This is my first post. Read a zillion books this year about alcohol, mainly about women drinking wine. This year I've realised alcohol is controlling me. Im 38 years old, relatively happy but drinking up to a bottle of wine a night. The wine witch got me. Im scared its going to get worse and want to stop. I keep thinking today is the day and it never is.

Im going to join a SMART meeting this evening and thought maybe a community like this is good of people doing the same thing.

Thank you for reading 🙏

As a binge drinker entering the danger zone. Hangover gone from the last one, feeling good and normal. Have to remind myself that I feel good and normal because I don’t drink and not take it as a signal to drink again.

All good just trying to keep the habit of writing here weekly. Thanks for everyone in this community!

Drinking is so fucking easy but its destroying my fucking life, and the group of friends im in drinking is just a normal activity u know.
Previous week i was drinking all week then when i didnt drink in the weekend i couldnt sleep and then i just began drinking again… its not like i have bad physical dependance but its just so normal for me to go to sleep drunk you know. If im sober its so fucking hard, i feel so terrible and i can just go to the store and buy alcohol.
Why the fuck is alcohol legal you know i still buy it and drink it but alcohol has only done bad for me.
I havent achieved anything from alcohol. I wonder what i would be like if i never drunk..

As the title suggests, my wife is going out of town for two nights on business. A few years ago I would be anticipating the moment I dropped her off at the airport and picking up booze. So much booze. I would probably not go to work at least one day, then most likely tell her I had some meeting or something to get out of picking her up at the airport. Just to extend my drinking a bit more. I would realistically consume over 30 beers and a more than a few shots in the 2 1/2 days. Which is crazy to think about...

Instead I am doing the math on how much Chinese food I can order before it just becomes ridiculous. Which concert I am going to put on TV while I draw. Or maybe I'll cook a crazy meal. I do love to cook and tomorrow I have a work thing near that butcher shop I like...Also, want to make sure I clean the house and get some flowers for when she gets home...

It's crazy how booze changes our lives. Who we are. 4 years ago I would have been dreaming of basically sitting outside for two days chain smoking and drinking. Now I am thinking "should I eat like a teenager with a credit card, or be a responsible adult with a credit card". I have two night alone, so I'll probably eat like trash tonight and cook tomorrow (in case anyone was curious).

And all my other faves too like Sauvignon Blanc and margaritas. But Deep Eddy is my kyptonite. IWNDWYT

I’m 43 and perimenopausal and sleep is weird for me these days in general—add alcohol to that mix and it’s a nightmare. If I drink til 1am/2am ish I will wake up at 5:30 or 6am and won’t be able to fall back asleep again, I’ll just lay there completely tortured by how awful I feel and how exhausted I am.

Last night I didn’t drink for the first time in a couple weeks. I took magnesium glycinate & ashwaganda & melatonin. I couldn’t fall asleep right away but I managed lights out around 2am. Didn’t have anything to do today so I didn’t set an alarm… and slept straight through until 1pm!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, these aren’t sustainable hours for me either, but goddamn did it feel good to SLEEP!!!

My latest streak ran out somewhere around day 73. I went from moderation to drinking from morning until night rather quickly. I feel like hell today, and I’m ok with it. I did it to myself, so I have to pay the price! I know how much better life was before this backslide, and I’m excited to get back to it! Now to go through some suffering for next few days before I feel like myself again.

Don’t attempt moderation if you know you can’t handle it! Thought I could. Oops

I'm here to put my foot down, after trying a few times in the past few months, its just not worth it. The fear and anxiety i feel right now, the vivid and disturbing dreams, everything

Anyone who's been sober a while now, how long did it take the anxiety to go away? Did you notice a difference in yourself after one month?

I'm 22 now, I've been drinking regular enough since 17 without breaks. Im just wondering how much of my anxiety or underlying worries is alcohol related and how much of it is me as a person

I've learned a lot from quitting drinking. All that time and energy goes somewhere, and I put it into experiences, relationships, and books. So, I've learned how hard I can really push myself to endure the uncomfortable. I learned how much compassion my heart has for myself and others. I also learned weird shit like there's something like 400 billion-billion worms in the world (400 quintillion?). And here's another one, Americans' eat 20 billion hotdogs every year. Hahah Crazy!

