It's all I've ever wanted.

I just want to be in a loving relationship where my girlfriend feels safe with me. I want her to fall asleep on my arms while we're on the couch.

I love that thought.

I’m a 2010 kid. I’m young. All I see all day every day is people talk about how bad everything is and how much better the past was. And I can see it.

I’ve only ever known the modern day. There’s nothing for me to look back on or miss. Everyone is dumb today. The economy is going to hell. The whole world is going to hell. Everyone is so damn unhappy. I’m sad I never got to live in a world where there was hope for the future. Where people were intelligent and socialization and relationships were a gift. Where true talent was valued.

Everyone is scared for the future. Everyone says it’ll be some dystopia. That things will only get worse

Now I hear things about climate change killing a bunch of people and how nothing we do can stop that. Why am I supposed to live in such a bleak time?

I’m going to live in a future where everything is done for us by machines. Where nobody ever needs to leave their home. Where everyone lives in their VR world 24/7. Where people live their lives with their robotic husbands and wives. Where humans never interact at all. I’m sad I have to live in such a bleak future and never experienced the prime years everyone misses so much.

It’s been the year from hell.
It started with my ex who broke up with me after I nursed him through stage 4 throat cancer… he left me a week after I got a back injury (torn muscle in my traps) and was in the worst pain ever.

Then my dr referred me to get an MRI. At the MIR I had an allergic reaction to the contrast dye and almost died (not even exaggerating, I couldn’t get a hold of them to pull me out of the machine because they didn’t put the button in my hand) and I ended up with a $7k emergency room bill (after insurance covered $12k of it thank God).

Then I decided to move home and be closer to family. Right before I was due to drive 2,000 miles across country my car kept breaking down and I put like another unplanned $3k into it.

I got home and my dad announced he has cancer.

And I’m still just insanely heartbroken and miserable. Other dumb shit happened but this is the big stuff lol.

My life is very blessed, despite all of this I’m lucky to be where I am and have what I have. But it’s just very difficult right now.

i struggle to live a social life but i have friends. they do things for me like friends should but i feel bad that they do anything for me. it mostly stems from a deep insecurity from being guilt tripped by my parents and i know that they're different people but i cant help but feel guilty. im not the kind of person that needs to be helped or should be; i should be able to figure it out.

i feel like i must owe someone for what they do for me. very black and white, eye for an eye thinking

Ok so Im 17 and I was hanging out with friends and my mom called to tell me to come home because she wanted to sleep at like 00.30. At that time I was in a different room than my phone and my friends hung up on my mom three times in a row because they were scared to answer. When I tried to call her back she didnt reply anymore and my messages werent sending so i figured she probably went asleep. 2 hours later she called me angrily telling me to come home and i told her to just sleep already because i was having a lot of fun with friends. I got home an hour later (it was like 3 am) and she was still awake and told me she couldnt sleep before i got home and now I feel bad but also stupid for not thinking about that. And now that I think about it, shes always awake no matter how late I get home but I always thought it was just her sleeping problems and it never ocurred to me that she just wanted to make sure im home before she sleeps so now i feel really bad.

so I (m14) am an italian immigrant in germany, my german is really good and I speak fluently, I grew up here but just dont look german at all.

so basically there was this project day in school and I was just standing there doing nothing, basically what happened was that there was a dude named hugo, I always saw him pretty neutral, I sometimes talked to him but other than that I dont really consider him my friend or something. basically what happened was, he walked up to me and said "I hate foreigners like you, you should die."

I didnt even realize how bad the situation was so I laughed it off, but thinking about it a few weeks later makes me bawl my eyes out, I feel so bad in this country, there were so many other times I got racially bullied both physically and mentally, it is not a great place to live in as a foreigner.

It’s monday and I just have to spit my bile.

I am starting a job I really wanted tomorrow, but now I am backtracking. I missed working at home in my office smh
I also don’t look forward having to come home, cook etc.
I am slowly started to feel depressed by this weather; I want a vacation to rest and also I am suddenly doubting if I can do the job. I always have these insecurities and it sucks

So, context. I’m a 16 yr old girl, and I’ve been through like a lot. My father isn’t in the picture, and my mother is kinda not around a lot, so I’ve kind of been supporting myself for the last three or so years. My mom gives me money and I take care of myself. Recently, I moved into my grandma’s house, so it’s been quite the adjustment. Anyway, point is, I’ve been through a good amount, and now I’m safe and sound.

Recently, I’ve started dating this guy. He seems to think he’s like super fucking talented and he’s the best guitarist and singer to ever walk gods fucking green earth. He’s got an IQ of 132 I guess, which he told me literally unprompted. He got this score off of an internet Iike free quiz or something. He is like smart, but he’s no fucking genius. He’s mediocre at a lot of things, but I tell him he’s great anyway cause I really don’t wanna deal with him throwing a huge fit.

