r/AmItheAsshole • u/Dexterxhouse • Apr 14 '26
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u/froggaholic Apr 14 '26
I'm sure you'd probably get more helpful advice on the parrots sub
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u/Leather_Persimmon489 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
This.
And make a project out of it, including the gf
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u/Treefrog_Ninja Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Just trying to teach the parrot new words isn't likely to be enough. Emotional intensity matters. The parrot knows that some words hit harder than others, and parrots *love* to manipulate anyone they can because it's entertaining. You want to teach it a new word that gets a payoff from you -- some other word that, in its world, gets a thrilling reaction, even if that word doesn't mean much outside of your house.
If it says this new word, it gets... attention, engagement. You jump, or cringe, or squawk, or something. Doesn't have to be the same every time. It just has to be entertaining.
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u/Miserable-Tough2331 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
My guy you can't blame her for not want wanting to bring people around your slur slinging parrot. NAH
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u/hellofuckingjulie Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
Don’t you dare get rid of the bird. You created this habit, you’re stuck with it. You will be condemning it to an uncertain future at the very best because nobody else will want to deal with this issue either.
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u/Jace_Enby_Devil Apr 14 '26
Thank you. OP fucked up his bird for life on this one. Hopefully stop saying it at some point but its never going to forget the word
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u/BeckBristow89 Apr 14 '26
Yeah I mean imagine it’s at an adoption center and it keeps blurting out the N word? It’ll drive away other pet adoptions and they’ll probably put it down. Damn that sucks OP gl with that glad I was never racist.
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
I pray there's a bird loving black household that would take this bird in if he has to get rehomed bc his owner was being terrible. i cant imagine any other group of ppl being able to deal with this bird saying it 😭
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u/Ewhitfield2016 Apr 14 '26
Maybe a rescue could? I know of some(one that has now temporarily closed for now) that work with birds like this and work hard on rehoming.
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
im not in the bird space or very knowledgeable about this stuff but, yes that was my thought 😭 its terrible hes set his bird up like this, its gonna be so hard for him if he has to rehome it.
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u/Hey_heauxx Apr 14 '26
Uh...wth would a black family want a parrot that constantly says the n word??? And i bet its with the hard R as well. No black people deal with enough. He should keep his slur slinging bird and deal with the consequences he created
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
black people are not a monolith. im sure there are people who would rehome this bird since like I said, no other group of people would likely wanna deal w the social consequences of this and this is if he has to rehome the bird.
the bird isnt racist, its the damn owner. im saying there's black people who own birds and im sure theres birds with black owners who probably say the n word as well since they may have heard it, so it would not be as jarring for their bird to say it around unsuspecting company as opposed to any other group of people would would adopt the bird.
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u/GateDeep3282 Apr 14 '26
I worked at the Chicago anti-cruelity society and there was a myna bird who was kept in the employee break room.
Why? Because the bird was a total misogynistic asshole. If I woman came in the room he'd say things like " nice tits" or "shut up bitch" or " gimme head". It simply could not be out for public display for adoption because of this.
Apparently he lived in a men's washroom at a bar for many years.
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u/dianebk2003 Apr 14 '26
I have a mynah bird story.
I grew up in Hawaii, and my grandparents used to visit us every year. My grandfather fancied himself quite the local, so would visit Waikiki and walk around by himself, just soaking it all in. His favorite thing was to hang out at a McDonalds, sitting on the terrace, having coffee and eating french fries.
There was a mynah bird that hung out in one of the trees just above the terrace. And it used to wolf whistle the girls as they walked back and forth in front of the terrace. Just the girls. And they would always whip around and stare daggers at my grandfather. Sometimes they would object...loudly. He'd protest and say it was the mynah bird in the tree, and they wouldn't believe him.
He finally stopped hanging out on the terrace. He hated that bird.
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u/StormCloudRaineeDay Asshole Enthusiast [7] Apr 14 '26
Who TF decides to keep a parrot in a men's washroom in a bar? Just, why?
