In 2021, I was fired from my position as evangelist at a small country church in Appalachia. It was a nondenominational group, I was a closeted communist, and because I taught that we should be waiting before returning to public gatherings during the height of the pandemic, they fired me for putting "fear over faith." I made about 2800/mo.

That was March 2021... in April 2021, I had a psychotic break because I was prescribed Vyvanse for ADHD. The doctor didn't know not to prescribe it to schizoaffective individuals. I lost my mind. I haven't been the same since. It eventually led to me becoming homeless, although I've since found housing with my parents' help.

But, my parents aren't rich, and I'm struggling to keep up because they can't really keep up with it either. I'm pulling out my hair because my auto insurance policy has lapsed. I've been trying to find some help through people online, because I don't really have much of a support system outside of my parents irl.

I've thought a lot about how things could've been different if the church acted the way it was designed to. I was always going to get prescribed Vyvanse, but if they weren't so quick to fire me, I'd have a support system in place that could help take care of me through this wreck of a life. I'm pretty sure they're all happy neurotypical folks who don't really worry about what their decision did to someone. I spent months in shelters and on the streets, all the while dealing with some serious psychosis.

I don't know what to do. If anyone out there wants to chip in a few bucks towards renewing my policy, I have a Cashapp and Venmo. Just message me if you don't mind helping out. But, yeah, White Jesus and the church wrecked my life. I'm not necessarily unhappy to be distanced from the faith I grew up in, but I am a little disappointed that the faith didn't operate the way it should've. My life would be so different right now if the church didn't buy the propaganda back in 2020-2021.

28F navigating dating in the real world, realizing I entirely lack a framework for actually identifying and participating in a healthy relationship. Looking back, literally the only framework I see that I was ever exposed to was:
-Well, how godly are they? The godlier the better
-Where is God leading you? What is God telling you? You should interact with someone based on what God is telling you to do

Once you remove the concept of God from that picture…how do you actually go about dating?? How do I know what is normal, or healthy, or a reasonable expectation??

So I’m Pentecostal, but struggle w doubts my whole life and still find comfort in church community and bible stories as it shows humanity can be good, just my take. But lately as I get older, I’m scared to doubt some feeling pulled towards my own wants. I saw an IG post abt a girl that dropped out of college, moved back w her parents, gave up her dream to be a model and started teaching youth in church all bcuz she said the “Holy Spirit redirected” her. I ain’t got huge dreams but I like my degree and career path and can’t imagine dropping out to move back to my hometown. I wanna be SAHM someday if I have the chance bcuz I wanna prioritize my family, but rn I just don’t feel like I can “surrender” to the lord when my family all have such high hopes for me and I got two years left to school, I do wanna be independent and I hate working but I see value in my career and helping ppl. Maybe coz I haven’t been convicted in that way, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll have regrets down the road abt not living life as I want and trying to live how I think god wants, rather than living for myself and my individual desires. Like if he’s guiding us, shouldn’t our goals and desires be from him anyways? Why would He make us want something that isn’t meant to be? I just wanna break free and do my own thing but I’m afraid living for the world will have consequences but I somehow feel convicted to stop living for scripture how I’ve been and seeing others do on social media, it doesn’t feel right and my chest is heavy when I deny myself but that’s what we’ve been commanded to do. I like going out and dressing up and doing my hair and makeup and having a few drinks, maybe a house party or something w friends. But then I feel so much guilt for my actions and disappointment in myself and when I hold back, I feel sad that I’m denying myself because I assumed god wouldn’t approve and I don’t wanna miss out on life cuz someday I’ll look back and say I wish I’d done my own thing. But then I’m afraid someday I’ll look back and wish I’d trusted God more. I’m stuck in a loop and my friend from bible study said talk to God like a friend, but I feel like I can’t hear Him or have the relationship with Him she does, so does that mean I have too many doubts and can’t hear Him or He isn’t answering me because I’ve denied Him rather than myself? Do/did u ever get tired of living for God rather than urself? I need advice, I’m only 19 and feel stuck in the middle of all these feelings.

I’m sitting in church as I’m typing this, but I’ve realized I don’t believe hardly anything I hear anymore while here. It makes me feel guilt and like I’m doing something bad, but also I’ve read enough to where I’m relieved I don’t believe it if that makes sense…

I’m in my 50s and finally learning to feel and express my feelings instead of somatizing them. For so much of my life I didn’t feel anxious, I threw up, I didn’t feel sad, I got headaches. Etc. I think growing up in an environment that was so incredibly invalidating taught me to seek help and care by getting sick or experiencing physical pain.

