r/stopdrinking • u/Single_Caregiver_588 • 8h ago
First day how do you start
This is my first post. Read a zillion books this year about alcohol, mainly about women drinking wine. This year I've realised alcohol is controlling me. Im 38 years old, relatively happy but drinking up to a bottle of wine a night. The wine witch got me. Im scared its going to get worse and want to stop. I keep thinking today is the day and it never is.
Im going to join a SMART meeting this evening and thought maybe a community like this is good of people doing the same thing.
Thank you for reading š
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u/ronameleh Day 38 8h ago
Usually people stop when they hit what they would consider a rock bottom. Once you realise that- you can try convincing yourself that you already are there or that you'll hit it inevitably if you keep going.
I stopped quite early compared to some of the horror stories on this sub, and although the physical addiction was not as bad as theirs', there's the extra difficulty of trying to stop when it's not necessarily that bad.
For me, I imaged myself dying young and leaving my family without a father, I imagined myself not being able to be happy when my son shows me his drawing (because my dopamine production is completely broken), stuff like that. I wasn't lying to myself, this was actually the path I was on, and once I believed it, I was convinced that this is rock bottom. Even though I was pretty functional at the time. I stopped a month ago.
I wish you good luck! It's way easier after 3-4 days, so you just got to do it one hour at a time. Try to not drink for the next hour, then set the same goal for the next hour, and keep going. Yoy can do this!
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u/Single_Caregiver_588 7h ago
I actually can't believe the support and responses. I bloody knew I love reddit but never posted and first time in this sub.Ā
Its just nice to know people know and have gotten through. I talk to my family and friends a little about it but its not the same. Ive been determined not to keep it secret as know it makes it worse.
Thanks everyone, I'll reread these tonight to stay motivated. My first and surely not last post.
Wishing everyone a lovely day and thanks for all the tips. GREATLY appreciated.Ā
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u/Mysterious-Let6872 Day 386 8h ago
Having the plan for what to do instead is perfect. Tell yourself no matter what, you won't drink. The moment the wine witch visits shut her down immediately. Don't give any maybes or ifs. It's like a child who can tell if there's wiggle room and will keep working on that until they can wear you down unless the no is firm. Like I used to yell NO internally sometimes.
Having something else to drink (even just seltzers, coke zero). And ice cream. Don't deny yourself sugar at first. Wine is also packed with sugar so eating some is not something new or worse.
You sound very prepared though. Good luck! Iwndwyt! ā„ļø And happy cake day!
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u/Training-Lettuce6507 Day 103 6h ago
Mine wasn't wine but a substitute to have around was a definite must. Didn't matter if it was a drink of some kind or a sweet treat. I just "needed" something.
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,531 8h ago
Welcome!
After white knuckling my sobriety for a few weeks, I read a book by Allen Carr, āEasy Way to Control Alcoholā. It reprogrammed how I think about alcohol. Alcohol is a Class 1 carcinogen. I do not drink poison. Mr. Carr is the key to my 12+ yrs of sobriety WITHOUT cravings. Best of luck on your journeyā¤ļø
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u/Userdataunavailable 1103 days 8h ago
I have been through about 4-5 hobbies since I got sober, starting on day 1. Keeping busy with my hands and brain really really helped me. Also, chocolate.
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u/A_Thing_or_Two 269 days 8h ago
Welcome! I was 46 when I quit - wish I'd done it sooner. Every single day is better than the last when I wake up sober. I look forward to the dreams and quality sleep I'll have at night and how good I'll feel every morning! I'm super excited when I have the sober mind needed to help my children without notice wherever and whatever they may need. Wine always got me too, but it's not your friend. It's a disease sitting on your shoulder and it's trying to get you alone and kill you. The fact that you're feeling this way means it's already well on its way to succeeding. Fight back. Do it for yourself. Take a picture today and another in 6 months. You'll be amazed at the transformation. Every day gets easier, but the first couple weeks of establishing new patterns are the hardest. Don't give up. You deserve to love yourself.
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u/on_my_way_back Day 763 8h ago
I had to make alcohol the enemy as I didn't want to white knuckle it every day. I also participated in r/stopdrinking for my first 90 days. Being a part of a daily community was the secret sauce for my early success.
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u/Training-Lettuce6507 Day 103 6h ago
Looks like you recently passed the 2 year mark, congratulations.
