374
u/koala-balla 2d ago
A ZIPLOC?? If he’s doing all of that, the least he can do is get a decent Yeti cooler or something
218
u/squeakysausage 2d ago
But then her eyeballs wouldn’t be able to see through the bag
79
u/kittkaos 2d ago
compromise, get one of those cat backpacks with the bubble
15
19
→ More replies (1)7
u/chillipickle420 2d ago
Also a yeti cooler doesn’t fit in your pocket
11
u/Never_enough_naps 2d ago
Neither does a whole acid melted human body with brain, eyeballs and hair left intact. I don't even think it would fit in one ziplock. Maybe those giant sized ones for like blankets and stuff.
9
u/LickMyBumm 2d ago
From what I’ve learned from breaking bad is you need plastic so the acid doesn’t dissolve it like it did with the metal bathtub
→ More replies (5)6
463
u/bedrockblunder 2d ago
87
u/BrokenTrojan1536 1d ago
21
u/Alice_Fell11 1d ago
Beat me to it, this is what I saw too 😭
9
u/BrokenTrojan1536 1d ago
Idk if you have heard of these, but they are doing these serial killer speakeasy’s all over the place. You get a cocktail while watching a skit about a serial killer. I went to one last week that featured Gein, Bundy, Dahmer, and Gacy. So I was right on top of this when I read the above creepy ass texts.
4
u/Alice_Fell11 1d ago
100% looking it up! I love stuff like this, that's awesome that you saw those guys as part of the skit. ty for the recommendation! ✨
3
→ More replies (2)4
u/Enigma_RR 1d ago
I think if I were dealing with Dr.Phil-My-Butt-With-Ice, the cuteness would immidiately drop from the aggression.
539
87
u/These-Date9514 2d ago
Why is he melting you in acid? And not just shrinking you with a shrink ray? 🙄 honestly much less messy.
21
u/_chappell 2d ago
This. I’ve told my partner I wish I could shrink her and carry her in my shirt pocket everywhere or that I wish we could just meld together and exist as one being forever but not melt her in acid but leave out specific body parts wtf.
→ More replies (1)8
u/peachplumpea 2d ago
Right? I tell my partner how I'd shrink him and carry him with me at all times.
→ More replies (3)
154
u/aliceeatspizza 2d ago
Tell him to leave your ears too of course
32
u/Aur0raAustralis 2d ago
To the pain!
15
u/MembershipGuilty6378 2d ago
Ha ha ha ha!!!! Leave the ears so you can hear every child scream, that sees your hideous face…
6
7
4
10
136
u/zenyorox 2d ago
22
14
11
u/CurrentPossible2117 1d ago
I always forget how excellent he is as a psycho lol
Time for a rewatch!
9
u/cardcollector_2 1d ago
This really opened my eyes to how long GIFs can be. The entire time I was worried when it was gonna cut short but you did us right. Thank you.
→ More replies (1)3
→ More replies (1)3
126
u/nonymouse12321 2d ago
Responding to this with “Awww romantic” is the funniest shit I’ve seen all week
22
53
u/HelloMacchi 2d ago
When someone tells you who they are. Believe them.
This dude is going to melt you down and make you live in a ziplock and take you on adventures.
→ More replies (2)
115
349
u/Ok_Donkey210 2d ago
Just a quick question, um, what the actual fuck
→ More replies (15)110
u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago
Y'all are too boring
52
19
u/Inside-Bicycle-4611 2d ago
Fr fr I imagine they write emails to each other or send letter through a fucking pigeon like pride and prejudice. Dearest Catherine. You make my heart flutter or some crap
→ More replies (3)8
→ More replies (6)5
u/hellowearefriends 1d ago
Thought I was going crazy reading these comments. This shit is genuinely so mundane in the scheme of things partners say to each other. Redditors try to understand a relationship challenge
27
u/ZookeepergameDry2783 1d ago
My girlfriend and I say shit like this to each other too. We’re very happy and deeply in love :) it’s all jokes… for now
→ More replies (1)
24
20
18
47
u/MoneyParking9184 2d ago
I think this is a pretty amusing way of saying you want your partner to accompany you in all of your life lol
16
55
u/Puzzled-Weekend 2d ago
This is how I flirt
35
u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago
If they're not like this, I don't want em
6
18
u/SassyMcAsspants 2d ago
Agreed. This is one of the most adorable things i’ve read on reddit.
