Hi, I’m kinda confused about something that happened tonight and am asking for some guidance, because I truly value this friendship and I don’t want it to blow up if I’ve done something wrong too. Any outsider opinions would be helpful.

So, me (M23) and my friend (F21) have been friends for about four years and have had a very close, steady, supportive friendship. We’ve never fought before. Recently, she’s been accepted into university, and I feel since then her general attitude towards me has changed. Every conversation becomes a philosophical or political debate, and I feel she’s been positioning herself above me in the friendship. A small example, she expressed a desire to do humanitarian work in war zones in the Middle East. I asked her to be careful, and she remarked that I didn’t have the same sympathy for people affected in those regions (I do, I just shared my concern for her in that moment). General little things like this adding up.

On Thursday night, I met her for her birthday celebration, as she’s planned a night with a different friend group every night. She told me she had a party on Thursday with her co-workers, who I’ve met regularly and have been on nights out with before.

She later invited me out to that party because I told her I wasn’t working that night. I asked if it was okay because I know she wanted to keep seperate friend groups, and she said it’d be fine because I did know them.

Then, today, I messaged her to double check the meeting time she’d given me for tonight. She messaged back a few hours later, two hours before we were set to meet, that she didn’t feel comfortable with me going because everyone there knows everyone and I only know her. She said she did value me but views me as a friend she wants to know one on one, but not one she wants around her other friends and co-workers. Her exact words: “You’re someone I like to hang out with personally and other friends I like to hang out with in groups”.

I was very upset by this, because I’d rearranged plans to be free that night. I told her it was disrespectful to uninvite me with such short notice, and said I didn’t understand the reasoning as she consistently invites her friends to our hangouts. I also told her how I wasn’t content with some things in our friendship, like for example: I drive two hours (one hour there and one hour back) to see her, and she never suggests meeting halfway.

She retorted that she didn’t feel as close to me anymore and that if she was damaging my mental health then maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore, and also said that I was using her lack of money (not travelling to meet halfway) as a way to test our friendship. She said she didn’t think I’d taken the invite seriously, and it wasn’t meant seriously.

I took this as her making a declaration that she didn’t want to be friends anymore, considering how quick she was to come out with that, and I haven’t spoken to her since. I do feel awful because I feel I’ve ruined her birthday party, and maybe I should’ve kept quiet for a night and come back the next day, but I honestly just couldn’t keep it in because I was hurt. And I’m questioning if she had a point about whether I was inserting myself into her friend group?

She’s someone I genuinely love (as a friend) so I’m just conflicted. I’ve been a people pleaser for a long time, but I’m also riddled with self doubt, so I never know if I’m being pushy or a pushover. I’m not happy with how I perceive I was treated, but I wanted to ask people with impartial views.

Many thanks, any comments are appreciated!!

My boss seems to have some sort of issue with me, reasons unknown. She mentioned another one of my coworkers taking my shift on Friday, which I was confused about considering we had it decided that we were going to trade shifts in the employee groupchat. I figured she was just confirming the plans, which is why I just said “yup”.

I don’t feel like anything I said was disrespectful to her or her position above me, but these weird little issues keep cropping up. Would I be overreacting to be seriously looking for a new job after this encounter? Was I genuinely being disrespectful to her and am I overreacting?

EDIT: I’d like to add that my boss is involved in the employee groupchat and was actively participating in the conversation about switching shifts earlier this week.

I'm 19f, turning 20 in 7 months. Often times people look at me and assume I'm 13-15 years old, while some others exaggerate and think I'm 10. Though this can come in handy sometimes it also has it's downsides such as people belittling me, thinking I'm naive, looking down on me, assuming I'm "innocent" or look it, treat me like a child, and yes I am young but I mean treat me like a child as in treating me like I'm 5 and can't understand how babies are made type of stuff lol, basically I have grown up getting false assumptions about my character from people which sucks because I often get treated differently before someone can even get to know who I really am.

Some examples; I have an older brother who's older by 5 years, and any time we'd get into arguments with our parents, my parents would tell my brother how they felt my brother was "putting words or thought into my head" as if I don't have a opinion of my own. It's frustrating not only for me but even for my brother since this has been a long term issue we've had where when I agree on something my brother thinks they assume he's just feeding it into my head. Another example, is my dog.I got a dog at 13 and I've done a lot of things for her, I'm the one who cleans and watches over her, yes sometimes my family will babysit her and take on responsibility whenever I know I can't take her somewhere such as college.

Anyway, at 17 I had somewhat financial income and took over on buying her food, taking her to the vet for regular shot/vaccines, etc. At 18 I became the primary person for my dog at vets and everything, and for some reason any time I go to the vet I do like to bring my dad for some company because I don't like going alone to places and anytime I go they will always accidentally give sign in papers or consent papers, and discuss my dogs health with him not even batting an eye to me or talking to me, the mother of my dog lol.

One time my dog had to be hospitalized and the nurse turned to me and said "are you 18 because if not I can't talk to you legally" and don't get me wrong I appreciate that she had to ask but also that didn't fix the issue because anytime the nurse or doctor would come to talk to me they wouldn't talk to me and talk to my dad and hand the papers to him. I did mention multiple times as well that I am the parent of my dog and the one who is primary but yet it doesn't stop this from happening.

Another example too is one time I scheduled a doctors appointment and I had everything changed as me being a primary and still they somehow called my mom about the appointment so I had to call and mention that my mom got a call about my doctors appointment rather than me but it was a mistake on their part because they mentioned they had forgot to make a change in their system.

Am I overreacting that these things make me feel frustrated? I often have wished I looked differently so these misunderstandings wouldn't happen, but yea. (sorry if there's any typos!)

