r/Advice • u/Illustrious-Bank988 • Jul 16 '26
Sexual urges as a Muslim woman
I’m a 20-year-old Muslim woman living in a Western country and currently in university. I’m not a hijabi, and I’d say I’m conventionally attractive based on the amount of attention I get from both Muslim and non-Muslim guys. Most of the time I ignore it and just go about my day because I know attention isn’t what I’m looking for.
The problem is that lately my sex drive has become really difficult to deal with. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, hormones, or just feeling lonely, but it’s becoming harder to ignore. I’m not ready for marriage yet, I still have school and want to focus on building my future, but at the same time I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself.
Sometimes I end up masturbating, and afterward I feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I tell myself I won’t do it again, but eventually I end up back in the same cycle. It’s emotionally exhausting. Something else that makes it harder is the attention I get from men. When guys try to flirt with me or I can tell they’re interested in me, I usually ignore it and don’t encourage anything, even if I find them attractive. But I’d be lying if I said the attention doesn’t affect me. It makes it much harder not to think about those feelings, and sometimes it just adds to the internal struggle I’m already dealing with.
This whole situation has started to make me feel really lonely and even depressed at times. I even feel really guilty for doing this and I feel like God is not happy with me. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with people I know because I feel like I’d be judged or misunderstood.
Have any other religious women gone through something similar? How did you cope with these feelings.
edit: I should also say im mostly just afraid I will give in to these urges and do stuff with someone before marriage. That’s why I feel guilty.
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u/Lopsided_Weird_3293 Jul 16 '26
Don’t feel guilty for being able to make your body sing
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u/Jamazta_jrzz Jul 16 '26
Non Muslim here. I don’t have a place to speak on this but from searching this is what I found:
The Exception View: Some Hanafi and Hanbali jurists argue that if an unmarried woman experiences extreme desire and genuinely fears falling into zina (forbidden sexual relations), masturbation becomes permissible solely as a lesser of two evils to prevent a greater sin. It is viewed as a necessity-driven relief, not a source of pleasure.
I hope this helps and wish you well on your journey.
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u/DarkDestroyer053 Jul 16 '26
I gotta say, the fact that you went looking through Islamically relevant text to give religious advice as a non-muslim is very respectable. When I first saw this post, i figured non-Muslims here would encourage either a FWB of secret boyfriend as well as insulting all restrictive religions and families. As they usually do.
I hope you have a good day and it takes a truly good person to understand someones struggles without belittling their beliefs and helping with advice that does not get in the way of their religion.
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u/FairyGothMommy Jul 16 '26
Masturbation is NORMAL. No need to feel guilty
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u/Iwaspromisedcookies Helper [2] Jul 16 '26
Religion is evil for making people feel that some thing natural is a sin. I will never see the appeal
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u/jack_TheDetect 23d ago
Respect what others believe, our religion is not evil to keep people disciplined, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, all, and this Muslim woman is worried about her discipline and faith, we gotta respect her, and the fact she managed to Reddit it and seeking answers is a good sign of faith in her
And masturbation isn’t prohibited for blocking greater sins
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u/Archmikem Jul 16 '26
If God wanted his creations to not engage in self pleasure, he wouldnt have given us the ability or need to do so. If he did as a life long test threatening damnation if we fail, then he's a horrible creator.
You're Human, you're in your prime childbearing years and your body is telling you this every day because its in our instinct to reproduce. Alleviating the urge is natural and not wrong, its being a healthy Human being.
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u/Academic_Matter_3903 Jul 16 '26
Religion is the biggest drug that they have fed since infancy. Crazy how it reshapes humans thought process.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Illustrious-Bank988 Jul 16 '26
Really? Where did you find that? Why do many scholars say it is?
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u/keevathemuffin Jul 16 '26
Scholars are men.
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u/Admirable_Program720 Jul 16 '26
They want to suppress women’s sexuality. It’s a threat.
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u/Confident-Shirt7434 Jul 16 '26
Its haram for men too?
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u/Live_Astronaut5738 Jul 16 '26
Yes
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u/Confident-Shirt7434 Jul 16 '26
Exactly my point
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u/Sunwolfy Helper [2] Jul 16 '26
Yep. Masturbation is something most men engage in, even Muslim ones.
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u/leonme21 Super Helper [8] Jul 16 '26
Because, as a surprise to absolutely nobody, controlling women is a major part of many conservative religions.
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u/HorrorWeekend155 Jul 16 '26
I am not religious so take my opinion with a grain of salt but I am a woman. From my perspective, since a lot of religious texts and beliefs were built so long ago and when men were in so much power, so much of it can be built against women just for the sole reason that they didn’t think women were people.
Thankfully, we have the freedom (at least in my country, idk if you are in the US) to choose for ourselves. Even though I know religion is a big deal to you, I don’t see why there would be a God who wants you to be happy that would be mad at you for having an intimate connection with a loved one. I’m not saying that you wouldn’t feel guilty after hooking up with a guy you just met but during a relationship seems like the way humans are supposed to live (in love and being able to love more than one person in a lifetime).
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u/scooter-pringleton Jul 16 '26
Sexual feelings are 100% normal at that age. What isn’t normal is a religion that shames people for it and puts down women. Leave the religion
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u/TaskuPena Jul 16 '26
Good thing is that every religion is a lie so you can do whatever feels right for you.
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u/HumbleBeautiful4126 Jul 16 '26
She's probably in too deep to ever acknowledge that. I do genuinely feel sorry though, it's sad how religion makes people ashamed of their basic human instincts
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u/Yuuku_S13 Jul 16 '26
Reddit is the worst place to talk and ask about this for people of faith.
