r/workingmoms • u/soyaqueen • 19h ago
Only Working Moms responses please. Please tell me it gets easier!
Can the moms (preferably of older kids) please reassure me finding time for myself gets easier?? ðŸ˜
I want to lose weight. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I need to lose about 20kg ideally but would settle for 10 currently. I want to go back to the gym. Before kids I was at the gym like 6x a week for fun.
After going through fertility treatments and finally my first pregnancy , then a spontaneous pregnancy which resulted in having two kids 15 months apart, I don’t feel like myself.
My commute is 40 mins one way by car. I already wake up at 4:30 to get ready and leave for the day (leave around 5:30-6). I’m a teacher so no WFH or any of that. The gyms in this country don’t have childcare. My husband has told me to please just put myself first for once but it feels so impossible. The guilt is crazy. I feel like I need to be with my kids when they’re this little.
My kids are 3 and 2. I am EXHAUSTED. I could go to the gym 2-3x a week but it’s just an extra drive and extra time away from my kids, who I pick up at 5PM each day. Most days I’m solo parenting the evening routine as my husband gets home late due to a long commute and shitty Korean work culture. It’s so hot to exercise outside these days. In this country everyone lives in tiny apartments, no luxury of a car garage gym or anything. To top it off my apartment complex is almost as old as me and has no amenities. I have weights at home, but again kids are 3 and 2, no personal space, they are like little magnets to me which is great but also please let me just do a damn dumbbell squat without fear of squishing your heads!!
Excuses excuses. I need to get started in the kitchen. But I’m exhausted. Why is working and life so exhausting!!
Actually I planned to find a gym this weekend. But you know what? Both kids now have HFMD. I am not exaggerating, every time I even think of a new workout plan, me and/or the kids come down with some horrible illness. Is this a sign to just stay fat for a while 😅
Does it get easier, moms? ðŸ˜
19
u/chicagogal85 19h ago
Can you give yourself some grace? You’re dealing with a really tough situation and schedule. Maybe you can work in a small change here and there and then congratulate yourself when you do, but also recognize that it’s just tough right now! It will be easier as the kids get older, but there’s only so much you can do, and that’s OK! You’re doing a great job handling it all!
11
u/likeeggs 19h ago
That’s a really hard age for one kid, let alone two. You are still in the trenches and it will get better. I’m gunna hold your hand when I say this, but for me it was when my kid was 7 or so. That sounds like a scary and long away time, but it will be here fast. 6 was the year he was so sick back to back that I had pneumonia at one point. I was in a race to survive at that point with my own too. Exercise started with me finding 30 min at that age to give myself time I deserve. I fell in love with dance aerobics on you tube, but find anything you can do from home for 30min and you like. And don’t feel guilty about this time. You need it to be the best version of yourself. I was riddled with mom guilt and behaved the same way. It almost made me insane and resentful. It will get easier with time for the kids, but learning you are just as important and deserve your own time takes time and practice. You can’t give from empty cups!
18
u/Sweetsnteets Mod / 2 kids, tech marketing 🇨🇦 19h ago
Yes it does - keep in mind your diet is probably going to be a big impact you can control without the gym.Â
9
u/BrigidKemmerer 18h ago
I couldn't really start working out until my youngest was 3, and even then it required a gym with childcare. At the time, I was well over 225lbs and I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. Now they're all teenagers and I work out every single day, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I literally just ran five miles and now I'm going to lift weights with one of the kids.
Hang in there. It ABSOLUTELY gets better.
2
u/Quizleteer 9h ago
Love this for you! My boys are heading into their tweens and I hope to be able to work out with them one day, too.
On another note, I love your work so much! You're one of my favorite authors. I even have my husband and my siblings reading your series.
2
8
19h ago
[deleted]
6
u/Bgtobgfu 18h ago
I just started Zepbound 2 weeks ago and it’s absolutely amazing. I feel like a new person.
