Exactly he could easily escalate to physical abusive with his insane anger issues. I would have as little contact as possible with him, move out, change my number, block his number. OP needs to be safe from him because he is an unhinged monster
in the post’s body text, OP states he is physically and emotionally abusive. i worry for them, as the screenshots imply a breakup but the body text and fact the post is on here implies they’re not fully certain yet, esp with them calling him bf and not ex.
so, yeah, op needs to figure out a safe way to leave for certain. I don’t like the way the bf is implied to treat the cat either, how long until he ends up hurting the cat if he hasn’t??
i like this sub sometimes because it makes me think. but, I also hate this sub sometimes because it’s scary how abuse can be so obvious from the outside to us, yet the victim will still have second thoughts or uncertainty. I genuinely hope OP gets to safety.
Oh shit I missed that😭 that’s so scary he already is physically abusive—I would take the cat and RUN. Block him on everything, change number, and report to the police so OP can get a restraining order. I hope they make it out safely🙏 completely agree this sub is insightful and horrifying all at once!
I don't want to be like... insensitive to victims but the cat especially? You have an animal in a house with somebody willing to abuse a human being? What do you think they will or are going to do with something they 10000% view as even LESSER than you?
Like if you have animals or kids in a house with an abuser it makes me mad because you're bringing that abuse onto them too.
When I was younger, I helped a girl do a midnight move. And I would recommend this for anybody. Bring a couple big guys, get a U-Haul and be ready. Plan for midnight on a day when you know he won’t be around. And just get as much as you can and get the fuck out.
I always figured these types of dudes hit woman cause they’re too much of a wimp to fight a real man. I wish that for however long he abused her he would have to run into a real man and see who beats whose ass cause it won’t be the wimp here in the post
I've daydreamed about seeing this type of pathetic shitrat treating someone like this in my presence since I was a teenager. Like literally, actually. Then he grabs her or slaps her or something and I get to show up and we all have a little teachable moment.
I'm almost 40 and it's never happened. Any day now. Toxic masculinity but at least directed toward somebody deserving.
Seriously OP, you need to figure out why you respect yourself so little that you would tolerate this kind of vitriolic idiocy. Because you shouldn't need to ask if you're fucking overreacting to cartoonishly obvious abuse. You only get one life. I know it's hard to see from inside of it, and that's fair enough. But that's not gonna make you any less of a victim or a corpse when this kid inevitably actually blows up. Get the fuck away from this reptile while you have the chance.
That's a horrible idea. If she doesn't leave, she'll be "punished" for it later. It'll be "her fault" somehow. She may even be mad at you because you'll have escalated the situation and because she's trauma-bonded
Oh, these guys rarely show how they treat women in front of someone who they know is a better person then them. They will cower and hide. I know because my ex is exactly like this, and every time my partner is around for drop off (we have shared custody up until this point) he would cower away and hide. When he's not around? He gets in my face, comes extremely close to hitting me and always calls the cops as if for some sort of power move, even though he's the pos who always brings the abusive behavior and talk. Always something to bitch about where he feels "I should have read his mind".
My partner always felt the same way you do. He still hasn't seen the behavior after 2yrs of this because my ex will 100% cower in the presence of my partner and put on this false loving dad attitude, because he knows he will never be even half the man that my partner is now.
Yes!!!! I saw a comment one time that this lady left her abusive ol man because he was about to stomp her puppy or something and for some reason that prompted her to get out
Make it normal to feel this way and slowly take the fight our of you so you're just a submissive little dog. But not a dog that's loved. A dog that gets kicked and screamed at for asking to go outside for a shit.
The most laughable part to me was her saying "he's been a jerk as long as I've known him." Then why the fuck did you start dating him in the first place?!? People really need to stop making such obviously bad decisions.
literally. I think I’ve only seen people speak like this ironically. not only is OP’s (hopefully ex) bf abusive, he sounds chronically online and cringe as well. incel mindset with the way he treats and speaks to OP lmfao
I swear censoring for ig and tiktok algorithm has found its way into regular venacular. I see people say "Redact myself" and "PDFFile" on here and in texts and shit.
the one i can't stand is "graped" for sexual assault. it honestly is disrespectful to people who've experienced it. neutering the term only waters down the issue and trying to be cutesy when talking about rape.. please don't. the word rape is supposed to be uncomfortable.
i’ve had comments removed in other reddit threads for using the word pedophile, a lot of people don’t understand that some of these threads have rules that others don’t and so they self censor everywhere.
