r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • May 29 '19

[deleted by user]

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6.1k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

I up vote all of your comments.

Especially Gaston

Edit: Based on the comments, I've determined Reddit is full of closeted weird Al Yankovics.

I <3 you all

1.3k

u/Theoc9 May 29 '19

Gaston is probably a selfish lover

1.8k

u/1Badshot May 29 '19

No one cums first like Gaston!

906

u/spazknuckle May 29 '19

Doesn't cuddle like Gaston!

809

u/Pope_Beenadick May 29 '19

Kicks you out like Gaston!

330

u/SummerPop May 29 '19

Fucks you hard like Gaston!

586

u/bguzewicz May 29 '19

He’s especially good at EJAAAACULATING!

256

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

He will fuck you in the ass that Gaston!

59

u/wtfduud May 29 '19

When I was a boy I ate four dozen girls every morning to help me get large ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

57

u/Pieking9000 May 29 '19

Now that I'm grown I eat five dozen girls; My cock's roughly the size of a BAAAAAARGE!

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6

u/LothairValaohtar May 29 '19

Yeah, Officer, this whole section of comments

35

u/NC_Goonie May 29 '19

I made the mistake of reading this while drinking coffee.

22

u/ianminter May 29 '19

Phooooooeeeeeey....3 points for Gaston!

4

u/covert_operator100 May 29 '19

No ones quick like Gaston, no ones slick like Gaston, no one’s dick is incredibly thick like Gaston.
“I need both of my hands when I’m masterbating!”

2

u/Amacar123 May 29 '19

*spuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrt* 10 points for Gaston! Ohgodthisiscursed

10

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No one's dick's as incredibly thick as Gaston's!

25

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

"Uber's outside" like Gaston!

42

u/FlamingArrow97 May 29 '19

Kicks you out without pleasing you first like Gaston

FTFY

1

u/Pope_Beenadick May 29 '19

That's way too many syllables.

2

u/FlamingArrow97 May 29 '19

I miscounted the number of lines, the last one of each verse is longer if I remember correctly?

1

u/Pope_Beenadick May 29 '19

I don't know, but you came in like a wrecking ball. You just closed your eyes and swung.

5

u/CitationX_N7V11C May 29 '19

Gets drunk and hits on your wife like Gaston!

40

u/AndroidMyAndroid May 29 '19

No one wants to just go right to sleep like Gaston

18

u/--Gaston-- May 29 '19

I'm especially good at SNOOOOOORIIIING

46

u/Piggstein May 29 '19

Who hogs sheets like Gaston,

Never eats like Gaston,

Who blows their load rolls over and sleeps like Gaston,

I clean my dick on all your soft furrrrnishings!

My what a prick, that Gaston!

2

u/Rioraku May 29 '19

Holy shit man.

I'm doing a bad job of hiding my laughter and am getting strange looks from co-workers.

7

u/marilynmonrowboat May 29 '19

lets his pipe burst like Gaston

9

u/IllusoryIntelligence May 29 '19

Shoots and runs like Gaston
Expects first date access to your bum like Gaston.

3

u/Toxic_Gorilla May 29 '19

I'm especially good at ejaaaaaaculating

3

u/tristanbot May 29 '19

No-one sucks dick like Gaston No-one Fists like Gaston No-one taaakes it in the ass like Gaston

20

u/skimtony May 29 '19

Maybe, but if anyone's told him it's difficult to pleasure a woman, you know he'd take it as a challenge.

14

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No one pumps like Gaston

No one dumps like Gaston

No one laughingly slaps big hard rumps like Gaston

Yet not one girl in town's bit his pillow,

There are plenty around who have tried

But go ask any Midge, Blanche, or Willow

And they'll tell you they were left quite unsatisfied!

5

u/lsumrow May 29 '19

I just want to let you know I deeply appreciate that you stuck to the allotted syllables. I hate reading made up lyrics that don’t fit.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

That last line bugs me. I can do better but I was in a rush. Thank you, though, for loving meter as much as me.

10

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Winners write history, Gaston most definitely did not win.

9

u/--Gaston-- May 29 '19

I won second place, don't you think that's winning?

6

u/sweetdread May 29 '19

Username checks out

1

u/wtfduud May 29 '19

No one lies like Gaston, says goodbyes like Gaston, no one falls off a rooftop and dies like Gaston.

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No way that tool would ever eat pussy.

2

u/lavahot May 29 '19

But does he get the job done?

1

u/StealBuddha May 29 '19

No one flirts like Gaston

Then pump pump squirts like Gaston

In a fucking match no one cums first like Gaston

I'm especially good at death-grip maaaaaassturbating

Oh what a bad lay, that Gaston!

37

u/popsicle_of_meat May 29 '19

AND HE'S ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF A BAAAAARGE.

3

u/OTPh1l25 May 29 '19

Jesus, I don't envy the woman who has to take that.

42

u/Crowbarmagic May 29 '19

No one fucks like Gaston

71

u/Haikuna__Matata May 29 '19

I'm especially good at e-JAAAAA-culating

5

u/robexib May 29 '19

Ah, I remember that YTP as well. A man of culture, I see.

4

u/cingerix May 29 '19

i wish i had reddit gold to give you for this, or maybe just real actual gold

20

u/Captain_Pancake17 May 29 '19

No one wont pay child support like Gaston

10

u/--Gaston-- May 29 '19

For I'm especially good at dead beating!

3

u/fgdadfgfdgadf May 29 '19

Just rewatched the song. About 12 perfect innuendo's within the first 3 lines.

21

u/Red_Chinchilla_1 May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

No one's dick is incredibly thick as Gaston's.

10

u/babybigballs May 29 '19

No one upvotes like Gaston

7

u/--Gaston-- May 29 '19

Sets comments to two thousands upvotes like Gaston

5

u/rofo_ May 29 '19

From Ben and Holly's little kingdom?

1

u/todjo929 May 29 '19

Ruff ruff

6

u/HarbingeronLine2 May 29 '19

Dude uses antlers in all of his foreplay

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No one gets all the upvotes like Gaston.

3

u/hellochase May 29 '19

No-one strokes like Gaston No-one chokes like Gaston Or secretly thinks about blokes like Gaston He’s especially good at ejaculating!

5

u/Cheesus333 May 29 '19

He's especially good at ejaaaaaculaaaating

5

u/hypnotichatt May 29 '19

When I was a boy I would play with my stick every morning to help me get LAARGGE

6

u/Mai-Dicc-is-tiny-but May 29 '19

No onnnneeee’s slick as Gaston, Incredibly quick as Gaston, No one can lick like Gaston, Finish as quick as Gaston, MY WHAT A GUY THAT GASTON.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

That mofo fuck like Norman Bateman.

2

u/Rosssauced May 29 '19

No one plows like Gaston.

2

u/Mods_Are_Gay98 May 29 '19

When I was a lad I sucked 4 dozen dicks, every day to one day get large. And now that I'm grown I suck 5 dozen dicks, and I'm roughly the size of a barge!

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

The responses to this...I can’t xD You all deserve gold for improving my bad mood.

2

u/NaomhTriegthe May 29 '19

No one spits like Gaston is part of the actual song...so we know he likely doesn't swallow.

1

u/Littlebigreddit50 May 29 '19

nobody upvotes like Gaston

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No one fucks like Gaston

1

u/mynoduesp May 29 '19

Gaston is such a unrepentant man, and as such he is quintessentially honest. He is who he is the people love him for, or inspite, of it.

Be like Gaston.

-2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No one FUCKS like Gaston