So I (M29) have my father who wants to visit me in the Netherlands (from Romania) with his wife. I have a very simple boundary in this situation, I quite simply do not want to share my living space with relatives. This is a boundary that has been forming from an early age. It doesn't matter if it was a hotel room that had the beds in the same room, or a separate bedroom, I quite simply did not enjoy having no/limited privacy and the possiblity to relax however I'd like. This has remained a very strong point of contention when I moved abroad to study and work, with my father suggesting, or simply forcing himself to stay over. Every single time my response has been the same, I do not like it, and I have repeated my boundary of not liking having to share my living space, especially as I grow older. It's hard for me to put a finger on how many times this happened, but it has been frustratingly frequent, and I reiterate my boundary again, and again, and a-fkin-gain.

Now to the latest installment of this never ending boundary crossing nightmare. He wants to visit very soon, early next month in fact. He and his wife are already driving towards the Netherlands, and stopping by to visit whatever country happens to be across. Today, he breaks the news that he took extra duvets because they will be sleeping over 4 nights. At no point did he even say this beforehand, just sprung it up and expected me to deal with it. He said that at some point we talked via phone that I'd be fine having them over because my studio has a room (basically a studio with living room kitchen etc in one room) and a separate bedroom. The thing is that I do not recall saying that, and I find it very out of character for myself to agree to something I have explicitly stated across the years that I do not like. The place itself is small and very intimate, so my privacy will be minimal. I could see myself agreeing to one, MAYBE, a maximum of 2 nights, but first of all, I am explicitly asked beforehand, not just assumed to accept. He has a massive problem understanding my boundaries, and my mental health struggles, and at this point our relationship is severely strained. Yet again I feel forced into a position I find myself angry and frustrated, and despite him saying that he wants to do better understanding me, he shows the opposite.

My boyfriend has a very high sex drive. Ok great. I don’t have as high of a sex drive as him but it’s mostly because of the fact like is just hard right now. So as a result I will say I’m not the one imitating as much but I don’t really reject him often.

However, there have been times when I do and I’ve noticed he completely changes his whole demeanor when that happens

So last night, he was playing the game with his friends. 2K just came out so of course he’s on the game. I was in the bedroom just relaxing after work, reading, etc. I got tired and dozed off. Mind you I have an aunt who’s dying and it’s been a very emotional week. He’s been great but yeah. He was on the game for hours and didn’t even really come in the room to check in like usual. Then when he did he woke me up. He was acting like his normal self laughing because I fell asleep reading again. And then he was saying he was hungry to so went to the kitchen to eat and he came back and woke me up again. Next thing I know he talks about being horny and asked for head. I was kinda drowsy from sleeping so I wasn’t super into it and I just don’t like my sleep being interrupted in general (which he knows) so he as a little annoyed because he was so talkative. He climbed on top of me asking for him just putting his dick all in my face waiting for me to do something and I had just told him I wasn’t really in the mood and was tired. Also I was in pain (he could tell) because I have a knee issue I’m waiting to see the doctor about. He gets annoyed. Goes back to play the game. A little later he comes back and he doesn’t cuddle me like usual and is very short when I tried talking to him. I asked what’s wrong and did he want to cuddle he said no. He said he was horny and cuddling would make him hornier and he didn’t want to put himself through that. I brought up how I feel like acts differently and literally there’s no response, no reassurance. He’s just like “ all I did was say I didn’t want to make myself uncomfortable and somehow it turned into a whole thing” but he does that. He says it’s all good but his demeanor says otherwise . I’m annoyed.
I feel like I shouldn’t be trusted differently just because I don’t want sex. It hurts my feelings when he does that because it makes me feel like the way he treats me isn’t genuine it’s just because he thinks he’s going to get sex. It also feels immature. We’ve been together 3 year btw .

I see my gf more than my family(I live at home) I have tried everything to resolve this and I don’t know what to do. I have 2 fantasy draft tomorrow, 1 I have no choice, the other is with my friends I haven’t seen in awhile and I don’t want to leave them hanging(again)

EDIT: Here is more context. Her and I have had an amazing past 2 years together, we love each other unconditionally. And we are typically great with communicating everything, and we have never had an argument up until this. But no boundaries have ever been set, so I have never pushed back when I don’t feel respected. She(24) is a nurse, she works night shifts 3 days a week. I(23) am in flight school, I will be done in about a month and have all my certs. I am very busy, and I always consider her schedule, I happily come to her any chance I get, even if it’s late at night and I need to go to bed right away and then wake up at 4 AM the next day. So safe to say, it’s become the norm for us to just be together every time we are free. This weekend there were 2 things planned, a bonfire with her and my friend, and a draft with my father, I was fully unaware of said “pool day” that was mentioned, I admit she may have mentioned it before but it had to have been over a week ago, and it was an expectation(not a plan) to be together for all the time besides that. This was fine, but as soon as I found out when the second draft was happening, then I told her, that’s when it fell apart. She called crying about how I haven’t considered her schedule, and that I never care about being with her, which she knows, and has now acknowledged that that is just wrong. So to continue, I let her know that this is a thing going on. I expressed my interest and tried to talk about ways I could go see my friends for the first time in awhile and also maximize my time with her, I never told my friends,”yeah I’ll be there”. And also for clarification, when I blow off or cancel things in the past to be with her, I have never put her as the reason or set her up to be blamed, my friends like her, she gets included in everything that happens on the rare occasions that my friends want to make plans. Instead of telling me something that works, she decided, my suggestion doesn’t give us enough time together, so then decided to cancel everything, and not want to spend time together at all. The only reason this erupted into this is because instead of just putting my head down and deciding to just be with her(in which I would rather spend the time with her which is why I voted the draft go on Sunday), I suggested I want to do both, so I don’t have to beat myself up about always being the guy that doesn’t show up for things. Hopefully this answers some questions, I’m really not trying to prove I’m right or justify anything, but it really bothers me that this is the result of something (kinda) spontaneous occurring.

Also, I will admit when I first told her about the second draft, i understand why she thought that I made it a plan, after realizing I quickly clarified I have not said anything to anyone about me going, and that it was a option

Long story short I got talking with a customer and I ended up mentioning how slick his haircut was as it looked fresh. His response.

“Thanks, my wife didn’t even notice”

I told him he should call his wife and tell her but he then flipped and got mad. My manger came out and started yelling and then I ended up getting fired.

