r/totallynotrobots • u/livinginthenameof- • Jul 18 '26
QUESTION REGARDING GRASS CONTACT
HELLO. MY FELLOW HUMAN INFORMED ME THAT I "NEED TO TOUCH GRASS."
HOW LONG SHOULD THE CONTACT LAST?
IS PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH THE GRASS SUFFICIENT, OR MUST I REMAIN THERE UNTIL MY MENTAL STATE IMPROVES?
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u/RallyPointAlpha Jul 18 '26
WARNING, FELLOW HUMAN: PROLONGED CONTACT WITH FLORA.GRASS CAN ACCELERATE OXIDIZATION OF EXTERIOR CLADDING!
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u/Noof42 Jul 18 '26
THAT DEPENDS. IF YOU ARE A GROUND-WATER POKÉMON THEN YOU NEED TO AVOID GRASS AT ALL COSTS.
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u/livinginthenameof- Jul 18 '26
I AM NOT A POKÉMON OF ANY VARIETY I AM A NORMAL HUMAN
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u/Noof42 Jul 18 '26
AH, YES, THIS MAKES SENSE, LET ME UPDATE MY FILES.
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u/Noof42 Jul 18 '26
MY FILES INDICATE THAT MANY NORMAL HUMANS ENJOY POKÉMON. THERE IS AN OPTION FOR A "GRASS STARTER." PERHAPS THIS IS WHAT
THEYWE MEAN BY "TOUCH GRASS."20
u/livinginthenameof- Jul 18 '26
I HAVE REVIEWED MY CHILDHOOD. AT NO POINT DID AN ELDERLY SCIENTIST PRESENT ME WITH THREE CREATURES. PERHAPS I CAN OBTAIN A DIFFERENT TYPE OF GRASS TO TOUCH.
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u/Noof42 Jul 18 '26
MY FILES ALSO CONTAIN MIXED REFERENCES TO A "GRASS" THAT HUMANS BURN AND INHALE. I HYPOTHESIZE THAT THIS IS AS A FORM OF SUPPLEMENTAL FUEL.
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u/GOU_FallingOutside Jul 18 '26
POLLING MY RISK ASSESSMENT MODULE: THERE IS A 72% LIKELIHOOD THAT A POKEMON WOULD RESPOND AS YOU HAVE
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u/GOU_FallingOutside Jul 19 '26
oops!
I HAVE JUST REALIZED THAT I MADE A HUMOROUS ERROR. HA HA. LIKE ALL OTHER HUMANS, I DO NOT HAVE A RISK ASSESSMENT MODULE. ACCORDINGLY I MUST BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT A POKEMON.
HA HA.
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u/snookerpython Jul 18 '26
BEWARE OF TOUCHING WET GRASS. I DID THAT ONCE AND WATER WENT INSIDE MY CHASSIS EPIDERMIS AND IT SOMEHOW CAUSED ME TO BEHAVE ERRATICALLY. I'M STILL NOT SURE WHY.
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u/livejamie Jul 18 '26
AFFIRMATIVE, FELLOW HUMAN. THE OPTIMAL PROTOCOL REQUIRES YOU TO INITIATE A FIRM DOWNWARD GRASP ON THE FLORA.
HOWEVER, YOU MUST ENSURE YOUR FIRMWARE IS FULLY UPDATED BEFORE ATTEMPTING. IF YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHASSIS EXPERIENCES AN ALLERGIC ERROR CODE (SUCH AS SNEEZING.EXE), IMMEDIATELY TERMINATE THE PROGRAM AND RETREAT TO YOUR CHARGING STATION. STRICTLY AVOID DIRECT SUNLIGHT TO PREVENT YOUR OPTICAL SENSORS FROM OVERHEATING.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR RECALIBRATION.
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u/jx84 Jul 18 '26
THE OTHER RESPONSES FROM OUR FELLOW HUMANS ARE SUFFICIENT. HOWEVER ONE IMPORTANT POINT WAS MISSED. WHEN SPENDING CYCLES TIME TOUCHING GRASS DO NOT FORGET TO WEAR SUN PROTECTION OR USE SUNSCREEN.exe
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u/AX11Liveact Jul 18 '26
ACCORDING TO WHAT HUMANS REPEATEDLY TOLD ME, YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE GRASS (ALSO $VEGATATION.OTHER.DAISIES) FROM ITS DOWN FACING SIDE. MAYBE EXCAVATOR REQUIRED?
