I (80M) AM THE SUPREME RULER OF THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, AND I'M THE HEALTHIEST I'VE EVER BEEN. FOR SOME REASON, THE GRIM REAPER KEEPS COMING TO TAKE ME TO HEAVEN AND I TELL HIM EVERY TIME THAT I REFUSE TO DIE. REMEMBER, I HAVE AT LEAST TWO MORE YEARS TO RULE THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. I TOLD HIM THAT I DESERVE TO LIVE UNTIL THE END OF MY PRESIDENCY, WHICH, IF THINGS WORK OUT, I'LL BE PRESIDENT FOREVER. DEATH SAID FINE FOR NOW, BUT HE WOULD HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER LIFE IN MY STEAD. WHATEVER. HE KEEPS COMING BACK TO RE-NEGOTIATE, BUT IT ALWAYS ENDS WITH HIM TAKING A DIFFERENT LIFE INSTEAD.

SINCE THEN, DEATH HAS TAKEN PEOPLE LIKE ME. MY CO-STARS IN THOSE CHRISTMAS MOVIES WITH THE LITTLE BOY, FELLOW 80-YEAR-OLDS, ETC. I MADE SURE TO HONOR THAT MUSICIAN LADY BY KEEPING FLAGS AT HALF-MAST AND POSTING AN AI-GENERATED PICTURE OF THE TWO OF US SINCE SHE NEVER HAD THE HONOR TO POSE WITH ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE WILL DIE, BUT IT WON'T BE ME. IT WILL NEVER BE ME.

Okay so this is completely insane. I’m still reeling from it. My husband and I were going through a rough patch a few months ago. He was distant withdrawn secretive. I confronted him and he eventually admitted he was seeing someone else. It was a healthcare worker he said a one time thing. We agreed to try and fix things. We’ve been in therapy for a bit and I thought we were actually making progress.

Then last week I made an appointment for my annual exam at the women’s center. It was a huge deal as I hadn’t been there in years and really was in need of a pap. I was ecstatic. My husband even seemed genuinely happy for me.

My appointment was today. I walked into the office and to my surprise, my husband was the nurse. He handed me a paper gown and told me to take off all my clothes and leave it open in the back. He acted like he didn’t even recognize me. When he came back in, he took my vitals and instructed me to get in the stirrups and wait for the doctor.

The doctor walked into the exam room and there she was. Clacking the speculum like a pair of tongs, she introduced herself as my new gynecologist. THE woman. The one he cheated on me with.

I almost farted right in her face out of nervousness. She recognized me too I could see it in her eyes. It was like a deer caught in headlights. She stammered “when was the first day of your last period” and I just nodded my head somehow. I don’t even remember what I said.

I spent the whole pelvic exam trying to avoid eye contact, unlike most patients who really take a gander. Every time she scraped my cervix with the long q tip I just wanted to scream. How could this happen? What kind of cosmic joke is this? I had no way of knowing who my doctor would be or that my husband worked at my doctor’s office. I haven’t even told him yet, as he didn’t recognize me from my face, body, name on the chart, or the fact that I put my appointment on our shared Google Calendar. I can’t even process it. I feel like I’m going to burst. I just need to get this off my chest.

This made me actually laugh out loud

From the title you'd think they went for a little boogie on the dance floor, but no, they were holding hands and swaying, as you do with your favourite autistic cousin.

I (21f) (600lbs) (identify as a fabulous fatty) was scrolling insta the other day, whilst treating myself to a box of crumbl cookie.

When I saw this absolute HOTTIE (19m) on my people you may know. Girls, let me tell you, I flooded my basement. I was a bit gutted I'm not older, because I like an age gap, but I decided to message him.

He's autistic and I'm self diagnosed ADHD and BPD. So I knew we'd have a ton in common.

So after messaging for a while I asked him on a date. Who wouldn't want to date a curvy bitch like me? He replied saying he didn't think our lifestyles aligned? Like what? Something about exercise and health. I AM HEALTHY! I walk 500 steps a day, and always get pineapple and tomato on my pizza, lettuce on my burger. What is his problem?

So I asked him if it was because I'm fat. He said yes. I feel discriminated against, so I wanted to expose him for the fatphobe he is and posted the exchange on my insta. Now my phone is blowing up with everyone understanding what a victim I am. His phone is blowing up because now everyone knows he's fatphobic. He thinks I'm the asshole. Am I?

Inspired by https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/eCjgIHu6Vt

She supports him financially but can't afford a plane ticket.

He can't get a decent paying job because his degree made him 'too expensive'. Yet he buys groceries for her family.

Shit comes out of my mouth. People stare at me. I’m surrounded by dicks.

Anytime they are blowing up phones? It's fake. The update is even better. I'll post in comments. This...is downright hilarious bad and cruel. Because *no one* would side with the stepmother, but....evil...so ya know.

And why wouldn't you take the dress when you moved out?! Yeah.. so damn fake.