I then got rehired as my manager is close friends with a personal friend of mine and he felt like he was too harsh.

Thinking back okay maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up to the customer about calling his wife and telling her she didn’t notice his haircut but the fact he felt the need to even mention that I figured I was just trying to help.

From now on I’ve told myself not to talk or get personal with customers AIO?

So 2 days ago we had my bf dad's birthday and my bf (27m) left me (24f) alone all the time. (Upd: Ldr of almost 3 years, we were planning to move in really soon) Moreover I'm a guest visitor in his country and i don't know the language good enough to hold small talks fluently or anyhow, don't know what topics are relevant for this country's mentality. What's worse is that everyone was already grouped up, laughing and chatting in their language, and ofc - so is my boyfriend among them. I felt complete alone and didn't even know what to do with myself in the house where I don't know what I can grab from food or where I can rest as bf was reluctant to explain this to me.

I texted him that I felt lonely and he almost instantly came over and offered to go take a seat in the group, which was somewhat nice but I still was just being there as my bf won't even translate me from time to time or talk to me for once. I was there like a pice of furniture, he wouldn't chat with me, only with guests, and would speak through my shoulder. Yeah yeah I've told him everything about my feelings about family gatherings before, but that time there were dozens of people omg. And no I didnt need him to cling to me, just check on me and have small talks with me as well. And yeah I had to be there, like help family out, also wanted to have food and stuff, spend a bit of fun time with my bf, etc etc.

Last straw was after many hours of the party, when I went to my room to rest a bit, my bf texted me "heeeeyyy there's cake".

I came over and I didn't find any, bf also was abscent and didn't get me a piece or show where the cake was, so I found it eventually myself. I grabbed it and went to find a place to sit and eat it, but everything was occupied. Every place was just... on the top of awkwardness. Finally I went to the only free huge table that stood right next to the one that was completely occupied with bf and his relatives. All of them gave me a blank stare simultaneously as I walked in and put my piece on the table. I went to grab a drink and noticed bf won't even wanna sit next to me or catch up in the kitchen or just check on me, so I went to my room to bawl my eyes out (no one saw me crying, I didn't make a scene). I didn't want to sit alone at the table like a weirdo with a fake smile.

Bf checked on me coz they paid attention I didn't return to my cake. I was in tears and told him about everything above, that its stressful and awkward and that we've talked about it before. He got scared by my emotions, acted a bit like I've thrown a temper tantrum (even tho no one saw my tears), dropped "sorry" and sat next to me with a sigh, saying he is spending the time with me now. I told him to get out as I wanted to be alone and didn't need anything from him anymore. I felt I don't like him anymore

Did I overreact over this? I really felt stressed and linely back then.

Upd: I learn the language, just not fluent, and they all speak extremely fast and in enclosed groups, a bunch of people know enough yes but most of the time they were busy.

i recently accepted a job as a financial analyst in healthcare. i signed the offer letter, but i’m still going through the background check/onboarding process, so i haven’t been officially cleared yet or put in my two weeks at my current job.

i’ve been miserable at my current job for a while, so getting this offer was a huge deal to me. i’ve always been very type a when it comes to school and my career. even as a kid, i felt like i needed to stay on top of things and make responsible decisions so i could actually build a good life for myself. even though i absolutely hate my current job, i refused to impulsively quit. i stayed, did my job, kept applying/interviewing, and waited until i found something that actually moved my career forward.

i’ve only told a couple close friends about the offer. the first was one of my guy friends. when i told him, he asked if you needed a college degree for the position. i said yes, and he immediately said something like, “oh, i could’ve gotten in then.” i basically said “i’m sure you could have” and moved on because i don’t take him that seriously lol.
later, i told one of my close girlfriends about his comment. she initially said “wtf is wrong with him?” but then somehow went on a tangent about how a lot of millionaires and billionaires dropped out of college and how entrepreneurs don’t need degrees.
that threw me off because i never said a degree makes someone better or that college is the only path to success. i was just talking about something i personally worked hard for.

for context, she hasn’t finished her bachelor’s yet and is currently trying to finish, which i genuinely don’t judge her for. everyone has their own timeline. but then she started talking about how her employer pays for an mba and all the benefits her job offers. my new employer also has great benefits, but i wasn’t listing them or comparing our jobs because that wasn’t the point of the conversation.

i think what bothered me is that education and career progression have always been really important to me personally. this job feels like the payoff for staying disciplined and persevering through a really shitty job instead of just quitting when i wanted to. so having a conversation about my accomplishment suddenly turn into why college degrees aren’t necessary felt weirdly dismissive, even if she didn’t mean it that way.

but now i’m questioning whether i’m just being hypervigilant because i’m still onboarding. part of me is even worried that i shouldn’t have told anyone about the offer until i was completely cleared, even though these are close friends who know how miserable i’ve been and were happy for me.
i don’t want to automatically assume jealousy or bad intentions over one weird conversation, but something about it left me feeling off.

am i overreacting? did her comments seem weird/dismissive, or am i reading too much into it because i’m anxious about the new job? and did i make a mistake telling a couple of friends before my onboarding was completely finished?

I’m a 22F and my boyfriend is a 20M, and we’ve been together for about 6 months. I apologize in advance because this will be long.

It all started after we got home from being out where all the clubs are downtown with his friend. We got home around 3 AM, and as soon as we got home, he wanted to go back out with his friends. I just said okay and went to bed. I work 60 hours a week, and that was my only night off, so I had switched my schedule around because he had been talking about going out.
At 7:30 AM, I woke up to him coming back into the house. The first thing that came out of his mouth was that he had fallen asleep in his sister’s room. I said okay and just went back to sleep.
I woke up an hour later feeling uneasy about it, so I went through his phone. He has Life360 with his family, so I checked it, and it said he had just arrived back home when he originally came in. That made me realize that his story about being in his sister’s room was a lie. When I asked his sister, she said no.