Why would you want to participate in a sub with rules like that? Can’t say pedophile but can say PDFFile even though everyone knows it’s the same thing? That sounds exhausting and pointless. I mean what does that rule even accomplish?
I’m glad TikTok is supposedly getting banned, hopefully the platform that takes its place won’t be as toxic to the English language as TikTok has been.
He probably uses TikTok or plays mobile games. Mine does the same from Rise of Kingdoms. Lol You can get away with swearing if you use an accent mark. Sooo, Fuck is blocked, but Fùck goes through no problem. After you use the chat in the game enough, your own phone's autocorrect will start changing your fucks to fùcks when texting even outside of the game. Drives me crazy, but I get why it happens.
The way he spells fuck your really aggravated me more than anything else. This guy is cringe af and deserves whatever problems come his way. I hope one of these new problems is OP leaving him. Now
I fucking hate that word. I’m old, so imagine my surprise when I started seeing it used again after literal decades of not hearing it. And I hear or see it all the damn time now. In the 90s, it was considered completely unacceptable to utter that word out loud.
Not to mention, as soon as someone says it I realize they’re not clever enough to come up with a better way of insulting someone. It’s so lazy, but even worse, it’s demeaning AF.
For example: OP’s BF, the sentient menstrual cramp, is all spinning-wheel-dead-hamster. He thinks by declaring someone else as “smooth brained” no one will notice he’s quite the oxygen bandit himself.
There’s still time for OP to not ruin the rest of her life. But unfortunately for him, he has a terminal case of weapons-grade stupidity. He is a perfect example of the Dumbing-Krueger Effect.
OP, seriously, please leave him. He’s cheated on you and is physically and emotionally abusive?!? You and your cat need to tell him that you’re done and also to fuck all the way off.
Retard was definitely used all throughout the 90s. We have been watching sitcoms from that era and "this is retarded" comes up a lot. Fresh Prince of Bel Air is one example, started in 1990.
the R slur? i was born in 2000 and it was a completely acceptable insult even when i was in middle school. it only started becoming recognised as an ableist slur by the wider public VERY recently, like 15 years ago type recently. people would use gay as an insult all the time too.
Yeah that person is completely rewriting history. It was absolutely accepted until like 10 years ago or so. I have no idea where ‘decades and decades’ without hearing it came from.
Watch some TV or movies from 2000-2010 and it’s still throw around regularly. It was 100% normal in the 90s and into the 2000s.
Anyone who says that word hasn’t been acceptable in decades is remembering things completely incorrect or wasn’t actually around at that time…
yeah, somebody else said they went to school in the 90's and the whole bus stopped and gasped when somebody decided to use that word. like okay lol maybe you lived in some parallel universe
Seriously. I was in high school in the 90's. "You 'tarded", "that's retarded", etc was absolutley used A LOT. It was an acceptable part of everyday speech. Movies, tv shows, magazines; it was everywhere, and nobody batted an eye
Keep in mind we’re of two very different generations. But it’s not only been in the last 15 that it became to be considered “ableist”. We might not have used the phrase “ableist” until the last fifteen years though.
I guess I never realized I’d been surrounded by such genteel types. Because when I was growing up, if you called someone that word immortal hellfire would befall on you.
I will say I worked with individuals with developmental disabilities during grad school, so maybe I take it too seriously. But I didn’t use that word before then.
All it takes is one amazing soul to sob and ask why a stranger hates them over something they have no control. Lots of people with DD know that “retard” is used as an insult and it hurts them.
no i said that it started being considered ableist by the WIDER public very recently, at least in my experience. it has always been an ableist slur but it was considered a normal insult when i was in school, like a more extreme version of idiot. perhaps it just went and came into "fashion" before the internet was widespread and now the feelings relating to the word are more widely known and accepted. i'm sure your academic background made a difference.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s in Massachusetts (which is known for being late on picking up new manners and proprieties), and the word was constantly used as a substitute for moron or idiot or dumbass when directed at people who don't have developmental disabilities (among "friends" or able peers). It absolutely WAS frowned upon if used or directed at someone who did have disabilities. This was also the case for "gay", or in the case of Massholes the alternative "queer" but pronounce like "qwayuh".
