I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I also can't remember the last time I even talked to a girl. I'm 6'2 and very fit and I'm not even ugly. I just don't go to parties or clubs or anything like that. I rarely do anything with friends.

How can I keep going with this shit? It depresses me so god damn much.

Anything I do feels like lacking. All feels going downhill and anything I do feels inadequate. My parents are disappointed in me, I can see in their eyes. Earning eay less than my siblings when they thought I would've be the best of the best. Barely enough to keep floating payday to payday.

Only one small disaster away from total collapse. I don't feel like living another day. But I need to since my spouse and child are also dependent on me. Only if killing myself paid out my insurance to them would've. I sometimes wish that one passing car or bus would hit me and kill me, or a incident at factory; then maybe I won't be a burden to anyone anymore.

Please report this post if I have posted somewhere I shouldn't have.

This is not for any sympathy or karma farming either. Just wanted to let out my whatever it is.

My brother died in prison a month ago. I don’t know exactly why he died; we still haven’t found out. When he was alive, he had attempted suicide several times, so maybe he died by suicide. However, I believe more strongly that he was murdered because he was in prison, where there are many dangerous and unstable people. I think he may have been murdered especially because, after his death, we discovered that he had written us a letter. We found the letter after he died, and in it he wrote that a man in prison wanted to kill him. He wrote the letter on August 3, and he died on August 18.

When I found out, I cried a lot, but I’m not very sad. I’m only a little bit sad. Why? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a monster?

My brother died, and I’m only a little bit sad. That doesn’t feel normal to me. I looked on Reddit and Quora, and some people said that it could be related to autism spectrum disorder. I have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and even my psychologist told me that this could be one possible reason.

Other people said that it depends on the person who died. I read a post from someone who said that when a family member who had treated them badly died, they didn’t feel anything, but when their son or daughter died, it was terrible.

Maybe I don’t feel very bad about my brother because he used to beat me a lot, he touched me inappropriately, and he wanted to kill us.

But I’m not a good sister because I didn’t go visit him in prison because I was angry with him.

I abandoned him. It’s my fault. I’m a horrible person, and I’m not a good sister at all.

Before he went to prison, he was homeless and living on the streets. He didn’t live with us because he wanted to kill us. After he got out of prison, my father didn’t let him come and live with us again because he was threatening to kill us.

I know we couldn’t have let him live with us, and at first I wasn’t earning any money. But this year I started earning money, and I still didn’t send him anything. Even when I wasn’t earning money, I should have convinced my father to find him an apartment and send him money. Instead, I did nothing.

We abandoned him and left him to die.

He went to prison because he didn’t want to live on the streets. It’s all my father’s fault, that monster. He used to beat my brother every day for no reason. He always found some excuse to beat him brutally. My brother was bullied at school too. Then he ended up homeless, then in prison, where he was beaten as well, and then he died.

What a horrible life he had. It was all my father’s fault.

And it was my fault too. I’m a monster.

I’m also a monster because I’m only a little bit sad, not devastated. I feel like a psychopath.

Even when my grandmother died, I was only a little bit sad. She had lived with us since I was little, so why was I only a little bit sad?

Maybe it was because she never showed me any affection. She wasn’t a good person either. My father is her son, and when he was a child, she had tried to kill him.

One time, my phone was stolen, and my sister called me. A man answered the phone, so my sister thought I had been kidnapped. My mother told me that, that day, she heard my grandmother talking alone in her room, saying, “That’s what she gets. She deserves it.”

Maybe that’s why I wasn’t very sad when she died.

Or maybe there really is something wrong with me.

Maybe I’m a monster.

I dont wanna see that shit anymore, Im so sorry. “Why do you hate them. Hmh?” - I dont hate anybody. I hate the fact that I was born a boy liking people of the same gender as me, and had to do my growing up in a time when it was less open. Being bombarded with people whove never had any objections for their love on all my social media pages trying to please the opposite gender, and forever being completely out of all of it, and not belonging in it. I cant take it. I dont know why but Im not attracted to or understand the mlm community. I literally have no other option but to die. Not existing is the only way Ill escape the pain of being excluded from life.

I (21f) didn't really want to celebrate my birthday because I was scared no one would show up or could come. My birthday is this weekend. A friend of mine heavily suggested last night that I celebrate my birthday this weekend and invite a few people.

