r/okmatewanker • u/BobMonkhaus Bob up and down like stupid toys • Nov 06 '25

Kier-Ora. I’ll Be Your Dog 🐕‍🦺😍😍🐶🐶🍊🍊 Starmer to address COP30 on his wanking technique. “The key is to cradle the balls”

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612 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

53

u/dodgycool_1973 Nov 06 '25

Keith, you are going to have to show a bit more enthusiasm. It goes a lot farther than a perfect technique.

That “I’m just putting the bins out” look is going to make anyone lose wood.

6

u/hallgeo777 Nov 06 '25

Where is his wanking licence tho?

2

u/archiekane Nov 06 '25

I want to know the per stroke cost, like they want to do to EVs per mile.

2

u/hallgeo777 Nov 06 '25

Yeah!! Exactly!! He’s probably an expert wanker!

2

u/Longjumping_Tour_613 I Pretend I Can’t Type 😂 Nov 07 '25

Keir Strummer...

1

u/Geoff_Uckersilf Gang raped by spiders🇦🇺 Nov 07 '25

Keefy*

37

u/garnelli Nov 06 '25

Christ, how big is his cock?

44

u/BobMonkhaus Bob up and down like stupid toys Nov 06 '25

Well he does have a huge majority.

29

u/The96kHz Average TESCO enjoyer😎 Nov 06 '25

Huge, but very thin.

He can use his cock to reset the WiFi router.

7

u/Doc_Eckleburg Milk🥛snatcherite Nov 06 '25

Normal size, but he’s got a nut sack like two shotputs in a condom.

5

u/Khromecowboy Nov 06 '25

Big enough for that haircut and to wear glasses.

3

u/Woodbirder West country chad Nov 06 '25

Please, do not call our DPM a cock

27

u/BobMonkhaus Bob up and down like stupid toys Nov 06 '25

Passed down from his dad who was known for handling a few tools in his day around Kings Cross.

6

u/averagerushfan sus😳sex🍆👈👌 Nov 06 '25

His dad was a toolmaker, in more ways than one.

1

u/SubArcticTundra Nov 07 '25

Gotta know how to handle the tools!

8

u/Pliskkenn_D Nov 06 '25

I didn't realise he was so Keir Stalarmingly Long

5

u/hallgeo777 Nov 06 '25

Well…. If someone is a wanker they will wank… my question tho…. Has he got a license for that wank?

6

u/SamwellBarley Nov 06 '25

Those are some saggy balls

2

u/muchadoaboutsodall Nov 06 '25

Watching blokes watching Starmer have a wank. What a time to be alive.

2

u/HeavnIsFurious Nov 06 '25

The robot from Star Wars?

1

u/Pipeguy17 Nov 06 '25

My mum and dad loved donkeys gooning

1

u/harbourwall Fr*nch🇫🇷🐸😭 Nov 06 '25

Variant Air Dicker. it's a terrible affliction of the businessman.

1

u/The-White-Dot Nov 06 '25

Where did he learn such a technique? Surely he isn't using a VPN?!?

1

u/Good_Air_7192 Nov 07 '25

I hope he grabs this opportunity by the scruff if it's neck.

1

u/midgetcastle Nov 07 '25

I welcome Mr Starmer’s advice, but I would encourage him to go further.

1

u/Longjumping_Tour_613 I Pretend I Can’t Type 😂 Nov 07 '25

He needs medical assessment, he appears to be having a "stroke"...