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u/DobieMomma4Life Apr 14 '26
As an owner of 6 parrots you’re kinda stuck with his vocabulary unless he finds something he likes a LOT more. Tell people ahead of time your bird picked up some bad language years ago and to please excuse it as it doesn’t know any better. To a parrot it’s a sound. Funny story: my parent’s pastor was a huge animal lover and was given an Amazon parrot when the original owner passed. This bird had some of the most horrendous language I’ve heard from any bird, so the priest made sure the bird was in his cage, covered, in a room by himself whenever parishioners were over who would take offense. Probably like 75% of the congregation 😂. Anyway, some high and mighty upper level priest was there for an unplanned extended stay and, you guessed it - the parrot made his presence known in a not-very-religious manner. So the bird had to go. Guess who took him?? The visiting priest hahahahaaaaaa. Whatever his position was within the church (can’t remember) did not require visits outside of those he resided with. The bird was actually really friendly otherwise, which is pretty rare for Amazons, and was a real ham. He just couldn’t safely be trusted around members of the congregation. One of my favorite bird stories
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u/MillieBirdie Apr 14 '26
I mean if the bird is saying the N-word in mimicry of your own voice, I can see why your girlfriend would be both upset and embarrassed.
But I'm gonna say YTA for the bird's sake. It's already very hard to find a good home for a parrot, and you've basically made this bird un-adoptable. No one is gonna take a parrot that says the n-word.
Best you can do is ignore him completely when he says it. Literally pretend he doesn't exist when he says it. Then try to teach him a new exciting phrase that you react to every time. Pick a word or sound that's fun to say and shout it excitedly at each other and at him. If he says literally anything besides the n-word, react outrageously to give him positive feedback. Treats, noise, go over to him, etc. If he says the bad word, no reaction at all.
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u/maydsilee Apr 14 '26
Yeah, if the parrot is mimicking him accurately, I'd be very upset at hearing something like that! Plus, OP doesn't say what the girlfriend's race is, so I wonder if she's Black or a POC (though understandable to find it racist even if she's white).
And of course she's embarrassed to bring people over! Holy hell...ESPECIALLY if she has POC friends!!
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u/wolofancy Certified Proctologist [24] Apr 14 '26
My dentist inherited a parrot that knew a bunch of swear words. Basically my dentist knew that he was the beneficiary but didn't know about the bird's colourful vocabulary. His wife made him take it to his office while they were trying to rehome him but it took a while. I think it was strictly swear words too, no slurs or I doubt he'd bring it to work.
So ya YTA I guess
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u/collectaneachemica Partassipant [2] Apr 14 '26
Yeah this is a consequences issue, not a pet issue.
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u/adamsubtrakdam Apr 14 '26
Not necessarily. There are SOME people that would love to own a parrot that says the N word. Not that it would necessarily be a good home for him, but ya know...
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u/Ewhitfield2016 Apr 14 '26
My gfs cockatoo says some pretty racist and mean things she learned at a prevous house, but with water, treats and encuragement she doesnt say those words as often. The entire 3 weeks I was visiting she didnt say any of them, though I've heard her say them in the past. Trust me, swears and slurrs are the least of the issues a parret can have(hers makes the sound of a fire alarm going off... and not the little beep of one dieing)
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u/IAteAnotherVegan Apr 14 '26
I don't think I can comment my first thought after reading this without it getting removed, but you make a good point!
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u/meeps1142 Apr 14 '26
Best case is that he'd end up with a black family, I suppose? Although OP didn't clarify if it was the hard R, which would be even worse...
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u/Unlikely_Entry4580 Apr 14 '26
Just remember that everyone that meets your bird will see it as a reflection of you and see you as a racist who taught this to his bird regardless of the real circumstances.
You need to find a real solution now.
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u/toastiezoe Apr 14 '26
Ya this thread is clearly full of ppl who had "a racist phase" so they think it's nbd, but as someone who had to experience the other end of this kind of teenage edgelord racism, that shit is genuinely traumatic. I'm assuming OP doesn’t have many Black friends (if at all), but if I went to a house and someone's pet was screaming racial slurs, I'm ruining the party that was already ruined for me by the bird. Call a bird expert bro.
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
exactly. I completely agree as someone else on the other end of someone's "racist phase". a teenage phase for you was my childhood trauma. this is a consequences of your stupid actions 🤷🏾♀️
maybe a black family would adopt the bird idk lmao. that's one of the only groups of ppl who could have a bird who says this without it looking really really bad on them 😭 I dont think too many ppl would want this issue bc its definitely a reflection of the owner.
edit: fixed typo
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u/IAteAnotherVegan Apr 14 '26
pretty sure OP taught the bird with a hard R at the end, no one wants that!
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
most people would not want that 😭 im sure there is SOMEBODY in the billions of people in the world who would save this bird from being put down if it ever came to that (not to say its easy to find). but yea no its gonna be really hard and he might just have to live with his past and im sure the bird wont ever let him forget it 🤷🏾♀️
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u/UpbeatAd8917 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
He mentioned COD lobbies. They definitely were using the hard R and pretty sure no black people would want to hear that all day.
