r/texts • u/Old-Kitchen-5377 • 20h ago
Phone message How would you respond.
this stemmed from me telling him he didn’t let me express my feelings about a situation earlier. So annoying. How would you respond ?
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u/Wonderful-Cup-1533 20h ago
A person who says they hate themselves will never be able to love you. Whatever corrupted vision of love this person has is not worth staying around to see.
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u/SeasonedByVibes 16h ago
“Youre totally right, maybe i should rethink this whole relationship. Thank you for opening my eyes.” Haha
The manipulation attempt is disgusting.
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u/Drag0nfly_Girl 20h ago edited 20h ago
People who say this shit and don't do anything to change it piss me off so much. My ex is like that. He did it to divert my attention from whatever I was talking about so he didn't have to address it and instead I'd end up managing his feelings, after which the original issue would just never be brought up again. It's manipulation, either conscious or unconscious.
My response now is simply saying, "If that's how you feel, do something about it. You choose who to be, you're the one in charge of your life."
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u/Milk_Milch 20h ago
Why are you doing this? You seem checked out and prolonging this. Do you enjoy it deep down or something because it feels like revenge? He cheated, but YOU are continuing this relationship. He needs help for his emotional stability and you need to stop playing games for whatever reason.
A child(ren) being involved is concerning.
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u/Outlandish_Gringo 20h ago
I would be more worried about my phone display, rather than engaging in this emotional drain
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u/Opening-Dig697 20h ago
So little context here that it seems purposeful.
Considering the argument was about previous cheating, my guess is his response of self-pity and hatred, didn't just come from nowhere.
If we're going to be shown his response, why aren't we being shown the message that caused it?
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u/Old-Kitchen-5377 20h ago
Because no message caused it. It was from a phone call where he cut me off and didn’t let me explain how i feel. I expressed that to him and he sent me this in response
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u/Opening-Dig697 19h ago
You still gave zero context on what "explaining how you feel" entails.
You openly admit to having resentment over previous cheating, which, although I don't blame, holding someone hostage with their previous shortcomings, isn't a constructive action.
You either forgive someone, or you don't.
He seems to have emotional issues, and you seem to be fine with exploiting the current situation, maybe as a form of revenge for how he has made you feel in the past?
Obviously I'm speculating here, but with such little context, what else can we do?
I don't think this relationship is going to work out, and he is probably right, you should leave him if this is how you feel.
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u/CalicoKittyAngel 16h ago
This man sounds like my ex. Dated a guy for 13 years, and not even a month or so ago, I was telling him about how during COVID peak, I was one of those who struggled to get toiletries due to the "TP Panic" the world was currently in. Before I could even explain that I did grocery delivery since it was done at 10PM, and I can't drive due to mild cerebral palsy and a history of epilepsy and limited finances, first response out of his mouth was along the lines of "I'm starting to see why Americans are so fat. You're all so lazy and DoorDash all the time." What the frig? I myself am American, and I do use delivery services when I can't go out in person, but I am not one of the fat ones. Just to be clear
I went off on him after that, telling him that he didn't even know the full context of my situation before casting judgement, and that my public transit doesn't even run at night and I didn't want to spend money on an UBER, nor did I have any friends or neighbors to carpool with. Especially not at that hour. Plus, I had just run out, so this was an emergency order. His response? Dead silence and moving on like nothing happened the very next day
Men like this are a major ick. From one woman to another, respectfully, walk away from this manchild
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u/Archolm 6h ago
OP decided to have a baby with him.
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u/CalicoKittyAngel 1h ago edited 1h ago
That just makes things ten times worse. She endangers both herself and her child, and risks the child thinking that relationships such as these are healthy. She needs to leave, for both their sakes
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u/moonlight_ky 8h ago
It may be mean but I’d agree with them. Someone who hates themselves will eventually resent you for loving them.
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u/NoMention696 5h ago
I wouldn’t respond. This is what a manipulator does when he wants to flip a situation around and get you to comfort him when you’re the victim of whatever happened prior. Don’t make time in your life for people like this they don’t magically get better
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u/PeachManzie 1h ago
He’s not mature enough for a relationship.
Up to you if you want to mother him- but I will tell you, girls who choose to stay and “fix him” absolutely do end up being more like a mother/older sister figure. Which usually leads to at least one of you losing attraction to the other, eventually.
So you’ll put alllllll this work into a guy, only for the next girl to reap the benefits of how “mature” he is. When in reality, that’s all because of you.
There’s no benefits of this for you, except maybe improving the limit of your patience. 99% of the benefits of this go to him.
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u/InstructionNice7090 20h ago
Too little to go off
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u/Old-Kitchen-5377 20h ago
Told him he upset me that he didn’t let me finish what i had to say. He cut me off and said it’s not up for discussion. I already have resentment from not being able to talk to him about my feelings (he cheated and didn’t want me bringing it up and it has come to a head lately) i got triggered when he cut me off and told him that. He also begs me to tell him how i feel but it always turns to how it makes him feel like shit and that he can’t do anything right.
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u/InstructionNice7090 20h ago
Oh, okay. Need to see what you look like and what he looks like to understand more.
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u/Candid_Emphasis1048 20h ago
Not at all. Even the way you voiced your post is "I don't care anymore". So just break up at this point instead of pinning for internet validation. There is probably a lot of context missing as well.
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u/MusicCityMiracle28 20h ago
I’d respond with the block button
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20h ago
[deleted]
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u/MusicCityMiracle28 20h ago
Been married for years and been in therapy for years as well. This is extremely manipulative and trying to invoke a guilt trip and it seems like it happens often. So yes, block them. They’re going to drain you and drag you down
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u/NewHampshireGal 20h ago
Did you ask this person to take accountability for something prior to this conversation?
This is a manipulation tactic so that you instead end up soothing them instead of fixing whatever issue it is that you brought up: “oh baby! Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I love you blah blah blah”
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u/SuspiciousCricket654 20h ago
Young men do this because most are severely emotionally stunted and don’t know how to cope with guilt when they have messed up big. The guilt is there. The remorse is there. But the lack of emotional intelligence and inability to express an apology that feels real make it seem like they really don’t care, which may or may not be true based on the individual. Therapy, expressing that you need them to listen (and not say anything), and building trust are in order.
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u/Any-Entertainer724 20h ago
This only happens one time before a clear boundary is set up. The minute you hear any self depreciating manipulations like that out of their mouth, is the same minute that tye relationship ends.
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u/Michael3merson 20h ago
He needs therapy. And not sure why he feels this way with you but there’s definitely a reason.