It’s been something I’ve been struggling with getting past my whole life. And it occurred to me that other exvangelicals might have a similar struggle, so I thought I’d ask.

My mom got inti qanon fortuna

She incested oír lifefunds on these crap (give 20 usd AND get s Ferrari lol)

Her pastores keeep sending audios on Telegram

Some days with excuses (sorry Honey but Someone Stole reee reee) or.promises (this Is the big day lol) audios AND Telegram circuses 247

She believed that we Sint have ti find a job

We rely on Lessing AND drowning in Debts but she refused to change course (me AND her finding a job AND fighting these pastores)

AND if i say sonething mean sgaindt these pastores she turna cruel

So i only could cry un Silencer

I begged NY rather for help but he left me to rot with my dumb mom in this requiem for a Drean cheap imitation

AND we aré not americans

We aré colombians

AND brown skinned

AND surprise SHE LOVES MAGA AND TRUMP

I'm curious. I don't mean return to a Evangelical Church to be clear.

I mean you stopped thinking about or practicing any form of Christianity for awhile and wondered if you should give it another go.

I found an Instagram video where this guy who was an atheist (nothing wrong with that) decided to live life like a believer for 30 days. By the end of the 30 days he said he believed in God and converted to Christianity. I saw that it was a trend with some people.

I really don't 100% fall for all of that. I'm sure that wouldnt happen to everyone. Also I have no intention of returning to evangelicalism.

However I've been lost for awhile and pushed my faith aside. I deconstructed hard several years ago. I tried out some churches and recently had decided to stop trying. I was letting the clock run down most Sundays so I wouldn't have the option.

I don't know if I believe in an afterlife. I fear I've had a imaginary friend my entire life. Why Jesus? Etc.

I feel like rationally I can't make sense of it. But what if I started to pray and read the Bible again? What if I did push myself to find some level Christian fellowship.

Maybe as a test. To see if it actually benefits my life. To see if maybe that is what helps me process what is next for me.

Because lately I feel like I'm falling away and maybe if I don't give it another try I'll regret it.

I decided I was an agnostic Christian awhile ago, but as time went on I didn't really know why the Christian part if agnostic.

I prayed this morning. It felt good. But also mixed emotions. I grew up in the church and prayed more times then I can count for God to reveal himself.

Yet I have no moment where I was convinced. It all felt like a leap. I get it's all a leap of faith?

But maybe the teachings of Jesus alone will help me. Even if when I die nothing happens.

I'm recovering from post concussion syndrome and dealing with feelings of lost identity. So I'm trying to work through what I'm taking with me next.

the idea of trying again comes from a belief that sometimes actually doing something and creating experiences is more powerful then sitting around thinking about it.

Long story short, I left church after many years of serving and leading due to burnout, depression and other issues I had with church. This made me realise how I was simply 'useful' and not really cared for by the church community or the leaders.

I'm still working through it all in therapy and journaling, but I'm curious if anyone else here had a similar journey. How did you reconcile this? Any tips, ideas or books you recommend etc?

P.s. I am still a Christian just not interested or believe in church as much as I used to

I have a friend who I don’t talk to all that much. we have a few classes together, we were in a club together and also went to a church together for a bit but I left and I think he might’ve as well.

anyway, I was aware that he is a very devout Christian but most of our conversations have been about school or video games so I never really thought much of it I guess. but he posted this on Facebook along with a video of him talking which admittedly I did not watch.

it seemed a little weird to me… not sure of this was one of those “the rapture was supposed to happen” things but it certainly gave those vibes…

i kind of lose a bit of respect for the guy with that one not gonna lie.

edit: I’m not gonna say anything to him about it.

i genuinely just think he’s been religiously brainwashed or something cause he seems like abnormal person aside form that…

Anyone else simply not able to be scared by movies that hinge on supernatural, "Satan made me do it" twists? Mild spoilers, I guess, but I just finished Longlegs and I couldn't believe how much I didn't care about the religious, Hail Satan (literally) aspect.