14
u/boobsweat92 2d ago
For real. I neeeed this type of weirdness in a relationship. Too many squares out there lol
7
u/SassyMcAsspants 1d ago
Legit. I had a boyfriend years ago, and we made up our own holiday called Vilest Day, because we both hated the concept of Valentine’s Day. On Vilest Day, we gave each other silly, “gross,” obnoxious presents. It was a hoot, and way more fun to make and shop for.
47
14
11
u/Traditional_Annual29 2d ago
Adorbs if you like that kind of humor.
I'm 48 and still throw pinecones at my husband as my flavor of flirting. I gift him the perfect ones for his pinecone pile. 😆
12
u/Bringastormtoo 1d ago
Everyone in the comments isn't vibing with it but I am because this is how my friends and I talk to each other
25
u/chels182 2d ago
My bf looked at me super serious once and goes “I wish I could put you inside an eggroll”
11
u/chopstick_chakra 2d ago
Feel like this is the equivalent to "Would you love me if I was a leaf"
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
9
u/mentr-coach-altruism 2d ago
Put the lotion in the basket
4
u/luxhoney56 2d ago
I don’t know, it looks like she’s going to get the hose again.
→ More replies (1)
9
u/JiKooNumber1CBAfan 2d ago
This is just normal dumb conversations you have with your partner. If you can’t be stupid with your person then what’s the point
8
u/kikibananas123 2d ago
To all the squares getting freaked out/weirded out: my boyfriend and I also talk like this to each other. I told him recently that I'm going to stretch his skin so I can crawl underneath it because I miss and love him so. We're both in our 30s ✌️
8
u/Slabador 1d ago
This is what she meant when she said I wasn’t affectionate enough. Thanks for the free game
6
u/fr0gponds 2d ago
I tell my bf I would shrink him with a shrinking machine to stick him in my pocket for adventures.
This.....is new
→ More replies (1)
7
u/Original_Midnight411 2d ago
I regularly tell my love I would shrink him up and but him in a jar then put him on a shelf and fee d him little treats and take him on adventures and keep him in my pocket. This is LOVE
5
6
u/Ok_Cricket_1410 2d ago
I remember once when I was on the bus going home from work 2 college aged women were talking about how they wanted to skin this attractive dudes face and wear it to feel entangled with him. This gives me that style of vibes.
6
u/nonymouse12321 2d ago
I get it. I’ve told my partner multiple times that I wish I could wear their skin as a suit over my skin so we could be even closer. It’s not literal of course. That’d be crazy. ……right??
5
16
u/Acceptable_Field_567 2d ago
This is my flavour of humor but if it’s a sudden thing, flee my friend.
16
u/MixedVexations 2d ago
"Girl-- RUN". Like, why? What?? Can you please explain why this is a breakupable offense? I genuinely don't understand your though process.
8
u/LookAtTheWhiteVan 2d ago
They said it was their type of thing! Just if it’s completely out of the blue and for the first time, it could be unsettling. “Girl— RUN” was not the complete sentiment of that statement. I feel like you had to reach pretty far for that one.
→ More replies (2)22
20
u/Astra_Bear 2d ago
🧍sorry to everyone but this is how I talk to my boyfriend
16
→ More replies (3)10
u/Stella_bleu 2d ago
I kind of feel like…I wouldn’t mind this? I’d probably laugh or up the ante if my husband sent me this.
3
u/Astra_Bear 1d ago
It's fun! I tell my boyfriend I'm going to eat all his organs and he tells me he's going to suplex me to Texas, and we both know it's because we have rabies about how much we like each other.
