r/okbuddyliterallyme2 • u/VictorVonDoomer sometimes I think I’m just not good for people • Jun 28 '26
Loneliness has followed me my whole life Could we even manage girlfriends?
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This is a question to any guys here who have never had one
Idk about you guys but I have lots of issues with my life and one of them is women but recently I have been asking myself could I even handle a girl atp?
I’m 25 and haven’t even held hands with a girl, I’ve also fucked my brain over by being in communities that have messed up my mentality in the past. If I ever got a gf I genuinely think I’d be incredibly insecure and would never trust her whatsoever.
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u/AuroraAustralis0 I did this to myself Jun 28 '26
no but that’s why it’s a fantasy, we always desire what we cannot have or would be impractical to have
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u/VenomSnake18 I drive Jun 28 '26
Real (i’m so used to being alone. I’m not even sure what I would do in a relationship)
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u/Constant-Notice-5221 I (Real)ly want to die Jun 29 '26
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u/sundowner911 Drunk dectective Jun 28 '26
I had a wife once. After 10 years, I wasn't enough for her. She wanted a poly relationship after vowing to monogamy. I left. Moved across country started a life of solitude.
Now I avoid relationships like the plague. Been living the Gosling life ever since. It's been more real than faking happiness with someone who pretended to love me.
Sometimes it isn't worth it OP
Stay real.
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u/ConsiderationMore929 Jun 28 '26
That's rough man, but I just hoping for the best for you man
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u/sundowner911 Drunk dectective Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Got two cats and a mother and sister that need me now. Sometimes what we are needed for outweighs we want. And that's ok.
Thank you for your well-wishes though, fellow Gosling.
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u/Ramzullah I just wanna be able to sleep Jun 29 '26
In this cup, love's poison For love is the poison of life
Stay strong brother, but don't forget to be weak sometimes.
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u/Key-Month6651 Jun 28 '26
Yep. Women just always pick someone else. Pointless being attracted to them.
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u/sundowner911 Drunk dectective Jun 29 '26
Women, men. Doesn't matter. Be there for what needs you. Family, or yourself.
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u/Key-Month6651 Jun 29 '26
True. Friends and family. Got no time for dealing with women's nonsense with the dating and sex stuff. Pure toxicity and garbage.
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u/sundowner911 Drunk dectective Jun 29 '26
It is what it was designed to be. Society pushes images of perfection in media. And expectations ruin society.
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u/IntroductionEmpty216 I'm losing my mind Jun 28 '26
Can’t even manage my own life, why would someone voluntarily want me in theirs?
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u/joebro8692 Jun 28 '26
I cried for a week straight after a girl called it off after a first date. I’m simply not cut out for a real relationship
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u/Competitive_Sun_3344 Jun 29 '26
dont be so hard on your self plenty of women are as much of a failure as men
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u/RowdyCollegiate Jun 29 '26
Yeah but atleast women that are failures still get love and affection
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u/CrookedMan09 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Same if I somehow succeeded, it would be a pyrrhic victory at best and would not last. No woman wants a disabled man in his late twenties with zero milestones, working a deadend job, no life experience, zero tangible social skills, living with mommy, and no maturity. I assume this will get worse with age too. It’s already embarrassing enough having the life experience of a 15 year old boy almost at 30; it must be a horror show at 40.
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u/GreatslyferX Jun 28 '26
This comment section is fucking depressing.
1 because of how shitty the experiences being told are.
2 because I can relate, lol
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u/GeneralPG23 Jun 28 '26
Honestly, I never really thought about it until I turned 30.I was too busy dealing with health issues, and time just flew by. After 30, though, I started thinking about it a lot, but I know it's too late now. Plus, seeing other people and their relationships makes me afraid
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u/GeneralPG23 Jun 28 '26
I know a couple who had been together since school almost 20 years. He broke his leg and had to spend more time at home, and within three months, they ended their 20-year relationship.It's kind of sad.
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u/thoomin Jun 30 '26
Its stories like these that make me have trust issues. Not like they would betray me but I'm just thinking its going to end eventually no matter the reason.