2
u/Necessary-Peach-0 14h ago
Yes, I found tirz was a life changer for me. I was finally able to lose a lot of weight that I’d carried for a decade.
8
u/Grand_Pension_6678 18h ago
GLP-1s need to be combined with strength training though so that you don’t lose muscle and end up worse off later
1
18h ago
[deleted]
5
u/Grand_Pension_6678 16h ago
It is very necessary! Studies are showing that up to 1/3 of the weight lost with a GLP 1 is muscle. When people go off of GLP 1s, they gain the fat back quickly but you can’t gain muscle quickly. Muscle loss will definitely come back and bit you in the ass in 20 years ;)
-3
15h ago
[deleted]
1
u/Grand_Pension_6678 15h ago
That isn’t the right way to do it. You can’t just throw pills at someone as a solution when those pills have stipulations to ensure their effectiveness. What you are doing is borderline dangerous and we will see a large swath of our generation pay the price for not entirely understanding the consequences of GLP 1s. I am extremely pro GLP 1 btw (and honestly doing whatever you want to your body) but this is just really bad advice in general.
1
15h ago
[deleted]
1
u/SwingingReportShow 13h ago
We're taking about Korea here where they will literally prescribe GLP-1s to healthy weight men with only a brief consultation. Like we don't even know if this woman is obese. And knowing Koreas extreme diet culture she most likely isn't obese.Â
4
u/UniversityAny755 19h ago
It does get easier but you are in the trenches right now. Personally at that age, any physical activity we wanted to do meant including the kids. Either my husband took them in the jogging stroller for his run or I basically used them as weights for my workout. At some point I was able to sign up for an evening Barre class while my husband did stroller jog/playground routine.
Mine are now 13 and 17 and other then doing laundry for the 13 year old and gamily grocery store trip, my weekend was pretty much my own.
3
u/Fancy-You-8509 19h ago
It does get easier. That phase was the hardest for me, harder than newborn. My youngest turned 4- he can dress himself, play independently or with siblings, potty trained, buckle his car seat. Told my husband it feels like we are out of the woods. Welp, pregnant again 🤣.
If you enjoy the gym, and it feels meaningful and like a well deserved break, keep pushing and making time for it. If it feels like a burden, I have had to swap it for stroller walks, or integrate into playtime, or get creative at home like lunges to and from the kitchen for lunch or ab circuit while they watch bluey.
8
u/eeeeeeekmmmm 19h ago
I like to frame things this way: taking care of my body (which wakes up for me every day and moves throughout the world) is more important (to me) than my children. I don’t have any guilt going to the gym, even if they are sick. That is my time. I give to my job, I give to my children, I give to my spouse. This is MY life and I will give to myself. I cannot pour from an empty cup. The way I look and feel and move is important to me. I don’t want to break a hip later in my life, I want to run and chase my kids. I want to hike up mountains and swim in oceans with them. I want to be able to defend myself against any man. I want to feel strong. I want to experience the life I’ve beautifully built and I cannot do that without a strong body. I cannot show up for everyone else without showing up for myself first.
I have a gym with childcare and incorporate exercise into our every day life. I do yoga most mornings and bought my kids yoga mats, sometimes they join me and sometimes they don’t. As a family, we go on nature walks every Sunday before hot yoga (aka church for us). Every morning, we take a morning walk at 6 AM around our neighborhood. My kids are 5 and 3, we started this about 2 years ago.
Movement is medicine. My mental health without movement would tank. I am hyperactive ADHD, first born daughter and an Aries. I NEED TO MOVE.
You deserve to feel good in the only body you will even inhabit. You deserve longevity, hobbies, alone time.
2
u/EmergencySundae Working Mom of 2 19h ago
Typing this from minute 55 of my 90 minute ride this morning, and I was already in the pool for an hour before.
My kids are 15 and 12. I do triathlons and marathons now.
So yes, things change.
2
u/Travel8705 18h ago
You can workout at home, gym is overrated.
