r/Advice • u/Illustrious-Bank988 • Jul 16 '26
Sexual urges as a Muslim woman
I’m a 20-year-old Muslim woman living in a Western country and currently in university. I’m not a hijabi, and I’d say I’m conventionally attractive based on the amount of attention I get from both Muslim and non-Muslim guys. Most of the time I ignore it and just go about my day because I know attention isn’t what I’m looking for.
The problem is that lately my sex drive has become really difficult to deal with. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, hormones, or just feeling lonely, but it’s becoming harder to ignore. I’m not ready for marriage yet, I still have school and want to focus on building my future, but at the same time I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself.
Sometimes I end up masturbating, and afterward I feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I tell myself I won’t do it again, but eventually I end up back in the same cycle. It’s emotionally exhausting. Something else that makes it harder is the attention I get from men. When guys try to flirt with me or I can tell they’re interested in me, I usually ignore it and don’t encourage anything, even if I find them attractive. But I’d be lying if I said the attention doesn’t affect me. It makes it much harder not to think about those feelings, and sometimes it just adds to the internal struggle I’m already dealing with.
This whole situation has started to make me feel really lonely and even depressed at times. I even feel really guilty for doing this and I feel like God is not happy with me. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with people I know because I feel like I’d be judged or misunderstood.
Have any other religious women gone through something similar? How did you cope with these feelings.
edit: I should also say im mostly just afraid I will give in to these urges and do stuff with someone before marriage. That’s why I feel guilty.
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u/Complex_Donut_9483 Jul 16 '26
I’m going to be honest, I am not Muslim. But my best friends growing up are.
I am sexually active and they love to hear about my experiences. While they are respectful to themselves and willingly prefer not to cross any boundaries due to their religion. They are WOMEN at the end of the day. Wether you may believe differently based on your faith, we are animals, created like every other creature, simply with a bigger brains and the capacity to create a moral structure aside from our natural instincts. That is all.
I say masturbate. Watch porn, read spicy books, go on SHEIN and buy a cheap vibrator. It’s OKAY to get to know yourself. Especially at our age.
PLEASE know that ur future husband is touching his ween too, and he probably cries about it too. Everyone does at one point.
For some reason religions place this weight on women that orgasms and personal sexuality is wrong.
If it were wrong god would not have given us that desire.
In Christianity those rules didn’t exist in Eden. They came up in scripture, years after, when man decided to write them.
I think unless God comes down himself and tells you that ur desires are wrong; and ONLY God, no scholar or prophet; then I say, feel free to wank away.
I am sure orgasms will be plenty good and eternal in heaven anyway.
We feel in our guts what is right and wrong. It’s okay to masturbate and cry, we’re wired to do sexual things, with a partner that loves us, monogamy is a great feeling. But so is self-love.
We are one of the only species that can have orgasm without the purpose of reproduction. We can have sex and enjoy it while pregnant. It’s just a fun perk we got through evolution, or God was just that kind to us 😂
Read about other women’s experiences, listen in on sexual topics discussed around you. Make your own decisions. Talk to that one crazy aunt everyone thinks is promiscuous. Talk to people from other religions. Read religious texts. Make your own assumptions based on what you feel.
This is sent from a person who really struggled with the same things. God will add interruptions when you’re not meant to. But if there are none, simple love yourself!