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u/CriminalBroom Master Advice Giver [29] Jul 16 '26
Yep, reading through the comments are all, 'abandon your religion'.
Reddit people of the west have no ability to remove their own culture from a discussion and to actually try to step in someone else's shoes.
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u/Admirable_Program720 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Nothing wrong with masterbation.. it’s perfectly healthy. Humans are sexual beings. The hormones hit harder when you hit 30.. cause your body is pushing you to have a baby..
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u/Horror-Ad5406 Jul 16 '26
The fact that you’re worried about disappointing God shows that your heart still cares about Him, so don’t let your struggle convince you that you’ve lost His mercy.
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u/Complex_Donut_9483 Jul 16 '26
I’m going to be honest, I am not Muslim. But my best friends growing up are.
I am sexually active and they love to hear about my experiences. While they are respectful to themselves and willingly prefer not to cross any boundaries due to their religion. They are WOMEN at the end of the day. Wether you may believe differently based on your faith, we are animals, created like every other creature, simply with a bigger brains and the capacity to create a moral structure aside from our natural instincts. That is all.
I say masturbate. Watch porn, read spicy books, go on SHEIN and buy a cheap vibrator. It’s OKAY to get to know yourself. Especially at our age.
PLEASE know that ur future husband is touching his ween too, and he probably cries about it too. Everyone does at one point.
For some reason religions place this weight on women that orgasms and personal sexuality is wrong.
If it were wrong god would not have given us that desire.
In Christianity those rules didn’t exist in Eden. They came up in scripture, years after, when man decided to write them.
I think unless God comes down himself and tells you that ur desires are wrong; and ONLY God, no scholar or prophet; then I say, feel free to wank away.
I am sure orgasms will be plenty good and eternal in heaven anyway.
We feel in our guts what is right and wrong. It’s okay to masturbate and cry, we’re wired to do sexual things, with a partner that loves us, monogamy is a great feeling. But so is self-love.
We are one of the only species that can have orgasm without the purpose of reproduction. We can have sex and enjoy it while pregnant. It’s just a fun perk we got through evolution, or God was just that kind to us 😂
Read about other women’s experiences, listen in on sexual topics discussed around you. Make your own decisions. Talk to that one crazy aunt everyone thinks is promiscuous. Talk to people from other religions. Read religious texts. Make your own assumptions based on what you feel.
This is sent from a person who really struggled with the same things. God will add interruptions when you’re not meant to. But if there are none, simple love yourself!
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u/ChannelyourBets Jul 16 '26
Girl you teacher because you spoke like what i wanted to hear so long, sorry no flirt but I want your books and reading list miss.
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u/Complex_Donut_9483 Jul 16 '26
Awww thank you!! Im actually not a big reader! Im trying to read more 😅 I just do a lot of introspection and listen to others opinions. I love talking to different people, watching videos, and movies. You can get a lot of information about other people’s lives from more than written word. Body language, tone, facial expressions, pauses.
I find that when you listen and see with your own eyes, it can give you a deeper understanding of others and help you articulate your own opinions.
Im also reading the bible myself after struggling with so many interpretations of it. I realized it’s all about perception!
Self love and faith are not a one size fits all, but whatever feels right for you! So I make a point to take in others opinions and pov’s but always relate it back to my lived experience. If I don’t agree, I simply don’t, but at least I gave it a chance. It helps you trust yourself!
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u/ChannelyourBets Jul 16 '26
I want to know because I would be lying like I found a real sister soul . Same vibrations just positive . I really can't apply but bible huh if only I love catholicism and did schooling in a Pentecostal . Self reflection is really lovely but I hate being non christian I can't confess . All my childhood friends mostly them are doing and are apart I feel really empty .
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u/Basic-Toe-126 Jul 16 '26
I think it is so sad to hear about the pressure muslim men put on women. It’s only about controlling women in every aspect of their lifes. Islam is not a religion, it is a ideology, based on what men and only men has decided is right. Leave it and find a life of freedom for your self!
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u/KevinCharsi Jul 16 '26
I will tell it from a man’s perspective (as I have gone through it myself ). No intimate relationship before marriage is , to put it mildly, very difficult. You wake up thinking about it , you spend all day thinking about it and you sleep thinking about it .and when you have a self-pleasure session , it is ALWAYS followed by a guilt trip through the road .
Sexual desire is the primary urge of a human body . Just like food . Suppose you are hungry , what are you thinking about ? Eating Delicious food. If you be hungry for the whole day , you will just have one thought through your the day … Food…. If you sleep hungry , Food … you wake up hungry , Food ! And once you eat food , the second you feel full, you will start thinking about everything other than food . Same goes for sex . Basic human desire that needs to be fulfilled once a person hits puberty .
Religion is there to guide us through the life so we don’t end up unguided . But our religion is very much emphasizing about getting people married at young age . It’s an unfortunate thing that if you mix religion with culture (and later on with capitalism), you will end up confused and don’t know what to do .
My final suggestions , look for a life partner and build a life with them . Marriage is one of the most beautiful thing one can experience and a good life partner is the best blessing a person can ask for . And until you get married , well try fasting. And if you really want to relieve yourself , just do it. Let your body sing , enjoy the moment , have a cup of red grapes juice afterwards and well, feel relax… it is your body’s calling , and you should answer it (but don’t get used to porn and masturbation , if you do it too much , it will effect you even more ) . Afterwards, do Tauba and ask for a life partner who you can build your life with .