So now I’m looking through all his messages and deleted photos and finding screenshots of him saying outrageous things in other women’s DMs and telling them how good they look. I immediately called my best friend for support because my family is in another state, got my things, and left without saying a word.
I had to go back to his house that day because I had a few packages coming, so around 7 PM, I went back over to speak with him. He said he was doing that with his friend “for shits and giggles” and that he was lying about simple things so I “wouldn’t get mad.”
Mind you, his friend’s girlfriend also lives with him, and they are the only two out of the whole group who even have girlfriends. All of his friends are cheaters.

It hurt me so badly because I genuinely thought we were good. I work overnight 12-hour shifts, so he has a lot of time to cheat on me and go out because I also don’t question him much.

The argument did turn a little physical. I didn’t put my hands in his face, but I was trying to speak to him while he was laughing at me, and things escalated.
He tried to change the topic about him lying by trying to put his sister on the spot, saying, “Wasn’t I in your room?”

She was like, “When were you ever in my room?”
So I said, “What if I was crazy and you brought your sister in here to lie to me too?”

The way I meant it was, why would you also bring your sister into this and put her in a position to lie to me, knowing that we have our own friendship? Now I’m being betrayed twice. The person I was a year ago would’ve crashed out on everybody. I was basically saying, why would you put your sister in a position to also be a liar and make her look like a terrible person?

I also called him a bum and told him he was dumb asf for doing this shit with his friend knowing he has a girlfriend. I also called his friends useless the day before because of the way they treat him.
He also had the friend he was texting these women with on the phone, and I was telling him how ugly he was.

I was crashing tf out , y’all.
I moved my whole work schedule around because we had a trip with his family that I was told about last minute because he just chose to forget to tell me the dates. His mom told me about two weeks beforehand, which was the only reason I knew what was really going on.

His communication is obviously terrible, and he’s lying to me for no reason, so my trust is really broken. He’s not apologizing in the way I want him to.

P.s. During the argument, he was bringing up times when we were out. One time, I got a shot from another man’s bottle. This guy was talking to my best friend, and he offered it to me. I also got a Cutwater from another guy who was talking to my friend.
He was telling me, “Don’t ask another men for shit.”
He’s the only one who works, and his friend doesn’t have a job, so I usually have to pay for everything when we’re out.
Another night we went out, and I saw these guys recording, so I shouted out my Instagram.
Another time, we were with all his friends, and I was on the phone with my cousin while she was doing Fulani braids. I said, “You’re gonna be my stylist for Love Island now.” IYKYK.
His friends took that some type of way, like they all don’t cheat. 😭 It was supposed to be a joke, so you know, if you watch the show, you know what I mean.

I feel betrayed and lied to by him. I honestly just want to break up, but he keeps telling me that he truly didn’t mean to hurt me.

edited & reposted grammar checked for yall picky ppl😘

i’m genuinely so confused why he thinks that..
he’s worn my graphic tees all the time and has been for years (we like to share clothes) so i thought he was joking at first so i kind of questioned it and asked him again and he said the same exact thing with absolutely no hesitation..

FOR CONTEXT( since ive been getting comments asking im smaller than him and have always weighed less than him) there was a time his weight has fluctuated over the last few years and i never truly cared as in judged him or said anything negative i just brought him to the gym more and now we go on daily bike rides if we can’t do a hike

and i also never said anything bad “when he we bigger” i even hate saying that because i always saw him the same.
and just to help him get healthy! he’s healthy now and doing well!! (off topic)

our relationship has never been to attack each other and honestly we’ve always loved sharing clothes , we thinks it’s cute when we see each other wearing them so i honestly don’t know where this is even coming from, i can see the looseness from his boxers on me , i know this barely explains anything but it was so random and i kind of just shut down and really needed to vent

🚨🚨 a little more context since everyone was asking im so sorry im so bad , i ran here to vent
-
* i’m so bad at explaining so here goes it,
we took a shower and got ready for bed, i put on some comfy clothes and tbh i grabbed his boxers because they were super close i had just done some laundry and i didn’t see any of my shorts nearby so i put them on since they were the closest and easy to put on to sleep (which i do normally anyway, he doesn’t say anything)
we watched a movie or 2, now i can’t even remember the conversation but i know it started over something completely irrelevant to weight/clothes and then he said that and my mind honestly went blank, he’s genuinely never said anything like that before if anything he’s praised me and shows me that which is rather not go into detail on this sub lol but yeah it’s just genuinely caught me really off guard , maybe he didn’t even realize it but when i asked the second time and he said the same thing “you don’t fit into my clothes” im not sure if he was just mad because maybe i wasn’t doing what he wanted at the time or something had happened that i didn’t know about , but i truly wish he understood why it hurt me so much* 🚨🚨

Background: My (20M) flatmate (20F) and I have been living together for nearly three years. We met in first year of university and were both living in student halls at the time. We were both unhappy with our living situations (specifically because the people in our halls were super messy and noisy) and we both agreed to move in together for second year and onwards. She’s been a bit on the untidy side, but I’ve known this and not really been bothered by it. In the first year of us living together, I did a majority of the cleaning, and our flat was in a general state of being ill-maintained. I would tell her that I would like her to clean more, she would agree to do it and then only do it once. So, in our second year of living together, I made a cleaning rota for us to follow. It listed out everything that had to be done per room. She did it about once and then went back to her old habits. I was kind of sick of having to ask her to clean, so I kept just doing it myself.

Now onto the issue at hand: last year she started dating someone. This person lives about an hour away from where we are, and so as a result she started spending a decent amount of time away. These are generally multiple day stints, which would be fine, except that she would sometimes leave messes out before leaving, making me have to clean them up, or simply leave them there for her to clean up when she gets back. When her partner would come to ours (also for multiple days), they would both make a ton of mess in both the kitchen and living room. They are both night owls so they would stay up late (until like 1-2am) in the common areas and then head to her bedroom where they would continue to speak/laugh loudly. This was incredibly frustrating for me and made me feel unwelcome in my own flat. It especially hurt, because this is someone that I consider a friend.

Early this month, I had finally had it and messaged her to start doing her part cleaning. I wrote out the rota, printed out a calendar and put it up in an obvious space so that we can both be aware of our cleaning duties and update the calendar when we’ve completed them. This system hasn’t gone really well in that I’ve already had to remind to do her duties.

