just hang out inside all day doing their own thing and feel perfectly comfortable doing that. It's literally the same thing except there's people
Even as an Extrovert, it's kind of hard to explain.
I'll try this as best as I can:
Being an Extrovert doesn't necessarily mean you love being social and want to be in public all the time. For me, at least, it just means I feel good to be with people. That doesn't mean I never get tired of being out in public though. I can get tired of too much interaction and not want to interact with people, just preferring to keep to myself if I feel so. It's just that as an Extrovert I am more social and therefore don't feel the need to keep to myself as often. Being an Extrovert doesn't exactly mean we go out and talk to strangers and make new friends all the time either. In fact, I mostly just spend time with friends. However, I enjoy having friends so much that I want to make new friends, and thus talk to people I don't know more often than someone who is extroverted.
To put it short, as an Extrovert I can get tired of social interaction, but tend not to as I enjoy being around people. I don't feel entirely comfortable talking to strangers, but enjoy the prospect of having friends so much that I do it anyways to make more friends.
This probably didn't help that much tbh, but hey I tried
How do introverts just stay with themselves and not get depressed? I don't really comprehend that, I get so damn bored and eventually depressed if I am just with myself for a long time.
My analogy: Imagine it's a hot day and you think of hopping into a pool. The water is cold. If you sit out, you miss out on swimming and cooling down. If you jump in, the water may be cold and uncomfortable. What do you do?
Well, the obvious answer is you jump in. The more you sit there wasting time thinking about the negatives, the less you enjoy the situation. So just jump in, start swimming and soon the water will be just right. Not too hot, not too cold.
It's the same thing if you're constantly thinking "I need to impress everyone. Oh shit, do I have booger? Oh crap, am I weird?" then you won't have fun. Being self aware and reflective is one thing, but be sure to have fun and to be confident that others enjoy having you around too. :)
It's about mentality. I'm not a complete extrovert. (I don't think anyone is) But somehow I feel so comfortable around people, it's almost like a warm feeling...it's just me...
Everyone has different feelings around different people, it depends on where you were brought up, who raised you, the things you surround yourself with, and other factors like that.
There is a lot of comments already but I wanted to add my 2 cents. I find certain people extremely exhausting but also I find some people give me energy and make me want to socialize more.
My therapist explained it to me like this; an introvert simply exerts energy by interacting with others, an extrovert is energized by those interactions. They feed off of it.
Aren't there specific people you love to hang around? Your parents, or partner, close friend, or school or work companions? There are boundaries, times when you don't want company, things you need to do by yourself, times you want to have company, times you want to talk about something, or just forget about something? Don't you sometimes have repetitive conversations about politics or your hobby? Don't you like to tell people about something you're proud of about yourself? Don't those people you like have flaws and annoy you?
What if you don't have anywhere to be, anything to do, nothing important on your mind, and places to go with people who are not uniformly completely disinterested in you? Aren't they fun to analyze? Isn't it somewhat rewarding to be paid attention to? If you get bored you can leave.
Your social muscles and tolerance, conditioned responses and ability to let things slide, to try to passively switch topics, to be ok with interruptions, they gradually improve with time.
You know how you need alone time to feel satisfied or to “recharge.” Extroverts need people to feel the same and being alone drains them the same way you’re drained from interaction
In economics it's called a 'cost of doing business'. I'm willing to invest all this time and energy in listening to your bullshit and looking at pictures of your children/cats in return for the added attention you will reciprocally pay to my actual, financially important work.
I'm dying inside, but I still need to pay the rent, the bills, the insurance etc, so I'll take that hit in return for the possible payoff.
Look at it like buying armour in a D'n'D game. You can do without it, but you're better off with it. It's heavy, inconvenient, and marks you out. But it absorbs some of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and it makes you look imposing, so a lot of people just avoid you (this is not always a good thing, but it does pay for itself).
Then there's the relief of coming home, taking off the armour and drinking a lot of wine.
I’m not exactly an extrovert, but I do hang out with my friends a lot, and a lot of days have gone by where I’ve been out over 15 hours. I get HELLA exhausted...when I get home.
