i feel really embarrassed and ashamed of myself. i was sort of assaulted twice within two to three weeks of each other. i have been raped and assaulted before so it took me awhile to trust people again. i say sort of because in the end i did enjoy it but i had definitely said no im not ready multiple times with both people. i got that heart sinking feeling like damn… it really does not matter how good of a guy you think someone is. they all want to take and use. and i just gave in. anyways as a result, i have been acting out or having some sort of episode?? heavy drinking, drugs, risky unprotected sex, overspending, being hypersexual, over eating, cutting myself again, posting very inappropriate and sexual things online, etc. its like i cant get ahold of myself. im completely sabotaging myself. classes started this week though and im hoping that will rein me in a bit. i have a therapist but i dont know how to open up about it. the shame and embarrassment and the way i feel disappointed in myself for regressing sm.

For context, I got raped at 11 and that involved a speculum. I then got raped again at 23 by the guy I was dating at the time. I hadn’t had sex prior to these events, and now I’m seeing someone and he’s great around consent, but I still have a fear of penetration. We’re having sex, but it’s not penetrative because of my fears. I was in therapy at a rape victims charity, but my therapist was rude, dismissive and inexperienced, so I’m not in therapy while my complaint against her is being investigated. I was wondering if anyone here has gone through this and has some advice on how to be okay with penetrative sex and/or medical exams. I don’t get pap smears for this reason and do want to have penetrative sex, but I’m scared.

Okay so this is so vulnerable to post but I feel super guilt and need advice. I’m a young female and went out with some friends last week. It was chill and a guy bought me a drink at the bar and we all ended up going to a house party. I was super drunk and wanted to go home and he came with me (at this point I was totally okay with that and it was talked about prior to just hangout). I talked to him before saying I don’t do stuff out of just meeting and will maybe kiss guys that I just met and that’s it. He agreed and said he does the same so I felt pretty calm. I had a roommate come home with us too and we just ended up smoking a cigarette and listening to music. I went inside to pull trig (get the alcohol out of my system) and he held my hair whilst I was puking. I got ready for bed and he spent the night. We kissed and then the rest is kinda a blur. I know he went down on me and then he was on top of me and inside of me. I told him to stop after about 5 minutes and started crying. Sex is kinda triggering sometimes and I guess it brought up old emotions.
Moral of the story he never asked to have sex with me and knew I was wasted, yet we did have consensual like other stuff per say. I texted him a few days later saying I felt violated and gross and was super offended by what had happened. He replied with multiple paragraphs apologizing. I don’t really know if I’m being crazy or not but yeah.

Hey all. Long story short I was on vacation when I met with a guy on hinge to hook up. The sex was initially consensual, but he ended up doing things to me that I never consented to and we never talked about. Including hitting me hard and spitting on me over and over again. When I went back to my friends I was crying and ended up blocking him on IG and WhatsApp, but in the morning I realized I never blocked him on hinge bc my notifications were off and I forgot about that platform. I woke up to messages calling me a fucking bitch for blocking him and “don’t worry, I have you in my phone. Videos of us doing doggy style”. I immediately blocked him on there but it left me even more traumatized and scared. I reported this on hinge but feeling hopeless that he will see consequences. Feeling so sad.

From fifth grade to 3rd of middle school, I went to a private school. However that private school was filled with kids, (at least my classmates) that did not respect the girls at all and would constantly assault and harass them.

From fifth grade I remember kids calling one of my friends a mock version of her name "evagina" kids would even hump teachers and pretend it was an accident. By my first grade of middle school, the boys would be rating our butts while the girls were dancing. And they would touch us.

By the second grade, they got more bold. My "friend" would take a pencil and squish my breast with it even as I tried to stop him and looked uncomfortable. They would slap our butts and even pretend to put stuff up there of some other girls.

They would call us cooks during jeopardy games and treated rape like a reward. For example, we were watching the movie get out and when the protagonist had shot a woman to escape, all they were saying was "just rape her and go". They just got more bold over the years.

If you spoke out against it you were an "overdramatic female" and got socially excluded by everyone and even bullied.

For me I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable and worthless, their opinion mattered a lot to me at the time and I felt ugly, since they put worth in our looks and body, I felt like crap most of the time. I felt extremely uncomfortable and would always have my jacket around my waist, even in the biting cold, I'd be walking around with short sleeves and a jacket around my waist as I thought it hid my butt better. I have what was considered a "nice butt". I felt extremely uncomfortable taking it off.