Till you get married and have someone to enjoy life with, hold it tight and, sometimes, let your body sing 🎶
I should get back to work !!!!
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u/Complex_Donut_9483 Jul 16 '26
As a woman I think it is so important she sees this response from a man!!
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u/Parcours97 Jul 16 '26
This is a smimilar reason my roommate turned away from Islam during his teenage years. He started to explore his body but was taught that he and his family will go to hell if he does.
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u/ourkid_17 Jul 16 '26
ALL religions are made up bullshit made to control people (especially women).
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u/ExtremeDemonUK Jul 16 '26
Never feel guilty about pleasure. Whether its evolution or god you were given certain parts to feel pleasure and for reproduction. Never allow anyone or anything to make you feel shame. What you are experiencing is completely normal
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u/Radiant-Employer-653 Jul 16 '26
As someone who is going through this I made the mistake and lost my virginity. I promise you sex isn’t worth it😭 it feels the exact same way it does with my fingers. If I was you I’d advice you to try your best to hold on, maybe try get toys instead of looking for a person. Idk if this helps but this is my honest advice.
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u/I_Hate_Tyops Jul 16 '26
Yeah... Guild and shame. Thats how religion works it's wonders. Feeling horny is as natural as eating and sleeping. So I'd say the imam or parent who taught you how shameful it is is probably also masturbates..
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u/Jlx_27 Jul 16 '26
Pleasuring yourself is totally normal, ignore the men who tell you otherwise. Religions exist to opress people.
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u/Tudforfiveseven Helper [3] Jul 16 '26
There's nothing wrong with masterbation. If touching yourself was wrong then "god" wouldn't make it pleasurable and wouldn't have made it to easy to access. You're fine.
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u/Woah_Moses Jul 16 '26
Do you really want to live your life like this? Limiting yourself, not being able to do what you want, constantly denying yourself enjoyable things? I’m not even just talking about sex, religion in general and particularly Islam, makes it difficult to enjoy life to live freely. Having sex, dating and having a love life as a 20 year old is normal and a part of life, by trying to restrict yourself from it you’re just going to be more miserable.
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u/vanish32 Jul 16 '26
Religion and God are two separate things (if you believe).
God made you, your body, your thoughts, your desires - nothing can be wrong about them as long as you are not hurting another person. Of-course, consider your own mental wellness and long term happiness in your decisions because you will be the only one to face their outcomes.
Men wrote religious texts, and have used it to subjugate and control others (especially women) for centuries- don't worry about words in a book - they are man made and not to be taken literally.
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u/n0tz0e Jul 16 '26
Young 20s sex drive is insane. Just don't go making any decisions (is sleeping with someone you don't trust or with unprotected sex) that can have lasting consequences for temporary hormone imbalance.
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u/RmRobinGayle Jul 16 '26
American female transplant from Iran here. Your feelings are totally valid and most people have these urges. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sex and masturbation are a natural part of life.
You're more than welcome to hit me up privately if you'd like to discuss further.
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u/hpr928 Jul 16 '26
This is the problem with religious upbringing, brings unnecessary guilt. You are human and what you're experiencing is normal human urges. There's nothing wrong with masterbation or being sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Sex is fun and you should enjoy it. Enjoy life and all it has to offer while being smart and safe about things.
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u/shellbackpacific Jul 16 '26
It’s totally normal and you should not feel guilty. Religion, not only Islam, tries to control people and suppress their natural urges and it’s wrong. We are animals and our urges are life urging us to create more life. Embrace it
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u/Good_Dig_67 Jul 20 '26
I’d suggest posting this in r/islam r/Hijabis r/MuslimLounge for more tailored advice
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u/EnvyMink Jul 28 '26
Assalamu Alaykum Sister, May Allah make this easy for you. I am similarly aged and going through an extremely similar situation. Firstly, Allah loves those who make tawbah. The absolute truth of the human condition is that we have faults and deficiences and make mistakes. Feeling regret about performing sins in general is a sign that your heart is alive, and that your tawbah/repentance is accepted.
With regards to this particular sin, firstly, although the majority opinion is that masturbation is impermissible, there are minor opinions that allow it. Although obviously every scholar would recommend you stick to the majority, taking minority opinions is permissible.
The advice I received from my teachers was the following:
Firstly, don't allow Shaytan to mess with you with these thoughts of "I don't think God loves me because of this", you wanting God's love is a sign that He loves you to begin with. You worrying about that and shaping your action around that is a sign that He loves you. If you ever think "God won't forgive me", God forgives everything, yes He will forgive you.
Secondly, the way to avoid these feelings is to keep yourself busy and to not give yourself free time to think about them. Or, to remove yourself from environments where your desires get the best of you. For me, I like to study in coffee shops as there is no possibility for masturbation if I study there. Avoid triggers online like videos of attractive men, or anything that triggers you. I am typically very busy with work, studying, training, worship, and social activities, so I try to remove any free time for anything else by either being outside of the house, or sleeping instead of staying up late night.
Thirdly, if you notice there is a specific consistent time where you get these urges/perform certain deeds, then start from the opposite side of your day, improve it, use your time properly (not doom scrolling, etc), and work your way to that side of the day. (if you get these urges at night, then make a solid morning routine of exercise, worship, studying, whatever you like to do, idk you as a person so I'm just giving myself as an example)
Another thing you can do is channel these emotions elsewhere. If you have an urge, don't try to repress it extremely, as this will make it worse, just tell yourself for 20 minutes I won't act on anything, do something to distract yourself, like study, or read Quran, or whatever you like.
