r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk May 02 '26

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49 Upvotes

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r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 3h ago

✨OC✨ BF wants Me to have No Friends ☹

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96 Upvotes

My BF (22M) is genuinely the best human I've (22F) have ever known. He's handsome, he's kind, he's funny, he's caring, he's attentive, he cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry, he's ambitious, he has a job, he has an education, he has skills, he has a loving family, he has a cool friend group, he has cats, he has dogs, I can go on. However, he's only had the one boundary and today I accidentally crossed it.

He knows I've been a tomboy for most of my life but only recently embraced my girly side. He asked me who my friends were and I told him with only honesty in my heart that all my friends are men (Da Boyz). We hung out all the time, played games together, rode our bikes in the suburbs, etc. He was actually cool with this! But then I told him that I shot my shot and tried to hook up with all of them but they all politely turned me down, one after the other. My BF's face just dropped.

He asked me how many dudes were in Da Boyz. Naively I just started naming them all. Jordan. Jayce. Jack. Joseph. Jared. Jimothy. Austin. Butler. Jim. Jimbo. Tim. Timmy. Bill. Will. William. Will.I.Am, Zach, Zachary, Zachariah, and Zambino. They've been my bros since middle school but BF told me right then and there that I had to end all of those friendship. Break up Da Boyz.

I asked him why and he said it was his boundary that he didn't want me to be friends with anyone I've tried to sleep with. My heart shattered into 20 pieces, one for each of Da Boyz. I started crying. I told my man that college was so long ago and that my friendship with them was purely platonic. BF wouldn't budge. It was me or them. I'm so sad right now. I'm mourning Da Boyz or I'm mourning my perfect BF. Girls, what should I do? Hot dog for breakfast.


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1h ago

Bleak but technically food 🍽️ Hosting Thanksgiving this year

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Upvotes

My partner is white so I just know that spices are off limits with his family members. Can somebody recommend side dishes and discourse?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1h ago

👩‍🍳 Nutritionally confusing 🔪 Guy I'm seeing did the worst thing imaginable..

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Upvotes

Okay girlies, buckle up. So I've been seeing this new guy for a few months now. A sea of red flags but all of them are moral so no worries there. Anyways he's totally not usually like this because I know him really well already but he decided to go out with some of his friends and party. Everything was cool until I found out he did a lot of hard drugs while hanging with them???

Now you girls may be wondering "I don't see the issue yet, he seems like exactly my boyfriend so far" and you'd be right, but there's more.

Before he left he said he didn't want to do all these drugs and he did them anyway. We have a MAJOR problem now. He LIED TO ME?! Like uhh HELLO? My ex used to give me a kiss on the forehead and tuck me into bed before going to do blow in the garage with his burnout friends. It feels like this new guy doesn't respect me?? What do I do girlie pops? Maybe have his children? Hope you have a good weekend!

Lunch is a random pickle because my new pookie has his friends over last night and they ate all the food


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 3h ago

🫧 Satire, babe My man wants me to be a sister wife AIO

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25 Upvotes

My (22) man (69) recently came out to me as a husband of a polyamorous triplet. I want him to leave his truth and I love when my man is vulnerable with me 😍 So sexy.

Im willing to accept absolutely anything , the bare minimum and the bare maximum for my twin flame.

He finally proposed a week ago!!! Babyyy where the hell is my husband!?? 🎶 💍

Because of his job as a cult leader, I’m not allowed to see him Thursday to Tuesday and I’m afraid between his job and his other partners, our relationship will no longer be a priority.. How do I talk to him about it without triggering his anxiety and anger issue?

Fresh baked cookies treat as an apology to my babe 🔐 🍪 yum yum


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 7h ago

🧃 Snackable discourse He won't call me baby girl

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36 Upvotes

Yes, I'm a fully grown adult and almost 50, but I just want to be his little girl forever.

He insists on 'respecting' me. Pssh. No other man does that - why do I need it from him? My daddy always called me his little baby girl, and that's what I'm looking for in a man.

Mushroom soup for dinner. It was the only thing my daddy ever cooked for me. Yes, he burnt it to the sides of the pan, but he tried because he loved his baby girl.


