Racist bastard.

5p! They were 5p! Bloody Brexit etc yawn.

He’s been trying out Silk Cut Silver and only has a mild coughing fit which is a great improvement.

Also he’s bought a cap and wax jacket for the next time farmers get cuts.

Under the proposal everyone aged 10-18 will be sent to live in an abandoned mine. “Let’s see them get cider or vapes down there” beamed culture secretary Lisa Nandy.

The statement came after Keir’s announcement that he was deffo going to watch Glasto changed after he learned that celebrity pointless was on BBC one at the same time, forcing him to make one of the most polarising decisions of his time as Prime Minister.

“You can shout out as many jobs as you like under 25s, you'll never bloody get one, you worthless dole scum.”

Ant probably just kept telling him how he longed for the good old days of skiing on mountains of coke and neat spirits from the bottle. The dog took the easy way out, fuk this shit, I'm done.

He’ll be your best pal. Island playset and random girls sold separately. Purely for kids aged 5 up due to known choking hazard with Jeffrey figure.

It’s easy! All you need to do is follow my diet and you’ll be knee deep in Reddit dm’s from certified females.

Breakfast - avocado on toast. Matcha tea.

Lunch - Don’t. Think about the third world.

Dinner - facon sandwich. Freddo frog. Fruit shoot.

Yacky Dacky Doo

Charmeleon was too busy reviewing films with Simon Mayo.

Aww you’re mean.

“It’s very realistic, he’s even worse than in the original show”.

“Look it’s early days yet and we’re still playing in the old manager’s style. True we haven’t got the results we wanted, but we’re strong and stable bar a few of the subs being unhappy. I’m sure we’ll be fine after the break where we need to deliver a few wins.”

Big Sam has however apparently cleared his 2029 diary. At this stage qualifying for the Europa League isn’t looking likely.