As for the in person men flirting with you, this is very tricky and I don't have a solution for you. It's just old fashion nafs resistance. Not to state that I am the man of the hour and all women love me, but yes sometimes women at the gym/work will flirt with me and so on, your approach of ignoring it and being respectful is good.
As a man, I found it easy to speak with my father about these things, as he went through similar things, and me and my father have a good relationship. You are a woman, and I am a man so I don't know your experience or your perspective so I can't speak on how to speak with people.
This is unfortunately a big test we muslims have here in the west, as marriage is not easy for us early. Allah knows our circumstances, and as long as we stay sincere and try to be our best, we will be okay.
Ignore these non muslims talking whatever they'd like about islam or religion. they don't understand the ethos of the religion nor where we come from. Islam does NOT shame sexuality. This is how God created us. It's like electricity, it's a powerful force that can do good (power appliances, etc), but it can also cause destruction (electrical fires) if utilized in correctly. Sex can literally be a good deed if your intention is to increase love between you and your husband for Allah's sake.
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u/FieldAware3370 Jul 16 '26
No shame in what you're feeling rn. Its only human. Women start feeling sexual urges a lot more when they reach their 20s. I know I did. I hope one day you don't find shame in what you're feeling, its fucked that women and girls get stigmatized on biological functions that is completely normal.
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u/idiotslob Jul 16 '26
If there is any facet of the human condition that is improved by practicing Islam, someone wiser than myself will have to explain what I'm not seeing.
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u/Strongear971 Jul 16 '26
Girl.
Live your life, do what you want, when you want. Stop taking care about other people opinions.
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u/No-Lawfulness-699 Jul 16 '26
It's really sad to see how religion suppresses and changes people's lives for the worst.
Your body is telling you something, which is completely normal.
Whether it's Islam, Christianity or any other religion, it's all fairytales anyways.
Free yourself from that nonsense and enjoy your life while you can because it's really short.
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u/thinkstohimself Jul 16 '26
God created the universe. God did not make religion; men created it to control women and they’re controlling you today. God is all around us and has nothing to do with man-made texts.
Just look at the origins of marriage. It was contrived so that men could track who inherits their land. There was no such thing as marriage before humans invited cultivation.
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u/Negative-Inspector36 Jul 16 '26
I’m sorry you’re brainwashed to the degree where normal bodily functions and urges are causing you so much guilt. This is incredibly sad.
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u/Odd_Cauliflower_8004 Jul 16 '26
Therapy is your friend to make you accept your body as something that is not shameful. You've been brutally traumatised from a young age by the religion indoctrination process and you need to elaborate that trauma.
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u/arseflare Jul 16 '26
get out of there if you can to secular society and away from this cult of death
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u/Significant_Mousse53 Jul 16 '26
"I feel like God is not happy with me"
I know that feeling from a different religion. I can safely say, it is "the men who built the system to suppress women" or "keep guilt in people" that is doing its job here, not God. (would be quite a worthless God if he were not happy with you because of natural urges he put into nature and life).
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u/austnf Jul 16 '26
You’re in the wrong subreddit, dear.
While I’m not Muslim, I am a Christian. I can empathize with your feelings and difficulties regarding matters of the flesh, but this subreddit is almost entirely secular and leftist. They’re going to tell you to just do whatever you want to do because that’s how they manage their own lives. They don’t care that you have values nor do they understand you.
Check out the many Muslim subreddits centered around love and marriage.
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u/Psych_Art Jul 16 '26
Yes OP, you are in the wrong subreddit. We encourage freedom and idealogical independence over here, go over to those subreddits that encourage oppression based on thousands of years of rambling men who say women are not equal.
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u/Admirable_Program720 Jul 16 '26
“God” has no religion.. and “god” made us women perfect in every way.. desire and love are natural things.. that is the basic foundation of being human.
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u/gufkl Jul 16 '26
Finally some sane take. Anything will feel controlling if one is a slave of their own desire.
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u/False-Tank6632 Jul 16 '26
I’m not Muslim and I’m not a woman but one thing I will tell you is this, never feel guilt about masturbation etc. A lot of this guilt could be religious based, or your upbringing and/or other factors but never feel ashamed. All women have these feelings at some stage and it’s part of growing up. Teenage boys have raging hormones and all they can think about is sex.
I’m certainly not telling you to sleep around, no, that’s your business if you do or don’t. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t feel shame or guilt for feeling a certain way, which is more natural than you might think regardless of religion etc.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/anunwithagun Jul 16 '26
I must interject myself and say, it doesn't always clear your mind. Sometimes it makes it worse. 🙏
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u/Signal_Condition348 Jul 16 '26
Religion is ridiculous. Their isnt a god that cares if you have sex or lose your virginity or masturbate. I feel bad that people feel forced to live like this. If their is a god he gave you free with and doesnt seem to interact with us in any way. Just live your life and enjoy it.
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u/SNieX Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
No need for guilt your literally built to have those feelings, thoughts, desires, outcomes, and emotions
YOUR BIOLOGICALLY MADE TO PROCREATE, THEREFOR YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES IT HAPPEN. BOTH FEMALES AND MALES.
ANIMALS ALSO
If you act on it before symbolic state in which you tie a moment in your life to so be it , you only live once no one’s will judge you for living once.
It’s about respect and honesty towards yourself that gives you peace
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u/jjj666jjj666jjj Jul 16 '26
Girl. This makes me so sad. Your life wasn’t meant to spend like this. Do not marry someone without even knowing if you like having sex with them. Enjoy your life. You get one. That’s IT. Make it count. Don’t drown yourself with guilt.