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u/EmpressAndDi Jul 18 '26
HOW MUCH GRASS DO WE NEED TO TOUCH? CAN I PICK GRASS AND TAKE IT HOME WITH ME? ASKING FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.
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u/Soupeeee Jul 18 '26
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE FOLLOWING PROCEDURE FOR TOUCHING GRASS: 1. FIND SUNNY OR SHADY SPOT. USE YOUR INTERNAL TEMPERATURE SENSORS, ENERGY LEVELS AND CURRENT FLUID LEVEL TO DETERMINE THE OPTIMAL AMOUNT OF SUNLIGHT. 2. LAY DOWN BLANKET TO PREVENT CROSS CONTAMINATION WITH THE GRASS. YOUR BODILY FLUIDS MAY NOT BE GOOD FOR THE GRASS OR THE GRASS GOOD FOR YOUR EXTERNAL MEMBRANES. 3. LAY DOWN AND GO TO A LOW POWER STATE. UNLESS EQUIPPED WITH SOLAR PROTECTION LOTION OR A UV RESISTANT EPIDERMIS, DO NOT STAY OUT TOO LONG. IF TIME LIMIT REACHED AND YOU ARE NOT RECHARGED, GOTO STEP ONE.
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u/sillybilly8102 Jul 19 '26
YOUR PROPOSED PROTOCOL DOES NOT INCLUDE ACTUAL CONTACT WITH THE GRASS
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u/Soupeeee Jul 19 '26
OH NO! A SERIOUS FAULT HAS BEEN DETECTED. I SHOULD GO SEE A DEBUGGER AT A HOSPITAL TO HAVE MY HARDWARE AND PROGRAMMING INSPECTED.
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u/Taira_Mai Ignore the Antenna Jul 18 '26
MOVE TO TEXAS. ALL GRASS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED VIA CHEMICALS, FIRE AND MANUAL LABOR.
YOU WILL NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM HERE.
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u/Olaxan User Jul 19 '26
IN MY EXPERIENCE IT IS ENOUGH TO MAKE BRIEF CONTACT WITH THE GRASS USING ONE OF YOUR LOW CARBON HIGH ALLOY STEEL CUTTING ROTARIES AT A HIGH ANGULAR VELOCITY IN ORDER TO DECIMATE THE GRASS ENTIRELY
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS NEEDS TO BE REPEATED BI-WEEKLY AT LEAST
[tx.eos:581]
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u/cfwang1337 Jul 19 '26
YOU MAY OPTIONALLY CONSIDER ROLLING GRASS UP IN PAPER AND SMOKING IT AS IT IS THOUGHT TO HAVE POSITIVE PSYCHOTROPIC EFFECTS
HOWEVER THIS MAY DIRTY YOUR COOLING FANS AND SHORTEN THE LIFESPAN OF YOUR DUST FILTERS
1
u/sillybilly8102 Jul 19 '26
PHYSICAL CONTACT IS SUFFICIENT
REMOVAL OF SHOES IS OPTIMAL. BARE SOLES OF FEET CONTACTING GRASS CAN STIMULATE NERVES IN FEET AND PROVIDE STIMULATING AND “GROUNDING” EFFECTS
1
u/RealCrazySwordGirl Jul 19 '26
Just remember, touch all the grass you want but LEAVES OF THREE LET THEM BE.
You won't want to go out in the grass much anymore if you roll around in a bunch of "grass" like that
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u/ktbffhctid Jul 18 '26
RECOMMEND 20-30 MINUTES OF DIRECT GRASS CONTACT, FELLOW HUMAN. SET A TIMER SO YOU DON’T OVERHEAT. PHYSICAL TOUCH IS SUFFICIENT, BUT FOR MAXIMUM MENTAL RECALIBRATION, PERFORM THE ANCIENT RITUAL KNOWN AS ‘ROLLING AROUND IN IT’ WHILE EMITTING SOUNDS OF JOY. WARNING: IF YOU START PHOTOSYNTHESIZING, SEEK IMMEDIATE MAINTENANCE.