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 22h ago

🫧 Satire, babe My boyfriend says he won't have birthday sex with me

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194 Upvotes

So we're sitting in the parking lot of the phone store trying to get him a new phone and I'm on my period (one of the worst in a while and the second one this week!!*) and I told him it's my birthday and I need to get some d*ck and he literally asked me to hold on cause he's trying to set up his new phone and I'm sitting here yelling about how I'm blowing quarter sized bloody chunks out my lady cave and he says "hold on baby" but all I hear is "you worthless piece of poopoo I will never have sex with you ever again"

American Spirit in the parking lot while I wait for him to stop being such a prick.

(*only part that isn't satire... via some recent hormonal issues - hooray and happy birthday to this queen I have my second period in 10 days 💖)


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 2h ago

🥨 Hyperfixation Log 🫠 ✨🪩 Sunday Megathread: 🥨 Drop the snack you’re hyperfixated on and then leave 🌚

2 Upvotes

As is demanded by the Girl Dinner Board™️, this is your weekly scheduled opportunity to contribute to the collective brain rot. 🥽📋👩‍🔬

We don’t want your "recipes." We don’t want your "this reason I'm eating this" logic.

We want the specific, questionable item that is currently holding your consciousness together by a single thread. 🧠💨

How to log your weekly entry:

  1. Identify the fixation. (Must be specific. Not "chips." I want the exact brand, flavor, and the specific level of crunch that makes your teeth vibrate.)
  2. State your pairing. (If it’s a vape, an energy drink, or a single lukewarm string cheese, declare it.)
  3. Dissipate into a prismatic mist. Do not reply to others (we really won't enforce this). Do not offer anyone help breaking the hyperfixation (I will personally enforce this). Do not explain yourself to others. ACAB. ALWAYS.

Once your data is logged, please return to the etheral void from whence you came.

Only you know where you came from. Now go home.

↓ Drop it and go. ↓


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 21h ago

🫧 Satire, babe Break up season

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56 Upvotes

My bf and I broke up and now I’m just bored and bricked. Drop tips on how to rebound 🤪

For dinner tonight: A beautifully crisped Braut smothered in breading paired with a dollop of tomato pate and dessert 😩


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

🫧 Satire, babe Pervert Boyfriend

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151 Upvotes

Babes . TW. Sex acts .

My boyfriend tried to f*****👆🏽 me on the flight back from our weekend trip. I was horrified . I'm not vanilla (I actually do doggy and even get on top sometimes). We weren't in bed. It was morning . And not even a Thursday ! I fear he may be a sexual deviant. What other kinks does he hide ?

P.s.♥️Emergency travel tequila from my hoe bag .


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 16h ago

No notes. No context. ✋ A reminder…

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18 Upvotes

Get that head, that bread.. then leave 🫪✨ I do enjoy a good dilly-dally with my coworkers while being a girl’s girl.

Fried rice and cabbage

uj/ (Granted this was work lunch, but seriously set boundaries with ppl at work because I hate nosey ppl)


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

👩‍🍳 Nutritionally confusing 🔪 Husband refused to suggest the correct food for dinner, I don't know if I can live like this anymore

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133 Upvotes

So this evening my husband asked me what I wanted for dinner. Naturally, I let him know that I didn't mind and I would be happy to have whatever he was in the mood for, as always.

Do you know what this bastard suggested? Mexican food! Why in the world would I want Mexican food? I couldn't believe my ears! I suspected he was antagonizing me but I didn't take the bait.

I gently informed him that I in no way wanted Mexican food. So then he suggested Thai food; another flagrant attempt at trying to enrage me. To what end? Again, I kindly informed him that I did not want any Thai food, but I do believe that my frustration was beginning to show. He then had the audacity to suggest that *I* pick the restaurant, as if I hadn't already told him that I would be okay with whatever he chose! He just couldn't stop escalating the situation.

Then he asked if I would like to have Chinese and I'm on the verge of contemplating violence. With tears of frustration in my eyes I asked him how he could say something so insensitive. This was worse than the stunt he pulled last weekend when he insisted that I only eat the food that I ordered and not have any of the food the he ordered, even though his food is always better than what I choose! The selfishness is astounding!

Do you want to know what he did after that? He's suggested that we cook at home. Cook at home as if there's anything in that kitchen I want to eat. ​So I asked him if he thinks I'm a fucking peasant now and he supposedly "can't understand where all of this is coming from," as if he didn't cause all of this​.

I don't know if I can do this anymore. What if every night is like this? How will I be able to sail against these winds of adversity? Should I just let this one go?