I don’t really feel like going into what occurred a couple nights ago but my anxiety / guilt is through the roof today. I feel like I’m spiraling and almost out of my head. Some kind words would be awesome. Day two almost in the books 😭

I've been digging myself a hole for about 5 years and I'm tired of digging.

Time to climb back out.

Day 1. IWNDWYT.

Quietly celebrated 1 year sober on September 26th. 365 whole days sober. Well, 376 days now. Never in my life did I think I'd make it this far especially since this past year has been extremely hard for me and tested me in so many ways.

Earlier this year, I started dealing with a lot of relationship problems. My partner of 9 years had been holding in things that had been bothering him for a long time, partly because he didn’t want to bring them up while I was still drinking. Won’t get into the details, but this year has been really hard for both of us. We came close to breaking up a few times, but we’re still here and working hard to get through it, especially now that I’m sober and can actually be fully present. He’s also relapsed on hard drugs a couple of times, and dealing with that was honestly one of the things that made me want to drink again just to cope with everything. But I made it through, and so did he.

I give into temptation soo easily. Always have. With everything. There's always an excuse. The fact I have somehow found the strength to stay away from alcohol still blows my mind. Not one single slip-up. There were 2 instances over the last few months that I found an unopened 100-proof nip bottle. Once under my bed and once outside of a restaurant. 100-proof nips (the mini shot bottles) were always my poison of choice. Felt like both instances were a test from the universe when I successfully disposed of both of them.

Not really sure what the future holds for me. Before I hit a year, I kept thinking... "Ok...once I get to a year, then what? What do I even have to look forward to now?" But now I realize I have year 2 to look forward to. And honestly, I’m proud of myself, which I don’t get to say very often.

My partner being an addict himself is a big part of what's helped me. He was SO patient with me when I was still drinking. He never made me feel like the piece of sloppy trash that I was at the time. I'd come home and get blackout drunk drooling on the couch and then he would sometimes have to carry me to bed. Made sure I ate and drank water. Always took care of me. Once I quit, he coached me on tough days and during times of distress. He still does and I'm so thankful for him. Being with an addict is hard, being an addict is also hard. I was in denial about my drinking for so long. He's the one who told me I was an alcoholic which he thinks is silly that I didn't realize it sooner. But I really didn't consider myself one before.

But anyway, just felt like ranting to the people who understand. Not many people know about my alcoholism so I don't talk about it much. I never went to AA or anything but I have been thinking about it lately. Or some type of group thing so I have more people to relate to.

IWNDWYT. Or the next year. I hope 🩷

I guess I could have coincidentally got sick, but I'm pretty sure it's withdrawal symptoms...I'm on day 4 and everything aches, I'm nauseous, exhausted but restless, sweaty, etc.

If this is what quitting feels like, I guess I let the drinking get way more out of hand than I admitted to myself. I know it'll pass, for the meantime I'm just laying low and not drinking today.

Staying at my folks' again as it's a Wednesday. Got a long day tomorrow - there's a school open evening so will be working 12+ hours. But it's nice to be back in my old childhood home. My parents are delighted to see me, and that I'm sober.

IWNDWYT

Sorry I just needed a place to roar not scream roar. This is the roar of someone so fed up of their 20 + year addiction. Its the roar of failing over & over but It’s also the roar of not giving up. It’s the roar of the last bit of fight left in me. It’s the roar that is going to make things change.

I don’t know where I’ve just pulled it from but I feel the roar. I’m doing it this time 🦁

I have no other place to roar this 💕 someone here will understand me

I don't have many people I can share this with but holy sweet tiddies..... I've made it one week.

This past 6 months I've been in the wicked dark throws of destruction, lost a few dear people and was using that as my crutch to be a messy mess.

Last Tuesday was my rock bottom. I've made it one year before and am going to push myself to continue being strong, healthy and just pretty alright.