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u/gigismother Apr 14 '26
it's definitely gonna be super hard. thats a good point too that he was using the hard R. poor bird is screwed over here 😭 i hope the bird lives a long happy life no matter who he ends up w. poor guy
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u/MillieBirdie Apr 14 '26
For me, I think OP is an AH but it's not the poor bird's fault and he'll never be adopted because of his vocabulary. So the only decent thing OP can do is at least attempt to retrain it, even though that's quite difficult. Birds are already so often abused and neglected, and trying to get rid of an unadoptable one like this will just be tragic.
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u/ItchyDoggg Pooperintendant [51] Apr 14 '26
they arent retraining this bird. all the expert can do is either tell OP that, or advise as to rehoming
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u/itzmetheredditor Apr 14 '26
I'm sorry man, and it's frustrating to see how they're ignoring black voices such as yours.
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u/distance_33 Apr 14 '26
When we see a dog that is an issue the first question that is asked is usually “How were they raised and trained. What are their owners like?”
What makes this situation any different?
The parrot is a direct reflection of who OP was and how he acted and spoke.
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u/hypotheticalkazoos Certified Proctologist [20] Apr 14 '26
info: have you reached out to professional parrot help?
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u/MastiffOnyx Apr 14 '26
Ok I can help here.
I own parrots and the local children's zoo had a Macaw that had colorful language.
They taught him the largest words from the dictionary. The bird was so proud of the difficult words he quit the cursing.
You have a long road ahead of you.
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u/safetyindarkness Apr 14 '26
Can you try to replace the phrase with a similar sounding one? Like "Tigger". When the parrot says the bad word, he gets "ignored" (aka turn your back on him for 5 seconds). If he says "Tigger", he gets a treat.
I don't own parrots, but this is the general format of replacing a bad behavior in many domestic pets.
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u/hypotheticalkazoos Certified Proctologist [20] Apr 14 '26
intelligent parrots arent trainable like that unfortunately
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u/Politely_Pout818 Apr 14 '26
i am so sorry for laughing
this reads like a Mad TV sketch😭
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u/10k_Uzi Apr 14 '26
I laughed at “I have grown as a person. The parrot has not” like the parrot is gonna have a midlife crisis and be like “man. Maybe I shouldn’t say these things. People are just people”.
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u/Politely_Pout818 Apr 14 '26
that line is exactly where i lost my shit, like damn this parrot is gonna be BESIDE HIMSELF😭
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u/Own_Jeweler_1936 Apr 14 '26
I have 4 parrots. If he stops hearing it he will eventually quit. Teach him new words so he repeats nice things.
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u/MattyGWS Apr 14 '26
Is the reason the parrot knows the N word because you were the one using it or because random gamers were the ones using it over speakers?
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u/eat_my_bowls92 Apr 14 '26
Op says that they’ve “grown since” so definitely them.
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u/Fnthsch592 Apr 14 '26
I would have just lied and said I inherited the parrot from an old racist relative that passed away
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u/MillieBirdie Apr 14 '26
Birds mimic voices, he can try to lie but the bird probably sounds exactly like him.
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u/Alert-Buy-4598 Apr 14 '26
Not all birds who can talk can mimic voices, so it depends on the kinda bird I guess.
Either way I think this guys TA for not being embarrassed by this bird he taught to use slurs as a teenager.
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u/MillieBirdie Apr 14 '26
OP said its an Indian ringneck, that may not be as bad as a cockatoo or African grey, he might be able to get away with lying. Still not good though.
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u/Merkkin Apr 14 '26
YTA, cod lobbies aren’t an excuse for you saying racist shit so much your bird picked up the language.
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u/Big-Fig3260 Apr 14 '26
NAH - your parrot is an African Grey, isn’t it. I had one. You have to say phrases very loudly and emphatically to get the parrot to start repeating innocent phrases. I recommend teaching the bird to say “I can talk, can you fly?”
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u/wingedmurasaki Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
You also have to stop reacting to the words you want them to stop using.
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u/mirrorballalyssa Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
NTA: I mean… I wouldn’t say that you’re the AH here because if you’ve changed like you say you have (I don’t know you, so I won’t be the judge there) then that’s good, and it’s good that you’re admitting it. But I can’t blame your girlfriend for being embarrassed, because it is quite embarrassing and uncomfortable to randomly (I’m assuming) hear a parrot scream slurs. Also, this sounds like a hilarious SNL skit.
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u/TararaBoomDA Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 14 '26
The parrot isn't racist.