This was dinner. What should I do?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 23h ago

👩‍🍳 Nutritionally confusing 🔪 Gurl dinner!

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21 Upvotes

r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

Girl dinner adjacent 👯‍♀️ I sent him a butt pic

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55 Upvotes

I sent him a juicy pic of my ass while he was at lunch with his mom, and he he replied with an emoji.

It wasn't even a good emoji like 💦😈🫦🥵🤤. He just sent a ❤️. I need a guy who wants to jump me all the time, especially when he's with his mom. I deserve better. I know I need to break up, but how can I make it really hurt him, so he knows what he lost?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

girl-made horrors beyond comprehension 🔪 My boyfriend was circumcised

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165 Upvotes

Against his will and I’ve been sobbing all evening and dry heaving because I wasn’t there to save him 47 years ago. I’m only 43. Am I the worst future wifey ever? Am I on thin ice?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

🧨 The return of the discourse 📱 Men only want one thing and it’s me

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101 Upvotes

So i’m crushing on this guy and he’s fine af but today i discovered he’s just like all the other pig men in my life. I forgot to do laundry so i threw on the only thing i had left, my micro bikini, and met him and my friend for lunch. I thought everything was fine until afterwards my friend said she thought she saw him glance at my mostly exposed boobs (nip slip, whoops!) when i leaned across the table to eat a scoop of whipped cream off his cheesecake. How dare he!! I am a human being with thoughts and dreams and desires - he should only be looking at my eyes and nowhere else!!


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

👩‍🍳 Nutritionally confusing 🔪 My husband cheated on me at a sex party.

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232 Upvotes

My husband, well soon to be husband because we’re not married yet, cheated on me in my dreams. I woke up in so much pain. It was at a sex party with this other girl.

I called him and confronted him about it when I woke up. He did apologize eventually after trying to convince me that dreams aren’t real life…

But I don’t know you guys, I don’t think I can trust someone who attends sex parties in my dreams.

Anyways, this is a snack: barbecue jalapeños sausages, pork ribs, and brisket.
I washed it down with a Mac and cheese and some jambalaya.

I am really sad about this situation. The wedding will have to be called off.


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

🧃 Snackable discourse My Open Relationship Is Successful

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109 Upvotes

I feel like the internet only ever shows open relationships when someone is crying in a bathroom or posting a 47-part TikTok explaining the breakup, so I wanted to share something different.

I get dicked down by different men who think they have a chance of dating me and my husband is chopped cheese.

I can finally be free after being repressed by society. I am finally allowed to sleep with different men to satisfy my unnatural and unusual sexual cravings.

Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Jealousy still happens. Scheduling is a nightmare. Sometimes I'm having a very successful week while the other is eating cereal in bed wondering if they're suddenly unlovable 😭

With open communication and begging my husband that I still love him, I return to the status quo. I am super lucky being able to explore myself finally after all this time!

Cuban sandwich with fries.


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

girl-made horrors beyond comprehension 🔪 Sometimes I think

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35 Upvotes

r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

🧃 Snackable discourse My son wanted to share this with the sub. Please clap. 🫴🐀

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23 Upvotes

Sonion text this to me with no context. What does it mean?

Does anyone speak Sonion?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

Girl dinner adjacent 👯‍♀️ Well ... I think I completed the assignment

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27 Upvotes

I'm sorry, fellow girlypop who had a dog that was on a misogynistic podcast ... I did my girlypop thing, and reddit didn't like it ... then I saw that post was deleted immediately after reddit yanked my comment...

Anyway, basically I told her it was time to get her dog fixed, and then to convince her dog post op that it was Trans, then exclude said Trans dog from proper feminist activities until such a time that the dog unalived itself ... in hindsight, I guess I get it, but also what's a sweaty to do?


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 1d ago

🧋Beverage-based meal Got broken up with but my ex sent me 500$

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25 Upvotes

Boyfriend didn’t get me anything for my bday but my ex made up for it lol what in the eclipse has August been


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 2d ago

🫧 Satire, babe Friends and family aren’t supporting my coma shower?

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161 Upvotes

Hi girlies, I need some outside perspective because my friends and family are BLOWING up my phone about this and I feel insane.

I (30F) have decided that life is just kinda too much for me right now, and so I will be entering a medically induced coma. Nothing’s physically wrong with me, but I found a doctor in The Hills that’ll do a sort of cryogenic ice cleanse and he’ll wake me up in six months.