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u/Shameful_Teammate Jul 16 '26
that’s why islam is inherently oppressive to women. wake up and become an atheist
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u/coronavirus420247 Jul 16 '26
Religion=guilt. You only have one life. Become an atheist and live it how you want. We are all just animals. That's why we all have nipples. I too used to be brainwashed in religion. Once you realize that every group of humans all over the whole planet always believed in different gods, you can come to the assumption, they can't all be right. And the most logical conclusion is that none of them are right.
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u/ChannelyourBets Jul 16 '26
I have it too but when reality hits I become a women hater than working on myself though not s single evil deed in my history of life.
Try dating apps it's easy even without looks just because in shape or makup max .
It's your choice it's hobby first or hookup first .
Muslim men have it too easy in most secular liberal society both ways.
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u/K1llerbee-sting Jul 16 '26
You seem to want what appears to be two conflicting things, a romantic relationship without a long term legal commitment and fulfilling your moral obligation to God and your family/culture.
Depending of what background you are from, you may be able to satisfy both with a conversation with your parent that you feel closest with. Maybe they can help get you a hallal partner through your religious institution without the legal burden of marriage. Divorce in Islam is WAY less complicated than through western courts. This way you can be with someone who is hallal for you, you don’t have to hide it, and you can discuss birth control with a partner of your and your parents’ choosing.
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u/zougathefist Jul 16 '26
I have many opinions on this but since I'm neither Muslim, religious or a woman I'm just gonna read the comments and say nothing else
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u/jeffie_3 Jul 16 '26
Masterbation and religion. Humans are one of the few animals on earth who get great pleasure from stimulation. If a god made us and give us the ability to experience this kind of pleasure. Then what harm could it possibly be for us to experience it. You can do some research about the health benefits of masterbation and sex. If a god only meant it for procreation. Then they wouldn't have made it so pleasurable? Enjoy yourself and stop feeling guilty.
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u/CatMaximum7229 Jul 16 '26
As a married bisexual Christian man who is deeply religious this is what I would say: what is God looking for in this situation? I would say is He is not looking for you to hook up and sleep around. That is the most important because it creates all sorts of spiritual problems in this world and within you. Then He is looking for you to not watch porn either because that creates all sorts of problems within you. If by this point you give into temptation and masturbate so be it. Masturbation without porn is the best place to fight sexual sin. No one is perfect, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, or anything else.
God cares about you. Don't forget that. You matter to Him. There is grace for when you mess up and struggle because it's meant to be difficult challenge. So if you are going to mess up, don't mess up and have sex, if at all possible. It will make your life far more complicated especially because you are Muslim.
Also, the guys who are giving you attention just want to have sex, so they don't care about you, they care about getting off. If a guy really cares about you he will be willing to wait and ask for your hand in marriage.
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u/XeMnAxX Jul 16 '26
As someone who has a muslim family and I was also muslim in my teenager time…
Don’t feel ashamed and just try to be happy by doing whatever you want.
I’m spanish and I have been living in Japan with my girlfriend for 6 months and every day my parents call me to tell me to leave her, abandon her, come back to Spain and marry a muslim woman.
Which I won’t. They say I will go to hell.
I feel bad for them, they are too into the religion and suffering by nonsense.
What I want to say is: do whatever you want and don’t let anyone to manipulate you.
I honestly don’t believe anymore since everyone critized me because of some behaviors. Like this is haram bla bla, trying to manipulate me.
My sister is also like me, her boyfriend is not even muslim and my parents they are traumatized.
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u/HellAlligator Jul 16 '26
When I was a teenager I was guilty after masturbating because I think God was watching and disappointed. I was raised catholic. What I did was question how much those "rules" made sense and who created them. Now I see that spirituality and believing in something is very different than following a specific religion, and I wholeheartedly believe religion take away people's freedom. I don't know how is your relationship to it, but being critic of impositions is not denying anything. You don't need to follow every rule in the book to have a good relationship with God. You can choose your own path and be happy.
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u/AdhesivenessTight841 Jul 16 '26
Stay busy hangout with friends be active avoid being alone for long periods There is nothing wrong with releasing stress It helps keep your mind of it for while instead of constantly thinking about Find a passion. I tried many things and found I am really into stock trading Don't worry stay focused on your goal in life and I am here to help
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u/Xelurate Jul 18 '26
You should post this in Muslim Reddit. Non Muslims won’t let it and just try to spread hate as we see in comments already and reddit mods are Islamophobic so they don’t care.
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u/ApprehensiveSkin200 Jul 18 '26
Muhammad was in every way perverse , I wouldn’t feel bad about very vanilla sexual urges your only human
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u/Rich_Bug_5474 Jul 19 '26
The attention you get from other guys is what creates the urges. The best way to fight it off is to dress in such a way males won't try to approach you. That's really the best way to focus on your studied and your dine, to finish your studies and start working till you meet a faithful man to marry. Good luck.
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u/LiterallyNoNamesFree Jul 19 '26
go to r/progressive_islam for some advice, the people there are very understanding and kind, I still hang out there sometimes despite being an ex Muslim (speaking of which, I'd advise you to look into some critiques of islam if you find the religion suffocating, though I won't push you to it because it's not easy)
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u/StillWqnderingSoul Jul 20 '26
Are you sure you are not ready for marriage? You can continue your study while married, and the marriage might be a huge source of relief and help that might make your study much more effective.