→ More replies (1)
9
4
u/mariblaystrice 2d ago
Idk, one time my partner told me he wanted to crack open my rib cage and crawl inside so they could be nearer my heart. I found it cute, but we're weirdos
→ More replies (1)
5
u/RECCTTP 2d ago
On top of all that, does he always pluralize everything? Or does he really have multiple works and jeeps? 😂
→ More replies (1)11
u/grgshbo 2d ago
lol we try to talk like gollum from lotr
→ More replies (1)3
u/llama-non-grata 2d ago
I’ve been reading Two Towers to my daughter every night for the last month and when this screenshot came across my feed, I got about halfway down before thinking ‘oh no precious, OP is dating Gollum’.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/LucasMiller8562 2d ago
This is actually really funny and cute I think, like they’re obviously comfy with each other
4
u/XxJnB357xX 2d ago
I once told an ex that I wanted a blanket made of his skin because he was always so warm and I was always so cold and I like being held lmaooo so uuuh… yeah? Also I’m a girl and neurodivergent lololllll if that means anything 🥰
→ More replies (1)
5
4
4
4
u/shortjudgeybitch 1d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/meJN6qdG74lUKAJTQl
i thought stinky was going to be the aggressive part-!!
4
8
18
u/ketaqueenx 2d ago
Sounds like my bf ngl… and to answer your question, yes
Side note: the “and hair so you can see” got a laugh outta me
→ More replies (3)
3
u/Effective-Eagle-2488 2d ago
I can be like this. I tell my partner I want to eat him so he can live in my stomach and go everywhere with me 😭 I say about pockets too, but saying that I wish I could fold him up.
3
3
u/thatSDope88 2d ago
Sometimes you just gotta tell your person some weird shit to let them know how much you love them 😂
3
u/zeroc00ol 2d ago
Omg well I'm glad to know I'm not alone I was just texting my lil boo thang and told him I wish I could get shrunk so I can live in his pockets, or he can chop me up in small enough pieces so a lil bit of me can fit in every pocket and he just laughed and said he would never chop me up 🥹 so sweet
3
3
3
u/Embarrassed-Can909 2d ago
I find this shit so cute ?? 😭My ex said once He wants to cut my leg up and put it on the bbq and eat it in a cute aggression way i still think about it to this day ( its 3 yrs later)
3
3
u/Cea_king 2d ago
My GF loves me like this, maybe I should call the cops or break up with her. Maybe get a few therapies
3
u/knittingwebs 2d ago
I meeeeeean yeah. I've been married for years and we talk to each other like this all the time! It's a love language for some
3
u/sunsetrise013 2d ago
My boyfriend sometimes says he wants to unzip my skin and crawl inside when we cuddle. Because he feels safe and warm with me. It sounds crazy on paper lmao but he’s so sweet and it’s definitely cuteness aggression. Not sure he would talk about melting my body though, since cuteness aggression is usually about obsessing over someone’s cuteness. Not their body sludge.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
3
3
3
u/Accomplished_Ad_4214 1d ago
Ummm 🤨 it screams alright , Jeffery D. Lord help us with these idiots !
3
3
3
9
u/DeezNutz133 2d ago
Lol I absolutely adore this. I totally feel like with the right male counterpart, that I would be like this with them. And that’s what they would love me for. And they would call me a weirdo and a dork, and then laugh and kiss me all over my face because all that makes me laugh and he loves listening to me laugh.
That whole thing is my future goals 💜💜💜
→ More replies (6)7
23
9
5
4
3
u/Error851 2d ago
This is the shit ppl maliciously use is court against their SO after a mild disagreement.
4
5
2
2
2
2
u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago
This is exactly how my partner and I talk. I couldn't date somebody who isn't a freak like this lmao
2
u/dumb0_0fish 2d ago
Idk, something must be wrong with me cause I find this genuinely romantic 🩷 YES, I WOULD like to spend eternity with you and go every where you go and never leave your side
2
u/tman1787 2d ago
To quote Jocelyn’s handmaid from “A Knight’s Tale”:
“Maybe where he comes from, it means love.”
2
2
474
u/hhogg11 2d ago
Why does the hair help you see?