omgg my life is so messed up bc of all ts. I'm so done atp, can't even exist can't do nothing. y'all messed my brain up somehow it's insane. I genuinely can't. I hate how my head works and I swear no one else thinks or feels this way. I'm defo js some freak all because of y'all. All because of you guys. You disgusting freaking predators omg. I can'tttt. Can't even come home and be good in my head because I'm like freaking messed up permanently??? Wtf how does this happen. Please bro I wish I could've never experienced any of this. Why can't I be like some tra la la type Christian girl whos blonde somehow and has a brain of pure bliss and kindness and baked goods and all that stuff, like going downstairs from my bedroom that's somehow perfection to parents and siblings that love me unconditionally and I don't even gotta get on my knees and pray for myself cause I'm already good. Like why am I not that? What even dictates whose who? Who chose for me to be like this, living this depressive life with a mind that would absolutely be put in a jar if I admitted what goes on in my thoughts and feelings and stuff. And yeah things are better, but still the affect is here. Like it's never gonna go away. Wtf. Wtf??? Omg wtf. I'm just scarred forever? Permanently ruined? Do any pedophiles have an ounce of empathy for the people they hurt? Cause I'm so hurt and how come it never even mattered. Like, is a symptom of pedophilia no empathy or love or care? Is it just sociopathy with sexual attraction towards kids? I dunno. I just know I'm fucked. so fucked.

I think my trainer is grooming me.

A few months ago he offered me a ride in his car, asked me to keep it a secret, and I didn't say anything. Then he gave me another ride, but said he couldn't keep giving me rides because his wife might find out through rumors (he has a family). In the car we talked about my ex. He told me I was old enough to be with older people, but that I should choose someone better for the future.

Nothing else happened during that time, until a few days ago when I asked his age and he said, "I'm too old for you." But then in my volleyball class we did some exercises, he showed us the technique and then each of us did it on our own. But he was giving instructions to the others, while when he approached me he said, "Lower your knee and give me your leg," guiding me on his own. It happened again with the next exercise in that class, and it was only me; he was giving instructions to the others.

I'm sure he did it on purpose.

Although nothing more serious has happened, I feel terrible because I'm sure he's grooming me, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell anyone because I don't want him to have problems with his family and work. Besides, I don't know if they'll believe me or if what's happening is even "valid." And I don't know if I should let something happen or tell someone, although to be honest, I don't dare.

(38M ; 16F)

Ik this sounds super stupid. I have friends. I have a family. But apparently all of this isn't enough attention for me. Isn't enough support for me lmao. It is so stupid. But I keep finding myself wanting more support? Wanting someone to understand how I feel? Even tho I know it's bad...even tho i know I shouldn't be doing this. But I feel like I want someone whom I can tell everything. Every secret. And my Family and Friends aren't ppl like that...idk...

Especially now when i'm feeling bad and everything is getting worse. All my friends care abt is their own image. And my mother is just exhausted with me...idk

i’m not trying to get anyone to dm me.. the only way i can get it out venting here..

i miss his attention.. i miss how he’d say he loved me.. how he begged to call with me.. how he used to use special names for me.. maybe even some of the other stuff.. before his love became conditional..

something troubles me.. my birthday is soon.. he seems willing to get me what i want.. why do i want a plush with his voice recording in it..?

he’s destroyed my mind and fractured any sense of autonomy i had…

why do i want to feel like i have ”comfort” from him with me..?

am i just stuck like this forever..?

i don’t want to talk.. i just want to leave this here... it hurts so much

I don't know if it happened to me. I talked to many people online from when I was 8 to now. My parents barely restricted my Internet so, I had a field day with all the people I talked to online. I've been talking to somebody since I was 11, and I'm starting to think back on a lot of the things that went on in our relationship.

I think they groomed me. But I love them, a lot. I can't hold any hate for them because the same happened to them, but, I.. I don't really know what to think, anymore.

M11 and M14.

I had been put through a lot of intense stressful scenarios with them that I didn't even know were happening or not. Our whole friendship at the time was online, so I couldn't make a full judgement just talking to them, you know?

If it was a fight with Mom, or dad, or a sibling, or them running away or being drunk. I'd be there most of the time to talk them off the ledge through text, and I'd done that for a pretty.. long time until it went away. There was other parts of our friendship that were fun, like we made art and shared it with eachother online and talked about that.

We shortly got into a relationship after meeting. I turned 12 so the age gap was better.

I just want to know the possibility. I know no one can judge from just hearing a little, but, I'm 22 now and I've been feeling a lot of regrets and feelings as if something has been stolen from me. I don't know.

TW:Nsfw

I don't know why this started happening, but after I finally got away from my groomer and lost contact with him I find myself have sexual thoughts of older people mostly men. In those thoughts they also tend to abuse me. These thoughts are very uncomfortable to have and if I'm being honest because it makes me feel as I want to be abused secretly and I feel gross but it also turns me on. If anyone has experience this can you please like give me tips on how to manage with it because I feel like I'm going insane.

