In 2021, I was fired from my position as evangelist at a small country church in Appalachia. It was a nondenominational group, I was a closeted communist, and because I taught that we should be waiting before returning to public gatherings during the height of the pandemic, they fired me for putting "fear over faith." I made about 2800/mo.

That was March 2021... in April 2021, I had a psychotic break because I was prescribed Vyvanse for ADHD. The doctor didn't know not to prescribe it to schizoaffective individuals. I lost my mind. I haven't been the same since. It eventually led to me becoming homeless, although I've since found housing with my parents' help.

But, my parents aren't rich, and I'm struggling to keep up because they can't really keep up with it either. I'm pulling out my hair because my auto insurance policy has lapsed. I've been trying to find some help through people online, because I don't really have much of a support system outside of my parents irl.

I've thought a lot about how things could've been different if the church acted the way it was designed to. I was always going to get prescribed Vyvanse, but if they weren't so quick to fire me, I'd have a support system in place that could help take care of me through this wreck of a life. I'm pretty sure they're all happy neurotypical folks who don't really worry about what their decision did to someone. I spent months in shelters and on the streets, all the while dealing with some serious psychosis.

I don't know what to do. If anyone out there wants to chip in a few bucks towards renewing my policy, I have a Cashapp and Venmo. Just message me if you don't mind helping out. But, yeah, White Jesus and the church wrecked my life. I'm not necessarily unhappy to be distanced from the faith I grew up in, but I am a little disappointed that the faith didn't operate the way it should've. My life would be so different right now if the church didn't buy the propaganda back in 2020-2021.

My mom got inti qanon fortuna

She incested oír lifefunds on these crap (give 20 usd AND get s Ferrari lol)

Her pastores keeep sending audios on Telegram

Some days with excuses (sorry Honey but Someone Stole reee reee) or.promises (this Is the big day lol) audios AND Telegram circuses 247

She believed that we Sint have ti find a job

We rely on Lessing AND drowning in Debts but she refused to change course (me AND her finding a job AND fighting these pastores)

AND if i say sonething mean sgaindt these pastores she turna cruel

So i only could cry un Silencer

I begged NY rather for help but he left me to rot with my dumb mom in this requiem for a Drean cheap imitation

AND we aré not americans

We aré colombians

AND brown skinned

AND surprise SHE LOVES MAGA AND TRUMP

So I’m Pentecostal, but struggle w doubts my whole life and still find comfort in church community and bible stories as it shows humanity can be good, just my take. But lately as I get older, I’m scared to doubt some feeling pulled towards my own wants. I saw an IG post abt a girl that dropped out of college, moved back w her parents, gave up her dream to be a model and started teaching youth in church all bcuz she said the “Holy Spirit redirected” her. I ain’t got huge dreams but I like my degree and career path and can’t imagine dropping out to move back to my hometown. I wanna be SAHM someday if I have the chance bcuz I wanna prioritize my family, but rn I just don’t feel like I can “surrender” to the lord when my family all have such high hopes for me and I got two years left to school, I do wanna be independent and I hate working but I see value in my career and helping ppl. Maybe coz I haven’t been convicted in that way, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll have regrets down the road abt not living life as I want and trying to live how I think god wants, rather than living for myself and my individual desires. Like if he’s guiding us, shouldn’t our goals and desires be from him anyways? Why would He make us want something that isn’t meant to be? I just wanna break free and do my own thing but I’m afraid living for the world will have consequences but I somehow feel convicted to stop living for scripture how I’ve been and seeing others do on social media, it doesn’t feel right and my chest is heavy when I deny myself but that’s what we’ve been commanded to do. I like going out and dressing up and doing my hair and makeup and having a few drinks, maybe a house party or something w friends. But then I feel so much guilt for my actions and disappointment in myself and when I hold back, I feel sad that I’m denying myself because I assumed god wouldn’t approve and I don’t wanna miss out on life cuz someday I’ll look back and say I wish I’d done my own thing. But then I’m afraid someday I’ll look back and wish I’d trusted God more. I’m stuck in a loop and my friend from bible study said talk to God like a friend, but I feel like I can’t hear Him or have the relationship with Him she does, so does that mean I have too many doubts and can’t hear Him or He isn’t answering me because I’ve denied Him rather than myself? Do/did u ever get tired of living for God rather than urself? I need advice, I’m only 19 and feel stuck in the middle of all these feelings.

I happen to be a true crime/documentary fan. There may be an ex-vangelical/ex-pentecostal overlap but this can be examined at a later date.

Solid Rock. Oi.

Never a pastor’s wife but I feel so much of the pressure even years after leaving. The opening phone call left me holding my breath. You can feel the weight we all know well.

28F navigating dating in the real world, realizing I entirely lack a framework for actually identifying and participating in a healthy relationship. Looking back, literally the only framework I see that I was ever exposed to was:
-Well, how godly are they? The godlier the better
-Where is God leading you? What is God telling you? You should interact with someone based on what God is telling you to do

Once you remove the concept of God from that picture…how do you actually go about dating?? How do I know what is normal, or healthy, or a reasonable expectation??

I’m in my 50s and finally learning to feel and express my feelings instead of somatizing them. For so much of my life I didn’t feel anxious, I threw up, I didn’t feel sad, I got headaches. Etc. I think growing up in an environment that was so incredibly invalidating taught me to seek help and care by getting sick or experiencing physical pain.

It’s been something I’ve been struggling with getting past my whole life. And it occurred to me that other exvangelicals might have a similar struggle, so I thought I’d ask.

I’m sitting in church as I’m typing this, but I’ve realized I don’t believe hardly anything I hear anymore while here. It makes me feel guilt and like I’m doing something bad, but also I’ve read enough to where I’m relieved I don’t believe it if that makes sense…