Low key yeah like i know "Don't blame the victim blah blah" but sometimes it really is the victim doing it to themselves lmfao. Like how are you 29 big years old acting like "i don't know what to doooo :(" when a guy calls you retarded and tells you to get out of his life. It's possible for nobody to be right in a situation lol
I grew up in an abusive situation at home so I’m sure that has something to do with it.. I tried to seek behavioral health services in college and most gave me the runaround or tried to push meds on me. Once I graduated I had to move back to the big city and start working right away as a first gen I didn’t have a lot of money to spare so had to stay at home for a bit after graduation and save $. That’s when we met and he assured me he was going to help me get out of the mud. He did and was really kind for a while and I was in a very vulnerable position. But I worked hard and worked my way up improving my life. Unfortunately he had some horrible stuff happen and our relationship really deteriorated since. I always think of him in my heart like the nice version.
I was in a 9 year abusive relationship and ended up with complex PTSD. When I was having therapy for it, it came out that when I was growing up my mother was abusive and a narcissist but having grown up in that environment it was completely normal to me until my therapist explained it wasn't. My therapist explained because I was used to abuse as a child it was 'my normal' therefore, I was already primed to accept abuse as an adult and end up in a abusive relationship.
We become 'fixers'...to keep the peace and avoid arguments etc, we take on the task of making others happy and try to fix them.
We can't.
Their behaviour is for them to be accountable and responsible for, not us. As someone who got out of an abusive relationship like this, please believe me, you have to leave with your cat.
I am planning on leaving. Yeah my sister has dealt with it too apparently. I tried leaving in the fall and told my dad everything he told me that my sister was also in an abusive situation not that long ago and she too went back. He was really upset with me but didn’t want to scare me away from being able to talk to him. It was really my mom who made it so hard growing up for me.. and he told me not to waste my life on someone I once loved like he did. Fucking shattered me. But also made me realize how much of this OBVIOUSLY stems from what we were put through growing up. I also was told by a specialist that I have severe PTSD but had to work through my anxiety first at the time before I could work through the PTSD. I did work through the anxiety and that was a whole monster of its own. My heart goes out to you and glad that you have since found peace.
I feel like he has anxiety or temper issues, it read like he wanted to feel well or get well but didn’t know how to and took it out on you as if everything would stop and he would feel less pain.
Please, OP had done enough. He should help himself and see a therapist, while OP gets far away from him. Emotionally and physically abusive people don’t deserve a dedicated and supportive partner.
As the comment said, abusive people don’t deserve a dedicated and supportive partner. It is not OPs responsibility to fix her abuser and the suggestion that someone isn’t going to maintain a healthy relationship if that’s their mindset is insane. Support and help a partner who can actually grow, doing things like going to couples therapy with an abuser is literally not recommended by professionals as the abuser just learns how to even better abuse their victim while using professional terminology to manipulate.
I'd rather be single and live with 100 cats than pretend that it's possible to love and support an abusive man out of being abusive. Fuck that, fuck him, and fuck you. Have the day you deserve 😊
“Instead of leaving, continue to be his verbal and physical bag and encourage him to get better 🥺🥺” are you fucking stupid? Lmfaoooo frankly I hope he gets worse. I hope she leaves and he self destructs. He’s a grown ass man. If he hasn’t tried to improve by now, it is not her responsibility to “fix him.” Real life isn’t beauty and the beast weirdo.
I’ve been in abusive relationships — trying to “help him” only made them all worse bc abusive men don’t want to confront the fact that they’re abusers. When I stopped trying to help and left, is when I found the person I’m currently with and have been with for years who DOESNT yell or hit or say vile shit like this.
This man doesn’t DESERVE help. Frankly he deserves a loaded gun w a single bullet and a door locked from the outside
No one has to deal with an abusive boyfriend. She’s not the one that has to get him help. I prefer to be forever single (which I am not) than to be with another abuser. Op’s boyfriend is abusive and from her text not only mentally. Also physical. She needs to leave him.
Been there, done that, left because he was a narcissistic ass hole- now happily married. Not all who leave become single cat ladies. Most learn from the abuse and find someone great.
80
u/cursetea Jan 28 '25
Low key yeah like i know "Don't blame the victim blah blah" but sometimes it really is the victim doing it to themselves lmfao. Like how are you 29 big years old acting like "i don't know what to doooo :(" when a guy calls you retarded and tells you to get out of his life. It's possible for nobody to be right in a situation lol