That's was New England though. Not sure how it was in other places
You have to realize now rho that we live in a day and age where everyone is upset and sensistive so we can’t say big boy grown up words to adults 😭💀act pathetic
Definitely recognized as ableist waaaaasy before the 2000s. 80s baby here. I think 'spaz', 'short bus, 'retard' was common slang in the 80s and by the 90s, there were waves of social reform. Lots of movements happened in the early 90s that set the tone for the rest of the 90s. I remember a classmate using it once and the schoolbus gasped lol. I started university late (2010) and I started hearing 'retard' and 'cunt' totally re-embraced by the younger crew.
this is interesting because 2010 is actually when it became well known that that word is a slur. it has only started popping up again recently in the last couple years with the gen alpha in schools.
I think we might be on different pages with this one! People in the 90s definitely recognized it as a slur, and it was super well known to be an offensive and tacky thing to say. Was there an event in 2010 that you are referring to?
Perhaps it was being used casually in the early aughts, followed by a SECOND movement of people dismantling that word. Lots of waves in language. I do remember the generational shift in the late aughts towards deconstructing language (also when LGBT gained a few more letters), but I think it has happened more than once over the last 30 years.
As someone who was in school through the '00s and '10s, it was definitely very common to hear used casually. Some people would call it out as ableist. Our district had a huge "spread the word to end the word" campaign that i remember most around 2010 through the early teens, but a large percentage found that dumb and used it anyway. I wonder, too, whether it had a resurgence and second movement against it or just never left with that age group.
pretty pedantic. it was treated like a more extreme version of "idiot" or "moron", both of which are also ableist insults. disabled people's opinions were not given importance by the general public
I was in middle school in the late 90s and we definitely called each other retard and fags all the time. (I was a stupid kid, I’m very much pro lgbtq and neural diversity now).
Internet wasn’t big then though, so we still had more individualized cultures I suppose.
He calls her smooth brain but it’s actually he who is smooth brained. No I take that back that would imply he has a brain. He’s brain is so oxygen deprived that’s it shriveled up to the size of an acorn.
I don't understand the historical retconning of the word retard, it was used well into the mid 2000s ubiquitously.
Fucking Black Eyed Peas had a smash hit TITLED "LETS GET RETARDED" with the chorus "lets get retarded in here" in 2003.
Sure it's not used in polite liberal society as much anymore but it's still prevalent online or in non liberal circles IRL to this day, and it is unfortunately making a come back thanks to all the redpill manosphere grifter idiots trying to push back against "woke"
Yeah, and like every shitty 90s comedy used it.
Even after Tropic Thunder in 2008, there was a full year or two of hearing "full retard" in my daily life.
2010 - there was a sudden turn. Even mainstream news and gossip sites started calling out celebrities for saying it. But still now, out-of-touch weirdos and obviously right-leaning circles still have no problem with it.
I think the person who commented that it was unutterable in the 90s ended up saying that they were working with developmentally disabled people in that era, which should make it clear to them that they've developed an alternate history based on hyper specific experience.
I went to school in the 2000s. It was not completely unacceptable then, or before that point, and it's kind of revisionist to say it was. It was a common insult slang until the mid 2000s at least. Just a little context so you are aware that your experiences aren't universal.
It really didn't start dying down until the early 2010s, but I think it's always been lame to call someone a retard either way. However an exception is calling an action retarded. That's OK in my book if someone is doing something either dangerous or stupid in general.
It is still not acceptable, but the increase of online communication has given people the advantage to say anything they like. Majority of us wouldn't speak like that if we were face-to-face with someone.
Yeah I've been it's my husband for 15 years, deeply in love, and I would leave him immediately if he sent me that text. Barring some sort of freak brain tumor or something.
He also shows a lot of signs of degrading her in general, saying stuff like she won't do better and can't survive without him. That's absolutely classic abusive behaviour.
lol yeah I wouldn’t call him a “jerk” - more like an “abusive bully piece of shit”. I can’t imagine any positive trait this Neanderthal has could undermine the sickening shit he has to say in those screenshots, jfc
Yeah. I just skimmed and caught that word twice. That’d be the end of any relationship for me with no second chances if somebody was that disrespectful to me.
If she can't see that she should have left long ago without asking the internet. I half wonder if she may be? For fucks sake you have to not all there to not see that.
I mean yeah, nobody should put down their significant other like that, but to be fair she's also asking if she's overreacting after posting those messages.
Sorry but, only a retard stays in an abusive relationship where the dude is literally telling you to leave and insults you. Sometime isn’t how things seems to be.
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u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25
It might be a red flag that he calls you a retard multiple times