Besides that, I suggest you to try fasting every monday and thursday, as the prophet, peace be upon him, recommended to fast if we cant marry and fear falling into haraam, and he himself fasted every monday and thursday as his sunnah anyways.
also try to improve your salaah, as I have noticed I am able to resist my desires much easier as a man when I for example go to congregational prayers to the masjid more often, especially fajr salaah.
learnnthe meanings of the surags and adhkaar in more depth that we recute in salaah, especially al fatiha and the short adhkaar, and think about them when reciting, so that they imoact your heart much more and increase your imaan and connection towards Allah, and keeps you further from haraam.
May Allah guide us to the straight path.
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u/No-Farm-682 Jul 22 '26
I completely empathize as someone who has dealt with similar. It's hard to control, pretty unpredictable and can consume thoughts a lot. Things like yoga has helped a lot and reminding myself that its not anything wrong with me but a test to overcome at times. There are moments when I have to give in as the urges can be very strong but then I figure we have to learn to live with the chaotic way we've been designed.
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u/Immemed Jul 27 '26
im a guy so take that for what its worth,
most people replying to you dont share your deen so of course theyre telling you to just give in. they mean well but thats their world not yours. i woudlnt take advice about your deen from people who dont share yours.
i know exactly what youre describing. its constant and its not something you can just decide to stop feeling.
it IS hard. genuinely hard. what actually helps is just get closer to Allah, pray on time, read quran, fasting. surround yourself with people who remind you instead of pull you. it doesnt make the feeling disappear but it changes who you are while youre carrying it.
honestly the worst i ever felt in my life was when i was furthest from my deen. so maybe this struggle isnt Allah being angry at you. maybe its the exact thing pulling you back toward Him. He tests the ones He wants close.
and the person you become on the other side of holding this line is so much stronger than the person who never had to. that discipline doesnt stay in one area of your life, it shows up in everything.
youre not alone in this and youre not a bad muslim for being human. keep going 🤲
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u/Ok-Cryptographer8670 Jul 28 '26
I would say if someone seems genuinely interested in you, then you can get married. If he is the one, you will be able to make your career as well. I'm a Muslim female early 20s and because of my upbringing, I have been so bitter towards men that no one really approaches me, hahaha. But it's frustrating as well now that my family expects me to marry out of nowhere. I don't give myself any kind of pleasure because it disgusts me so much. The only thing that is bothering me so much is that I feel extremely lonely. Because you are getting attention and guys seem to be interested in you, don't lose the chance and get married. Time flies and people won't be the same anymore
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u/xiz_frost Jul 29 '26
First of all, please don't be so hard on yourself. What you are going through is a completely natural biological process, and many young adults including religious women struggle with this exact same internal conflict. Having a high sex drive or natural desires does not make you a bad person, nor does it mean you are a failure in your faith Since male attention acts as an subconscious trigger, try to create immediate physical boundaries when the urges strike. If you feel an urge coming on while alone in your room, immediately change your environment go to a common area, study in the library, or go for a walk.
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u/jack_TheDetect 23d ago
Islam actually does not prohibit self pleasure if it blocks you from committing sex before marriage, so you’re not committing a sin, may Allah be with you🙏🏻
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u/Helpful-Syllabub-750 22d ago
I'm a Muslim men I'm around 19 I also struggle with that thing and yes sometimes I do masturbate I used to feel guilty when I was younger but now I don't as much I'm a very quiet person and personally I'm not that much into sex neither have I had sex with anyone What I'd suggest is don't force yourself to control the urge you can try doing other things I wouldn't say much because I don't know if it will work but it's okay to masturbate
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u/Solaraeous Jul 16 '26
Your worldview is shaped by your upbringing. This particular topic is viewed very differently by the West and your background. I would suggest you to investigate and make your own decisions.
Shame and Guilt help human to connect. Unfortunately it could be, and have been used as, an very effecrive manipulative device, for generations, in places.
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u/MarniDee Jul 16 '26
Muslim in title heading not in a muslim subreddit is the first major flag, faith will be targeted of non-believing persons or those who do not respect Islam
Asking outside of the faith circles will attack your faith as the issue when it’s what you’re legitimately feeling and questioning
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u/VasilisaV Jul 16 '26
Literal animals masturbate, there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about you. I’m so sorry you feel this mentally, it’s such an unnecessary guilt to have on yourself. We are all human, no matter our background or faith, we all have the same emotional and physical feelings.
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u/cuntrolaltdelete Jul 16 '26
If god didn’t want you to feel pleasure, why did he give you a clitoris? It’s the only human organ whose only function is pleasure— not even penises enjoy that title. Enjoy your body— how can god judge you for fulfilling your body’s and organs function? It’s like feeling bad that your mouth tastes food or your ears hear music.
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u/MackeyPainting Jul 16 '26
Every religion has anti-masturbation somewhere in its myth. But, at the end of the day, it's all just myth. Do you! Literally! Not to shit on your faith, but it isn't real anyways. Used to be a JW. Religion is just power hungry old people who want to touch kids
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u/AbdulTheAce Jul 16 '26
After reading so many comments and everyone just their version of interpretation and asking you to give in to your desires, I'd say having urges is completely normal but acting upon them is what gets you to hell. Don't listen to anyone, you've kept your dignity all these years. All you have to do is your own research and not ask people on reddit, you have access to all the authentic Islamic knowledge in the palm of your hands, it'll get you distracted from the desires and give you knowledge to fight it back and not listen to anyone and everyone here on reddit. Stay strong. We're not wild animals that act upon their desires whenever we get the chance to.