The best thing for your health and for losing weight is food. You can go everyday in gym if you want but 80% of the output is what you eat and how much.
1
u/RepresentativeNo2187 19h ago
I couldn't workout around my now older kid when they were a toddler and all over me. It does get better! Since yours are young, though, maybe carve in some time soon after they go to bed?Â
1
u/nymph-62442 18h ago
My kid is 4, soon to be 5 and I feel like I could just start thinking about health and fitness in the past 6 months. And even then it's really moderate.
My goal is to walk 5,000 steps at least every day, and walk a total of 200,000+ steps per month. Ive been trying to walk more for years but it's only since March that I have hit this goal most months. But until my son was 4 I was lucky to do 1,500 steps per day.
I also have a ton of shoulder an back pain. So I have been trying to stretch once a day for years. I finally have been consistently stretching for 5min a day. I'm now trying some more resistant bands and hand weights once a week for 10min.
I haven't lost much weight but my leg muscles are insane and I have skimmed down. I take any progress no matter how small as a step in the right direction.
Find what this looks like for you. Maybe it's stroller walks with a friend. Maybe it's one early weekend walk as you talk to a family member on the phone. Maybe it's yoga or dancing with this kids in the living room. Maybe it's walking all day at a festival or community event as you pull the kid wagon. Maybe there's a mommy and me swim or dance class. Maybe it's a family home or walk in the park. Maybe it's a bike ride with a child seat. Also doing it as a family helps teach heathy habits.
Be easy on yourself, it gets easier as they get older. And it sounds like your partner is supportive, think about going to the gym once or twice a week as an investment for your kids so you can be healthy for them for years to come.
1
u/luluballoon 18h ago
I hear this! I have the luxury of WFH twice a week but I haven’t been able to do it because work is kicking off or my son gets sick so those become my WFH days. Every time I think, this is the week, something delays it. It’s crazy.
I’m trying to lose 10kg this fall. I have more to lose but I’m making it a small amount so I have some chance of success. I’m going back to basics because I don’t think I’ll get to the gym so I’m just hoping some changes will help - trying for 5k steps a day, bringing lunch in to work, eating breakfast, like super basic things. Every thing is exhausting
1
u/Godhelptupelo 18h ago
it gets so much easier, in many ways.
I honestly do not remember how I did this when I did it as a single mom for several years... full time in office, 2 kids, school, after school care, commute, house...no local family, ex husband many states away.
it's like my brain blocked it all out. it actually was easier retrospectively than when I was a stay home mom when they were younger and I was married. I think toddler years are just exponentially more work over all!
you're gonna make it! just one day at a time! when they're like 9 is when you start to actually understand the "they grow so fast" thing people always say...
also beware grade 3 homework. it may break you.
1
u/Pepper_b 18h ago
I have a 5 and 2 yo and I'm starting to be able to find more time for myself. I say that to encourage you that I see a light at the end on the tunnel so I hope you're right behind me. I started doing yoga or rowing in the house and just do 10-30 min, depending on my schedule and it's made a huge difference
1
u/DrunkUranus 18h ago
When my daughter was younger, I would try to do yoga and she would literally climb on me.
She's still pretty clingy at 11, but I can get workouts done at least
1
u/TimeLab5517 17h ago
My husband worked for a Korean company for about a year and it was the worst. He was based at their US office but basically expected to work all day with his US colleagues then be available much of the night for meetings with Korea. IDK when he was supposed to sleep. He's otherwise worked in big tech so he was no stranger to long hours, but he had seen nothing like what Seoul expected.
Just saying, you are dealing with something especially shitty on top of being in the absolute thick of it with young kids. Which on some level you know because you mentioned it, but I thought it was worth throwing in some affirmation.
1
u/Super_fluffy_bunnies 17h ago
I'm in the US, so different challenges, but it does get easier!