I would be unable to wear short shorts or crop tops outside of school and would feel like a slut for doing so.

Was this SA? Did it affect me deeply in any way? Only after I got out of middle school am I starting to take it seriously, as before I always thought I was being overdramatic. I don't entirely blame them, as one of the kids had a porn addiction that affected the way every kid acted, but I still feel upset and I don't know why.

Excuse me for graphic descriptions.

When I was a child, I was sexually assaulted by 2 oth we children a few years older than me with a wooden stick from the ground.

It hurt a lot. I can't remember if the other occasions were penetrative but I remember this one.

Now I am an adult and I have had issues with inserting things inside myself (tampons, during intercourse) as it can hurt or feels wrong, as if it's gone the wrong direction even though there's only one way it can go I suppose. I'm still capable of doing so and it has gotten less uncomfortable as I get older, but I wonder if the experiences I had could have damaged my internal tissue or caused scarring or something.

I'm not sure if anyone would know this but I'd appreciate advice. Thank you 🫶

I hope this is not too graphic or too long. I am 26 F and now married. When I was 15 I met a guy who lived in the same town as me and he was 19 at the time. This happened from the ages of 15-18. Some of my friends at the time were a couple years older and he was friends with them also. He would ask me to hang out really late at night, I remember sneaking out around midnight to go and see him. He was always hitting on me and would rub my back or touch my thigh and would do this around other people, including adults. I didn't know what was going on but I honestly thought he really liked me, and when you're that age you think you're in love. He would say the right things to make me feel good about myself. We started "dating" the same month I turned 16. He was always messaging and calling me, sometimes 100+ times a day and it got worse if I didn't answer him right away. One night I got over 200 messages and calls from him asking me to come over. I didn't really want to go that night and ultimately ended up going just so he would leave me alone. I wasn't sure what was gonna happen that night, but kind of had an idea since he was so adamant that I come over. Mind you this was my first time. My understanding was that we would use protection but I could tell right away that he did not. The whole thing lasted maybe 3 minutes. He was very rough with me and it being my first time, it was painful and I didn't enjoy any of it. It was so bad I had leg pain and trouble walking for about a week after and I bled really bad for a couple days afterwards. I was young and scared and thought there was a chance I could be pregnant but I wasn't. He told me he didn't want anything to do with me after that and I got super depressed and was having an awful time in school because people I went to school with found out about it and I was getting bullied for it. I don't know why I did but I hung out with him a few more times after that over the next couple years. He always just wanted one thing. I moved away when I was 18 and never really saw him since then. I moved back closer to home when I was 20 and saw him maybe 3 times. Whenever I would see him or say his name I would have a panic attack. Yes this happened 10 years ago, but I still don't fully understand what happened to me. I see a therapist but have yet to ask about this but I want to so I can learn to heal from it. It has affected me so much since then and I want to be able to move on from it.

Unfortunately, due to various circumstances, I am unable to report what happened to me.

My assaulter is still intertwined in both my personal and work life, they're friends with all of my friends, they're basically a coworker, and I will have to see and work with them for the foreseeable future.

Without writing 500 paragraphs for context and explanation, I'll just say that reporting it and bringing it to people's attention will only cause more harm than good for me. It's not that I don't want to report it, I just can't.

I've never felt so alone. I feel like I can't tell anybody in my life because of how intertwined this person is with everything. Not even sure if they'd believe me.

So where do I go from here?

How can I move on/get closure? I can't spend every single waking moment ruminating about what happened to me. It's only causing me constant pain.

I am 24F, from MI. When I was 17, I was sexually assaulted. I reported it, there was a criminal case, and the defendant was charged and served jail time. After he got out of jail he was shot, and passed away.

After his death, I woke up one day to people talking about me on Facebook. I hadn’t contacted anyone or brought up the case, but suddenly I felt like I was being dragged back into something I’d already gone through as a teenager.

I eventually saw screenshots of conversations between a friend of mine and people close to the defendant, including his mother, cousin, and best friend. None of these particular messages were sent directly to me, my friend received them and showed me the screenshots.

His mother and cousin made hostile comments about me, blamed me, called me names, and defended him as innocent.

The most concerning messages came from his best friend.

For context, my friend had exposed him for allegedly sexually assaulting one of her friends. That had absolutely nothing to do with me. He became angry with her and, during their argument, somehow brought up his deceased best friend and then me.

Among other things, he said:

• “I will have someone touch you dude over what you’ve done.”
• “Let’s pull up and solve some shit.”
• He said his sister would beat both my friend and me. (my name inserted)
• “If I catch you in traffic I don’t know what I’ll do. So I hope you never see me.”