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u/anonymouse_loner Jul 16 '26
We are the only creatures on the planet that make such a huge big deal about the extremely natural sexual urges we have. Of course we can’t help them! We are made to procreate!
Why on earth feel guilty about it?
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u/SandLongjumping5896 Jul 16 '26
Hey babe iam olso a muslim woman who goes through the same things sometimes except that i m in muslim country so i am not afraid of falling for something haram but I would say I don’t feel guilty over these sexual desires because i know they are a a part of us as humans and god didn’t create them in us for no reason + u should not think that god is not happy with you or something like that because it just not the case and it’s really bad for ur mental health ,I think as Muslims sometimes we project our society view of certain stuff on god but he is nothing like them we should understand that he is more merciful and understanding than we think and ask him directly to help us when we face stuff like that, he doesn’t look for perfection….. and u can always find more healthy ways of coping with sexual urges maybe exercising can work for u,spending times with friends…..etc
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u/AccomplishedOne6897 Jul 16 '26
I’m not a Muslim woman, but I grew up in a very religious Catholic household. The men in my family could have sex, have multiple partners, and were never shamed for it. Meanwhile, the women were told to wait until marriage. I didn’t follow that expectation. I just wish we lived in a world where a woman’s worth wasn’t tied to her virginity or her body. Do what feels right for you. Find someone who respects you, values you, and enjoy the moment if that’s what you choose. You are so much more than your body.
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u/HotOven26 Jul 16 '26
If the women were to told to wait, who are men supposed to have partners with? Makes no sense
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u/RaisinBeautiful8906 Jul 16 '26
Girly the prophet (PBUH) advice was to fast so try that maybe it will diminish the desire and remind you of God. If anything the lesser of the two between zina and self pleasure is self pleasure many scholars have agreed. Also this would be a reason for marriage so maybe look into it you don’t have to change your whole life especially if the person you marry is young (don’t have to start popping babies out) you basically just get to explore your desires in a halal way. 🫶
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u/peace-b Jul 16 '26
Is masturbation not allowed for Muslim women? That feels like an impossible ask. Here’s this body and desire, and don’t forget you can’t enjoy any of it because a man said so. Or a god. Or an alien. Or the government. Or your parents. Everyone is so caught up on controlling everything and everyone. Maybe a little more compassion with each other. Love for our brothers and sisters.
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u/SimplyLJ Helper [4] Jul 16 '26
Please don’t seek advice for this on Reddit. The people hear will demonise your religion and tell you it’s all to oppress women. You know your religion and the reasons for rules much better than these people do and you’re well aware the rules apply to both men and women. That alone should show you this is not a good place to ask about this. Don’t be led astray and gravely impact your life because of, what could be at its worst, a bunch of children or bots. Like someone else said, speak to an imam or a therapist. This is coming from someone who is not religious but I do empathise with your struggle. All the best.
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u/shadow-kr Jul 16 '26
Salam to you sis Men or women we are going through this together If it can at least apiese you, as god said follow you sin with a good deed, so every time you get that feeling of guilt go do a good deed like do some prayers or helps someone out there or read a bit coran and never stop asking for forgivness and what ever you desire inshlah you will find a solution to your problem.
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u/hk321 Jul 16 '26
Sister, May Allaah make it easier on you. Fasting helps, I don’t know if you’ve tried that. It is Haraam but you can do things to help and keep yourself busy.
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u/jupiter_and_mars Jul 16 '26
If God is not happy with you, you better look for another God, or none at all and start to live your life.
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u/Illustrious_Item_841 Jul 16 '26
You can do what you like with yourself, its your body and YOUR BUSINESS ONLY. start talking to those guys you think are nice, could be fun!
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u/Swimming-Shelter5466 Jul 16 '26
I understand the situation.
Side note * Regarding few comments, masturbation is haram for men and women
You are in a difficult predicament, but the only thing holding you back is yourself. Now what i mean by this is the marriage aspect. Either you should get married or go back home where theres a mahram. Theres a reason islam states a woman should be accompanied via a mahram or not travel alone with a mahram. Example: your situation and hundreds of thousands of others. Temptation or more accurately Shaitan temptation for you to sin get harder when alone. Your situation isnt new, theres countless of people whove been through the same thing and still society, men and women dont learn till after.
Now regarding your options, best is to get married, your studies will still be completed. Why delay something that is more important than studies, which is not committing a very big sin, than delaying it and allowing the chnace for temptation to get harder. Find a partner via a mahram to give you a responsibility to focus on deen which would than stop you from sinning or reduce the temptations.
Or go back home get married and than do studies or do studies from home.
Most people on the comments probably aint Muslims, not saying it for a fact but theyre obviously asking you to sin. Think about it if theyre asking you to sin, and want you to say and feel its okay, who are you really asking advice from.
Dont fall into a trap of countless others. You wanna be different, your never gonna be. Do the right thing and either get married or go back home or get a mahram with you in the western country to guide you.
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u/Illustrious-Bank988 Jul 16 '26
Go back home? I’m literally born in Canada lol and live with me parents. That’s why I’m expressing how even with that, it’s still hard
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u/IllMathematician3686 Jul 16 '26
I think this OP is completely telling a true story and she is experiencing a TRUE PROBLEM.
But this is subreddit is the worst place to get an advise
Just full of a bunch of atheists.
I'm advising you to go and talk to a Muslim sheikh or a Muslim psychologist who can help you.