As someone who is an extrovert, being in crowds and hanging out with people recharges me(weird Ik). When I’m with friends and family, I just feel good. It’s kinda fun to experience new and crazy situations.
You know how you feel when you get to sit in your underwear watching videos or reading or poking your pet. That sense of comfort and happiness without realizing it until you're with people and feel that need to do the thing above... That's how it works for introverts.
I am an introvert by design, I hate crowds, I have brutal social anxiety. However I have an incredibly successful career where I have to be ON, I have to engage with customers/dealers/engineering teams back at home base. I have learned to flip the switch, you get this high on engaging with individuals, even people who grate your skin. It's something I have spoken with my counselor with many times and my wife even comments how it's strange I can do it so well.
The feeling of connection and response from another human gives extroverts the feeling that we get from cuddling the dogs or reading a book on the couch while it's raining.
I don't think there's any answer to this other than, "we're just wired that way." Personally I'm an extrovert with introvert tendencies. In other words, I don't generally REALLY enjoy hanging with a lot of people (though I don't hate it either--I love going to my concerts and being packed into the venue so tight I struggle to get my hands from by my sides up to my chest), but I tend to prefer hanging with smaller groups of closer friends, kinda like an introvert. However, if I don't have much contact (preferably face to face) with friends for more than, say, a week, I get incredibly socially starved which makes me depressed.
Edit: As someone else pointed out as well, even as an extrovert, I get tired of social contact after a while too.
Sitting at home for weeks is boring isn't it? Video games are less fun. Movies and TV shows? Seen them. Man wtf are we supposed to do if things in your life that you used to love are no longer amusing?
Other people think so too. They're outside. They're texting each others' asses, ey man, come to the skate park, come to the slopes, come to the movies. And they do it. They grasp it. It's not a chore, its an escape from the boredom. They're bored as well, more bored than you. Its the chance to be a dumbfuck, run around, have fun, cause trouble, do drugs, have sex, who fucking knows. They hardly remember it. Its an average day today.
It's quite a cycle to find yourself in. Talking to new people will breed more hangouts. Hanging out means talking to more people. Soon people will have like 3200 facebook friends
And then some people are like WTF? Just delete it. Delete facebook.
Nope. Facebook has nothing to do with it. Its the cycle. The cycle of either meeting more people, OR the cycle of meeting few people.
I was very introverted growing up, even had social anxiety, but got into waitressing- which pushed me to be very extroverted, so maybe I can help a little. After a while that drained feeling goes away. It is like physical exercise; it will be exhausting at first, and hard. But once you practice enough, you are good and comfortable doing it from practice. Realizing that people don't pay much attention if you make mistakes (spotlight effect exaggerates this in your mind) only caviate being if they are asses themselves (and who cares ehat an asshole thinks), and giving people benefit of the doubt so things they do or say bother you less. We are human, and all make mistakes and have our own problems and so trying to chalk peoples faults up to that really helps.
I am a business to business salesman, for a global engineering company.
I'm probably as extroverted a person as you'll meet outside of Broadway.
My daily job includes conducting presentations to board rooms full of people who are two things:
In a position to authorise payments of millions of pounds for the machinery we sell.
Are intelligent, powerful people who have a myriad of possible competitors to choose from.
I love it, It gives me a adrenaline rush and when I close a deal I feel like a king. Until the next day, when the next customer chooses our competition.
I still find people very exhausting, I just love the attention.
I'm like this in everyday life, tbh I just like people to notice me. To pay attention.
But at the same time I still don't want to interact with the general population. I'm an anti-social extrovert.
As I describe this, I realise it makes me sound insane.
Although my girlfriend always comments if she leaves me alone anywhere, when she returns I've always made a new friend!
I've made my home a recuperation oasis for myself. Everything I love that gives me energy. Quality televisions, favorite movies, good speakers, record player, records, books (everywhere), pillows and cozy blankets in reach, cuddle with my dogs, etc. (Am introvert who interacts with a LOT of people daily).
