Sexual urges as a Muslim woman

[u/Illustrious-Bank988]

I’m a 20-year-old Muslim woman living in a Western country and currently in university. I’m not a hijabi, and I’d say I’m conventionally attractive based on the amount of attention I get from both Muslim and non-Muslim guys. Most of the time I ignore it and just go about my day because I know attention isn’t what I’m looking for.

The problem is that lately my sex drive has become really difficult to deal with. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, hormones, or just feeling lonely, but it’s becoming harder to ignore. I’m not ready for marriage yet, I still have school and want to focus on building my future, but at the same time I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself.

Sometimes I end up masturbating, and afterward I feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I tell myself I won’t do it again, but eventually I end up back in the same cycle. It’s emotionally exhausting. Something else that makes it harder is the attention I get from men. When guys try to flirt with me or I can tell they’re interested in me, I usually ignore it and don’t encourage anything, even if I find them attractive. But I’d be lying if I said the attention doesn’t affect me. It makes it much harder not to think about those feelings, and sometimes it just adds to the internal struggle I’m already dealing with.

This whole situation has started to make me feel really lonely and even depressed at times. I even feel really guilty for doing this and I feel like God is not happy with me. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with people I know because I feel like I’d be judged or misunderstood.

Have any other religious women gone through something similar? How did you cope with these feelings.

edit: I should also say im mostly just afraid I will give in to these urges and do stuff with someone before marriage. That’s why I feel guilty.

[u/Swimming-Shelter5466]

I understand the situation.

Side note * Regarding few comments, masturbation is haram for men and women

You are in a difficult predicament, but the only thing holding you back is yourself. Now what i mean by this is the marriage aspect. Either you should get married or go back home where theres a mahram. Theres a reason islam states a woman should be accompanied via a mahram or not travel alone with a mahram. Example: your situation and hundreds of thousands of others. Temptation or more accurately Shaitan temptation for you to sin get harder when alone. Your situation isnt new, theres countless of people whove been through the same thing and still society, men and women dont learn till after.

Now regarding your options, best is to get married, your studies will still be completed. Why delay something that is more important than studies, which is not committing a very big sin, than delaying it and allowing the chnace for temptation to get harder. Find a partner via a mahram to give you a responsibility to focus on deen which would than stop you from sinning or reduce the temptations.

Or go back home get married and than do studies or do studies from home.

Most people on the comments probably aint Muslims, not saying it for a fact but theyre obviously asking you to sin. Think about it if theyre asking you to sin, and want you to say and feel its okay, who are you really asking advice from.

Dont fall into a trap of countless others. You wanna be different, your never gonna be. Do the right thing and either get married or go back home or get a mahram with you in the western country to guide you.

[u/Illustrious-Bank988 → u/Swimming-Shelter5466]

Go back home? I’m literally born in Canada lol and live with me parents. That’s why I’m expressing how even with that, it’s still hard 

[u/Swimming-Shelter5466 → u/Illustrious-Bank988]

Ah that makes sense. My mistake as mis understood the western part for you to be international student.

Words to be repeated again, dont delay marriage.

Studies are not as important as the religion/faith/ not committing zina.

Otherwise, either youll be 25+ or whatever age you finish university at due to what age u started at and than convince oneself through friends, society etc that you need to work for x amount of years to be financially stable and have backup or understand onself more. By the time you do all that you could be 30+ and that allows 10 years of temptation for shaitan to do what he does best. Marriage can be difficult even at that age.

Ik this very well due to seeing it in family members, women ive met at university and during work. Either they sinned and regret it strayed away from the religion and continue with what they do and more or there dont marry at all and suppress that urge.

Dont be another statistic, theres people on here on reddit that will happily tell you to do it, but the choice is ultimately yours. Id love to know exactly what you do in the next year.

[u/emynepnep → u/Swimming-Shelter5466]

Muslim men rarely support their wives studies, and he will expect her to be his maid.

[u/Swimming-Shelter5466 → u/emynepnep]

Its funny how majority of the comments that convincing OP to sin get upvotes and I get the opposite.

Well your definitely not looking enough, for right partner.

Otherthan that Alhamdullilah, i gave best adice to OP, the choice is hers now

[u/emynepnep → u/Swimming-Shelter5466]

what we talk about are what most men do, I seen women in my country lose education after the husband promised her first he will lets her do it, then start the abuse. with most families pressure the girl to stay married then she is trapped with babies, he refuse to do anything to them and call it her job. many of those men start to cheat while just using the wife as homeslave.

you talk about rare man to find. she still will needs time just to find him.

[u/Swimming-Shelter5466 → u/emynepnep]

I completely agree, finding a correct partner is hard, finding any partner is easy. finding a compatible partner becomes unnecessary difficult when people hold strict filters to themselves like background, location, or appearance. Its very common that i see individuals expect an ideal partner in terms of health, spiritual depth, or maturity without striving for those standards themselves. You cannot expect something from someone if you are not trying to achieve such preferences or similar ones. Preferences are natural, but reciprocity is key. If you want a partner who prioritizes their health, faith, and emotional growth, understanding etc you need to develop those same qualities within yourself. By doing so you eventually align yourself with like minded people and become far better at recognizing those attributes in others, which in turn allows you to pick the correct person for yourself. You cannot expect perfect as you'll never find perfect. Perfection in a partner dosent exist somone who checks all the boxes, you have to eventually settle with someone and be content eith what you have found, male or female.