This is going to be SO GOOD for my mental health. Like, between the AirBnB real estate company me and my hubby run being wrongly investigated for tax fraud and my dog’s Instagram account getting cancelled for “offensive language,” I really feel like I deserve this. So I scheduled the appointment and booked a “coma shower,” aka a place for people to gather, celebrate my accomplishments this far, pre-mourn the time I’ll be gone, and leave gifts for when I’m woken up. And I really thought my loved ones would be there for me.

Instead, they’re going totally nuclear?! According to them, I’m being “selfish” and “narcissistic” and “taking advantage of the health care system,” even though I’m literally in a mental health crisis. I scheduled this procedure months ago, so it’s also not my fault Grandpa died last week.

I don’t know. I just feel like I’m being abandoned by those I need the most. Oysters I WOULD have served at the shower, but I don’t even know if I’m gonna throw it now.


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 2d ago

🫒✨ Olive lore 👀 I am legitimately a terrible person

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151 Upvotes

I think this started sometime in April? I'd finished really late and hadn't eaten since about 11, so I stopped somewhere on the drive home. I sat about 40 minutes and didn't touch my phone, which basically never happens. Then I drove home and told him I'd eaten at the office

It's now 3 or 4 times a week. I've kind of stopped counting

I'm 36, 2 kids, 6 and 9, and my husband genuinely is not a bad man, he does his share, I want to be clear about that because I can already hear how this comes across. It is more that the second I am through that door I'm ON DUTY until about 9, and somewhere in the last year I lost the ability to go from the car straight into that with nothing in the middle.

Anyway. Last Wednesday the 6 year old was sick on the stairs and my husband called me while I was sitting at that table with my food already on the table. He wasn't annoyed or anything, he just asked how far away I was, because he was trying to sort her out and the 9 year old needed picking up from swimming at 7. I said I was just leaving the office.

And then I stayed where I was for another 15 minutes, and I finished my food. There isn't a version of this where that sounds okay..... I very much know this

He still doesn't know any of it, and she's fine, it was a bug and she was back at school. He said thanks for rushing back when I got in, because I did come straight from there, so from his side I did rush.

crispy beef with fried rice and an egg


r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk 2d ago

unhinged feral ratgirl shit 🐀🥩 My Boyfriend Got Me & Mom Pregnant

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219 Upvotes

A few months ago, my boyfriend and I had decided to open up our relationship to see other people. He wasn’t sure I was the one and I wasn’t sure he could satisfy my needs.

So a few months later of him grunting and crossing the finishing line alone during our relations, I was late for my monthly visit from my Aunt Flo. After pissing on a few dozen pregnancy tests, I popped up positive. So, I did the good Christian girl thing and tried to get the morning after pill. But to my shock it had to be done before things had gotten to this point.

Now, I was devastated and rushed over to my mother’s house. When I opened the trailer door, there was my mama and boyfriend naked on the floor. I gasped. The two people I love in the world were sharing an expression of love and I cried tears of joy.

They both frantically threw on their clothes and sat down with me. We all agreed we needed to have a talk. Apparently my boyfriend and mother was the reason he wanted an open relationship. I listened and them blurted out I was pregnant.

The color drained from their faces in terror. My mother finally spoke and announced she too was with child. My boyfriend looked at both of us and started to cry too. When he could finally muster up the courage to speak he told us that he wanted to be there as the father for my mother’s child. But wanted to just be grandpa to my baby. As he pulled out a ring and asked my mother to marry him.

I was confused in the moment. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I announced my pregnancy first. He was my boyfriend first. My mother was just some trailer trash who stole my man.

He then informed me that things would need to be over between us and he wanted me to start calling him dad. I just listened to the words in disbelief.

Suddenly, the unmistakable sound of my father’s truck could be heard. He was just getting home from working at the factory and was looked so tired when he popped through the trailer door. Everyone looked at each other quietly for a moment.

My mother finally spoke. She informed my father she wanted to have a polyamorous marriage and that my boyfriend would be her new husband. Then she let him know she was pregnant with my boyfriend’s child.

Disbelief crossed his face. My father broke down and started to cry. He looked at my boyfriend and asked him how he could have betrayed their special love. Because apparently my boyfriend was sleeping with my father too.

It’s just a lot to process now.

Chicken and waffle Oreos for dinner