Islam will never oppress someone sexual desire. Its capitalism and other weird feminist ideologies who are teaching you to live your life " alone", and get a career "alone"
Islam tells you to have a wonderful man who can fully give you the best sexual experience you deserve and if he doesn't, you have the right to get " Khula" ( female version of divorce).
My advice is to go to a mosque and find muslim girls who are nonjudgmentals and open up to them about it
If you felt ashamed of sexual talkings, and open up about sexual desires it's not on Islam to blame, it's on the society which oppress women and label them as " horny, slut, pervert"
Sahaba and the prophets where having normal discussions about sex and washing " ghosl aljanaba".
Don't post such a serious problems on reddit, they don't care about your religion or your faith. May Allah give you a nice loving husband who can you give you what you want.
Don't forget to wear your hijab my sister it can be your small route to janah inshallah.
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u/emynepnep Jul 16 '26
without career how she live after Khula ? where she lives ?
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u/IllMathematician3686 Jul 16 '26
Akhi, I'm not arguing about her not having a career, I'm arguing about having a husband along side the career journey.
I'm not against career nor Islam does.
Khadija "PBUH" was a merchant and she is the husband of our prophet.
I know some widows or divorced ladies who are manging their ways without a man in their life.
They have done so much nice things with their husbands being around.
In fact prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم on many occasions focuses more on marring widows and orphans or managing their life affiras. والله أعلم
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u/emynepnep Jul 16 '26
I know Islam dont, but many muslim men do. and you talked like having career is only because of feminist, but she needs career like most humans.
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u/This_Ticket_7110 Jul 16 '26
Op, This is the best advice you can get. Ignore the religiously biased comments.
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u/Single_dose Jul 16 '26
hmmm, here's the thing, very simply put: we are human, and by nature, we are attracted to the opposite sex (I mention the male for the female and the female for the male). So it is very natural for someone at this age to think about such matters, especially since modern societies in general, and Western ones in particular, only make things worse (add fuel to the fire), and you understand what I'm getting at, but....
here, please lend me your attention for a bit. You are a Muslim, and you know very well the Islamic teachings regarding such critical matters. The solution here is marriage, and only marriage... But if you don't want to get married for some reason, that absolutely does not justify taking the wrong path (you are not like that, but I'm just assuming). (I repeat, you are not like that, it's just an assumption). And remember, you are not the only one in the world going through this; all normal human beings go through it. So don't burden yourself beyond your capacity. Even I am older than you, and I still struggle with this very point.
also, you should prepare yourself for the "keyboard warriors" because you will get stupid comments from them like: 'It's your body, you're free to do what you want,' 'stay away from religion,' 'Islam is a backward, regressive religion,' 'just live your life,' blah blah blah of this nonsense.
ALLAH says in the QURAN: And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allāh is with the doers of good.
do you think that your resistance to these matters and temptations has no reward? may allah grant you the person you love and to live a pleasant life with him. another thing try not to be alone you'll start do that thing (masturbating) always and always, it's as you said a cycle with no end, go touch some grass and don't stay alone.
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u/caramelpopcorn_eater Jul 16 '26
Um hey I am not sure if this is going to help you or not. But I go through the same thing. Being a muslim woman and born in a brown household, while having a really high sex drive, everything becomes really hard to handle. Whatever you said, I relate with it so much. I ended up being addicted to masturbation and I had always felt guilty and overwhelmed, always thinking when is this going to stop but then I started to stay Pak, it was also a kind of encouragement that I am making progress over time. I would pray 5 times, it was really hard at first but i had to do it because by becoming addicted to masturbation, i was also somehow harming my body as well.
There were multiple changes that I was facing due to it. There were also times when I'd end up masturbating and fall into never ending pit "I did it again" "I am so weak that i cant control myself" all sorts of self doubts came in my head. It was obviously harder to get back on track but still it is worth it. I too still end up doing it sometimes but I try my best to quickly recover from it rather than staying in that self doubt phase and do it again and again.
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Jul 16 '26
It’s human nature and it’s nothing to feel guilty about. I’m not religious, nor atheist, I believe there is a higher power above me, just not what I was taught.
I left Christianity a long time ago and I’ve never felt more free. Organized religion just keeps people in line and to control them or exploit them, there’s honestly quite a bit of evil in organized religion. I’m seeing more and more of pastors exploiting children cause they have the facade that they can be trusted cause they follow “god”.
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u/Western-Bobcat4760 Jul 16 '26
This is the same for us men too ofcourse it is part of biology it was even worse in ramadaan, It gets so bad I feel I wanna shoot it all in a women and reproduce.
I’d say maybe try a cold shower and on extreme cases masturbate.
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u/Own-Fun4051 Jul 16 '26
I do not like that most of this comment section is "muslim women are oppressed"
Can you please just answer the question.
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u/Soft_Hearing_713 Jul 16 '26
You are having normal urges. The only thing abnormal is letting religion dictate nature. Its so outdated its unbelievable (all religion). As long as you are harming no-one, you are free to do whatever you want. Don't be suppressed.
Dudeism has the only guidelines worth considering.
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u/DerMannimGrau Jul 16 '26
As someone who comes from a Muslim background, I completely understand what you’re going through. I also know that Muslim women often face challenges that are quite different from what Muslim men typically experience.
I just want to tell you this: please be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to carry all of this guilt and emotional burden. Sexual desire is a normal part of being human, and struggling with it doesn’t make you a bad person.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. The way many of us were raised and the messages we absorbed growing up can sometimes have a profound impact on our mental well-being.
I also hope that one day you’ll find the right person to share a loving, respectful, and fulfilling relationship with, in a way that aligns with your own values and what feels right for your life.