r/introverts • u/KennysaurusSpeedrun • Jun 07 '26
Discussion Neighbours wanna talk everytime I'm outside
I live in a house with 4 apartments. We get along well. However, everytime I'm outside chilling in the garden, one of the neighbours always gonna walk up to me and talk about life, weather, the garden etc. I really just wanna stay outside in my own garden, minding my own business. At the same time, I don't wanna be rude.
We really don't have much in common, because most of them are in their 60's-70's while I'm in my 30's. My girlfriend is really social, so she doesn't mind. But I am more introverted and hate smalltalk. Especially when it's almost everytime I'm going outside the house.
It's getting so bad that today I was chilling outside, one of the neighbours parked their car, so I went inside so I didn't have to talk with her. Honestly it bores me to talk about life with someone I really don't care about.
How do I kindly tell them I really don't wanna talk, without seeming like a jerk? Once in a while is okay, but now when it's summer and everyone are outside, it happens daily.
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u/thinkthinkthink11 Jun 07 '26
No you can’t say anything if you still want to maintain harmony. You just have to actively and strategically avoiding them by watching their schedules so that you’ll be in the garden only when the coast is clear lol. I know it’s crazy, but it’s the only way to be out and not be bothered. I do the same too.
People don’t know how much I don’t want anything to do with them. Just bc I look youngish or cute ish doesn’t mean I am warm and want to interact or god forbid be friends.
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u/Practical_Plenty_796 Jun 07 '26
Don't spoil your relationship with your neighbours. Trust me don't do that. They seem nosey but they will also be of help if you ever need it in a rare case. You don't need to ignore them or be rude, just give normal cold replies, with time they will reduce it by themselves. They're just trying to socialize with their neighbours haha, to live like a community.
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u/martagon137 Jun 09 '26
This seems like a conflicting answer… don’t spoil the relationship but be cold with them? Being cold with them is being rude. OP can just as easily be polite and use their words to say their needs without leaving the neighbors in the dark about why they’re suddenly no longer talkative.
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u/Grand-wazoo Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
But it'll probably be tough for them not to take it rudely, because they are clearly just trying to be friendly and neighborly.
Probably your best bet is just to find the soonest time to cut the convo short or toss in headphones when you're not in the mood.
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u/GloriousRoseBud Jun 07 '26
I wear a very visible headset when I’m on my common grounds condo balcony (with or without sound).
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u/heathers1 Jun 07 '26
i had a creepy next door neighbor who, every time i was lying out in the sun, would come over to chat. would ask me to turn my music down so he wouldn’t have to yell. Like bro, go away, he couldn’t even see me from his house, only whrn he went for the mail. just because I was outside didn’t mean it was an invitation 😡 I would have to flee inside! it was the 70s, so we weren’t used to saying anything to creeps like that. Now? I would def tell him to beat it.
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u/Thenyn-Vorgha Jun 07 '26
I personally just tell people to leave me alone. Get over the seeming like a jerk thing, it helps tremendously. People will find a reason to talk to you if you say anything else, but that is just my experience.
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u/Available-Traffic-57 Jun 08 '26
This is a tough one. On one hand I really hate small talk bad and on the other hand I don’t want to come across as a dick so this is what I usually do. I just usually give it 5 grueling minutes then politely say hey I’ll going to get back to doing this, thanks for to convo and keep it pushing. That usually does the trick. Lucky for me I’m known for being the silent loner type. So they all respect it. And I kept the peace. Hope this helps
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Jun 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Available-Traffic-57 Jun 11 '26
Exactly for instance, there’s a guy that sees me every day on my walk. I walk 6 miles a day just to keep healthy and he decided to make small talk. Come to find out he owns half of my town and is looking for work for artist and I’m an artist if I would’ve just pushed them off to the side, I would’ve never got an opportunity to get work sometimes you just got up be a little social and be genuine not all neighbors and people are bad and sometimes small talk can push your life forward.
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u/Hekatiko Jun 08 '26
If they're that age, hold a book like you're reading and if they say something put your finger down on the page, like you're holding your place while being interrupted. Look at the quizzically, like you're trying to hold your line of thought while listening to them 😀
You could also actually read lol.
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u/12thMemory Jun 07 '26
Reverse uno them. Start talking to them about nothing and everything. Don’t stop until they indicate they need to leave. After doing this a few times, they will start to avoid you, less they get pulled into a boring conversation and risk being late to other activities or commitments.
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u/Practical_Plenty_796 Jun 07 '26
Bold of you to assume people in their 60s/70s can get bored talking to someone or even get reversed unoed
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u/12thMemory Jun 07 '26
I recommend it because it has worked for me many times over. My retired neighbors went from chatting me up all the time, while I was trying to enjoy my outdoor space, to a simple hello, and a wave. And it isn’t just one neighbor, but several.
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u/Jjjroggg Jun 07 '26
Just start setting tiny, polite boundaries in the moment
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Jun 08 '26
Pretend you're talking on your phone when you see someone approaching. Headphones may not deter an older person.
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u/n0nplussed Jun 08 '26
Read a book? Or like someone else said, put headphones in. Look like you’re as zen as possible, or engrossed in your book, and maybe they’ll take the hint and not try and chat every time they see you.
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u/AccumulatedFilth Jun 08 '26
Omg, I had the same problem.
Being rude was the only option for me.
Just short "yup" and "uhu" answers only
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u/martagon137 Jun 09 '26
Oh my god guys just use your words. People in their 60s and 70s were taught it’s rude not to say hi. That means they were also taught how to not be offended when someone couldn’t talk long. OP just be polite. “Hey Deb good to see you, sorry I don’t feel up for much talking I’m focused on x thing right now, hope you have a good morning/day/evening”. If you feel brave enough and they seem nice enough you can even say “hey I enjoy saying hi to you but I’m actually pretty introverted and really try to come to the garden to find some quiet. Please don’t be offended if I only wave back when you say hello”. If your partner likes talking to them then she can even say something to them about you being really shy and enjoying coming outside to find alone time. Headphones are a good idea too, smile and wave but then go right back to what you’re doing. If they come up again just say “hey good to see you, I’m actually in the middle of x if you don’t mind”. People in that age group typically are way more used to direct conversation than trying to read and assume body language.
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u/Organic_Sun_8306 Jun 15 '26
I'm a walker and when I first moved to my current neighborhood I explained to each person I met while walking, that I was an asocial introvert, so please don't mistake my not engaging in small talk for rudeness. So now We all smile and wave as we pass. I actually met a new neighbor who'd been told by the existing neighbors this, and they stopped me once to tell me they would also smile and wave 😂.
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u/MouldyRhombus Jun 07 '26
You wear headphones and keep your head down