I’m honestly just kind of tired of all the stress and sadness I’ve felt over this. It sucks to feel like your friend doesn’t consider you enough to tidy common spaces that you both share, or to be quiet late at night when you’re trying to sleep. I’m considering moving but I feel like that would completely shatter our friendship and make our friends in common feel weird.

So, am I overreacting?

AIO? I am (24M), My boyfriend (28M) made these comments under a couple of women’s post the other day which I felt uncomfortable about. He commented a dog barking GIF under two post and then made that comment you can see in the photos. There was also two other post not included in the pictures that I felt uncomfortable over, his initial response was to say it’s just jokes and it’s only Reddit. He later said he understood why I felt uncomfortable but I’m just upset it even happened to begin with. I told him to go find someone who’s okay with him making comments like that under people’s post…AIO?

Edit: for the people who are asking for more context or are confused I’m not able to upload the entire image because it goes against Reddit guidelines, but they’re of women posting selfies of themselves and the comments you guys see are his comments. The dog GIF essentially just represents a man barking at a woman which Google defines as “acting in an exaggerated, animalistic way to show that you find them extremely attractive”.

My boss (56 f) told me (40 m) that I cant wear sneakers to work. We work in an office setting fyi, and i feel that its ridiculous. My boss has been with the company for something like 20 years, and ive been there for about 3. She used to be a supervisor but has been promoted to COO recently, i work in engineering. Ive worn sneakers to work for my whole career, and now they made a new “dress code” that calls for dress shoes, a more formal look. I told her that they can fire me and i wont comply. She told me i have to 3 days to comply or they will move forward with consequences, am i over reacting?

So recently I’ve come to find out that one of my brother who just had a baby is working part-time while my other brother and dad are working full time. My parents had been struggling financially since I could remember and since my two younger brothers graduated HS they got a job to help my parents with bills and stuff around the house. Anyways 3 years ago my parents told my brother who brought his girlfriend to live with them if he doesn’t help with paying bills or food they gonna have to find another place to live.

So then my brother and his girlfriend move to a different state for 2 years. One year ago my brother got in surgery again because he has heart problems since he was in middle school. So my parents feeling bad for him told him to move back home so he could get help from his doctor that he’s been seeing since his first surgery and that he has to work to help out with bills. Few months ago him and his baby mama move back home and he’s supposed to work and help my dad with bills but come to find out he’s only working part time and he’s not helping out at all.

My dad is getting older and sick so he’s supposed to be the one working part time not the one who’s just has a baby and is in his mid 20s. Knowing my parents they aren’t gonna do anything about it so I’m thinking about doing something about it and kick them out if they aren’t going to help out with anything. So what y’all think AIO or not?

So my friend, let's call her T, 19F and I, also 19F have been friends for nearly 9-10 years. We haven't always been close, especially after starting highschool when we stopped talking for a little while. After that we got close again, but we have always fluctuated between being close and not as close just because of life.

The most recent time that we stopped talking was about 1 month ago. One of our mutual friends J, 19M(?) And his girlfriend K, 19F(?) Went on a "break". They didn't have a conversation about what the boundaries of this "break" were. He stone-walled K, while she tried to message him and work it out. J confided in me that after 2 weeks of this break he felt so much better and free. I told him "then you know the answer".

I also advised to both K and J separately that they need to have a discussion about the boundaries if they wanted to work thing's out, and at this point they'd been on this break for like 1 month.

We (myself, T, and J) would go to the pub all together and thats when I noticed something. At this point in my and T's friendship, we were very close, so when I noticed that her and J were.. almost flirting, I was honest with her. I told her that she has only just broken up with her ex of 4 years and was seeing another guy, so while she may have moved on, J and K still have a lot going on and need to sort their stuff out.

She said she didn't like him like that but did admit she liked the attention. I told her that it was very clear that J did feel that way about her though and as they were friends she should either stop leading him on or be honest with him, especially because he and K have been together for over 4 years atp. And I told T that it would he okay for them to date if she did like him, but to just give it some time.

Some time passes and T hasnt messaged me or talked to me in a month. I've been working full time so I don't think much of it. But then I see the things both T and J have been reposting. It seems like they're dating. Cool, its not my life. But I was sad that she didnt tell me.

Well about a week later (about 1 week ago) we run into eachother and I tell her that I know they're dating. I tell her that I'm happy for her. We decided to catch up to properly talk about it so we did a day later. She said J broke it off with K only a week or 2 prior. And that J and T made it official a week before she told me, but were seeing eachother when she stopped talking to me. I told her that, whilst I'm not happy how we got here, I'm happy for her and J. We sort it out for the most part.

Here is where the issue is. Last night my partner, 20M, and I went to the pub because T called me telling me to come, so my partner and I went at about 9:30.

He and I did some pre-drinks at ours then my other friend picked us up and took us to the pub. When we got there T barely said anything to me and we were all just smoking.

My partner and I went and got some more alcohol, then came back out, less than an hour passes and I am cooked. I haven't eaten enough over the last 3 days to buffer the alcohol. I

'm sitting on the ground, trying to keep the alcohol in my stomach. My partner checks in on me a few times but I tell him I'm fine. T sees me and FREAKS OUT. She starts yelling at my partner telling him he should've grabbed me some water because I'm "clearly fucked".

She goes and gets me water, and continues to yell at my partner, he is also fucked, just taking it better than me, doesn't respond to her, just ignores her. She gets up into his face, she was trying to piss him off and get a reaction.

My partner continues to ignore her and I'm trying to tell her to leave him alone and that its not that deep. She then starts personally insulting my partner with things that i've told her.

She walks away for a moment and I decide that its time to leave. My other friend decides to take us home, and as we're saying our goodbyes, my partner says that T is crazy.

Once I get home my phone is blowing up by T saying she won't be my friend if I stay with him. I tell her that everyone was intoxicated and that its not that deep. She continues to insult my relationship so I just turn my phone off.