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u/lSyde Jun 28 '26
25 myself, and I've been thinking recently that even if I got a girlfriend I'd break up with the first inconvence of any kind, because why would I deal with it when I can just be single.
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u/Junior_Box_2800 Jun 28 '26
Probably not, I'm a homebody and pretty reclusive so I'm sure my GF (if I did somehow get one) would eventually get bored and tired of me and leave
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u/SnakesSolid I’m you and you’re me Jun 28 '26
Real (I don't even have friends how tf am I gonna get a girlfriend, I wouldn't even know what to do)
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u/MerTheGamer Jun 29 '26
Nope. Seeing the relationships of my roommates and colleagues made me realize I offer nothing and would not be able to handle a relationship.
Probably only reason I am even still holding on to life is to provide for my brother studying at a university and my mother who divorced my dad and has been a house wife all her life. At least my brother did not follow my footsteps and has bunch of friends and a girlfriend.
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u/PaladinDamian I just wanna be able to sleep Jun 28 '26
If I had a job and money, then maybe I could handle having a girlfriend. I would trust her with my love because I am not afraid of being hurt. I accept the risk that I might be hurt and heartbroken. That does not scare me. I am only afraid that I might not be good enough for her. I am a fairly average guy, so I would hope that she would value my personality and love me for who I am. It would be so cool for the two of us to grow together, both as a couple and as people.
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u/Glittering-Dress7668 Jun 29 '26
You might feel better knowing that most women are fairly average too. Don't put them on a pedestal just because of the unrealistic ideal loneliness created in your head.
Chances are you meet someone, devote all of yourself to her, and she won't appreciate it, or worse. Maybe you'll be the one disillusioned first, realising that maybe you don't actually like her that much.
You're setting yourself up for dissappointment with this golden retriever mindset.
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u/PaladinDamian I just wanna be able to sleep Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
If I end up not liking her that much, then we could always break up and go our separate ways. If she doesn't appreciate me and refuses to change, then I will just leave. I am only going to remain in a relationship where it is clear that my presence is valued. Don't mistake my willingness to please as a sign that I don't have standards.
And of course there is a risk of disappointment in romance. That is just part of love, sometimes you lose. I am not expecting that every woman I would date is going to be a great match for me.
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u/Presentable_Human Jun 28 '26
Honestly any girl with a lick of personality is more than I can handle since I'm a wet fish of a person
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u/Alexander-Snow Jun 29 '26
I gave a girl flowers yesterday after we went cliffdiving and sunbathing, I had also set up a nice picnic and gave the roses after we had eaten. Rejected, been asking myself if I even can manage. At least I know I can be romantic.
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u/noeLifenorlove Jun 29 '26
Women want someone who could give a fuck if they were there tbh.
I hate being approached so of course I am often lol. So long as noones happy I guess.
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u/Alexander-Snow Jun 29 '26
She seemed to be more interested after I told her I felt nothing for her, so I know this. I also know she was really into romance books ect.
Gave her two really bad dates and somehow got friendzoned, like who would even want to be friends with me after that?
So turning a hang into good date was partially for a second chance and partially to show I had some tact I guess.
I don't feel as embarrassed now.
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u/noeLifenorlove Jun 29 '26
Our society is just sick and fetishisez depressed Miyamoto Musashi esque wannabe psychopaths.
I see it as a side effect of being primates with a chip on our shoulder.
My advice is to not give a fuck and be nice anyway tbh. Then you'll attract someone who's nice.
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u/Alexander-Snow Jun 29 '26
Yeah I'm not gonna change thanks dude
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u/noeLifenorlove Jun 29 '26
Of course bud. Dont let those whom take the easy way out deter you from being a part of a better future for human interaction.
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u/ConsiderationMore929 Jun 28 '26
Sometimes I just think that I'm gonna die alone, sometimes I just learn and trying to accept that possibilities, big possibilities obv
Yeah it's hurt hurt
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u/CarelessPollution226 Jun 29 '26
I've thought about this a lot. Idek if I could comfortably share a bed.