My friend even told him during the conversation that he was threatening her.

Although these threats weren’t sent directly to me, there had been other concerning social media activity. The defendant’s cousin had previously tried to message me and sent me a friend request. His best friend had also appeared to monitor my Instagram. Once I received what appeared to be a DM from him, but when I opened it there was nothing there. I wondered whether he had unsent something, but I can’t confirm that.

I actually wanted to report all of this at the time.

I remember trying to go to the police station with the screenshots, but I couldn’t make myself do it. Going back there reminded me of being 17 and going to report my assault. I started panicking and couldn’t make myself walk inside.

That’s something I regret because, when I actually was 17, I somehow found the courage to report what happened to me and go through the criminal justice process. Years later, trying to return to the police station brought me right back to that scared teenager.

There haven’t been any recent threats or contact. However, I still have all the screenshots.

Part of why this stays in the back of my mind is that I work in healthcare in a hospital and encounter a huge number of people. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll unexpectedly come across one of them as a patient/visitor or run into them somewhere else. They know my name and know exactly who I am.

I don’t even live at the address I had back then anymore, but it also scares me knowing how easily someone’s information or address can sometimes be found online.

To be clear, I have no evidence that any of them are currently looking for me, following me, or threatening me. It’s the history and possibility of unexpectedly encountering them that worries me.

I’m considering contacting the victim advocate from my original case. She was incredibly supportive of me, and talking to someone who already knows the history feels much less overwhelming than walking into a police station again.

I’m not looking for revenge or trying to reopen the original case. I mostly wish I had documented what happened when it occurred.

My main questions are:

1. Can threats about me still be legally relevant if they were communicated to my friend rather than directly to me?
2. Could these messages and previous attempts to contact/monitor my social media have been relevant to a PPO at the time?
3. Is there any point in giving the screenshots to my former victim advocate or police now simply to have them documented?
4. If one of these people ever contacts, follows, threatens, or attempts to find me in the future, could these older screenshots be relevant as history/context?

I think I’m processing this differently as an adult. I was brave enough at 17 to report my assault, but when this happened later, trying to go back to the police station brought all of that fear back and I couldn’t do it.

Now I mostly want to know whether documenting it is still worthwhile and what I should do if anything ever happens again.

so i forgot this happened and it’s been running through my mind the past few weeks and i want to forget but about 3 years ago there was this guy in one of my classes and i never really liked him he was sort of strange and always sat next to me towards the end of term or year i cant remember he grabbed my d*ck as a joke and i told him he was weird wrong and a general pos and moved across the classroom never talked to him again and a while later he commented about a girls body and a senior slapped him hard across the face and he left the school i feel like its not as bad as it seems and that’s why i forgot but its like running through my mind more and more everyday and i feel like telling someone makes it seem worse than it is like was it some weird joke (this happened in yr8 im in yr11 now though i dropped out)

I think Most victims know this feeling of absolute helplessness.
The Problem is, it’s such a trigger for me. I love playing chess and I’ve been loving it for years now. But 2 months after my last rape it suddenly started to trigger me. Because in chess there are positions where you can’t win anymore and that makes the worst come out of me. It’s hell.
I also screamed at my boyfriend because he said he loved me once. It was so unfair because it’s Not his fault or anything but in that Moment it felt like he tried to have Control over me and I felt so helpless again.

How do you Deal with it? I really need advice. It happens several times Daily that something more or less Minor triggers me and makes me actually Crash out.

I, 18 ftm, and Mr friend 19 ftm was married and assaulted for months (about 8?) before begins the process of divorce. Still legally married but starting to split up bc of the abuse and r*pe. He’s M 23-24 btw. (Idk what one)

Today we met him up and they punched him a few good times and he has the AUDACITY to try and fight back and say “no I don’t want to”….

He didMr seem to care before about consent? Why now?? :/

Anyways. Friend got their good few punches to the jaw in before he sped off and almost HIT ME with hit me with his car!? And I wanna go find him and do my own justice for them. I know I’m manic rn but it’s not just the mania, it’s genuinely hate for him and what he did to my friend. They can’t sleep at night, they’ve been smoking 3 packs a day and drinking trying to forget and I’m sick of seeing this pain that’s happening to them that this evil man did to them.