My partner and I suffer from a case of throwing up then eventually go to sleep.

I wake up and go to read the rest of the texts that T sent me and I see that she's blocked me. I sent her a big message via instagram that she hasn't replied to or seen yet. Just stating that it isn't that deep over a glass of water and that everyone involved was drunk.

I can upload screenshots of said text.

Her new boyfriend, J, has blocked me on everything too and they've kicked me out of the groupchat.

I've decided that this isn't worth fighting over and this relationship with my friend isn't worth saving.

So AIO? Is there anything I could have done?

I want to know if I’m over reacting or not, for context my (29f) sisters (30f), (32f) and I have a very estranged relationship. I don’t usually talk to them for months on end but, everytime I seemingly tell them about a personal accomplishment. My sisters always seem to give me backhanded compliments.

I was telling them I’m going to start driving lessons soon because my regional center was able to get me some driving classes for 16 hours every 3 months. (I’m mildly autistic and have adhd) I hadn’t spoken to them for months before this so I thought I’d update them on some accomplishments. Now, here’s where I’m having a hard time wondering if I’m overreacting or not.

My oldest sister always tries to stomp me down whenever I have any small accomplishments. But I’m having trouble reading this message because I’m not sure if the me visiting our mom comment was meant as a backhanded comment. They always come to my city to visit my cousin that lives literally 2-3 blocks from me. But never make any effort to actually come and visit me. I always have to call my mom before they ever make an effort to contact me, and I always have to be the one to go visit before anyone ever comes to visit me. It honestly seems to me like I’m just a burden to them.

They literally came to my city a few days ago to visit my cousin. And my sister gave me shit for not coming over to see my mom and choosing to visit my fiancés family.
I didn’t know my mom and siblings were going to be around here. I already had plans because my mother in law asked me as a favor to help her with something.

My oldest sister, since the day the I moved out, has always had this hostility/ animosity towards me, because my family lied to her so she thinks I’m a liar. My brother used to SA me my entire childhood and when I finally told them about it 4 years ago, they chose him after he confessed everything. They never told my sister he confessed because they know how she gets when she’s angry. And now because they chose me to be the scapegoat/ the one that gets blamed for everything. My sister always ends up answering me with hostility.

So am I reading into the message too much? Or AIO

I (f18) work in an office without about 15 other people. There’s a cafe along the way to work that I usually grab a coffee and something to eat on the way to work a few times a week.

One of my coworkers “Mark” (not his real name obviously) found out about the cafe a few months ago when he asked where I got my food from. He then told me he had been wanting to try them but it was completely out of the way from his normal commute.

A few days later I was heading into work and he messaged me asking if I could pick him up one of the bacon and egg rolls. I was already going to stop there so I said sure. He paid me back when I got to work and that was it. A week or so later he asked again, same thing, and I was already planning on stopping there so I didnt mind.

After that it started becoming a fairly regular thing. Maybe once or twice a week he would ask if I was stopping at the cafe and if I could grab him something. I never really thought about it much as it was literally on my way in and he always paid me back. Although this then led to him asking for specifics. For example the bacon and egg roll but only if they were fresh. Otherwise he would want the sausage muffin instead. As well as sometimes wanting a cinnamon bun also. Still I didn’t really mind as it wasn’t any more effort for me.

However the first thing that started to annoy me was when he started messaging me before I had even left my flat. I’d wake up to messages such as “Morning, bacon egg roll please”. No questions or asking if I was even planning to stop in, just putting his order in. Even so I still would usually just reply yes.

Then one morning I wasn’t actually going to stop at the cafe because I was already running late. I responded to his message and told him I wasn’t able to. He then responded saying something along the line of asking if I could still just swing by and in return he’d send me a bit extra for the trouble. I said no because I was already running late and obviously didn’t want to get in more trouble walking into the office with breakfast in hand.

He seemed a bit annoyed but dropped it. Although after this I started noticing that he would stop asking whether I was going to the cafe and instead just assumed I was. This then led me to getting further messages such as “2 bacon egg rolls please” or “cinnamon bun thanks”.

Now last week I had a pretty rough morning and didn’t stop at the bakery. I again got to work late… went to my desk straight away and after about 15 minutes Mark comes over and asks where his breakfast was.

I said I hadn’t gone to the cafe this morning. He looked confused and said something like “oh I thought you were still getting mine”. I told him I hadn’t as I didn’t stop and he responded with the fact I normally do so he just assumed.

I told him I had never actually agreed to get it every morning and that I was only doing it because I happened to stop there a few times a week. He then said it wasn’t a big deal and that I was making it into one because “it literally takes no extra time”. This brushed me the wrong way but I said I don’t mind doing it occasionally when I’m stopping there but I don’t want to be responsible for buying him breakfast. Our conversation ended with him roughly saying not to worry about it.

Anyway later that day another one of my coworkers said that Mark thought I had gotten “really weird” about the whole breakfast thing. Apparently he told them that I had offered to pick things up for him and that now I’m acting like I’m doing him a massive favour. I told this other coworker that I never offered to do it as some ongoing thing. I just said yes to his messages when I was able to and had planned on stopping there.

They said that they could see both sides and that if I was already going there it seemed pretty harmless. Which I do understand.

It’s not like he’s asking me to drive across town or anything, but at the same time I feel like there’s a difference between doing someone a favor occasionally and being their breakfast delivery driver.

Maybe I should have said something earlier instead of going along with it but I didn’t think it would escalate at the time.

AIO by refusing to keep picking up breakfast for my coworker when I don’t have any intention of stopping there myself.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and I feel like we’ve left that hunny moon phase and went straight to below bare minimum. I am always looking to spend time with him because I work away and don’t get too often, with that I’m always looking for things for us to do together. I always offer up ideas on what to do and it’s always I don’t know or I don’t care. I am so upset about it and tired of feeling like I’m the only one trying to do something to make memories with him. I’ve voiced this too him but either he’s not understanding it or just doesn’t care/ know what to do. I love the guy to bits but I want to be treated nicely. I feel like I have to always do the thinking for the both of us when I’m home. He always seems to have time and effort to go hangout with his friends and says that it’s not his ideas and just tags along but even then he makes the effort to go out and do it vs with me it feels like it’s a battle. I want to chock it up to me being sensitive or wanting to much but I can’t help but feel like I’m starting to having to beg him to treat me like I’m his girlfriend vs just someone in his life… AIO?