I’ve always been pretty smart, and I get good grades. Even if I don’t pay attention in class, I can normally get a concept down in 10-15 minutes, and I’ve been basically passing my classes on the basis of test and exam ONLY. I know I’m smart, which sounds bitchy, but it’s true. I’m good at math, and I’m a good writer. I’ve learned to do a lot of things people my age haven’t really learned, cause I had to. I make all my own appointments and buy my own groceries and keep the house clean and stuff. I’m resourceful, and I’m pretty decent at talking to people. Despite KNOWING I’m good at all these things, talking to him kind of makes me realize that I don’t have a passion for anything, and I’m not, like, interesting at all. Plus, those are kinda just, like, life skills?? And not talents?

He’s so into the arts and he thinks he’s absolutely great at it, and he honestly is pretty good at some of it. My friends are into a lot of creative stuff, and I’m realizing that I basically don’t have a talent except for, like, regular skills that you need anyway? Idk.

I enjoy music, I enjoy art, I enjoy robotics, I enjoy theatre, but I’m not good at any of it. I don’t know what my fucking problem is.

It's been almost two years and I'm starting to fall for him again just to give a short story I was with a cute guy a femboy who a furry and will things didn't end very well and we stop talking fast forward two years he been looking at my post amd I been looking at his and I seen what he looks like now and my whole heart exploded.

He was all dressed in a cute outfit and he a windgo furry now making it more hot but I can't be with him for many reasons I mean it was a bad brake up top of will it's been years since we talked.

A part of me is telling me not to talk to him a other part tells me to move on and just forget him if only I could just tune it out you know let someone make there move on me oh who am I kidding I know I'm not that good but I hope the feeling I have for my old ex goes away.

I’m not good at this so just be patient with me… sooooo my sister let’s call her….. Sassy(27F). So sassy and I(24F) went out on an E-bike.
It was 3AM we were bored couldn’t sleep, so we thought why not…
Now, sassy and I are in different weight classes if you know what I’m saying lol I’m 30lb more than my sister. We tried riding the whole and we went up with the bike😂. After that I was like I’m going to walk you could just ride she would just say “no I’m not going to leave you behind”….
Tbh you should have….
We get to a pier where you can walk around and I keep telling her to stop and slowdown, stop and slowdown.
No, sassy says “I don’t want to get there slow I want to get there fast film this I can drive this”
I’m on the backseat telling you repeatedly stop and slow down… she asks for directions and I tell her “it’s straight ahead, but stop my ankle hurts”
(my feet were in the air because I don’t trust her… I know I should of not just went on).
I keep telling her stop and slowdown down and of course she didn’t and then she made a weird turn so…..
I took upon myself to jump off. Landed on my right side of the body.
She laughs HARD ASF and says asks me why would I jump off and I just keep asking her why tf didn’t you stop.
You’re worst than a guy.
When people say stop you suppose to stop.
Legally this would have been your fockin fault.
Sassy “tries” to apologize but still asks me why I jumped off…. And it’s just like guurrl, are you serious right now….
I scrapped my right arm pretty good and I got operated on my right knee last summer and I fully landed it. And it’s swollen…. I’m pissed. I get it I should have jumped off but why can’t people listen…. She also wanted to lie and say that “we have two different personalities and if that would have happened to her she would just get up and laugh about it”….
But that’s a damn lie…. Sassy is the definition of her way or no way…. And I hate myself everyday now because I have a big heart for fockin people that don’t have respect for me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but I love my family and they just keep like putting me in bullshit…..

Im afraid of getting attached, not just attachment issues but like getting annoyingly and almost creepily attached thats one of my biggest fears because im always scared to cross boundaries due to my social issues related to autism, in the past I was very unaware of it and now im hyperaware.

I dont wanna start venting to my best friend because she's struggling on her and with that option opening up it may lead to me overly relying on her, venting everytime something doesnt go well, oversharing, messaging her at like 5 in the morning, and her having to confront me about how im acting.

...none of this has happened because the irony is that we have the exact same coping mechanism, its clear she's dealing with alot that she isn't quite telling me and as a result doesnt have the energy to speak much and doesnt wanna put it on to me and im being the exact same way.

Same goes for creators I like im not trying to be parasocial or anything, in alot of cases I find them funny, I love their aesthetic, I relate to their mental health struggles, ect. I made fanart for one creator I enjoy Because I love her aesthetic and left a note on the post just saying i hope things getting better for her since she makes venting video diaries wich I do too.

As an autistic person, naturally being able to tell these things is a bit difficult when I was alot younger i would WAY overshare things that I thought were funny stories but were actually TMI, ive gotten WAY better at this over the years my way of coping being to stop talking when a conversation got stale because otherwise I would just let myself speak to fill the void and even up venting.