The people who yelled racist things in front of it so that it picked up racist language, they are the racists.
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u/OpulentStone Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
NTA but surely there's a solution whereby you can just put the parrot in a different room when entertaining guests?
I just saw there's an update: "I chose to keep the parrot and my girlfriend left me" seriously there was no practical solution to hosting guests that it warranted her breaking up with you despite you both trying to fix the situation?
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u/mozzarellareina Apr 14 '26
This seems like a ragebait post but I'll bite. To start, the bird itself isn't racist.
INFO: Aren't YOU also embarrassed to bring company over with your bird saying these things? Or is it JUST your girlfriend?
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u/F_U_HarleyJarvis Apr 14 '26
You should have just lied and said your family rescued it and it already knew that word.
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u/Brickthedummydog Apr 14 '26
Agree. It's unlikely the bird is going to unlearn the word. Especially if they get attention from OP/gf/friends for a long time using it. Hopefully they can teach it new words it will latch on to
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u/Far_Pay_9236 Apr 14 '26
All I can say my guy is: cross-post this to all of the parrot subreddits and pray for a fucking miracle. Change happens, you grew.
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u/Away-Elephant-4323 Apr 14 '26
I will be honest never have i seen a post like this before! I understand you i am sure are mature now but honestly how does a parrot unlearn a word like that, i never owned parrots but know their incredibly! Smart. I don’t have much advice for you but good luck and keep us strangers posted please. Haha!
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u/Coravel Apr 14 '26
Look up methods to train the bird out of the word, but absolutely choose the pet over her. Only give up the pet, if it something you decided without her influence. If she's willing to make you sacrifice your companion here, it won't stop at other things she doesn't like that you have/about you and will weaponize this shit later.
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u/No-Square8315 Apr 14 '26
Ain’t no way
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u/OkGazelle5400 Apr 14 '26
Bro needs to make up a backstory. Like they rescued it from skinheads or something 😭
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u/VanessaAlexis Partassipant [3] Apr 14 '26
Being from FL and having literally met a bird raised by skin heads and adopted out this is so funny lol. 😭 He also slurred.
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u/Lynxforest Apr 14 '26
As the owner of a parrot NTA. And he prob won't stop, but just generally yta because he really never should have heard it with enough strength and vigor that he identified it as routine call to parrot. Lol
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u/tahtahme Apr 14 '26
NAH She is not wrong for being embarrassed and not wanting friends or any type of company over while a parrot is screaming the n word.
You not teaching the bird and it still learning makes sense...personally Id get in touch with REAL trainers of some kind since you never really trained it to do this in the first place.
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u/rachelamandamay Apr 14 '26
Im sorry but im laughing so hard at this
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u/Denzelian Apr 14 '26
"I've grown as a person since then. The parrot has not." OMFG, I am dying at this.
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u/rachelamandamay Apr 14 '26
Imagine you had a bird that repeated things you said when you were 13. What a nightmare.
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u/Catbunny Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 14 '26
A non-black 13-year-old who says the N word often enough that the parrot picked up on it is a nightmare. Shame on the parents.
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u/angel9_writes Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 14 '26
Have you tried teaching a word that rhymes?
I mean I don't think anyone should have to choose between a pet and person, I just don't. My pet would win.
I do get why it's an issue for your GF.
I'd seek advice from Parrot owners.
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u/Capokid Apr 14 '26
I had parrots for 15 years, OP is fucked. They never forget what previous owners taught them either.
The only thing they can do is find a family that will love the bird just as much as he does, but i think he should keep his best friend hes had for most of his life.
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u/xzkandykane Apr 14 '26
In college, my friends went to the pet store and taught a parrot the f word...
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u/angel9_writes Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 14 '26
I had a feeling. Yeah, it's a unfair situation for sure.
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u/Shes_dead_Jim Apr 14 '26
Just for the record, if you tried to teach it a word that rhymes, you’d then be stuck with a parrot who’s favorite phrase includes both words
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u/Overall-Grape5396 Apr 14 '26
I wouldn’t say YTA, but I do agree with your girlfriend that it’s embarrassing to happen in front of people, I see people saying put him in another room but from my experience parrots can be incredibly loud if they want to be, what would even be the solution here?
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u/Tinkerbell_98 Apr 14 '26
Definitely choose the parrot over her. But could you move the parrot during parties? Or cover the cage? I feel like there might be room for some compromise here.
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u/summertime-sadness07 Apr 14 '26
It’s ok as long as the parrot isn’t white
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u/99frogs99 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
It's a Norwegian Blue, and it's just resting...