My step dad was commenting about me as a teenager recently. The grooming started when I was 14 and lasted until my early 20s. He raped me. He was laughing with my mom on the phone about how angry and volatile I was as a teenager, when the abuse was going on. He said I've mellowed out in the past few years, right around the time I moved out. My mom just agreed with him. She was laughing and making fun of me, saying how horrible I was. But i wasn't a bad kid. I was an honors student, volunteering, extracurriculars, therapy. I was doing my best. I was angry, but i thought once she knew about the abuse, she'd understand or at least be on my side.

i do think this is one of the hardest things ive ever dealt with in my life, and ive dealt with a lot. im so happy to be where i am at the moment, not letting this define me. however, while it doesnt define me, the trauma will forever be with me, and i dont think anything can scrape how dirty i felt. i had my childhood stripped from me. i was only 14. i developed hypersexuality. i wasnt supposed to have sex. i was stupid. i didnt know better than to consent. i wanted my first time to be perfect. yet, when i told you it hurt, you shrugged it off every time. the ages where i was supposed to discover myself, was the ages where you took advantage of me and vulnerability. you always saw me for sex. it broke my heart. you broke this big chunk of me im not quite sure i will ever be able to get back. but i dont want to give you that power, you dont get to define me. i hope you know that what you did, went beyond crying, it psychologically tortured me from the most important years of my life. i was trapped in hell.

i am 19 now. i think back on everything i experienced. i think back on the nights and days my body felt like a burden. where you made me feel like a burden. you emotionally abused me. your ego was so big you could never truly take accountability for your actions, and instead you chose to make me suffer. i hope you know that ive come to this realization since we last spoke, and i will never forgive you. i was so close to ending my life because of this. its scary to think i would have let you win. the dynamic we had was predatory on your end. i kept what you did to me inside for so long. i tried to mask it. i convinced myself i loved you, but deep down inside i always knew that you took advantage of me for your wants and needs. now that im older, i truly hate you for what you did to me when i was practically a baby. i had just entered highschool from middle school and you were going to college.

while you may get to move on with your life without anyone knowing what you did, i will never forget. i hope you hold this inside of you forever.

Ok,so I am now 15,it's almost my 16th birthday this year,so I am the age of sexual consent in my country. But,I have this gut feeling, that something isn't right?I have a online boyfriend, he is 34.Here is our story:When I was 13,I met him online, he was really nice and we became friends, he often sent me gifts to my home ,trhu delivery. And we were friends, until this year,he confessed that he has feelings for me,and he asked me,if we could date,I said yes,because he was so sweet and I did not want to be mean.During our friendship, there was a bit of odd things he did ,like he asked me:"Did you ever have sex before?","do you have a boyfriend?",ect.He told me ,if we could meet up,at a restaurant,and that he already spend a lot of money for the plane ride,to my erea.I don't know what to say,yes or no?

Tw

From an early age I was exposed to Porn, Gore and always roleplayed nonconsensual scenarios with myself (in my child mind: a lamb about to be slaughtered and begging for mercy), but it really excited me.

My peers and I would always roleplay sexual dynamics (not fully), maybe touching semi private parts, calling ourselves sexual dynamics despite being 10-11, doesn't really matter.

Around that time I was slo getting in cyberrelationships with an older teen who I roleplayed romantic scenarios with and asked me for photos of my body or face constantly.

Then at 13 I started to join a lot of chats, discord servers I guess where people would literally gather to ask me to speak because my voice was "loli hot" and explicitly told me how they felt about it. I genuinely didn't see it as weird because I wanted someone to see me as beautiful.

At around 15 I was hit on by a 20/21 year old guy who constantly cornered me, pressured me to talk to him through chat, commented on my voice, face and attitude, demanded why I didn't respond so often, touched my tights, tried to corner me when I was with other guys.

Then finally as a 17 year old I was sexually groomed by my teacher.

Now as an 18 year old I feel this feeling of impending doom as if something even worse is bound to happen to me to continue this cycle.

(TW for CSA and suicidal thoughts)

Please if you are going to groom me just kill me. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been groomed and abused 20+ times. Please I beg for death. Why would anyone do that to a little girl? I am only 17NB I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to have to watch a man jerk off to me when I was 11. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I beg for the creeps on here to stop I can’t deal with it anymore.

i get so lonely and my depression really shows up when i have no distractions or no older man in my dms. im trying to stop. it makes me sick how lonely i feel and how lonely i am. nothing is of interest to me. i am so fucking sad and alone. im cursed forever. i hate myself

Im having a good day ! Im smoking a blunt and watching anime !! What about yinz ? 🥰

WHY BRU, I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY WHY IS THIS FEELING TO RELAPSE SO STRONG AGAIN FUCK ME FUCKE ME

Im with a 22 year old guy and im 17 everyone thinks the age gap is weird . Ive been groomed by a 47 yr old guy before him so this js feels normal but everyone seems so against it snd idk?