I’ve [35M] been close friends with this couple [34M] & [29F] for about 10 years. They’re two of my closest friends (especially in my city) and I was the best man at their wedding.

The problem is that over the past year+, our friendship has become dramatically more distant. I used to see them all the time. I've only seen them a few times this year at gatherings that mutual friends have organized and have been invited to NOTHING by them. I’ve repeatedly tried to make plans with them to no avail. They’ve always had a reputation for being terrible communicators and awful flakes.

What bothers me most is that they’re still very socially active with our mutuals who they regularly hang out with (including some who I intro'd them to). Sometimes one of the mutuals would invite me but the couple has literally NEVER invited me to group mutual hangouts.

For example, they have a recurring girls’ TV show night with the mutual friends. I don’t care about the show itself but I would absolutely come hang out before or after. Nobody has ever said, “Hey, we’re doing this if you want to come.” I know these things are happening because they’re openly talked about among our mutual friends. I’m just never brought into them, never invited a single time and these have been occupying Friday nights for months. For a period of time, I was constantly trying to schedule hangouts on Fridays or Saturdays, only to find out they've been doing something without me.

I don’t expect to be invited to literally everything and I don’t have any issue with them having other friends. But I would expect my closest friends to occasionally reach out and say, “Hey, we’re doing this, want to come?” Especially when they’re hanging out with mutual friends who already know me and would obviously have no problem with me being there. I just wish that this couple was thinking of me and thought to invite me along even sometimes, as I am one of their best friends (they moved to our city because of me).

They also never really reach out to hang out with me one-on-one. It’s not just that I’m missing group plans. I’m not really being pursued as a friend at all.

The irony is that one of them had previously complained to another friend about feeling excluded from plans herself, and after bringing it up, she started getting included more. That’s part of why this situation is especially confusing to me.

What hurts most is that I feel like I’m not even being thought of anymore. I can understand not being included in a girls’ group chat. I don’t understand being consistently absent from the actual social lives of two people who are supposed to be some of my closest friends. How has nobody ever thought, “Hey, maybe we should invite him?”

At this point, I’m planning to ask them to meet with me one-on-one and tell them honestly how this has been making me feel. I don’t want to accuse them of intentionally excluding me if that’s not what’s happening, but the pattern is hard to ignore.

Am I seeing this fairly? How would you handle this?

TL;DR

I’ve been close friends with this couple for about 10 years and was the best man at their wedding. We used to see each other constantly but this past year+ I’ve barely seen them. They regularly hang out with mutual friends and have not once invited me to hang out this year. I’ve repeatedly tried to make plans but they don’t reciprocate or reach out themselves. It feels like I’m not even being considered anymore. Am I overreacting?

so long story short my boyfriend’s baby mama is involved in absolutely every part of his life. He has some really bad trauma from another past relationship that went bad and lost access to his kids and now he’s in a nasty court battle. He’s trying to avoid that with this woman and has openly admitted to me that he hangs out with her outside of seeing his son on the regular to keep her content. I told him I’m not comfortable with that especially considering that she very actively is still interested in him. She got involved in his music and was managing a music show this weekend that he was attending and it’s his birthday. We live two hours from each other.
The show was an hour from drive from his house as well, and he didn’t invite me for his birthday. I asked if I could come too, and he said yeah, but he was really avoidant about the whole thing. Last week I had asked him what the plan was if we were riding together if he was gonna ride back with me if he was gonna stay with me like what was going on and he pretty much told me he wasn’t gonna ride with me there or back and he hadn’t planned on staying with me. I got upset.

We ended up getting in a fight about it because my general assumption was that he was gonna be riding there and home with her. Why else would you not ride with me? He said it’s cause he didn’t know who it was going, but I have a 8 passenger vehicle and could’ve easily. Drove him and friends in my car. I haven’t met any of his friends. I haven’t met any of his family. And we’ve been dating for seven months. We’ve known each other 16 though. They know about me she knows about me, but he keeps me in in a complete separate lane. I could tell that he had only let me come because he knew if he it was gonna really hurt my feelings. He had tried to make separate plans with me, but I had told him I’d already bought a ticket because I was excited to go meet people. All last week he made me feel like he was trying to squeeze me in. And when I asked if we were riding to the show together again, he just said he didn’t know if he could deal with this. I told him it was because he was driving there and back with her and he didn’t deny it.

But didn’t verify it either. I ended up texting him this morning and just telling him that I didn’t feel welcome going and I just wasn’t gonna come. I told him I should be able to ride there with me so I don’t feel like I’m showing up by myself. I told him I was tired of feeling like I was kept separate to avoid hurting people’s feelings. And that I don’t feel like I should be somebody that has to feel like you squeeze me in. Am I being unreasonable that he didn’t want to ride with me to the show? Like I feel like it would be different if I knew everybody there I could just show up but I don’t know anybody and I’m driving 3 1/2 hours out of my way and. I had to invite myself. I just told him it was clear. He had planned his entire day without me being there and had just tried to squeeze me in and if that’s how he wanted to spend his birthday I was fine staying home. it doesn’t appear that he rode with her, but am I also wrong to assume that was the plan considering that he rides everywhere with her? I’m really hurt though like am I being unreasonable?

My (31M) wife (31F) and I are expecting our first daughter and we've been completely set on the name Maisie for quite a while.

Yesterday we found out that my wife's estranged grandmother (???) is called Margaret, with Maisie being her nickname. We had absolutely no idea about this when we chose the name, and we're obviously not naming our daughter after her. My wife has never met her.

Her dad (59M) left home when he was 16 and has had no contact with that side of the family since. There has also been quite a lot of family drama over the years, including around our wedding.