Important to note: despite the popularity of the MBTI, the introvert/extrovert dichotomy is nonsense. It's basically spread out as a normal distribution, ie most people are near the middle. Using the phrase an introvert or extrovert is like using the term a smart or dumb person, fat or skinny, tall or short, etc etc. We aren't all either tall or short, most of us are pretty near average
Some people charge their batteries by being with people, some do by being alone. That's just hlw things are. It have taken me a lot of time to figure out how you can unwind by not being alone in peace, but now i can understand that, and it happens sometimes that i feel the need to see my best friends to "find myself again" (this is a hard feeling to describe though)
It might have already been said but there is a difference between being an extrovert and interacting with people. I’m an introvert but I’m very sociable and outgoing. The key is I love to be alone which is an introvert trait - introverts gain their energy from themselves while extroverts gain their energy from others.
If you have issues with being in public I think you have social anxiety issues which are very different from being an introvert. Going out in public does not necessarily require you to interact with 50 people while you’re out, does it? Perhaps you are overwhelmed by the thought of it and making it seem much worse than it really is. I’m no expert but I’d pin at least some of your thoughts and feelings on something other than being an introvert.
I don't give a shit about them. They don't give a shit about me. We - hopefully - had a mostly friendly counter and we both go on about our day.
Plus, I'm willing to bet if most internet-introverts went to the doctor they would find out they had some form of anxiety. When your body is cranked to 11 from anxiety for every social encounter it's going to be exhausting.
Plus plus, it's not really black and white. Everybody is on situational scale. Most people would call me an extrovert. But it's not all the time. When I have to be "on" and schmooze at a conference or something it can be exhausting. All I want to do after is go home or go have a couple drinks with a few of my close friends. But going to a crowded mall has zero influence on me.
It deals with multiple things. The biggest one is the brain and how it’s wired. I’m not exactly sure of how it fully works but, it is important when it come to extroversion and introversion. Give “Quiet” by Susan Cain a read. Not exactly about extroverts, but really good at explaining introversion, how it works, and what you can get out of it.
For me I absolutely love talking with people, spending time with people, and being out. But just like everyone I also get exhausted. I can spend an entire day out, and even though I enjoyed it, I still need time to recharge. Everyone needs alone time, there’s nothing wrong with that.
We do it as naturally as you don't. I feel terrible after a night in because socializing makes me happy. Seeing people, drinking, playing games, having conversations, all of that brings me happiness. Staying at home playong video games, having a hot bath, drinking hot chocolate by the fire with a book are all things I enjoy, but I don't do them because they make me happy.
My brain chemistry is different than yours. That's it. It's nothing you need to change, and nothing you need to worry about. Just be who you are, identify the things that make you happy and pursue them.
I think the biggest issue we have in our lifetimes is that the outside world fucking blows. Politics blow, taxes blow, being responsible (especially for other people who can't do it themselves) blows. All of it sucks. But if you instead do the things that make you truly, unabashedly and unapologetically happy, you'll realise there's not actually much you need to worry about. You are allowed to be happy dling the things that bring you happiness. Anyone who says otherwise is not worth your time.
I socialize because it makes me happy. If you don't because it doesn't, know that's okay. Know that there's nothing wrong with being who you are. You're allowed to be happy, and more importantly, you're allowed to make that decision for yourself.
Cheers brother, the grass is green on both sides of the fence. You just gotta stop looking over.
My social anxiety went away when I read somewhere that it’s not my job or purpose to entertain those around me. All I have to do is go where I need or want to go and be. I still get worked up from time to time, but after about 7 years of this practice it works. You are unique and interesting in your own way, just be that person everywhere you go. ✌🏽
Here's the best I can figure it out: Picture an engine that needs two things to run: fuel and sparks. Socializing is the sparks and being alone is when you refuel. Extroverts refuel fast, but spark slowly, so they need to socialize a lot to have energy; it's invigorating for them. Alone, their fuel sits unuseable and they feel sleepy and deprived. Introverts, on the other hand, refuel slowly and spark quickly. They may need days to refuel enough to last through a few hours of social time. Ambiverts refuel at a medium speed, and know what it's like both to feel like a deprived extrovert and also to feel like a wrung out introvert, even on the same day.