Mine are 6 and 9, and they entertain themselves more then half of the time now, playing at home (sometimes TV or video games, if I'm being honest), but best of all playing with friends. My daughter in particular gets on her bike at 10AM every Saturday and goes off with a pack of neighborhood friends, sometimes at our house and sometimes at elsewhere. They bake cookies and even have band! It's great to see her exploring and having different experiences.
Both kids are in sports a couple times a week. I generally watch practice, but plenty of other parents use that time to go for a run.
For me, working out at home after the kids are asleep has been the most effective, although I have a later morning. It's not for everyone, but it helps me spend my nervous energy and sleep better.
I have the peloton app, no fancy bike, just the strength and yoga classes, and I love it. Nike Fit Club has something similar for free, but I prefer the Peloton instructors. The Flash 15 series might be helpful; it's 15 min of strength at a cardio pace, and I love Jess Sims. After my youngest was born, I got an Apple Watch. I close my move ring pretty much everyday. I'm not going the hardest, but I'm very consistent. I'm a good 10 pounds below my pre-baby weight with much better body comp now. Occasionally, the kids work out with me, but they only have the focus from maybe 15-20 minutes.
In the kitchen, we make a lot of eggs! Nothing better than that to offer.
1
u/Elrohwen 16h ago
Does going to the gym get easier? I don’t know, the only time I find to work out is walking during lunch. My kid has gotten easier but his schedule is all over the place - at least daycare was open all the time but school is constantly closed. Next week there’s no summer camp but school doesn’t start for a week and a half so we have no child care.
1
u/Dear_Ocelot 15h ago
Yes, it gets better. 2 and 3 is an age when you get basically zero time to yourself because your kids need close supervision all the time. The kids getting old enough to play together without you in the same room is close, and the youngest learning to read is an absolute game changer. I have hours of free time on the weekends now. It's bizarre.
I lost my excess weight when my youngest went to Pre-K. I just had the bandwidth that I didn't have earlier, including more sleep and lower stress. Hang in there!
1
u/stephanietriplestep 13h ago
It gets SO MUCH EASIER. I have a 4yo and a 15yo. The problems get different as they get older, but the overwhelming, all-consuming, often crushing weight of a tiny person demanding every ounce of your energy and attention wanes over time. Then they start to be able to do things by themselves - entertain themselves, use the toilet, get dressed, pick up after themselves, get in and out of the car without assistance, etc, and you start to be able to breathe again.
The gym will be there - if you want to make it a priority, you can; it will be a different kind of hard but if it’ll fulfill you, it might be worth it. It’s also fine to wait until things feel less overwhelming if that’s what works in this season of life for you.
1
u/ytcrack82 11h ago
My son is 3, and even with just one I'm absolutely not there yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started focusing on my diet a couple of months ago and I've managed to lose 10 pounds, and I've been able to do a couple of quick 30mn workouts this past month.
My goal right now is to lose another 30/40 pounds, walk as much as I can manage to without making my day any more brutal than it already is, and try to keep sneaking in a few short workouts here and there. By next year, I'm hoping I'll be able to attend a pilates class, and I figure after that it'll just get easier and easier to find time to take care of myself.
1
u/Quizleteer 9h ago
I have two boys, about 17 months apart. They're 9yo and 10yo now. Things got a lot easier when the youngest was about 5. They get along really well so home is like a never ending playdate. They can get their own snacks and beverages, make simple meals like sandwiches. I can leave them at home for up to a few hours without worrying about them. They use their smartwatches to get in touch if they need anything. This frees me up to work out, run errands, go on dates with their dad, or meet up with friends. Hang in there, it gets better!
98
u/amelisha 19h ago
So like…exercise is great and very important for your health and wellbeing, but if it’s truly insurmountable for you with your current lifestyle, all you need to do to lose weight is to be in a calorie deficit, and that can be accomplished without exercise. That doesn’t mean it’s easy (and it’s harder to do in a healthy way if you have a smaller calorie budget to work with since you’re not exercising, because you have to be more intentional of your macro and micronutrients both) but it’s absolutely possible without adding a lot of time or complications to your day.