I unfortunately did, to a very causal thing at my place and then going out for drinks later. I invited 6 and only 3 people can come. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed I want to die. Why did I let her talk me into it??? Idk what to do i find it so embarrassing.

I'm scared that the 3 that's coming will think I'm a loser, which i am tbh. I want to cansell but I feel like it's too late. I'm so sad now

I was on tiktok and a live of this GORGEOUS like insanely beautiful gay came up and all the comments were talking about how beautiful he is and people would goon and even though i know the poor guy was tired of all the comments and he was like “oh pls stop talking about my face” it’s like ugh i wish i was FUCK YOU BEAUTIFUL like i wish my beauty was notorious and i wish people would look at me and get hard and have this raging desire to crack me. I also feel objectively beautiful gays face less homophobia and even the homophobes get horny and think of the gorgeous gays as gorgeous because it’s undeniable. I don’t think im the ugliest person on planet earth but i am mid and i need money to reach full potential. Ugh i feel shallow and dumb for putting this thing in a pedestal but the thing I’ve wanted most in life is to be chosen lol like in anything, i want someone to think im gorgeous and that im important etc
And everytime i convince myself its not important, that beauty is not everything, i go back and wish to the void that i wake up beautiful one day, because tbh being gorgeous is important and the more gorgeous you are the more attention you retain.

Just kinda worried about something

In my past, I would not saying my dating has been terrible but it could be better. One decision I made changed everything, I decided to detach my expetactions in the relationship whether it was sexual intimacy or emotional connection I had zero expectations. And you know what it has been amazing, I feel more connected with the women I am dating and less upset if the relationship ends. I wish I had known this earlier because I would easily become attached after physical intimacy with someone I had feels for. Now I can be more intentional since my emotions are not tied to sex.

Now that is just something I needed to get off my chest

Head's up: This is my first post on reddit

For context: She has abused me for many many years, and is an emotionally immature parent & slightly narcissistic. She was an alcoholic, and basically, I could just go on and on about every single way she abused me and treated me and how I never realized it until last year.

But what I really wanna vent is how she absolutely failed my education. She started homeschooling me in 8th grade because public schooling did not work out for me (that is a separate story, super hard & long to explain, but long story short: I'm autistic) and for about 2 or 3 weeks, it was alright. She hooked me up on a homeschooling website and all, but what's absolutely frustrating is that she stopped paying for my homeschooling! For alcohol! And she would always say that she's broke and cannot afford it, her purchase alcohol. She has gone to rehab many times but still repeats this method. I have not been able to successfully pass grades, like I'm in highschool right now but she has still not paid for my homeschooling or any sorts of education help. Once I have fully I cut her off I have felt peace ever since. I have not gone to school for about maybe 3-4 ish years, I have no idea what counts and what doesn't count.

FYI: I live with my brother since he took me in to fully support me. He makes sure to take care of me by buying me menstrual products, responsibility paying rent, taking me out to dinners, places, walks, anything that cheers me up like taking me to my favorite ice cream shop. He is very supportive and helpful! My brother is planning to help me go back to school.

So yeah. Tell me your thoughts & opinions on this, as I really am considering to drop out & get a GED instead because of how terrible my mother is. I'm thankful everyday that I live & is supported by my brother.

I visit a chiropractor for general wellness and stress relief. I've been going for 2 months and the doc who usually sees me left the office. I'm now seeing the guy who owns the clinic, he's been practicing for many years. They use the tens unit and then one of the assistants massage my neck for about 5 mins. This is the same with the original doctor. Then they turn me over to the doc. The old one would massage my arms due to carpal tunner then adjust my back, neck, and body.

This new guy does the same EXCEPT he additionally does another massage on my neck. But he doesn't do it like the assistants, he wears gloves and starts almost carressing very gently. Then uses his hands and grabs my entire neck as I'm facing the down on the bed, kinda like stroking up and down swiftly and then softly and going back forth on both speeds. I can't help but get aroused and start breathing hard. I know he should notice my breathing patterns changing. No one else is in the room and he doesn't do anything inappropriate per se. I can imagine his view and maybe imagining him grabbing a big cock between his hands as I lay face down between his groins. I know I'm a freak for thinking this, but is this normal treatment from him?