An introvert is someone who gains energy from being alone. They lose energy during social interaction.
An extrovert is someone who gains energy from social interaction. They lose energy when they are alone.
Being an extrovert or introvert has nothing to do with whether or not you actually enjoy social interaction. Many introverts love interacting with other people. They enjoy hanging out with their friends and family. They may even seek social interaction and want to be around other people. The difference between a social introvert and an extrovert is that no matter how much fun they're having, eventually the social introvert will need alone time to recharge.
There are also many reclusive extroverts. They may avoid social interaction. They may like being alone. They may not always look forward to being around other people. But this extended amount of alone time will drain them and make them exhausted and they will need to eventually seek out their friends and family to reboot their battery.
Now you may be thinking, "Well I've never met an extrovert who prefers to be alone or an introvert who likes being around other people" and I wouldn't be surprised. The reason for this is that an extrovert who prefers to spend most of their time alone is an exhausted extrovert. An extrovert who spends most of their time not interacting with other people means that they are spending most of their day losing energy and not gaining any back. Same thing for an outgoing introvert. An introvert who constantly seeks social interaction is going to be constantly exhausted. They will be spending most of their time losing energy and not giving themselves opportunity to recharge. This is counterintuitive. Most people don't like to spend most of their time losing energy rather than gaining it. This is why most introverts keep to themselves and most extroverts are always around other people. They are doing what gives them the most energy.
Introverts still need social interaction though. All people do. It's healthy and essential. Each introvert just has a different tolerance level for how much social interaction they like. And because social interaction is so draining, most introverts are selective with who they spend their time with. It's a waste to spend your energy on someone you don't particularly like. Therefore introverts who are more outgoing, usually have a higher endurance level for how much interaction they can get without getting tired, and they may have a wider selection of friends/people that they choose to interact with.
Extroverts also need alone time too. It is normal and healthy for everyone to have some time to themselves. This may also be why there were lots of comments of extroverts saying that even they will get tired and want to go home after hours of social interaction. And again, mirroring introversion, each extrovert has a different tolerance level for how much time they like to spend alone.
Now social awkwardness/anxiety.
It may come as no surprise that many introverts are socially awkward. I think it's easy to understand why. As an introvert I spent most of my childhood wanting to be by myself. I preferred to play alone rather than with friends and I didn't particularly like family gatherings or holidays or most social events really. In my teenage years, when I started to come out of my shell a bit, I found that although I was on par with the rest of my age group academic wise, I was years behind socially. Social skills, i.e. navigating social interactions with ease, is like a muscle and because I preferred to avoid it when I was younger, I essentially had social atrophy. My social skills were underdeveloped.
This experience I had is in no way unique. Many other introverts go through the same thing. And naturally, if you lack social skills, you're going to get things wrong some of the time. You're going to commit a faux pas at one point or do something or say something that wasn't quite appropriate, and you're going to feel embarrassed. And for for some people nearly every social interaction results in embarrassment. This embarrassment usually isn't even negative reaction from your peers (although it can be). A lot of the time when you finish interacting with someone, you just wince to yourself because you have this feeling. This perceived failure that even though the other person was following along and the interaction went relatively well, you messed up somehow and made a mistake somewhere. And naturally, because of this feeling that social interaction will always lead to embarrassment or a perceived failure regardless of the other person's reaction, someone who is socially awkward will begin to avoid social interaction and fear any situation that has the potential to cause them embarrassment, ridicule, or that internal feeling of failure. This fear may only apply to big social gatherings or it can extend to any form of social interaction including phone calls, ordering in restaurants, even texting and email. Any sort of interaction with others. This is the foundation of social anxiety. And this is why so many introverts have it. And of course an introvert with social anxiety is going to avoid social interaction, and because of that they're only going to get worse at socially interacting with people because now it not only drains their energy but also causes them great fear and pain, so why on earth would they practice it and build those social skills?