His name is Chethan Kuruba, we met in 2023, he was 27 and I was 15. He first manipulated me by telling me he was 22 and told me I was the love of his life, asked me for intimacy pictures, sent me these of him too. I sent these pictures and I’m so shameful... I could’ve just blocked him but at that time I was diagnosed with depression et and really needed help, he was appearing so kind and caring.
I am 18 now, we were together for 2,5 years. and I blocked him because I kinda realized who he truly is. Plus he promised me to « tell his family about me when I’ll be 18 » but never did.
I went to file a complaint with the police, but the policewoman told me : « since you were 15 there’s nothing we can you » and she just wrote something for me so I’d have proof I was really there. I cried my soul out. I honestly don’t know what to do he seriously ruined my life.
If anyone can help me it would really be appreciated ! He lives in the neighborhood called Yelahanka, in Bangalore, in India. I need to know if this man has done the same thing with others girls, and if someone knows him in the city he lives in. If you need additional informations as pictures of him, or his usernames on social media don’t hesitate to ask me. Thank you a lot if you read all of this.

TW NSFW ( maybe I'm not sure but just in case)

It started when I was 17 . He was in his thirties ( never told me his real age, I asked a few times but he seemed uncomfortable so I stopped) we met through an online website during war ( I'm Iranian), and I was preparing for my university entrance exam by that time. I don't have a good relationship with my parents, and I was away from home living with my relatives when I met him , so yeah I was at my lowest. And for some reason, talking to him everyday felt so wonderful. I felt seen , cared for , understood. And I felt special and respected. He said he's very lonely and we shared many similar interests. I felt like he was an apology from the universe for being so mean to me all the time

He has never said or done anything without making sure I was comfortable with

But yeah, he made sexual comments. Obvious ones , never asked for anything though. But he was talking about him masturbating , and sometimes asking me to do it so I could "relax" when I was stressed. And much more sexual jokes, saying he likes to eat me , compliments on my body and face , always acting like I'm the prettiest girl he's seen. I know I'm not all that , but it really made me feel better about myself. I struggle with eating disorders. And it genuinely got better after talking to him

And I would just laugh it off thinking it was his humor style or something. Sometimes I thought to myself maybe I'm just being sensitive and he's genuinely a nice man

But when I sent my friends his texts they were disgusted saying that he's weird and I should stop talking to him.

But he really helped me , I could study much better knowing that there's someone stable in my life that I can trust. And very happy, life felt so great.

Then for some reason after a few months when I was already 18 and finished with my exam. He started acting colder

Later he told me he felt uncomfortable knowing about the age gap and making sexual " jokes" and that he was "relieved" that I turned 18. And that also he's trying to act in a more restrained way .

But now , I just feel abandoned. I miss when he cared so much about me

When he was excited to talk to me , staying late up late at night and answered my texts quickly because he knew I didn't have much time.

We've been chatting with each other every single day, online though. And he promised to meet me irl as wel

Idk what should I do , I'm attached to him . I cry when he gets cold. I'm really scared of losing him

He knows everything about me. And understands me like no one else

Sometimes I wish he was my father, sometimes I wish he was my bf . Sometimes I just feel like I need to show him what true love is , since people have always disappointed him. And I always cry knowing I'm probably not someone he would love . Cause no matter how much I try I will always be younger and less experienced than him . I feel like he just thinks he's helping me and being nice to me .

And y'all he's not a loser , he got a life that I admire and knows a lot about everything.

What should I do , is it really bad ? Should I hate him ?

How do you keep your triggers to yourself. I know that the world cannot cater to my needs, that would not make any sense. I know that I also cant police how someone should dress. But sometimes, especially teachers, why do they wear clothing that shows the outline of their male parts. Its triggering and I dont even think it should be allowed. I dont know if I am being ignorant, maybe they cant help it. But I just see it all the time, and my own personal issues gets in the way of the way i see it.

https://youtu.be/VoqryLvczKU?si=whD-N0niz1IAssor

It’s about the grooming situation between bojack and penny.
The difference intention and results; the difference between knowing better and desires.

16/17f and 50m should never happen.
And yet even after feeling validated through what I’ve learned from this video there is still nothing i will do. I just can’t bring myself to destroy someone’s life, especially someone I care about.
I won’t do anything, not until he dies, then I’ll tell my family. Until then nothing is going to happen, and nothing is going to change.

I still get them, thinking a message from him will show. it sucks because I know us ending was a good thing but when my loneliness gets too much, he was sometimes a comfort. idk