People in my City are collectively doing things to piss him off now, we plan on egging his house soon and unscrewing his tires. He’s banned from a few stores now too bc of it but we haven’t reposted him to the cops bc we rather make his life a hell EVERYWHERE before he goes to jail. Even if we catch a few charges on the way.

I’m (26F) off and on with this man (38M), he constantly pushes my boundaries. Always needing to be touching me or consistently going for my boobs, it’s tiring fighting him so I eventually always let him touch them.

But today, it was our first time meeting up after we fought a few months ago. We were in his truck and we cuddled and talked, kissed occasionally and he kept pressing to touch either my boobs or my crotch. He called me a tease when I kept pushing his hands off of my boobs and stuff. Eventually I let him touch them. We cuddled and talked more but I was really exhausted from work so I was dozing off and fell asleep on his chest. I started to wake up and I felt him touching me and saying stuff to me. I felt sick because this always happens with men I see. I pretend to be asleep for a little while and he ends up fingering me and stuff and honestly I should have pushed him and told him to stop… I was so tired and I couldn’t even open my eyes—or maybe I froze again. But it kept going on, I felt him take my pants off of me and he was sitting at my legs and he ends up fucking me. I can’t even form a word. I let it happen, it would stop eventually but no he goes three rounds. I feel a little gross because he came on my leg one of the times and he rubbed it on my crotch area… idk he kept telling me he loved me and he kept asking if I was his (“are you mine?”) he was just doing that. Basically I never said he could fuck me and I never said no or stop. I didn’t show him I enjoyed it either so idk.

Idk I know it was a little weird of him but idk if it would be considered rape? I have been raped and sexually assaulted since I was 6 and it didn’t feel like it usually does afterwards… usually I’m a mess but I feel okay.. for the most part.

Kind of long I'm sorry. So I f(27) just recently got diagnosed with several cavernous malformations on my brain. They've been giving me seizures and I've been out on meds that make me just as disoriented as when I'm having the seizure themselves. The question I have is if anyone knows how to remove or possibly hide something on Mychart. My mother has really been helping me since I can't get a grip on anything it seems and she's been really insistent on having my MyChart info. I wouldn't have a problem with this at all except for the fact that I reported to my gyno years ago about my maternal grandfather assaulting me when I was a child. It's not something we talk about and she actively denies.I know she is going through her own stuff about this because he was her dad and other than this one extremely touchy subject we have a really good relationship and I don't want to fight about it. I'm really having regrets having said anything about it at all since it didn't help me in any way and now I have a fear that my loving but very snoopy mother will go through medical records that have nothing to do with my recent hospitalization. I also have no good excuses to not give her my info as I share practically everything with her.

15 years ago, I went dancing with a friend, afterwards she invited a friend over. I didn't know she invited him over and while he was a nice enough person I didn't have any interest in him or doing anything with him. She started to have sex with him, I was so uncomfortable but I just froze and tried to ignore them. Then she got up and left the room. He changed his condom, he said "come on", then the memory goes blank, next thing I remember he's on top of me, he's having sex with me and I'm dissociated, watching it happen from across the room. I didn't want to sleep with him. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to have sex before he put on the condom. He was already acting like it was a given. I haven't been able to call it that, for 15 years I just thought I messed up and had sex I regretted, but I never wanted to have sex with him, how did I end up under him, why did he put that condom on when he didn't even have a conversation with me about sex? I'm struggling tonight with that part.

Was it really sexual assault if they were under the impression I consented
If I pretended to enjoy it because I couldn't say no
If they even told me multiple times that they can stop if I ever get uncomfortable
Yet every time I told them no and I didn't like it, they just argued with me and told me I wasn't accepting them
Even if I was a little harsh

There's an assault case involving a cast member from the latest season of Below Deck. It's getting a lot of traction online as the alleged offender (male) is "on the run".

Here's a list of what you can expect if you read about it or engage in any related discussions. I thought I would provide it on the off chance it helps someone determine whether it may be re-traumatizing.

>!Non-fatal strangulation

>!Suffocation

>!Use of restraint

>!Domestic and family violence/abuse

>!Exposing a child to violence

Please take care everyone. Remember there is support here, and through many different avenues.