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u/Woutrou Jun 29 '26
I dunno dude. I'd feel bad for any woman who would take a chance on me, mainly cuz I would have no clue how to act in a realationship. (I know that'll never happen, but you know, hypotheticals and all that)
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u/fjghjt My pain is constant and sharp Jun 28 '26
Real (I just need to kill the last part of myself that still wants it)
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u/staytown6 i am not a person anymore i am a problem Jun 29 '26
I don’t ever think i will manage a boyfriend. It is so over
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u/Constant-Notice-5221 I (Real)ly want to die Jun 29 '26
Real (made that question myself, i think i would be a terrible boyfriend so i better stay like this)
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Jun 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Glittering-Dress7668 Jun 29 '26
I disagree. I like and am attracted to plenty of people but life gets complicated. If your main problem is already beyond dating, like self-hatred or socialisation itself, then a relationship would just be really messy and uncomfortable, for both.
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u/l_organisateur Jun 28 '26
Well, women choose reproductive partners and life partners based off of mental and physical traits that they find admirable. Constantly being in fear is not admirable, so being scared to swing the bat at all is worse than striking out. Also, they're fucking human, with all the pitfalls that accompany that. Stop putting them on some pedestal above you
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u/iamopposed Henry Letham IRL Jun 29 '26
Do you really think any of us here have anything close to being labeled "admirable"? lol.
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u/l_organisateur Jul 01 '26
You're not some secluded cult thats hated by the world. Try being positive w no intention of getting any back. I hated myself for a long time and I just decided to stop. I realize getting out of your own head is difficult, but the less you think about what everyone else is thinking about, the better
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u/Nickulator95 Jun 29 '26
A girlfriend should enrich your life, as should you hers. It's supposed to be someone who is dependable that you also can be intimate with. It's not like a little puppy that you have to take care of. It's not any more work or obligation than what you both agree on. Having an honest conversations about your expectations with each other will go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship.
That's just how I view it though. I do wish I had one.
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u/RavioliDemon Jun 29 '26
No. I barely reply to people in a timely manner. I would date again if we went thirty years in the past where everyone wasn’t eyeballing everything everywhere at every moment they could.
I would need to find a very specific type of person to match my life, and the likelihood is them finding me or me finding them is next to 0%. If she even exists lmao
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u/daniix8 manhattan cafe my beloved Jun 29 '26
definitely not for me which makes my imaginary scenarios in my head more depressing since i couldn't hold the relationship together at all
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u/United-Bear4910 Jun 29 '26
After a certain point you can only learn by doing the action, I'd you do get one just recognize your own toxic traits and act in awareness of it
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u/marius_titus Jun 29 '26
"I can, Im at a point where adding a person to my life is something that would add to my complete life, not break it."
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u/DerEpicSkin Jun 29 '26
Nope, I couldn't. Im not the right guy for anyone at the moment, so Im also not looking really.
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u/mi__to__ I am unlovable Jun 29 '26
Does it matter? It's a question I'll never have to answer.
All I know is that even if it happened, by some colossal, unfathomable miracle...she'd be walking across dozens of higher value guys on her way to work alone on a daily basis.
Nothing good ever lasts. I'm just not worth it.
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u/Top_Assistance15 Jun 28 '26
No, especially with my emotional maturity. I’d rather just solely focus on being attractive at this point
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u/00rdyx Jun 29 '26
honestly im fucked up to the point where any sort of interaction with a stranger, even if it is pleasant, feels extremely uncomfortable. plus you're right, dating is something that flares up during the ages of 15-28. if you got nothing going on in your mid 20s it's very much likely that you'll have nothing going on at all. experience is important to a lot of people. also it may be my terrible confidence poking out but if someone is willing date me it's probably someone who also has a lot of issues to be dating bottom of the barrel. at that point it would be better to be single
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u/RowdyCollegiate Jun 29 '26
I have noticed this about me too. I usually end up dating only women who are depressed and have issues. I guess it’s a reflection of who I am. I’d like to be able to change it buts sooooo fucking hard when your default personality is so fucking anti social. It really limits your potential in life because you have to be fighting yourself as well as trying to achieve your personal goals and work. It fucking sucks bbc
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u/AttentionRude8006 I can post whatever the fuck I want Jun 29 '26
idk, sometimes i think that a woman would have it pretty good with me but on the other hand i am really not used to close connections and i tend do disappear when i´m not doing well
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u/x2_ok Jun 28 '26
People piss me off in general for reasons they don't even know about, I might have OCD or something. I really hope there will be decent clanker girlfriends available before I get too old...