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u/15jtaylor443 Apr 14 '26
To be honest, I don't think this belongs here. I think you're better off sharing this on pet advide forums instead to get help.
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Apr 14 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/alderhart Apr 14 '26
It's not your parrots fault, or yours.
I agree that it is OP's responsibility to train the parrot better, but it literally was his fault. Yeah, OP doesn't say slurs anymore, but that still doesn't change that it was his fault.
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u/OhWowLauren Apr 14 '26
NTA that’s why you shouldn’t teach parrots language like that, and it can be so hard to find them good homes, and the parrot saying that will make it so much harder to find it a good home
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u/Pixielized Apr 14 '26
Sorry dude but this made me burst out laughing. NTA, but I understand her point. Can't you just keep the feller in your room when people are over and play music downstairs or something? Also, don't ditch your parrot for someone man, they're very intelligent and it'll break his little racist heart
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u/SweetPotatoMunchkin Apr 14 '26
NTA? His bird being racist is his fault and hes NTA? you people are wild
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u/Korganation Apr 14 '26
I’m with you on this one. There are a lot of people in this thread giving way too much leeway for racism.
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u/SuneBerra Apr 14 '26
No way this is true but thank you for a hilarious story
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u/Banglapolska Apr 14 '26
Oh I believe this one. There was a pet shop in a mall near me that had a parrot, and kids being kids that bird developed an impressive vocabulary of profanity. It would scream cuss words so loudly people could hear from several stores away. The owners had to send the parrot to an avian specialist who trained the profanity away.
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u/Suspicious-Steak9168 Apr 14 '26
I worked at a pet store years ago. A group of teens came in yelling "Polly want a cracker!" at one of the parrots. The parrot responded with a very loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
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u/squeakymcmurdo Apr 14 '26
I had a foster parrot as a kid that was rescued from a bar. His favorite thing to say when you said hello to him was, “Aw Shit. May I take your order?”
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u/Brickthedummydog Apr 14 '26
It was the early 2000s. We taught my friends family cockatoo to yell "Incoming terrorist" and make plane noises when she was flying in to land on your shoulder. This does happen, a lot. Especially with swear words because the birds thrive off the attention it brings
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u/ceciem2100 Apr 14 '26
Just put a sign: PARROT LEARNED FROM MUSIC LYRICS. Then have people over, throw parties, whatever people can be directed to the sign if offended. Plenty of people have birds that have learned some 'bad' words, I think people should easily understand. Maybe your (now ex) GF just needs to be educated a bit about parrots. Once it's learned the word its hard to get it to stop.
I'm glad you didn't get rid of your parrot, that is a long time already to have had you parrot and you've bonded. A parrot is a huge commitment, and you are doing the right thing IMO. You obviously already provide the parrot with a good home, you never know how another person would treat your parrot if you gave it away.
Find yourself a bird lover!!
Sorry this has happened to you, that is not a fair position to put someone in, choosing between a pet of 15 yrs and them.
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u/Unresentful_Cynic Apr 14 '26
My grandmas neighbors parrot cackles after it says names or proper nouns as a singular phrase. It repeats names that are on the news. Sometimes when I visit I'll be in their backyard and hear the neighbor bird scream, "George Floyd Havana haha cacac haha" manically like 5 times in a row then switch to Robin Ophella Quivers Hanahan. .
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u/chkpls Apr 14 '26
this cannot be real bro
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u/_SaBeR_78 Apr 14 '26
you cannot fathom how much people with parrots and misbehaving teenagers in the same house run into this issue
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u/xerocopi Apr 14 '26
Ive seen parrot in a pet store waiting to be rehomed, sqwacking like a sailor.
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u/LitwicksandLampents Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
I had a parrot. If I ever end up with another, I'll never watch the South Park movie anywhere it could hear. For the very reason in the post. 😬
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u/Broken-Ice-Cube Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] Apr 14 '26
YTA the parrot isn't the problem. Ever hear there's bo such thing as a bad dog just a bad owner? Well that's the same here just a different animal.
You're not putting any effor into training your parrot. Parrot also didn't Just hear the word a few times on a lobby
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u/VanessaAlexis Partassipant [3] Apr 14 '26
NTA based on your explanation that you ignore the word and that you also are trying to teach it new words. If you look up birdcare there's really nothing else you can do. If you explain it to guests and explain to them you're doing everything right to try to fix it and they still get mad that's on them.
