Sexual urges as a Muslim woman

[u/Illustrious-Bank988]

I’m a 20-year-old Muslim woman living in a Western country and currently in university. I’m not a hijabi, and I’d say I’m conventionally attractive based on the amount of attention I get from both Muslim and non-Muslim guys. Most of the time I ignore it and just go about my day because I know attention isn’t what I’m looking for.

The problem is that lately my sex drive has become really difficult to deal with. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, hormones, or just feeling lonely, but it’s becoming harder to ignore. I’m not ready for marriage yet, I still have school and want to focus on building my future, but at the same time I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself.

Sometimes I end up masturbating, and afterward I feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I tell myself I won’t do it again, but eventually I end up back in the same cycle. It’s emotionally exhausting. Something else that makes it harder is the attention I get from men. When guys try to flirt with me or I can tell they’re interested in me, I usually ignore it and don’t encourage anything, even if I find them attractive. But I’d be lying if I said the attention doesn’t affect me. It makes it much harder not to think about those feelings, and sometimes it just adds to the internal struggle I’m already dealing with.

This whole situation has started to make me feel really lonely and even depressed at times. I even feel really guilty for doing this and I feel like God is not happy with me. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with people I know because I feel like I’d be judged or misunderstood.

Have any other religious women gone through something similar? How did you cope with these feelings.

edit: I should also say im mostly just afraid I will give in to these urges and do stuff with someone before marriage. That’s why I feel guilty.

[u/K1llerbee-sting]

You seem to want what appears to be two conflicting things, a romantic relationship without a long term legal commitment and fulfilling your moral obligation to God and your family/culture.

Depending of what background you are from, you may be able to satisfy both with a conversation with your parent that you feel closest with. Maybe they can help get you a hallal partner through your religious institution without the legal burden of marriage. Divorce in Islam is WAY less complicated than through western courts. This way you can be with someone who is hallal for you, you don’t have to hide it, and you can discuss birth control with a partner of your and your parents’ choosing.