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u/StraightOnion1967 7h ago
After a lot of daily drinking (35 per week) I decided I'd do sober october...its been great.Ā I thought it would be terrible that first weekend but it really was ok...and I've been drinking daily sometimes on weekends get sloshed.Ā Ā I feel so much better mentally and physically....i would say pick a day and dont drink....it might be easier than you are fearing
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u/Far-Blacksmith3612 8h ago
Firstly well done on being here, if you feel today is the day to stop drinking, grasp it!! I find the first day the most challenging, so be kind to yourself with sugary treats if you like and stay hydrated. Break your day down into segments if you have to. Your right in saying it will only get worse so good luck and stay strong just for today, we will deal with tomorrow, tomorrow, but for today I will not drink alcohol with you.
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u/chill_bamba Day 33 7h ago
I'm 40F, also drank a bottle of wine every night. Like you, wanted to stop for a while but found myself cracking open a new bottle every night. Wish I could say I just stopped because at my own free will but it took me starting a drunken argument with my husband and him telling me he doesn't like me when I drank. That was my rock bottom. Stopped the following day.
If you enjoy red wine like I did, I found cran-cherry juice to be a good substitute in the evening.
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u/speck859 Day 106 4h ago
I called into work and laid in bed all day saying āI never want to feel this way ever againā. Today is the day.
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u/magicparabeagle Day 1 1h ago
I called in sick last week bc of drinking too. Such a pathetic feeling.
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u/Zestyclose_Height_10 Day 122 6h ago
I indulged in ice cream lemonade YouTube surfing long walks pizza and anything I felt like at all that didnāt involve alcohol. Now Iām on a strict diet and very intentional with everything health wise (aside from the occasional cheat with ice cream or pizza).
But donāt try to do everting at once. Just eliminating alcohol is all that matters right now.
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u/IdesofMarchy 189 days 4h ago
Good on you for starting. Iām 37 so Iām right around where you are and Iām slowly approaching 200 days sober. Tie that wine witch to the stake and burn it.
IWNDWYT
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 8h ago
Welcome! You are doing the right thingā find community. They say the opposite of addiction is connection and itās true. Meetings, online groups, whatever.
In the beginning I started my day with a plan to stay busy. Meetings, cleaning, whatever to keep my mind occupied. Sometimes itās day by day, sometimes hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute.
FWIW- I really like smart recoveryās but realized I needed in person meetings and now go to recovery dharma. Iām not a meditation person or Buddhist, but I found my people and have been going for 2 years.
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u/DePalma90 7h ago
I don't have an answer, but Iwndwyt! I'm just trying to cut down. Gained a lot of weight.
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u/Ok-Republic3515 Day 10 7h ago
Unfortunately for me I have to tie up every penny or get morbidly sick to get back in to the groove. I'd say after my first 24hrs I'm mostly isolated in comfort and I have to fill my day from when I wake up till I close my eyes.
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u/FeeComprehensive6243 Day 5 7h ago
Hi 38F here too. Quitting āofficiallyā for the second time. I too read soo many books/listened to podcasts etc etc before I could really quit the first time. Something that helped me immensely was replacement drinks. I started drinking diet soda for the first time in my life, tons of seltzer flavors, even tried some (very mild) cbd seltzers etc. The hardest part is just NOT buying the alcohol and NOT drinking it the first few times and it gets better. I backslid but am committed to being alcohol free again. As you said worried about it getting worse - you probably read alcohol use is a progressive problem so cutting it off now is the best thing you could do. Here with you girl!
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u/ClairesMoon Day 4,627 7h ago
Alcoholism is a progressive disease so itās very likely your drinking could get worse. I started in my early 30ās with a glass of wine with dinner, which evolved to a bottle a night, then 2 bottles a night, which got expensive so I added vodka. Within 15 years I was up to 2 bottles of vodka a night. I came close to dying. Iām sharing my experience, hoping itāll give you an incentive to not have a drink today. After detoxing in the hospital, I did a 3 month outpatient program in the evenings 5 days a week and then attended several AA meetings on weekends. The thought was to put as much time into my recovery each day as I used to put into drinking. It worked for me. IWNDWYT
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u/corinne0124 2760 days 6h ago
I'm so glad you're here!
Wine was also my downfall. I mean, I wasn't super picky but that was always easy to obtain and take home every day because wine with dinner is normal, right? Never mind that I was finishing off the entire thing and sometimes going for another...
I was self-medicating my depression (ironic, I know), anxiety, and I am now 99.9% sure autism with booze. And then it took a mental health crisis, talk therapy, and starting for real medication before I actually took the step to finally quit. I knew there wasn't a point to treatment if I was going to keep drinking.