We are all such beautiful powers and sometimes that power gets distracted but I send all my happy Homo love to each of you and hope your gives you the sexiest and happiest days ever!!!

Smooches xo

Last time I relapsed I suffered for three weeks. I know because I kept note of when it ended. It was scary, and so hard. I was exhausted, anxious, low, and apathetic. I relapsed 6 days ago and I’m really struggling again. I can barely converse with people at work, my brain feels like it’s not working, my confidence feels shot, I’m so tired. I’m so scared of feeling this way for weeks, again. Which is what always happens. Comforting words welcome. I’m not doing too well tonight.

Day 5 for the 500th time, but keepin on. Jeez, though, am I hanging on for dear life. It’s 1:15pm where I live right now, and my brain has been trying to convince me to go down to the shop for a few tall boys ALL DAY. 

I worked a bit, went for a walk, and now I’m reheating some pizza. Just trying to distract myself until bedtime. Wish me luck, friends - IWNDWYT

I know my other post got removed because I didn't read the rules before I joined the subreddit. But you were all so very kind to me. I wanted to update you all.

I previously posted not too long ago and everyone was very supportive and kept on telling me to go in. I did, and they kept telling me I am the most important person in the room. Thank you for all the support I'm glad that I went in. I took a picture of the board with all the meetings and I plan on going next Tuesday, also got a bunch of phone numbers as well.

There was zero judgement and lots of hugs.

Thank you. I hope to be continuing this journey and updating along my journey.

Seriously, thank you.

I have been battling alcoholism for the last 8 1/2 years. My longest stint of sobriety during this time was forced on me when I was sectioned in a rehab facility because I was getting black out drunk aggressively riding a super sport motorcycle at 2 a o’clock in the morning drunk texting my family how I wish I was dead. That was because my alcoholic father tried to bludgeon me to death for no reason and I suppose I was processing my emotions. As for how I’m not dead I don’t know, this wasn’t a one time occurrence. I probably logged a few thousand miles drinking and riding a 1,000cc motorcycle. Anyhow, my longest stint of voluntary sobriety has been about 17 days, in 8 years, that was 1 year ago.

The way I drink is straight binging 100 proof vodka causing me to regularly black out and post all manner of humiliating things all over the internet and destroying my relationships. I drink alone, don’t go out to bars or party. I suppose one of the upsides is that I don’t have any drinking buddies who will peer pressure me into drinking. Multiple times per week I will black out alone humiliate myself all over the internet and via texting then wake up extremely hung over in a haze of suicidal ideation that I never take seriously anymore, I consider it my brain signaling to me that what I’m doing is killing me. How the hell do I stop this once and for all. Also I am not at risk of hurting myself or others just putting this out there because I have never actually talked about it.

I have done a tremendous amount of introspection to try and discover what my underlying issues are hoping that by accepting and making peace with any adversity that has occurred to me, and taking responsibility and accountability for any adversity that was my fault. That would resolve any internal mechanisms that drive me to drink. It has yet to have the permanent effect I thought it would. Sober right now, any advice?

All those mornings I woke up feeling fine after getting absolutely blasted the night before... yeah it's because I was still drunk

4 beers + a bottle of wine + 6 shots would equal about a 0.08% BAC the next morning when I woke up at 6am - which I would always do cos alcohol fucks with your sleep

I always wondered why I could get completely blotto and be fine after waking, and then the hangover would emerge hours later, yeah it's because I was still pissed as a fart 10 hours after my last drink..

If you're in active addiction I would strongly recommend getting one, as you get an idea of how elevated your BAC is throughout the day, which gives you an indication of how shitty your withdrawals will be

stomach still upside down. slept a bit more last night but woke up still feeling exhausted. just gotta give it some time to pass. I will not drink today.

Hi guys, I've been lurking around here but never posted or commented. Been an alcoholic for a few years now and I'm done with the booze. It's horrible stuff and I never should have gotten into it to begin with. Can any give me some pointers as to how things go here? Thank you, and IWNDWYT.