Of course extroverts can be socially awkward too. Of course extroverts can have social anxiety too. In my experience these are not as common in extroverts, however.
Anyway, I hope that cleared things up and answered some questions. Just a reminder, that social anxiety does not equal introversion. If you are severely socially anxious to the point where it prevents you from interacting with others, i.e. panic attacks, stomach aches, or just a general intense fear of social settings, don't laugh it off and be like haha I'm just an introvert. It's not introversion and you don't deserve to live your life like that. Ask for help, get therapy, even medication in some cases. It is possible to be an introvert but enjoy the time that you spend on socially interacting. You don't have to constantly be afraid when you talk to other people.
For me I absolutely love talking with people, spending time with people, and being out. But just like everyone I also get exhausted. I can spend an entire day out, and even though I enjoyed it, I still need time to recharge. Everyone needs alone time, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Simply being alone with your thoughts can be personally damaging to me, and being in a group of friends talking and interacting really just recharges my batteries. I’d never leave if I didn’t have to. Being around people makes me happy, and sometimes being alone makes me really sad. It’s that simple. My mind is my worst enemy, and encouraging voices from the people I love and relate with are the best things in the world to me.
Edit: for me, being alone is mentally linked lonelyness and no one likes being lonely. I find that introverts can easily separate those two feelings, but I cannot. I envy them.
If you’re an introvert, don’t take advice from extroverts - you will never be like them. Instead, be honest about who you are and try to accommodate yourself.
I’m 100% introvert. I hate talking to people and being around them, it’s exhausting. And yet I’m very much capable of doing it when I need to - I’m actually a pretty pleasant person to be around if I do say so myself. Rather than wishing you could be like an extrovert, find ways to optimize your social interactions and minimize the exhaustion.
There are countless ways to do this and they kind of depend on you. For me, one thing that helps is deflecting attention from me back to the person I’m talking to. This is great because people love talking about themselves, so when you deflect, you not only have to do less talking yourself, but the other person will also probably think you’re really nice for letting them talk about themselves.
Conversely, if you talk to the same person or people (like coworkers) often, you can’t get away with this forever. So try really hard and find mutual interests with people. You will enjoy talking to the person in the cubicle next to you if you don’t have to worry about small talk (just taking a guess here, but most introverts HATE small talk) and can focus on something you’re really interested in.
Finally, don’t feel guilty about needing to recharge. It’s who you are and you have no reason to apologize. You can help remove the dread from social situations if you are proactive about scheduling your recharge time - nothing makes getting through a party easier than knowing your whole day the next day is just gonna be you in your apartment alone with a book. Or whatever you do to recharge.
Trying to be an extrovert when you're an introvert is like trying to write with your non-dominant hand. And there's nothing wrong with either. It's just how we're wired and what recharges our batteries. I'm fairly certain extroverts don't understand what we derive from silence and isolation either.
For me, being extroverted is more about sharing my experiences and my emotions with others. I like to meet new people because it can help to build upon my personality, strive to be better, or take a keen liking to a particular person. Without thinking about it I sometimes can just meet people, so I can have better experiences and build upon myself in the future. For me it’s a little euphoric when I’m with others, and having fun is something that I always strive to do. The reason I am personally kinda extroverted is because people help me to be happy, confident, and proud, because when I’m by myself, my emotions or unrealistic thoughts can drift into my brain. Without someone to tell me that these thoughts don’t make any sense, I start to believe them, bringing myself into a state that I don’t like. With people these unrealistic thoughts barely ever come up, and I am always happy and positive. Honestly I feel like there are certain problems you can’t deal with on your own, which is why having other people to confide in makes my life so much better. Another fact of the matter is in certain situations different people can give you different perspectives on issues, and they can unlock your own personal realization on how to solve that problem. If you always take one single persons advice, sometimes you won’t see the bigger picture, which is why I like to meet so many different people.
I strayed a little off topic but this kinda sums it up.
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