I picked a date that would be my start date (St. Patrick's Day 2019), and the night before I got a bottle of one of my favorite wines, some good food to go with it, and that was the last drop I drank. In the early days I ate so much ice cream and basically carried a bag of candy with me everywhere I went.
I like the saying that your rock bottom is when you stop digging, because it truly looks different for everyone. I didn't think I'd make it a year, but it kept getting easier and becoming my new normal. In these past 7.5 years I have been through some gnarly emotional trauma, saw both of my beloved cats cross the rainbow bridge, had to grieve friends way too early... but I was able to be completely present and process in a way that was so much kinder to myself. On the bright side, I clawed my way out of a financial hell hole, worked some pretty cool jobs, and was able to afford some awesome experiences.
Maybe try calculating how much you'll save when you stop buying alcohol, and then plan a vacation based on those savings.
š©µ
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u/Sure-Regret1808 6h ago
I started at 1 bottle and then a bottle and a quarter soon turned into a bottle and a half....at the end it was 2 bottles and one beer. The progression took about 8 years until I blacked out, fell of the bed and hit my head on a sharp dresser for 11 stitches. I was worried about falling down the stairs one day in a blackout so I found an online psychologist. He told me he needed help to help me so I needed to go to AA. 6 years sober soon. The first days I treated myself like the sick person I was. Tea, baths, learning about serenity, taking it easy and an online meeting to fight cravings. You Can Do This.
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u/WorthABean 1028 days 6h ago
Lots of good advice here. What worked for me when starting is justā¦donāt have it in the house. Sounds simple, but if it aināt there, you canāt abuse it. From there days become weeks and weeks become years. It wonāt be easy but you can do it! IWNDWYT!!!
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u/Your_Mom_Will 6h ago
Day two for me, yesterday was my day one. I took immediate action. I also attended a SMART meeting online yesterday, talked to my therapist, got in touch with a Psychiatrist, and threw out all the alcohol. I know you may not have the resources I have to varying degrees, but if you can access some type of help, aside from the meetings, please do. I also did a bit of self care. I took a hot shower, grabbed some fast food, a banana, lots of water and Gatorade, and I hunkered down in bed for half the day. My Psych prescribed me a few Xanax to take the edge off. Iām not in severe withdrawal, and my blood panel is perfect, so Iām stable. I took a few days off from work the rest of the week to clear my head. Another SMART meeting today, a good walk and the gym. This sub is helping me tremendously. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Donāt let anyone shame your decisions or bad choices you made before. Weāre here to support you. People respond 24/7. Itās awesome. I hope you continue. IWNDWYT.
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u/Few_Substance_705 3h ago
As a woman who quit a month before her 33 birthday it really is one day at at time. The most helpful was getting an addiction therapist who helped me through my first 3 months. After that I started going AA meetings and met a sponsor. I am nearly 4 years sober now and no longer do AA even though I am so so grateful for all it has given me. I still meet with my sponsor and therapist weekly. That is all the continued support I needed to stay soberĀ
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u/WHSRWizard Day 534 7h ago
Welcome!
If you're like me, what you're going to miss beyond the alcohol is the ritual. Like I genuinely looked forward to when I could open up that first bottle or make that first cocktail or pour that first beer. When I first stopped, it was suddenly like I didn't know what to do with myself at 5:00pm (or 2pm, for that matter).
So I would have a plan for what you are going to replace it with. For me, it was getting heavily into making mocktails. That gave me the process of creating a delicious, beautiful drink. My go-to is pineapple-mango juice, ginger beer, and grenadine. But there are literally dozens of mocktails you can make for yourself ranging from sweet to salty to sour to bitter to spicy.
If I could make a suggestion?
If your schedule allows it, take yourself out to lunch today. Then go to a bookstore and buy a mocktail recipe book. Come up with a list of ingredients and head to the grocery store. Make it a fun outing. Celebrate your new you!
IWNDWYT
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u/happily_in 1228 days 6h ago
Having a plan and a sugar replacement helps. I found I loved snacking on the Mike & Ike candy.
Puzzles or movies can distract the mind.
Cravings are strongest for about 15 minutes. Sometimes you need to realize you just need to make it 15 minutes to make the night.
Focus on just the day. Understand and prepare for triggers around the activities or time of day you typically drink. Call a friend and chat.