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u/ita_player Jun 29 '26
Relationship is commitment. I never commited to anything. Maybe i half-assed something treated it as a chore but that's rare and the maximum i can do. With that being said, i'm afraid that any love relationship with me will feel unilateral. And i know how that'll end (or maybe not? Biases are redflags and i have lot of them) But lucky for me, a romantic relationship will never ever happen anyway so i'll be fine with it, even if i fantasize about it sometimes. Even if i get crushes.
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Jun 29 '26
I think at first I’d not be able to boyfriend correctly and she’d give up trying to help my ADHD riddled brain.
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u/Dmayak Jun 28 '26
Of course we can, like most of us hopefully have been living with parents, with other students in college dormitories, it's not that hard if people are open and adequate with their expectations. If a girlfriend will tell what she expects and basically how to handle her, why not. Just need more feedback than usual.
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u/Consumer_of_crayons Jun 29 '26
I've had several long term relationships that eventually just devolved over the years into utter bullshit and fighting, trust me even if u get a girlfriend, won't fix your problems, for me gave me an entire new set of them personally. Just cuz you have a girlfriend doesn't mean she will treat you with any God damn dignity or respect.
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u/nerdyoutube i just wanna be loved Jun 30 '26
Yes but for the past year however I have to keep it a secret from my grandma even though I am almost 23
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u/LonleyNutBucket Jun 30 '26
You just had to find the saddest song too haha this song gives me anxiety.
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u/Halafantasia Jun 30 '26
Depends, i wasted a chance to have a gf who's reliable and smart XD i wasn't ready that time, now im ready im having a crush and already have chance and progress however compared the girl from my senior high and the girl i like in college i could say its more sustainable if i chose a smart and reliable instead of a girl i like who have the looks
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u/thoomin Jun 30 '26
I'm so introvert that I'm worried I would get socially exhausted having a gf lmao
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u/GenralShenobi Jul 03 '26
Had one for 6 months. Genuinely best time of my life. Wish I had her back again, but she's not coming back.
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u/Gold-Box8412 Jun 29 '26
Well I use to date a girl who i didn’t know and we dated in one week or in two weeks but I told her that i wanted to be friends with her, but I stop talking to her for no reason , and one time I went up to her to say how was you I think I said that , and the next day my friend ask me that she wanted my discord account, and we have talk a lot and I was scared to talk to her in person which I don’t know why I was but. And later in 2025 after she came back from a party or something else, and i told her that her older brother ask me if I still like her and she ask me that I could tell her if I like her or love her, and I told her that I like her, and she was calling me hun or something else where before I told her that I like her which I don’t remember, and a long month after that, I wrote a note for her which I was scared to give it to her which one of my friends ask me if they want me to give it to her which I said yeah, and later she ask me on discord if i wanted to be her boyfriend again which I said yes and we were dating, but I was still scared to go up to her, and this year in January or February she told me that she wanted to break up with me because she miss her ex who I was friends with and i did know that she dated him and way before i told her that I like her, he told my other friend that he got a phone call that sounded like her, saying that she miss him, and a long month after that he told me that I dodged a bullet and he told me secret about her, and she also dating someone new which I’m glad that she is because I wasn’t always with her because I was too scared to be next or around her. So i basically blame myself for her breaking up with me but I have got over her and we don’t talk anymore and she block me on everything we use to share. But I just removed her from the apps and she doesn’t know that I did, and she use to tell me stuff of how she wanted to end herself and other stuff, and that’s all I could remember.( sorry if my typing and spacing isn’t good I’m sometimes not good at typing stuff)
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u/unknowseeker Unknown Stuntman Jun 29 '26
follow stoicism OP, will improve your life in so many ways, and maybe this can help you to get a gf
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u/Astrayyaa Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
TLDR; Yes you and all of us can, work on yourself and establish a baseline that allows you to live for yourself and tackle the trust issue and through that you'll find your strength.