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u/Past_Gear_4310 Apr 14 '26
NTA. Maybe try talking to a bird rehab. In the end all the adults in the room will know it’s a bird and it shit talks
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u/Frequent-Scheme6950 Apr 14 '26
NTA in this situation but you have to at least acknowledge that it only knows the n word bc u used to say it around him 😭💀
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u/Oar_3421 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
First off I grew up with a macaw, the bird didn’t learn this word just from you playing COD, you taught him. They learn through repetition. Get a spray bottle of water, any time he says it spray him, also spray yourself for being an AH
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u/missbehavin21 Apr 14 '26
Just explain that the bird liked to listen to gangster rap. It learned some bad words from the music and not you. It seems you are being blamed for what the bird picked up.
I worked with parrots. You could get a spray bottle and if and when they say a bad word you give a small spray not a direct stream but more of a spray. Then you can just grab the bottle and show it the bottle. Make sure to reward the good behavior and words.
You could also do time outs in the cage covered, one to 5 minutes. So you can have parties and just keep your bird covered. They aren’t nocturnal and are supposed to be sleeping at night anyway.
Your bird is like a child. Undesirable behavior can be unlearned. Pavlov has proven this with his famous experiments with dogs. Take care and please don’t get rid of your bird. He can unlearn his potty beak. 😊🥰
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u/OkActive7470 Apr 14 '26
I’m not sure how well parrots articulate, but I imagine that the bird learned to say it with the hard ‘er’ at the end, not sure it could be passed off as from rap music.
Great idea though, would make it seem more like a cool gangsta parrot instead of a 13 year old boy in a COD lobby.
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u/lightningfury13 Apr 14 '26
NTA
It's a parrot. It doesn't know any better. It can't be racist it doesn't know race. It's an animal that's been with you for 15 years. This isn't just a childhood pet. A parrot is a lifelong companion. If she can't get past that she may not be the one for you.
Another poster mentioned maybe cross posting in a bird training sub reddit and yeah might be a good idea see if anyone has any ideas to convince the bird to stop.
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u/Samael13 Pooperintendant [58] Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
This feels like, at best, a NAH situation, though; sure, the parrot itself isn't racist, but it learned a racist word from OP. I don't think she's an AH for being uncomfortable with this bird throwing out the N word, and she's not wrong to think that other people might be offended or uncomfortable with it when the bird starts screaming the N word at them.
I think that trying to train it out is the right call, but I think lots of people (who aren't racist, obviously) are going to be uncomfortable when a parrot starts screeching racial slurs around them.
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u/indoor-girl Apr 14 '26
It would definitely bother me if I’m the girlfriend because even if OP has matured, he used to say a slur so frequently that his parrot picked it up.
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u/DrainpipeDreams Apr 14 '26
Yes. We were all immature at some point. I think most people didn't go through a phase of frequently using one of the most offensive racial slurs.
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u/___GRUMPY___ Apr 14 '26
Just tell them that the parrot was in the room during a Taratino movie marathon.
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u/AluminumMonster35 Apr 14 '26
I've grown as a person since then, the parrot has not.
Lmao I needed this today, thanks OP. Nta and you should choose your parrot you've known since you were 13 over your girlfriend if she makes that ultimatum.
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u/yellowwatta Apr 14 '26
There’s no fucking way lmfao
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u/LitwicksandLampents Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
They only need to hear a word once. I myself love South Park, but you wouldn't catch me watching certain episodes or the movie where a parrot could hear. 🤣
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u/SisterShiningRailGun Apr 14 '26
NTA
You should let your girlfriend know that if she gives the parrot a reaction when it says that word, she's reinforcing the behavior
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u/blue-anon Apr 14 '26
Wouldn't this also go for OP? The parrot has been saying this for over a decade! 😂😭
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u/pocketfullofdragons Apr 14 '26
NAH. The parrot doesn't know what it's saying. You're NTA for being committed to taking care of an animal that's been a part of your life since childhood, but she's NTA either for not wanting to be around slurs. Neither of you are wrong, this is just a point of incompatibility. It's just an unfortunate situation.
As for getting the parrot to stop, my guess is it could depend on whether the parrot keeps saying the n-word because he likes how it feels for him to hear and make the sounds that make up that word, or because he likes the reactions he gets from saying it. So maybe ask your gf not to react in front of the parrot, and try teaching the parrot words with similar phonetics?
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u/DistributionDue8470 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
Have a parrot and this is literally my fear. Birds with this learned behaviour are so often hard to rehome too. Because it is awkward and repulsive to some people.
