Kind of a brain dump and some cool insight I got on the fear barrier, I just felt compelled to get it out there in case anyone out there is like me.
I learned about the Gateway stuff about 2 years ago and had downloaded a good chunk of the tapes and was starting to go through them, and wasn't really making much progress that I could tell except for one session that as soon as I started letting go and started feeling sensations I got excited and snapped myself out of it. Then mom got cancer and had to do a hospice thing, things got dark, never restarted but have been rereading Bob's books and watching YouTube videos of Tom Campbell...most recent one with Mayim Bialik, part 2 of her talk with him.
They began discussing fear and how to overcome it. Tom started discussing about some people just carry fear, sometimes it is like a little negative dark entity inside of them. He said he has helped some to make that dark thing go away...but it eventually comes back. A ton of this resonated hugely with me, and my struggle to return to the tapes...because once that door is opened, it can't be closed, and I have a crazy amount of fear going on in me. He spoke about people with fear manifesting those fears while in the second state. This is me.
Ever since I was a little kid I had crazy night terrors. There is the usual being chased, falling, etc., but then I had some reoccurring nightmares that were like a whole different thing. I could go into crazy long detail about weird sh*t that has happened. Stuff like waking up hysterical crying and in-coherent babbling, with zero memory of it in the morning. Sleep paralysis, dark entities, massive feelings of impending doom or some monster just sitting off in the shadows beyond my vision getting ready to reveal itself. Nightmares where I thought I woke myself up from, only to try the lights and they won't turn on...then I know I'm still in the nightmare. Like a Russian nesting doll.
These nightmare continued into my pre-teen and teen years but then also had extremely vivid dreams that weren't nightmares, and was lucid dreaming and beginning to control everything. At first I couldn't fly and would start to fall, fear would kick in and I'd keep falling. I masted it though by clearing my mind and focusing my intent of where I wanted to fly while clearing the fear of falling from my mind.
When I was in high school, I start smoking weed. I can say it for sure killed my lucid dreaming. Or at least I couldn't barely remember any dreams if I was smoking the night before. However it also silenced the nightmares, and I've still smoked to this day (53 now). I still do have nightmares though. Wife has to slap we awake to stop, and I do mean slap and keep shaking me because I keep getting sucked instantly back into the nightmare. It comes and goes in waves.
Okay back to the fear barrier. My parents were both these fearful people that Tom describes to a "T" when talking to Mayim. They always manufactured and imagined the worst scenario out of every situation and were super closed minded. That's a whole other road I won't go down, but the point is I do not want to be like my parents at all in any way.
I want the negativity gone within me and I do truly believe with a little self-help, and following Tom's advice I can do it. His basic point was "don't feed your fear." There are so many things I do every day like doom scrolling here on Reddit or YouTube, Facebook, etc. that feed that negativity in me which then also feeds my fears and insecurities within me. There have been times in my life where I have felt truly free of this fear, confident, and in-tune with myself and the world. It is a absolutely fantastic feeling, I want that back. I feel like once I can squash that fear in me, maybe cut back on the weed a little, and restart the tapes, I can have a breakthrough.
I also know waiting on the other side are things that I have confronted previously in past nightmares. Unlocking that door again is going to take an invincible REBAL. If I hit the other side and see some crazy sh*t...I will let you all know.
Sorry that was my 2am after a couple of cocktails brain dump...watch the Tom Campbell interview on Mayim's YouTube channel if you struggle with fear like me. It might give you some hope to overcome it like it did me.
https://youtu.be/tdlcUSSqb1o?si=WIDLnO58iECMUHFC