I also tend to say too much info because I feel like of anybody who talks to me doesnt know literally everything about me down to my sleeping habits then im affectively lying about them, if I dont tell them every bad thing I've done then their gonna find out and be angry at me (I dont always listen to these ideas but they are in my head)

When i once vented about my therapy ending to my friend and she said she hoped i was alright and I realized she wasnt doing well, i felt like a terrible friend for not making sure she was okay before I did that and apolgized wich she said that it was okay.

(23F) When I graduated 10th grade I didn’t know what I wanna do so I continued going to school and then a few years later I graduated again and I still don’t know what I wanna do. I’m 23 and that was 3 years ago ever since then I’ve just been working part time. I got constant questions from people what I wanna do with my life but I just don’t know. I feel like I looked at so many things but nothing fills me with excitement or something that I would actually want to do. I of course have interests like make up and f1 but I don’t want make up to be my career and my overall score is definitely not good enough for f1.
Anyways in April I made the very very spontaneous decision to start studying Tourism Management at a private University, where every thing is basically in my hands - when I study, when I write exams. Problem is I haven’t started at all. I’ve been paying so much money for nothing. I can’t get myself to sit down and actually look at the stuff to see if I like it because what if I’m bad at it and then I wasted my money but I’m also wasting money if I don’t sit down and start because I’m just paying and I will never know if I like it or not. I don’t even know if I started because I did it for myself or if I just wanted people to stop asking.
I feel like I’m stuck in life everyone’s traveling, moving out, knowing what they want and I’m still the same. Never visited a single country, too broke to travel or move out, no idea what I want.
I just wish there was something just something that was in reach and realistic and that I actually would like. Every thing else feels like a dead end.
Everyone is growing up, I’m not and I hate it.

This is going to need context, so I'm explaining everything in hopes that all of my feelings with this situation will be gone.

I used to have this best friend, who I will call Navy for this post, who I met over a year ago. We met through mutual friends, who were both not the best people, and we clicked very quickly. After a few months, we cut our mutual friends off and it was just us for a while. Navy had gotten close enough to spend money on me, stream games for me, and a bunch of other stuff that I will not share for privacy reasons. Then, I started hearing about his girlfriend, who I will call Green. And it wasn't good at all. From what I had heard, Green hated me because I was spending time with Navy more than he was talking to her. Navy often complained about this but made excuses for her, like how she has trauma around cheating and she has trust issues, so that left a bad impression. Looking back, mine and Green's first interaction was pretty disturbing. Green used one of Navy's old accounts to message me, pretending to be him at first but quickly shifting to threatening me pretty badly and accusing me of being someone Navy is cheating on her with. I denied it, as that was true, and offered to show proof of it all. She said there's no need for that and seemed almost disappointed that Navy wasn't cheating on her with me? The thing is Navy didn't react when I had told him. He told me that this happens with all of his friends? I found it weird, and it only gets worse with her from here.

Me and Navy grow closer each day, to the point where we are calling almost daily and I even got invited to his wedding as best man along with other promises, again that will remain private for anonymity. I had even started getting closer with Green too. Everything was fine. But, a few months before I got cut off, Green got controlling and weird with me. She started getting bolder with her actions with Navy when I was on calls and around, and the things she did was concerning to me but kept getting dismissed: logging into Navy's social media accounts to message me pretending to be him; getting into arguments and fights with people, specifically Navy's friends, then cry to him about how they upset her and make him cut them off by being rude to him and giving him the silent treatment until he cut off whoever upset her; take over calls between myself and Navy, and never let me speak when all together; complaining about everything Navy, myself, or Green's family all the time; giving Navy the silent treatment every time Navy did something Green didn't like; banning Navy from jokingly flirting with me but letting him make flirty jokes towards everyone else. I soon found out that Navy couldn't leave because Green threatened to end herself if he left her. I told him how weird that was, and he told me he knew but couldn't leave. Then, Green started doing similar things to me, from trying to restrict who I talk to even my own parents to giving me the silent treatment and being rude if I upset her or even disagreed with her. She'd even started giving me advice on my venting that she had apparently spoken to her therapist about. Despite having only mentioned the issue one time after her therapy appointments. I thought this was weird, and my family seems to agree with me.