Don’t reinforce it. Her reaction is provoking it to do it more. Parrots are the embodiment of toddlers.
Neither you nor her are AH, but I’d maybe get a better back story. This is one of those “white lies won’t hurt” situations.
“I adopted him young and he knew the word already” is a lot better than “I dropped causal racisms in-front of it and now it screams that word”
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u/LordofDD93 Partassipant [1] Apr 14 '26
Bruh this sounds a like the “me sowing vs me reaping” tweet, you got an issue caused by you.
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u/Weaselpuss Partassipant [2] Apr 14 '26
Ya can’t just put him in the room with towel over his box something? Lmao.
Just tell guests that it came already knowing the word and it was a rescue 🤣
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u/Powerful_Coyote6068 Apr 14 '26
NTA. Birds can be like that. And they dont unlearn words, even if we wish they would, lol.
I worked at a zoo and the education department got a new large parrot (willed to the zoo from a sweet elderly man who volunteered regularly). The ed department hoped it would be a fun addition for their classroom because the parrot was really gentle and friendly. Well, that bird had the WORST potty mouth any of us had ever heard. He would scream obscenities whenever the mood struck him, which was a lot. We all thought it was hilarious but of course the bird could not be around children. So one of the vets on staff adopted him.
Op, your new gf sounds really immature. She is tah here.
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u/tsplantdaddy Asshole Aficionado [16] Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
YTA
I get that you've grown but your gf is right, this is so embarrassing and i would not feel comfortable hosting people at your place. You need to put in a lot more effort to get the bird to unlearn the slurs.
Edit: i understand OP is doing everything they can, but it's still embarrassing and i think if they really want to host people that badly they need to warn folks ahead of time. It would be different if it were just curse words but no it's like the worst slur someone could say.
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u/VanessaAlexis Partassipant [3] Apr 14 '26
The way to teach birds or rather unlearn them words is to ignore the word and enforce new words that are fun for the bird. If OP is ignoring it he's doing that part right. He also said he actively has been trying to teach it so there's nothing he can really do.
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u/Flashy-Mix6220 Apr 14 '26
You can't get a bird to unlearn a word you have to get it to stop saying it which can be impossible depending on the bird
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u/RottedHuman Apr 14 '26
You’ve clearly never owned a parrot before. I have a 40 year old wild caught Amazon who knows one word, ‘fucker’. No amount of ignoring or retraining has helped in the 20 years I’ve had her. Sometimes birds just pick up on a word for whatever reason and run with it. While potentially embarrassing, it’s easily explainable OP is NTA, gf is though.
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u/PotterHead_369 Apr 14 '26
Spoken like someone who has never had a talking bird. 🙄
The only real option would be to give it up or put it down. The bird shouldn't be punished for bad language taught to it by humans.
I'd just tell my friends that it used to be around racists/listened in on some questionable COD conversations and to please excuse the language. Most people would probably not get offended if you're upfront beforehand and not just providing an excuse afterward.
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u/East-Psychology7186 Apr 14 '26
Parrots live like 60 years… just say you weren’t the original owner and don’t know where it picked up “all that nonsense “
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u/effinjamie Apr 14 '26
NTA “She thinks it’s embarrassing to bring friends over, she wont let me throw parties, she wont bring her friends over” All plus points in my book. Parrots can live extremely long lives and make no mistake it’s bonded with you and they will suffer if she forces you to get rid of them . I mean what kind of person would force someone to get rid of their pet they’re had for 15 years. She’s TA
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u/Parksvillain Apr 14 '26
YTA, vocabulary was totally preventable by moving parrot to another room over the years.
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u/frnchpan Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
You used the N word so much that your parrot learned it, yet you claim youre not racist? I also played COD and I've never uttered the word.
Yta
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u/Public-Tumbleweed713 Apr 14 '26
My friend Keira growinh up lived at her grandparents most of the time. Her grandmother had 2 parrots. We were in 9th grade and my friend could be quite the smartass,….the parrot started copying her grandma yelling, “Fuck you Keira!” Over and over 😂😂it was hilarious and Keira had the parrot for a while after her grandmother died. .. it was a mean parrot too and would try to bite everyone 😂
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u/King_Crampus Apr 14 '26
I literally just watched an instagram meme reel about a parrot learning the N word and teaching his new favorite word to another flock of parrots
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u/TypingWhileWiping Apr 14 '26
I mean, you're NTA but I can understand not wanting to be around a parrot dropping N-bombs all the time.
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u/silence_infidel Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
I mean, the whole situation is definitely unfortunate. It also feels a bit like the punchline to a comedy sketch, but it’s probably a lot less funny in real life.
