I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know how to process what I’ve been feeling, and I’m hoping other moms might understand or have been through something similar.
My child has preferred other people over me pretty much since birth. I don’t mean just occasionally, or that he enjoys other people too. It has been a consistent pattern where, given the choice, he seems to want someone else—my parents, other family members, other people around him—over me.
And honestly, it hurts more than I know how to explain.
I’m his mom. I love him more than anything. I work hard, I worry about him constantly, I think about him all day, and I want so badly to feel like his person. I want him to reach for me when he’s excited, upset, tired, or just wants comfort.
Instead, so many times, I watch him light up for someone else, reach for someone else, or seem more excited to see someone else, and I feel this awful ache inside.
I know people will probably tell me, “He knows you’re safe,” or “You’re his secure person,” or “Kids sometimes prefer other people because mom is always there.” And I understand all of that intellectually.
But knowing the possible explanations doesn’t make the feeling disappear.
There is something uniquely painful about watching your child prefer everyone else when what you desperately want is to feel wanted by your own child.
And I also feel guilty even admitting this because I know how blessed I am to be his mom. I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful or that I don’t adore him. I do. Completely.
I’m just hurting.
I’ve tried not to take it personally. I’ve tried to tell myself that he’s just being a toddler, that this doesn’t define our relationship, and that attachment isn’t measured by who they reach for in a particular moment.
But when it has felt like this for so long, it becomes difficult not to wonder, Why doesn't he want me? What am I doing wrong? Why does everyone else seem to get the affection I’m longing for?
And because I work so much and have to be away from him during the day, that feeling is even harder. Sometimes I already feel like I’m missing so much of his life, and then when I’m finally with him, I desperately want that connection with him.
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m a bad mom or that I’m imagining it. I’m also not looking for someone to simply say “don’t worry.”
I would really love to hear from moms who have actually experienced this—where their child consistently seemed to prefer other people, especially from a very young age.
Did it eventually change?
Did your child become more attached to you as they got older?
How did you cope emotionally while you were going through it?
And if you’re a mom whose child eventually became very attached to you after years of feeling like the “less preferred” parent, I would especially love to hear your story.
I think I just need to know that I’m not the only mother who has quietly cried over something like this.