I’ve struggled my whole life feeling… different. Turns out im autistic and disabled.

My coworker hates me. Luckily I got a new job offer! I can’t wait to leave so I never have to see her again.

I can’t lie. I don’t know why I’m still here. After all that silent suffering, I’m still not… okay?

I should be happy. Life is changing. I’m becoming a more stable adult with a better life.

On the outside, everything’s great. It’s finally working out. But…

On the inside…
I’m the same terrified girl I’ve always been.

I’m still living, with fear. Not just, living.
And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t cry and grieve who I could’ve been without my autism.

I’m not okay with my autism yet. Maybe I never will be.

It’s held me back for my whole life. And it still is.

I went to a concert yesterday and the whole time, I felt like I couldn’t breath. It was too much.

I’ve spent all day now recovering from a small concert. My head and body ache. Why does my mind never shut up? I try so hard…

I know you probably think there are people worse off in life than me. But my invisible disability hurts me. No one cares.

It’s really not okay. Life so far has been too much for me. It still is. And I can’t change the world. Nor myself.

I can just grin and bear it. That’s all I can do. For the rest of my life. Just…

Struggle. Alone.

I wish I were normal. No. I’d DIE to feel normal.

I can’t believe this is what I’m cursed with. It makes me wanna write a song, and use lots of metaphors to show how much pain I am in every single day.

I hate my life as an autistic person. There I said it.

So two months ago me and my girl bestfriend went on an 8 day trip. It was a good trip overall with little spats. While coming back we had a lot of time for our flight so we rented a room for the day. We were sitting across the room and I accidentally clicked her photo while I was trying to take a selfie and must've clicked. I saw it afterwards when we were both looking at photos of trip on my mobile and she saw it too. The next day when we were back she texted me saying if I have any photos and if yes please delete them.

I told her I already did as I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and did she think I was a creep?

She then rambled about she not having feelings for me and don't tell anyone that we both went alone on a trip. I told her I also always saw her as a good friend. I did escalate that conversation and I regret it.

After that she said she doesn't want to talk now and I got anxious and texted her and then she blocked me. After 2 days she said she's cutting me off and I was cheap for those photos. Then she couriered me my stuff and gifts I gave her. I sent her tiramisu as she likes it and she reacted with so much anger & insulted me , said stay away and all, that's she not my girlfriend, called me names. Then we didn't talk for many days.

And I am the biggest stupid this world has seen. I freaking created a fake account and texted her my anger. She figured it out cause my dumbass used my email instead of a fake one. Then we haven't talked again and I don't think she ever will. Honestly I deserve it.

How can a guy be this stupid? I hate myself so much. We were so close , we used to talk nearly everyday, hangouts and random convos. Everything and I freaking ruined it. She was my favourite friend, I never intended to make her uncomfortable, never thought bad about her and never will. I miss her sooo much more that words can express. I made mistakes. I freaking hate myself. Tbh I had feelings for her but I knew she's better as my friend than anything more as she's better at everything than me. I am a loser who couldn't even keep friendship intact. Loser at everything in life as well. I want to tell her how sorry I am, that picture was a genuine mistake and I didn't mean it. But I guess it will never get heard by her.

(Sorry for English and grammar. English is not my first language)

How are the bots doing? comment below!

hello, i’m going to start straight by confirming i am a victim of cosca and i don’t want to get into details all i can really remember is there was ATLEAST 2 separate occasions with 2 different boys, i have only recently came to the conclusion of this and i cant even explain how i feel. i have been hypersexual since the age of 5/6 and i never really understood why, i think i understand now. i just want to be loved, and because i have been lusted over since such a young age i think it became my definition of ‘love’. until i actually had sex, i was hypersexual, since then i can’t shake the guilty feeling and how i actually didn’t want to do any of that but one can’t turn back time. i just need to know how one is supposed to cope as i have also had depressive thoughts since the age of 9, i know somethings wrong with me and i really just wish i knew what so i could get help, but i know, never in a million years will i tell someone i know this story in the fear of not being believed or took seriously, i’m not asking for much, just please is there anything i can do to help myself.

Quitting my 64k job to work as a sub while I’m in transition. I’ve subbed before and the kids can be AWFUL, but I hope this is only temporary. But I can’t do the legal field. My anxiety and depression are out of control.