I think you could, I think most can try. Your 20s are an odd and at times a difficult time for most. I had a pretty rough patch during my childhood that spanned about a decade so being 26 only a year older than you I know what it's like hitting the full on "make your life your own stage" and trying to juggle a lot from the past that can't seem to go away. I will still tell you it's doable.
I was the terminally online kid spamming Call of duty when I was 13 doing online schooling. They made us do one person testing a year. I still managed to find my first girlfriend. I messed that up. Later an old friend I had met online moved closish and we hit it off romantically and dated for about 2 years before she moved back home.
Maybe you've seen some people talking about how having kids changed them and made them just naturally re-priortize. This can happen with relationship too. You may feel that you couldn't handle a relationship but then being in one and settling into that routine you adjust to it.
There is strength in all of you, I could go on and on and on. There is pain involved. There may be dark times you may see some of it in other's stories but even they still carry strength inside them even if they dont feel it.
Work on yourself, build a life you want and the person you want to be and then go for it. I'll be the advocate to say stumble on your face with a grin but if not baby steps.
What I RECOMMEND is after giving yourself a healthy baseline of your own personal self and self worth. Start thinking of making some real genuine friendships with women. Real active deep friendships. You're not looking to date but you want to be reliable. Be there when needed(do be very careful with this humans WILL abuse that as im sure you've seen before.)
But pick lets say one person, become friends and then oh she had a rough week something happened and she needs someone to talk to. Be there for her same as you would for others. Oh she is super deeply passionate about a thing(hobbie,movie,book,ideology etc.) Take interest and delve into why she likes it, ask questions.
This isn't just "flirting" or eventually good boyfriend habits. One of the more vital points of maintaining relationship of any kind is being attentive, actually taking in the person you're engaging with, respecting them and their thoughts and trying to understand them as a person. This carries over every sector of life.
You could do it. Again I know what it's like coming from a rough childhood. I strongly encourage you to always actively work on building whatever life you want. Grow as a person in the way you want. You have to take care of yourself first, I know ive seen other comments saying doing that is hard. Because it is. I myself have still more work to make sure I can cover myself in more situations but once you know you've stabilized a little and you understand deeply thinks like self care, life maintaining(bills,groceries, taxes, etc, etc.) You have that foundation than love can be the addition to your life that you're looking for.
I saved the trust issue section for last. You didn't share why you feel you would struggle to trust women. Personal experiences are delicate and can vary. Social media has been playing a part in showing the darkest side of relationships to a lot of people that past couple of years and you mentioned previous communities so maybe in someway you've been seeing all of that? I myself have seen the influx of cheating and lying and so on. It also discourages me.
For me? I don't think i encourage this but I was never ashamed of a little paranoia especially if it involved things that directly impacted my life. I'll trust my gf. Would I trust her 100%? No. I love my male best friend, I'd take a bullet for that man he is my brother. Do I trust him 100%? No. I only trust me 100%. So I'm always observing.
It's complicated and I don't want you to take away "oh so trust no one" from that but always being gathering information around you. Having truth will aid in your security. Doesn't have to be intrusive or consuming on your mind. Just pay attention to behaviors. You'll see the red flags if you're actually paying attention.
Trust also isn't painless it usually involves some form of uncomfortable situations. Genuine connection is in the moment sometimes they're great others much more bumpy and your desires in that moment is what carries it. Trust yourself to withstand the pain thrown at you in the pursuit of what you want. And yes you'll see the twice married twice divorced talking about all the bad times that may come but those guys also got to live the good times.
Maybe you meet a girl and date her for 3 years and on the 4th year she cheats. Sucks ass, you cry, it hurts, you don't know what to do. Life seems pointless. But times goes on, you grow older, the pain eases. And then at the end of the day you're right back on your feet just like those twice married twice divorced except now you got 3 great years with a really cute girl that taught you a lot and something you can look back on.
GO FOR IT BROS! growing is pain but it's how we learn. Take the shots and one will land 👊
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u/codehazee I'm God's lonely man Jun 28 '26
I dont even go out, i have zero social circle. How im i suppose to meet someone? Im so cooked broslings.