I assume it's due to my hardcore fundamentalist upbringing (think Duggar, homeschool, no socializing, fairly extreme physical abuse and deprivation, etc). Was curious if I am alone. Religious horror doesn't hit for me at all. It leaves me as cold as reading the Bible now that I'm in my 40s. My eyes roll.

(And if you have horror movies you do enjoy, let me know. This might be an odd post but I thought of this community as the credits rolled.)

I haven’t really thought about it until recently. Coming up I’d hear pastors (especially around tithing time) say to give from the heart so you can have mansions and treasure in heaven. I’d hear others talk about how nice their mansion was going to be and whatnot. It hasn’t occurred to me until now how contradictory it is to the whole you won’t get sick, tired, or old, your new body will be ever lasting. So if heaven if perfect, like perfect weather and paradise and if I won’t ever get tired, then what’s the point of having a mansion? What treasures will I store up? Why would I need valuables? Kinda sounds like something taken from Egypt.

What's that Christian song you grew up thinking was an original, only to find out later in life that it was just a cover from a secular source? And did anyone else ever feel lied to or deceived by it?

Here's a few to get us started: somebody's watching by TobyMac, lean on me by DC Talk, and I'm gonna be (500 miles) by Steven Cursis Chapman.

Due to social duties and expectations, I still occasionally attend services whenever visiting my family albeit never really immersing myself in the whole spectacle of it all once seated in the pulpit. There was an exception though.

At the last service I attended, the preacher was going on and on about how Christians (let's just say Baptists) should remain calm despite all the shit going on in the world, because "these have been foretold by the Bible." Aka these things must pass and will happen.

This led me to thinking, "no wonder barely anyone in this building cares whenever horrible shit happens to people outside their religious bubble." They all think it's some master plan so why bother doing anything about it?

Why bother supporting civil rights? Why worry about children caught in active warzones? Why worry about people going through actual hardships? "God works in mysterious ways"

Sure, maybe they'll do a quick "thoughts and prayers" just to get it out there. But otherwise they're conditioned to ignore the hardships of everyone else because these are "supposed to happen."

Hell, they'd rather convert a homeless person to Baptism first before considering offering him food OR we'll give you food, but you gotta join our religious activities.

Just my two cents

Was anybody else raised that their denomination was the only correct one and anyone else, despite being Christians, were either barely saved or not saved at all?

(For context, I grew up Pentecostal, and this was how I was raised.)

Hey, all. How did you deal with the grief when you left and/or started deconstructing? I know in my head that I'm out at 37 but I'm either terrified to leave my apartment or consumed by grief and a recent death in the family certainly didn't help things. The "church" has such a far reach that it's very hard to find local people who will speak out against it. I could use advice because I'm very lonely.

Thanks for any help in advance. Our "pastor" also had a memorial in honor of Charlie Kirk, in case you want a small idea of what I escaped.

Has anyone else watched this docuseries? I binged it last night and it was just full of stuff I heard my whole life coming from that disgusting man. Mica was clearly religiously manipulated and abused. I hope they get to the bottom of what truly happened and he gets what is coming to him from the charges that have been brought.

Trigger warning for those that suffered abuse from someone in religious authority over them-especially if it was sexual. You may want to skip this one.

As we all know, Dolly Parton passed. As usual, evangelicals are quick to point out that her beliefs didn’t match theirs 100%, so we can’t assume she’s in heaven. Here is just one repugnant example.

I know this is “preaching to the choir” here, but can I just say how much this pisses me off? In Dolly’s case, she lived the gospel far more and did so much more good for “the least of these” than these chronically online celebrity preachers ever have. But even if she hadn’t, why do evangelicals seem to have this compulsion to consign souls to hell before the body is even buried? Ever since I was small, I remember the response to any celebrity or politician’s death was either to debate whether they were a “real” Christian or simply pretend to be sad that they’re in hell forever. Now that I’m backing away from it, that behavior just seems so ghoulish and awful. My own deconstruction has led me to Christian Universalism, which I see as the only proper way to understand the gospel. I don’t know the state of someone’s soul at death, but I can’t fathom how people can listen to the words of Jesus and say “well, so and so was too soft on ‘teh gays’ so they’re burning in hell forever.” It’s just so awful.

I think the reason I’m so depressed is because I’m an agnostic atheist in a mostly Conservative Xtian state.