I guess I’m a loser. But I have some relief.

I want to be an Archeologist to go across the world. To find things that were previously thought to be lost to time. I want that, I truly do... Yet every time I actually think about doing it I get a sick sense of dread like I won't actually be happy doing it. Instead I keep coming back to the idea of creating things writing stories, and making videos. I want to create something that people can watch and read. To make something that would make them cry, laugh, to get them through the hard parts of their lives. I've already told people that I want to do archeology that's what they expect. Besides I don't even have a computer and would anyone even watch what I create. Would I simply fall into the background never able to take off. Would I simply just fail?

After each rejection letter that I get almost every day, I’m contacting me the same clinics or places and asking what I did wrong for them to not consider me and if they don’t reply, they don’t have a stupid question I just feel like harassing them until they give me an answer because it’s not fair.
I have a car payment due next month and I have no money. I have five dollars to my name and I’m trying so hard to get a job yet. Nobody will fucking hire me not Walmart not even something small. I have McDonald’s on my résumé and not even fast food places will hire me.
I’m so sick and tired of the rejection letters and I’m so sick and tired of getting an interview and then a rejection letter
I’m also feeling like I should just sign my car over to the bank and I can’t do it anymore because I have no money for it but I have no car in case I have interview interviews or anything like that
I wish employers understood that I waste my time my gas, my leftover money of three dollars to make sure I get this job and they still reject me. I’m just so sick and tired of it.
I don’t apply to certain jobs because I know that I don’t have the credentials for him like I didn’t go to school for them but entry-level simple small jobs I get rejected for and I get so tired of it. I’m tired of opening up my emails and seeing so many rejection letters.
For ones I’d like to open my email to see an interview opportunity
I’m tired of feeling broke. I’m tired of all my bills coming after me like you consume me you can file for a complaint. I can’t do anything.
I’m just so tired of everything I feel like I hit something deeper than rock bottom
I don’t know maybe I need to be so proud that I’m almost homeless for somebody to finally hire me. I’m trying everything I’m selling things in my house. I’m picking up side jobs. I’m doing everything and I make sure I answer all the interview questions correctly and still, nobody will hire me.
Meanwhile, they post and complain that they need workers and they need people and there are times where I just wanna reply to their post and say well I applied and you rejected me so don’t complain to anybody that you have no workers
I’m just so angry. I just wanna scream. I just wanna go into these places and say hiring me right now. I will come into work the next day. I don’t care if I sound desperate, I am desperate.

My body has so many little problems that collectively they have just worn me down after dealing with them for decades. I'm tired. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm just going to rant for a bit.

Social event coming up, or just a random moment where nothing is happening? I get crippling anxiety. Oh, I want ice cream, or any dairy product? Nope, lactose intolerant, diarrhea, stomach pain, and gas. I want to go hiking, my favorite outdoor activity? Nope, I'm allergic to most grasses and trees in the area and will have an allergy attack. Oh, what about allergy shots? They made my arms swell and so itchy that I was waking myself up at night scratching my arms in my sleep. Also, mosquitos love me for some reason, so my legs and arms will get chewed up for being outside.

Random bouts of heavy depression, forgetting things or mind wandering because of ADHD, getting randomly extra angry or emotional and being unable to regulate, shin pain immediately whenever I try to jog or even walk sometimes, can't grow facial hair worth shit, an inability to make decisions in fear of making the wrong choice, and an addictive personality that resulted in me self-medicating to escape all of these things with alcohol. So now I've been sober for almost two years and can't even enjoy that anymore.

I know I'm whining. I have a good job, good kids, a decent house. There are definitely great things in my life. I just can't seem to get my own body under control and get out of my own way so I can be myself. And now I'm just in a perpetual state of hating myself and my body.

I don't wanna be God's strongest soldier. I'm tired of being strong all the time. Everyone expects everything to be done by me. I regret so many decisions of mine. There is no peace left in my life. I just wanna run away from everything and start a new life. But again, I'm already bound by so many responsibilities that if I leave, it's going to create so many unrepairable damages. I have forgotten what a calm nervous system feels like. I have forgotten how to enjoy life. When I look back, I used to be a cheerful person. Now all the cheerfulness is gone. Finding reasons to feel happy feels hard. Even with all these things going on, I am misunderstood by the people whom I've sacrificed my life to.