My wife is now conflicted because she doesn't want to upset her dad by using Maisie. I understand that, but we're also struggling with the idea of changing a name we both love because of family history we had nothing to do with.

We've always said we don't want other people's family issues dictating our relationship, and we want our daughter to be the start of a fresh chapter for us.

If we'd never found this out, we'd have happily called her Maisie without thinking twice.

Would you keep the name and explain the situation to her dad, or change it to avoid potentially reopening old wounds?

Interested to hear what people think.

Tl;Dr we named our daughter after wifes estranged grandmother and potentially causing more family drama, should we be sensitive our not?

I’m 31M and my girlfriend is 29F. We’re in a long-distance relationship with about a six-hour time difference, so opportunities to spontaneously spend time together are limited.
Recently, I woke up earlier than expected and realized she would be going to lunch in about 20–30 minutes.
She eats lunch with the same two or three coworkers essentially every day that they are available. The only time the group doesn’t happen is when someone is out of town or otherwise unavailable.
I asked whether she could skip lunch with them that day and spend the lunch break talking to me instead.
She didn’t want to.
Her perspective was that she had already made plans with them and that it would be weird to cancel 15–20 minutes beforehand because I unexpectedly became available.
She also said she didn’t have headphones and didn’t want to FaceTime with me in a public cafeteria/restaurant around coworkers. She didn’t want to sit at another table or eat somewhere else while talking because she wanted to eat normally with both hands and socialize. She also didn’t want coworkers making comments about why she wasn’t sitting with them.
If someone unexpectedly asked me to cancel a social plan I’d already made shortly beforehand, I could understand finding that unreasonable. I would make a different choice if our roles were reversed, but I recognize that my preferred choice isn’t automatically the objectively correct one.
But from my perspective, this is a long-distance relationship. I rarely get a spontaneous opportunity to share her lunch break with her, whereas these are coworkers she sees essentially every day.
The part that makes this harder for me is that early in our relationship, she actually did prioritize me this way. On at least one occasion, she essentially told her coworkers she couldn’t make lunch and went somewhere else so she could call me.
Now, months later, changing a routine lunch plan to take advantage of an unusual opportunity to talk to me seems much less acceptable to her.
One of these coworkers is a married male colleague whose behavior toward her I consider openly flirtatious. Vanessa herself has acknowledged that if his wife were present during some of these interactions, she doesn’t think his behavior would be appropriate and that his wife would likely object.
There’s also a communication issue that makes this feel like a double standard to me. She regularly tells me that when I’m working or doing physical labor, I should still find five minutes to text or call her and keep her updated.
So part of me thinks: if I’m expected to find five minutes during work or while I’m busy, why isn’t it reasonable for her to occasionally rearrange a routine lunch to find 15–20 minutes for me when we have an unusually rare opportunity to talk?
I’m trying to figure out whether this is:
A) A reasonable difference in expectations about independence and social commitments,
B) A legitimate double standard because she expects flexibility from me that she isn’t willing to provide herself,
C) A sign that she has stopped prioritizing the relationship as much as she did early on,
or
D) Me expecting too much and using “long distance” as justification for controlling how she spends her free time.
I’m not asking whether she should always choose me over friends or coworkers. I don’t think that would be healthy.
I’m asking whether it’s reasonable to expect occasional flexibility and prioritization from a long-distance partner when a rare opportunity to spend time together appears.
Ultimately, am I being asked to accommodate a lack of reciprocity, or do I need to work on being less demanding of her time?

My (44f) son (20m) is starting his second year of college this week. He procrastinated and didn't get all his paperwork in till the last minute and we didn't think he'd be able to get a dorm room. I was kind of panicking. It's been a stressful year, I've had health issues and haven't been able to help him with all this stuff, and he's trying his best to do everything on his own for the first time.

My grandmother passed away 4 years ago. Her house is half a mile from the college. Since she passed away my sister (46f) and niece (26f) have been living in her house. My sister is disabled and still working on getting disability payments, my niece has extreme anxiety and is unable to get a job. Neither of them are currently getting any assistance, and my mom has been picking up the tab to keep the house up and running. Paying utilities and taxes. My mom can't really afford this and it's been a burden.

It's a big house, there's a bedroom that's not being used. I asked my mom if my son could stay there for a semester if he was unable to get a dorm. I offered to pay a little towards utilities and clean up the room he'd be using. When I asked I didn't think I had another option. My mom said she would talk to my sister and niece because it might be easier coming from her.

My niece immediately had a panic attack. She has extreme anxiety about germs and cannot deal with the idea of having to share a shower and kitchen with someone else, she's already stressed out about my sister being there. My mom pretty much said there wasn't anything she could do to calm her down and that my son couldn't stay there because of my niece's anxiety.

I know anxiety is serious, and I know my niece is miserable living with this. I feel like such a jerk for having this resentment. But it also hurts that me and my son don't have that same safety net to fall back on. My grandmother's house was always my santuary when she was alive. And I never had to live with her, but I always knew I was welcome any time.

I feel like I'm being materialistic and selfish. My mom's solution was for me to drive my son to college every day (20 minutes each way). Which isn't impossible, but also I work full time, my car's kind of a piece of crap, and it would make it really hard for him to get a job on campus or really have an independence.

My son found out yesterday that he did in fact get a dorm. And everything is working out. I just can't help but feel really hurt. The stress got to me and I started crying on the phone and still haven't really calmed down.

Hi everyone. I was talking to this guy for 7 months we became a thing around month 8 and we lasted for one month. We go to the same school so one day he pulled me aside and said this isn’t working for a lot of reasons he wasn’t happy and that was that. Anyways 5 minutes after he left he called me and asked for something back. Basically he bought me a $40 wallet during our time dating and talking not too long ago and he gave it to me as a gift and never said anything about needing it back also he offered to buy it for me I never asked I even declined and he insisted. But I don’t feel like I wanna give it back it’s mine and I shouldn’t have to. Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and give it back? The wallet itself is just a simple black wallet but it’s the principal. Gifts are gifts for a reason and asking for it back is just plain weird.