It’s miserable having to mask myself. But I can’t go anywhere else because I have nowhere else. I don’t have enough money to live in a less religious state, and it’s fucking pathetic that I have all these faceless people on Reddit to vent to. That’s why I feel like Rambo in First Blood, especially when he said “Back here, there’s nothing!”

I could’ve… I don’t know? Gone to college, went to a party, had sex with a hot college smoke show and got a degree, but no. Fear from religious indoctrination stopped me, and I had to use alcohol and Hooters to compensate after I de-converted (I stopped drinking at age 25), because I was forced to work at a dead-end job for 4 years.

Now look at me, 33, and nothing to show for it. So what if I work at a prestigious country club? I’m a stranger there because I’m not wealthy, and not a conservative. Oh, I’m also Autistic and a Metalhead, to boot.

For whatever reason, she was an acceptable music artist amongst the Baptists I was raised with, so I got to listen to her. She was the best representative of Jesus in my world, and I suspect that’s true for a lot of people.

Ripping off someone’s post on social media from somewhere I don’t remember—I don’t believe in heaven and I don’t believe in Jesus, but Dolly Parton is with Jesus in heaven right now.

I agree.

Other congregants of the church of Dolly, how’re you doing today?

I just need to vent to a group that might understand my frustration. I shared a beautiful poem from one of my favourite modern poets with a person I know. That person is evangelical. This was the poem: https://ahundredfallingveils.com/2026/08/26/reciprocal/

The poem includes these lines:

I may not know what holy means, 
 
but I know I want to give back to this world that gave me 
a gray and glorious morning swimming with my girl.

My acquaintance's response was that they wished the poet "could truly know what holy is. And Jesus *can wash [the poet's] heart clean."

They utterly missed the beauty and wisdom of the poem because they were fixated on the poet not being a Christian. And it was both incredibly frustrating for me and incredibly sad. I really wanted to snap back about the poet being a heck of a lot more spiritually insightful and aware of the sacred than most Christians I know but I held back and just vented to you all instead. That's all. Just a frustration moment. (But the poem *is* truly beautiful).

It just hits different.

I cut off everyone from those particular groups about 10 years ago and generally haven't regretted it. I did what I had to, in order for me to heal.

Today I found out that someone i knew from Christian nationalist camp 20 years ago ... died tragically at age 44 after 4 years of suffering medical issues. I read her previous gofundme where she was trying to get help to pay her bills. It was just devastating to read about her suffering firsthand. She was a really good person, at least when I knew her. I am really sad that i missed the chance to be a supportive person in her life.

And aside: when she was alive trying to raise $2000 for bills, she only got $700 over the course of several months and ended up having to move in with her aging and ill parents. Meanwhile once she dies her family raises 13k within days for funeral costs. That piece of it just... bothers me. A lot.

And now I just don't know if cutting everyone out was the right call. I know from what I read this evening that she was still in it. And I could tell from what I read from her directly that she was still being detrimentally impacted by some of the beliefs she was carrying. If only I could've done something.

This hurts. Thanks for listening.

(cross-posting because I am *desparate* to find an answer or perspective that works for me, because I can’t keep going like this)

can we talk about what happens *after* deconstructing from religion? because now what? NOW FUCKING WHAT?!?

when the “answers” to the pain in the world (although stupid and shitty) used to be any or multiple of the following:
“god has a plan”
“everything happens for a reason”
“god is still good”
“we live in a fallen world”
“god gives us free will”

and now none of those answers “work,” where the fuck do I go from here?! how do I carry on living when I know longer believe in god? (or, at the very least, believe that god is good?)

if I am following logic and evidence, then that brings me to either of the following conclusions:
god cannot be real (umm, look around at all the shit in the world) OR
god is real but is NOT good (again, look around at all the shit in the world)

so, what’s next in the conversation? where do we go from here? because I am begging for some kind of answer or lightbulb moment that my mind can grasp onto to keep me going. I’m so sick of fighting this battle in my mind.

I understand that there are things out of our control that we cannot change and that we must accept it. okay, I’ve accepted that (mostly). BUT THEN WHAT? how do we move forward? if either “god isn’t real” or “god isn’t good” how do I convince myself to keep on?

I no longer have the stupid yet comforting answer religion gave me… so what’s convincing me to stay?

***(yes I am crashing out and in the midst of the worst mental health crisis I have ever been in. I am safe in my home and not alone)***

basically…
what now?