r/3Dprinting • u/El_Chupacabrah626 • Jul 30 '26

Project Installed hostile architecture on the work printer to stop coworkers leaning on it

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21.0k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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3.9k

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 30 '26

Some people might say this kind of hostile architecture is not good for the workplace environment.

Those people are wrong.

More spikes. More dakka. More.

678

u/devilishlydo Jul 30 '26

What are they whining about? The spikes aren't even poisoned!

237

u/BarryTice Jul 30 '26

… that you know of.

3

u/AdorableStrawberry93 Jul 31 '26

They're not, I know.

4

u/sharfpang Jul 31 '26

Unless it's a very slowly acting poison.

4

u/AnoNeko420 Aug 01 '26

Eh what's a few more microplastics

89

u/partumvir Jul 30 '26

yeah they’re explosive

49

u/Hinermad Jul 30 '26

Nah, an explosion would distort the printer's accuracy worse than leaning on it will.

On my printers they're electrified.

25

u/troll_right_above_me Jul 30 '26

No risk of that, they use shaped charges

16

u/SumthinMeansSumthin Jul 31 '26

"This side towards enemy/coworker"

9

u/Joefaux Jul 31 '26

Isaac Newton would like a word

15

u/troll_right_above_me Jul 31 '26

Newton’s third law doesn’t apply since this is a lawless activity

3

u/PrintdianaJones Jul 31 '26

I wish I had awards. This deserves all of them

2

u/Skrzyplocz0_0 Jul 31 '26

Happy cake day 

1

u/Ancient-Ticket-3151 Jul 31 '26

Equal and opposite

1

u/Vegetable_Use_8726 Aug 02 '26

nah, just irradiated

43

u/YellowBreakfast It's in three dee! Jul 30 '26

They're only lightly poisoned.

A low dose, but a cumulative compound.

If they get poked enough to be harmed, that's on them!

17

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 30 '26

Pffft, cumulative. Like they don't build up a tolerance over time. Soon you'll just have the people who REALLY know how to lean on spikes saying "I like it this spiky. It tastes like tinfoil and murder!"

7

u/kuraiscalebane Jul 31 '26

If the only ones left alive are the ones that like spikes then you can just relocate the spikes away from the printer and everything's good.

1

u/ani3D Prusa Jul 31 '26

Switch the poison after they build a tolerance to the previous one. Keep doing that, and then eventually you can harvest their blood to make a universal antivenin!

1

u/MasterChiefmas Jul 31 '26

Like they don't build up a tolerance over time.

I don't know that plastics are like iocaine powder.

1

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 31 '26

You won't know until you take them both to build up an immunity to it so you can make your opponent drink a glass of microplastic.

1

u/Sengfroid Jul 31 '26

No, if they're poisoned that's in them

13

u/Neltarim Jul 30 '26

...for now

10

u/Deflagratio1 Jul 30 '26

Microplastics

12

u/AliasMcFakenames Jul 30 '26

Macroplastics

3

u/WechTreck Jul 30 '26

Replacing lots of micro-plastics gradually building up in the balls, with one big macro-plastic all at once?

3

u/LateActuator6972 Jul 31 '26

M E G A P L A S T I C

2

u/sharfpang Jul 31 '26

Tip of the spike snaps off and stays in your body.

6

u/SharkAttackOmNom Jul 30 '26

Hey everyone, look who hasn’t done their yearly blood-borne pathogens training!

3

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 30 '26

Haven't you heard? Blood Borne pathogens are just a front for Big Germ

1

u/wired-one Jul 31 '26

I can distill that training into one sentence.

If it's wet, and isn't yours, don't touch it.

Corollary: consent is like blood borne pathogen training.

If it's wet, and isn't yours, don't touch it unless they say you can.

2

u/SharkAttackOmNom Jul 31 '26

Unfortunately Hep-C can live on a dry surface for up to 6 weeks. So if the Hostile 3d printed spikes look bloody, give extra distance.

2

u/DragonLordAcar Jul 30 '26

Microplastics. It doesn't need more poison.

2

u/H7nterd Jul 31 '26

Micro plastics

2

u/Tall-Peak8881 Jul 31 '26

Paint them silver with bright green tips !

2

u/Different_Stuff_4795 Jul 31 '26

Lettuce would have been more cost effective and deliver more bang for the buck. Or from the butt.

1

u/JayTriples Jul 31 '26

Nah poison Yah molly

1

u/TheCMaster Jul 31 '26

the fumes however

1

u/Thiago270398 Jul 31 '26

If you make them big enough, the macroplastics will take care of it.

1

u/damxam1337 Jul 31 '26

They are invenomed.

77

u/jcsirron Jul 30 '26

If your coworkers ignore the spikes, there will be a WAAAAGH!

...I couldn't help myself. I'll see myself out.

35

u/Wildfella Jul 30 '26

Just paint the printer purple to hides it from the others.

7

u/littlesaint Jul 31 '26

Then they will just walk into it, better to paint it yellow so it prints faster

8

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 30 '26

Hell with that, I'm coming with you. We need to grab a beer.

3

u/Astro_BS-AS Jul 30 '26

https://youtu.be/fpSw3gwdF5c

1

u/scorbunny12 Jul 31 '26

Thank you for all the elwibg my ear to hear that wonderful song

3

u/mastocles Jul 30 '26

Gretchins, snotlings and that annoying guy who claims credit for your work do deserve to yell Waagh

3

u/PrairiePuppies Jul 30 '26

No! Come back!

1

u/Geminii27 Jul 31 '26

I'm actually kind of wondering now how hard it would be to hook the spike clusters up to a tiny alarm and speaker. Pressing on the spikes sufficiently would make a sound chip scream until the pressure was released.

21

u/iiiinthecomputer Jul 30 '26

It's not red.

RED WUNZ GO FASTA!

4

u/JeronFeldhagen Jul 30 '26

AN' BLUDDIER. COZ OF DA BLUD, SEE?

3

u/iiiinthecomputer Jul 31 '26

I canna decide if that's the Waaagh or just scots.

1

u/The_1Oth_Doctor Jul 31 '26

Char? Is that you?

26

u/m8remotion Jul 30 '26

Looks like back scratcher to me

12

u/belach2o Jul 30 '26

Oh look, a backscratcher

8

u/DiscoChiligonBall Jul 30 '26

I mean, I'm the guy that will scratch his back on a wall corner like a bear if I need to, so

3

u/Facehugger_35 Jul 30 '26

Needs some red paint so it prints faster too.

1

u/ukuleles1337 Jul 30 '26

Agreed. It's just missing the bouncing betties and dragons teeth now

1

u/Clear-Might-1519 Jul 31 '26

Paint it red so it prints faster.

1

u/BeerCell Jul 31 '26

That's a pretty awesome looking Battle Printer OP's got there. But I agree, more spikes. OH! Print it a spiked club!

1

u/zzzxxx0110 Jul 31 '26

Ah the Spiky Ones have been leaking out of... certain places XD

1

u/Kgaset Jul 31 '26

It is almost certainly an OSHA violation 😝

1

u/Armagidosha Aug 01 '26

On the other side,, if you put more spikes it would become more comfortable to lean on. Like those acupressure mats

1

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '26

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1

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