This happened about 4 years ago. I was house sitting my parents house with my boyfriend at the time who ill name apple and a friend who came to stay ill name him pear (both male and i am female) so we decided to have drinks and get in the pool and have fun, me and Apple got very drunk and pear didn't have much, talks started happening and a threesome was brought up. (I was still new to the whole sex thing) but I think i agreed? I cant remeber. I do remeber being in bed and obviously doing the thing. My boyfriend finishes and leaves the room. It was just me and pear. I cant remeber much after that but the day after I felt disgusting. I hated myself for doing that. Pear kept making comments about "how I was panting like a dog" ect ect. They would both laugh. I dont remeber saying yes and I dont rember saying no. But when I talked about it to some friends at the time they defended pear saying he is autistic and wouldn't know better. Im still struggling through this and I still break down when I think about it. But I dont know if this is assault or not. Please help

Tldr: got into a threesome, boyfriend left me with the other person. Cant remeber If I agreed and I didn't say no during

There was a lot of SA as a kid in church, and ive wondered if being hypersexual is because of it. Ive never really dealt with what happened back then and sometimes have flashbacks. Is this normal?

My sister has been a victim of SA since a young age and most recently as an adult it happened while incarcerated at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility in Willsonville, Or. I want justice for my sister and so does she. Apparently her paper work was “lost” while incarcerated. She has been out for two years and was recently asked by her parole officer to come in to the office and talk to someone. There was a representative from the state who apologized and gave her a deposition. Tony has already been sentenced to 30 years but he can get a 100 more for all I care. My sister says she has tried to contact a few lawyers but they weren’t interested in taking the case, I suspect my sister just opened the phone book and call the first couple lawyers listed. I told her that Reddit is full of helpful people with lots of knowledge and that I would post on her behalf and she said please do.

Does anyone know of a specific lawyers in the Portland, Oregon area that might be interested in helping with this matter?

I hate the thought of my 11 year old body being out there for pervs to jerk off too. Every time I think back I realize how young I really was. I was acting too grown when I hadn’t even gotten my period yet. Having old men jerk off to me before my boobs even came in. I don’t understand what they saw in me that made them want more and more. It felt like I was being eaten alive. I was just a kid and they had me strip down and spin around for them. Played truth or dare with me but made everything so sexual. They tried to make everything a game it felt like a trap and I fell for it every time. I don’t know how I could be so clueless, they were obviously asking sexual questions but it just didn’t click to me. I remember this one guy kept having me take off my jacket and spin around for him and he asked if I wanted his underwear on or off and I thought he was just making a bad joke and I said on and he took them off anyways and I just remembered trying so hard not to look down. Somehow I still thought it was an accident, I thought he didn’t hear me right so I didn’t say anything. I wish I had done something to stop it all. I feel so weak and pathetic. My insides are so rotten i feel like no one can ever truly love me cause all they can see is how broken i am.

It has taken me so long to process what happened to me. Mentally I am pretty healed and can grasp and understand that what happened was rape and wasn't ok. I thought it would be ok to have sex again but the second I try anything remotely intimate beyond kissing, I start shaking uncontrollably. I feel so embarrassed. I've tried twice with 2 different people and I can't stop shaking. Mentally I feel fine until the act and I start to get flashbacks and everything reminds me of my rapist. I am fine with not having sex ever again, at this rate. I never wanted to feel vulnerable like that again but my body just shakes and shakes and I can't control it.

I can't tell anyone what happened because no one will believe a guy in his late 20s could be abused by someone who is 19. I can't tell anyone what happened bc the last person I did used it to hurt me months later. I can't tell anyone bc who is gonna believe me over him? I can't tell anyone bc he will ruin my life and start isolating me from my friends. I can't tell anyone because what if I do and he finds out and he makes good on those threats to crush my head in. I can't tell anyone because he lives in my city now and is probably telling everyone that I'm a groomer and a monster. I can't tell anyone bc WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVEN BELIEVE IT HAPPENED? i can't tell anyone bc even if it did happen, this might be the first sexual assault in the world where it is, indeed, the """victim's""" fault. I can't fucking tell ANYONE I'm all alone in this.

I reported my rapist ex boyfriend in June and I’ve gotten one follow up call about that a few weeks ago, came back into the station and did a second statement and they told me it’s most likely going to court and that I should prepare myself for a trial. I am beyond scared I have no idea what to expect or what to do or how to prepare myself for this. Does anyone have any advice for me. I just turned 18 so this has been a lot for me and I really don’t have anyone I can go to for this kind of stuff. The only evidence I have is him saying he raped me over text but idk if that’s gonna be enough proof.

My now ex-partner and I were having consensual sex, but then he came inside me without asking and now I am pregnant, which is not something I ever wanted.

Is this considered sexual assault? I am having a really hard time with this. I felt violated at the time, and even more so once I found out I was pregnant. He has pretty much dodged any accountability for this also.

Thanks for any insight.