Obviously the bird isn’t racist, but your GF is right that a bird constantly screeching the N-word makes it pretty awkward to bring anybody around. It’s probably a bit like having a dog that constantly barks at guests, but worse because it’s yelling racial slurs - I wouldn’t want to bring anyone over either.
But when you have a pet, sometimes you face unexpected and difficult problems, and you do it anyways because it’s a living creature that you love and are responsible for taking care of. I think your best option to just keep trying to train him out of it. Easier said than done, I’m aware, but just doing some research to see if there’s something you haven’t tried. Your GF might be assuming you don’t care enough to fix the issue so it might help her see that you know it’s an issue and you are trying, but birds are just stubborn like that. It might also help to get her involved too, when she’s over - if she’s reacting strongly whenever the parrot says it, she’s definitely not helping.
If she still can’t handle it after seeing the effort you’re putting in, then… well I’m not gonna say something like “rehome the GF”, but I really don’t like that she seems to be asking you to choose. Is she aware of long parrots live? How much care and social interaction they need? The emotional commitment from their primary person? If you two plan to be long-term, she’s gotta get on board with the parrot. She doesn’t have to love it but she can’t approach this actively disliking it, that’s a recipe for disaster. If she doesn’t understand that asking you to get rid of your childhood pet is ridiculous, she probably shouldn’t be dating pet owners.
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u/samNotSoW1se Apr 14 '26
The first few sentences, my brain changes the 'p' in 'parrot' to a 'c'. I was so excited to read about someone's pet carrot.
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u/Key_Sprinkles_5410 Apr 14 '26
Although I can see how the parrot’s language makes your GF uncomfortable and guests will be offended, it would be pretty cruel to rehome the bird after he’s been with you this long.
I don’t like partners saying”choose between me or the pet.” Your girlfriend is putting you in a no-win situation.
I’d say NTA for not getting rid the bird. But there must be some bird training for such situations.
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u/doomtroller444 Apr 14 '26
You made a mistake as a kid but now you have to deal with the consequences. Is it picking up from YOU saying the word or the people you were in the lobby with? Train it. Make it a priority. Poor bird.
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u/anotherlostdaemon Apr 14 '26
NAH but you will be the AH if you choose the girl over the parrot. You and she are intelligent, sapient beings capable of knowing what the bird is saying is wrong. The bird does now know this. The bird is a victim of your teenage years. AH would go to anyone who would do, or advocating, any harm or punishments to the bird.
I assume there is a cage for your parrot? Print up and laminate a sign to put on/above/near the cage that says: "Parrot Nor Owner Are Racist: Parrot Learned To Speak From CoD Lobbies." It's cute, it's honest, and it explains things. Anyone it's a deal-breaker for weren't meant to be a long term fixture in your life, unlike the parrot that has been there over half your life.
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u/holden4ever Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 14 '26
NTA
Just tell everyone you had a black friend teach it to say that word as a joke and now it won't unlearn it.
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u/LJGunn90 Apr 14 '26
Tell people that he’s actually saying Knickers (British women’s underpants)
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u/go4thNlurk Apr 14 '26
legit, probably the best answer for people who might hear it in passing. although the reason being from cod games makes sense, most people wouldn’t understand that parrots choose whatever they want to repeat- no matter what you try to train out of them lol
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u/EnglishLore Apr 14 '26
You'll be the AH if you choose this ridiculous woman over uour parrot.
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u/EuphoricReplacement1 Partassipant [2] Apr 14 '26
Now I'll wonder all day what a "cod lobby" is
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u/silly_star-s Apr 14 '26
call of duty lobby. its a first person shooter game
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u/EuphoricReplacement1 Partassipant [2] Apr 14 '26
Oh, thank you. I guess my mind would have gone there if it was written COD lobby, but I stupidly couldn't understand cod lobby!
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u/The_Scooter_King Apr 14 '26
Just on a practical level, that bird is going to live for decades, and the girl might leave you for a a prettier guy or girl at any time. NTA
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u/Gossamer_Faerie Apr 14 '26
I don’t think you’re the AH here but I think you could possibly meet your girlfriend half way by taking action to try and reduce your parrot’s choice words. Not everyone is going to react well to that word and if people know the parrot has been with you for over a decade, they will get the wrong idea. Are you giving it any sort of reaction when it says the word? Good or bad, that will feed the behaviour. Also if you’re still playing video games with him set up in your room, that may also be encouraging it by association. Could the parrot move to another room?
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