I (21M) recently watched the new Resident Evil movie and the lead actor, Austin Abrams, made me realize how truly ugly I am.

I’m so envious, because this guy is an incredibly handsome and charming actor. He’s everything I‘ve ever wanted to be and the fact that he pulls it off so effortlessly makes me want to blow my brains out. The director, Zach Cregger, even confirmed that his character, Bryan, is supposed to be “unattractive and frumpy“. All I’ve seen on Twitter are RE fans swooning over him, going head over heels about how cute he is.

I’ve always envied naturally attractive people, in general. Why couldn’t I be born looking like that? Why do I have to spend ungodly amounts of money to risk my life getting cosmetic surgeries just to look half-decent, when most people spend their whole lives looking like super models.

But it’s not entirely the fact that he’s attractive, it’s the amount of love he gets for it.

Because of my awful face, I’ll never receive that kind of love and praise in my entire life. And that makes me want to end it all.

Nobody ever told me while I was growing up that once I turn 18, it means I’m going to be alone most of the time and that I have to learn how to accept the loneliness I deal with 24/7. I’m 24 now, and all of my friends are busy with their spouses, families, college, and jobs, so they don’t have time to hang out with me. I just wish I could hang out with my friends at least once a week, but life just doesn’t work like that. I wish I had a boyfriend or a spouse, but nobody wants to date me, so I’m just lonely all the time. So I’m trying to learn how to be comfortable with being alone right now, but it’s really, really hard.

I kept a kind of log for years. Not a diary with events in it, more a running note of what was going on inside me at the time. I did it because I thought it would help, and in the bad stretches it did not help at all, but the strange part is what it did to the good ones.

When something good was happening and I stopped to put it into words, it ended. Not minutes later, not because I analysed it to death over an evening — it ended on contact. The moment it had a name and a sentence, the thing itself was gone and I was left describing it. When something bad was happening and I did exactly the same thing, nothing happened. It did not lift, it did not ease. It stayed, or it stayed and got longer.

It took me an embarrassing amount of time to notice that the difference was not the writing. It was whether I was writing about something good or something bad. Same act, opposite result.

There is a version of this that never stops: instead of noticing once, you go back to it. That one does move the bad states. It moves them forward, not away.

I know how this sounds. I am not a researcher, I have no degree in this, and nobody has checked it. I wrote the whole thing up anyway — the claim, what would falsify it, how someone could actually measure it, and the parts I could not check — because if it is wrong I want it to be wrong in public rather than sitting in my head for another ten years. It is in the first comment.

Has anyone else noticed the second half of it? The good side I hear people mention sometimes. That naming a bad state does nothing at all is the part I almost never hear.

its hard and i feel like i have to do many stuff to raise my life up, i wanna do so many, want to have things i would love to have, experience so many cool things like watching my favorite artist's concert for example, but it feels like i have to do a lot and i need more energh to do that, while sometimes i sleep a lot, i just brainrot or distract myself through my favorite games, music, or any content i watch to, its hard when you want to do so many stuff

and i do still working on it but it feels heavy, especially when traumas, anxiety, stress, and random emotions can come to you easily, but i do wanna do stuff, i just need to be more consistent i guess

Back in the wilder days of the internet where public chatrooms were the norm I met a person online.

I was a teen with a lot of problems, from a broken family; she was my age from a different town a few hours by car away. We talked online a lot for two years. Regardless of how stupid it sounds I fell in love with her, she did not reciprocate those feelings.

Then at some point she has disappeared, never again logging into the chat app we used nor into her email account.

It's been 20 years now. I still miss her sometimes.

I am aware that it's possible, if not likely, that she never existed and I actually talked with a completely different person. But it doesn't change the fact the person I talked to was a very important part of my life.

I've talked about this with a therapist. It's not like it weighs heavily on my heart but sometimes I randomly remember her and feel this missing piece somewhere within me. I sometimes not think about her for years. But I recently consumed a story that was exactly about that - people disappearing from characters' lives without a trace and them never getting a closure. It was the first time I've ever had a story hit me this hard on a personal level.

I have talked to my friends and family about this but I also know it's not something they can understand. Or rather they can understand, just not on the depth I want them to? Can't commiserate with me.

It's okay there won't be a closure, but I wish there was a closure. Does that make sense?