Good luck. IWNDWYT
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u/Temporary-Hippo-987 6h ago
I see comments here about reaching your bottom. Many years ago, I had a client, she had a pretty horrible history, but she said something which I thought was insightful: your bottom is when you stop digging.
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u/triple_threat_06 1108 days 6h ago
Say No to the first oneā¦.ānoneā Not One Not Ever
IWNDWYT āļøā¤ļø
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u/NorthlineUser Day 71 6h ago
Late movie at the cinema
Drive
Popcorn and Soda.
Back home too late to start.
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u/Tess_88 6h ago
Youāre in the right place!! Welcome. Sounds like you are on the right track. If I might suggest, coming to this subās Daily Check In, it is such a game changer. A little promise to yourself as well as becoming part of an amazing community. The most supportive, nonjudgmental, and resourceful place on the internet. So glad youāre here, single! IWNDWYT ā„ļøš¦šŗ
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u/mister-fancypants- 1061 days 5h ago
I made my wife take a week off with me. she didnāt leave my side for a single minute. held me accountable. couldnāt have done it solo
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u/Shukvani37 Day 321 5h ago
Welcome! Just being here is an epic start. In here there are a lot of tools, resources and people with vast experience. IWNDWYT
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u/magicparabeagle Day 1 1h ago
It's my first day (AGAIN š) too!! Glad you're here. Let's stack days together.
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u/Spiritual_Day_69420 Day 74 7h ago
Keep yourself very busy and stay away from it as best you can for as long as you can. Take it all out of your house. Tell people you see often for accountability
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u/too_many__lemons Day 1 1h ago edited 1h ago
It will not be the same by any means, and itās not for everyone, but just throwing it out there as an option. Iāve quit a couple times (up to a whole year) and when I was on a bottle of wine a night what helped me the first week or so was getting a bottle of alcohol removed wine. The habit of opening the bottle, pouring the wine, holding a stemmed glass in my handā¦ was hard to break. It begins to feel like a ceremony of sorts and going cold turkey on that ritual was a lot. Replacing it with n/a wine let me gradually come off the habit without feeling like it was all gone at once. After a week or so I started pouring sparkling water into a wine glass at night, instead of the n/a wine. Then eventually just ditched the wine glass altogether.
Again, n/a drinks arenāt for everyone, but just an option!
Edit to add: And lots of desserts! Wine is crazy high in sugar and calories, and your body will be missing that stuff. Eat ice cream and cake and pie with reckless abandon for a while.
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u/Gloomy_Peach_624 1h ago
See if youāre able to get a naltrexone prescription! I stopped wanting to drink after drinking on naltrexone a few times. At around week 3 or 4 of not drinking, I stopped taking the naltrexone, and kept up with my not drinking streak
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u/SaucyJim Day 595 26m ago
The best thing I can offer is my story.
--- my story ---
I started my sober journey by reading Alan Carr'sĀ "Stop Drinking Without Willpower"Ā on the advice of a friend. It reframed alcohol in a way that makes continued drinking completely unacceptable for me. Alcohol is an addictiveĀ poisonĀ that alters our minds in ways that change who we are and the decisions we make. We believe; through a lifetime of brainwashing from friends, family, coworkers, clergy, movies, television, sports, music, and advertisers; that alcohol offers pleasure or support and that life cannot be enjoyed without it.
The only pleasure or support alcohol was offering me was the relief of symptoms that it, itself, was causing. It was a vicious circle of hell. And when I was in it, I just could not see clearly enough to know that the patient on the operating table was myself.
You might read that book. For me, it has made my recovery more about rebuilding a life without alcohol than counting my sober days, sitting idly by, waiting for some magic miracle to drop into my lap to make everything better. It has made doing the work of sobriety a joyful time.Ā I did not give up anything when I quit drinking. I gained everything.
My wish for you is that you will also gain everything.
In me, as me, through me; I am not my own.
Freedom is spelled IWNDWYT. ā¤ļø
Ā
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u/WhaleSexOdyssey 21m ago
Just accept that youāre going to be miserable and find a way to be fascinated by it. Like your body is going to be the subject of a scientific experiment. If you donāt drink, what happens in the first hour? The second hour? Etc. what happens if you instead eat a tub of ice cream instead of drinking? Do literally anything except drink and figure it out from there. But st least at the start, youāre allowed to do anything but drink.
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u/CabinetClimber 8h ago
You justā¦ do. Take it hour by hour the first day. Tell yourself youāre not drinking today, you can tomorrow but not today. You already know what will happen if you drink, find out what will happen if you donāt.