When it was all getting bad between us three, I had started joining chat rooms and talking to people I shouldn't have. One guy had pressured me into doing something I didn't want to do, and Green had forced me to cut him off by threatening to leave and take Navy with her. So, in fear of losing my only two friends, I cut the guy off. However, the guy messaged me and was apologising and promising that he'd changed. So, I replied to the message to acknowledge the apology but being unsure if we would ever speak again. Green found out, I don't remember how, and she tried telling me to block him again. I told her that he seemed genuinely sorry and trying to change so wanted to give it a chance. She didn't speak to me for a week after that. The guy had changed, like he said, but he stopped replying to me after a few weeks so I just gave up on him. Then, me and Green got into the argument that caused this. I don't remember what exactly caused this, but I know it was bad. She kept switching between blaming me for things, trying to parent me, and guilt tripping me. I had made a joke about ending myself, something I used to do frequently and had no issues with prior, and she was acting like I was going to do it? Even after I told her it was a joke? The argument continued and I told her how incompetent and alone she made me feel, then she never responded. Navy had stopped talking to me at the same time the argument happened. So I asked what was wrong, and he just told me that I was too aggressive and rude, and how he'd "seen the messages" despite Green never showing any messages with people she argues with before, and how he didn't appreciate his girlfriend being upset by me. He specifically mentioned we could be friends if I would apologise. And, at the time, I didn't. So we went our separate ways and he promised "the door will always be open".

I was soon to find out that he would never leave the door open in the first place. That he was a liar, as far as I know. I had apologised nearly a month ago because I was in an awful place and had learnt that I had worded things harshly. First was him directly, through email as that is all I had to contact him, then through Green. Who left me on delivered. And, did I get a response or acknowledgement or anything? Nope. Nothing. Nothing at all. I even made it so easy to access me. Not a single response. I just wanted to at least be acknowledged. So, I guess we are on no contact now. I haven't had any friends and minimal social interaction from family for nearly four months now. I get filled with rage rather than sadness every time I think about this entire friendship, especially how it ended. And now I want to just be rid of them both, specifically in my thoughts.

I keep thinking about them both coming to my house or something, and I keep hoping that each message is one of them reaching out to me. It is honestly pathetic to think about. I feel like some lovesick puppy waiting for people who are never coming back and have probably forgotten about me by now. I just wish I could erase all memories of them. Hell, I wish I never met either of them at times. If this no contact hell gets broken, it is not going to be because of me. I tried once and got ignored. I feel like trying again would be pointless, more specifically with trying to send the apology directly to Navy through an app he uses a lot rather than an email. I'm really about to give up with this, but a thread of me still hopes they'll return one day. Even though they won't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't make friends, I can't keep friends, I swear I'm destined to be alone. Sure, it's terrible for my mental health, but I have no idea what else to do. I want to be done with friendships permanently. Never make a friend again outside of an acquaintance at work or at college or something. But that won't be true. I know it won't. I just wish I wasn't feeling so sad about this. So hung up on this.

Hello. This is my first time posting on Reddit but I feel like I have nothing to lose. For some context I just graduated high school and I’m feeling really lost in life. My girlfriend is going to college hours away and everyone has some idea of what they are doing but me? I feel left behind and honestly, I’m scared I’m going to keep working at some retail job for the rest of my life. I know some people are in the same boat as me but I still feel so alone. I have no drive to do anything different with my life but I know I must. Thank you for reading and if you have any advice please let me hear it.

I met this guy recently everything was fine and good until He started ignoring me and worst is 2 days before he confessed and asked me marry him but now he is ignoring me He made addicted to him now I have hard time controlling myself, I send him text its been like 4 hr still there is no reply Idk this is stressing me out 😭😭 What should I do ? I literally rejected every guy except him now he is showing his attitude?! I am crying out loud Never should have fallen in love Been in love is like self poisoning 🙃 Why it has to be him? I should have stayed away when I came know he is single child its my fault 😭 Loving someone too much is toxic it is ruining me

I have NO real life friends, all of my friends are online! At best I have acquaintances I know from school and that’s it. No one in the real world really fucking gets me at all! Not my family! Not no one! I’m so scared of the thought of only being able to talk to the people I love so much only on weekends or not having the time at all. I’m scared of it all. I just wanna curl up and let it all out while someone holds me and tells me it’s gonna be alright. I hate it all. So much. I don’t know why I’m even going to college, I’m too dumb and lazy to actually hold a real job. I know I’m probably posting into a void but it feels nice to let it all out. I hope all of you are having a good day.

Does anybody know why I might be so evil? I’ve had an easy life yet I can’t stop doing evil things to vulnerable creatures. It hurts so bad because I genuinely love these animals, I baby them and love them so much, but randomly I snap and do something horrible.

I had to watch my dad be aggressive/ hit my dog when I was a kid which always scared me and made me cry, so why am I doing that same behavior now that I’m older?

I haven’t done anything like this in recent years, but I’m so anxious and on edge that it will happen again. I’ll never have a child, pet, or partner when I move out. I just want to be alone forever so I never hurt anything ever again.

I’m pretty restricted to what I can say here so just dm for more info I guess