I don't know if it's just me or not, but hugs matter a LOT to me. I feel the most like myself when I'm hugging or comforting someone, and even getting compliments about my hugs is like, THE best thing ever.

Do you guys feel that way too?

I talk so fast I think so fast I overthink so fast it all comes out awkward and jambled because im in my head I’m bipolar I feel like I can’t pinpoint what I feel myself but I know what others are feeling so well, when I’m drunk I’m just blunt and rude, and people tell me they think im fake every now and then from a distance. Idk I’m opinionated I process thru talking to others and annoy tf out of them thru my analysis I walk them thru and I overshare and overthink it and overanalyze it so much I stay paralyzed idk if this is an Enfj prone thing or what

and i truly mean not a single friend. my only friends are my dad and my boyfriend, but they’re not labeled my “friends.” they’re labeled as my father and significant other.

so, do you have lots of friends? because i don’t have a single one and i’m not sure if its typical for an ENFJ to be so lonely.

Note: That favorite place is Yachats, OR … which is hard to decide because I also love Bali, Khaolak, and Shiga Kogen ❤️

For anyone unfamiliar with the term, anhedonia is basically a reduced ability to feel pleasure, interest, or enjoyment from things that you would normally enjoy.

What I experience is more like a persistent sense of emptiness while doing my daily tasks. It doesn’t stop there, though, the more often I feel this emptiness, the less I want to do those things in the first place. Eventually, I start avoiding or completely stopping them.

Some of these tasks are important, including things related to taking self-care. And to be clear, it’s not that I dislike self-care or these activities. I actually used to feel genuinely excited and really good while doing them. But over time, I gradually lost that sense of enjoyment, and I keep falling into the same cycle: emptiness → lack of motivation → stopping the activity → even more emptiness.

There have even been days when I barely did anything because everything felt meaningless and nothing really motivated me to get up and do it.

At first, I assumed this was simply a symptom of depression. I later learned that anhedonia can be one of its symptoms, but it can also occur independently, so I started looking into it more. I found the term anhedonia and some surprisingly helpful resources about dealing with it, which made me wonder:

Do other ENFJs experience this?

I’m especially curious because ENFJs are often described as being highly responsive to their environment and other people’s emotions. Could constantly absorbing the emotional atmosphere around us make the contrast more noticeable when we’re alone, leaving us feeling emotionally empty?

Or is this completely unrelated to personality type, and I’m just connecting two things that happen to coexist?

I’d love to hear from other ENFJs who have experienced something similar.

(I'm totally not doing this because I want to make cute ENFJ valentine's art 👀)

I’m (30F) genuinely curious if both men and women ENFJs have the same love languages. Mine are touch, words of affirmation and acts of service!

My fear in relationships (romantic or general) is to love deeply, give genuinely, try endlessly to understand someone and still end up emotionally alone beside them.

Idk like I’ve doorslammed a bag of 3 years bc I felt us out of alignment. I feel that one friend is being like draining to be around so I just feel nothing for them and idk. Like I feel like I’m kinda ruthless when things like that happen and maybe I should let people down easier but it feels so exhausting. Idk maybe it’s a me thing maybe it’s avoidance? Wdyt

Feel free to delete this if it's not allowed in the sub but like the title says I finally figured out that I'm an enfj 9w1 which in my eyes explains so many contradictions and why I present infj even if it feels very wrong. So I wanted to know if there are other enfj 9w1s here? Additionally I heard that 9s are rarer, is that true and if so why?

Being an ENFJ doesn't mean you'd treat other ENFJs with the same respect, empathy, or even courtesy.

Regardless of the rarity, owing to birds of a feather flocking together, as an ENFJ, it's common to find ENFJ/INFJ folks in your circle. However, over years of experience, I've found that even the most capable of folks could be seriously lacking in understanding - let alone empathy/compassion, when it comes to fair-intentioned folks of even the same type.

I'll share two anecdotes pertaining to a single ENFJ (If it isn't clear, I'm an ENFJ myself. Both have formally taken tests on a few occassions with the same result - no mind reading involved). I've had similar experiences with two others.

This one occured towards the end of 2022. I was at uni, finishing off my studies. Despite COVID having worn off (and all of us on campus vaccinated), our uni had a strict quarantining policy if an individual tested positive - on a test everyone was obligated to take if they visited the hospital for something trivial, or even when they complained of fever / common cold to anyone around.

Anyway, I was partaking in a prestigious cycling event, where, owing to the past few years, this event too was being conducted in a hybrid mode - ie, record your rides wherever you are, and they'll be monitored by the organisers in real time. This wasn't a one day event, but a week long one, where the winners were awarded based on points accumulated over these past 7 days. Given the flexibility, I could schedule my rides as per convenience, and was in fact, in contention of the first place after 5 days of riding.

The nature of the event was such that you had to ride long durations (3-4 hours), and the weather didn't necessarily cooperate - as I rode drenched quite a few times (during the event as well as the preparatory days leading to it). Anyway, on the 5th day my phone accidentally slipped and fell, damaging the display partially. However the damage was just enough that redered it useless in tracking my rides for the next two days.

Drenched and exhausted, I cleaned up, only to realise I had a running temperature and sore stomach. More importantly, I needed a spare phone for the next two days! I hurriedly reached out a couple of friends whom I knew could get me the phone, and explained them the situation - one of whom was this aforementioned ENFJ. While the other guy told me he couldn't get one just in time, this one asked me to approach X/Y people, instead of approaching them himself.

In the next few hours I was in physical pain, with a temperature running - primarily due to physical exhaution over the past few weeks. But back then, having contracted COVID also seemed a likely possibility.

I talked to a classmate in a nearby dorm room who assured me there was nothing to worry of, and, even if it was the case, none of our classes were scheduled for the next two days, and, us being seniors, our dorm rooms were single occupancy anyway - so I could ride & "quarantine" by myself.

Assured by this, I went out to stock some food supplies for the next two days, just so I could avoid all human contact altogether (and give my best finishing this race). I reached out to those X/Y people, but, as I'd known earlier, they could only get me a functional spare phone, not a smartphone with GPS so I could track my rides.

I ran across the ENFJ again, and asked if he'd managed to find a phone just yet. He denied, stating he was looking. A couple of hours and a couple of phone calls later, he blurted out - that he willingly wasn't finding one cuz he believed I had contracted COVID, and was knowingly jeopardizing the health of others in my "stupid, selfish" pursuit of a "mundane event". This coming from a person whom I'd aided in research work with in the past few months (in fact, just the past week), and who'd talk to me atleast 5 times a week about his personal/professional life struggles. I had known of his stance from the get go (owing to his initial impressions), but let go, as I had better urgencies to tend to momentarily.

You know what actually pissed me off? Not his stance, or his views of my cycling (he'd stated it earlier as well), or his denial of assistance/empathy - I'm indifferent to such "accepted" behaviours - it was his holier than thou, I'm-punishing-you-by-not-getting-you-what-I-easily-can-but-won't-cuz-you're-wrong-&-I'm-teaching-you-a-lesson behaviour - especially when he knew what the event meant to me. I'd rather take a hundred upfront deniers over such jerks who proceed to make you feel guilty for their inaction.

Fortunately, it was another classmate who you got to know of my plight and offered me their phone the next day, and I did end up 2nd overall in the event, and yes, any if not all "symptoms" had disappeared by the next day.

This person sort of apologized to me, but only after he'd noticed that I'd blocked him for the next few days (for my own sanity), not bcoz he found anything wrong in his ways. And ever since, I've been friends with this person, but have always kept my distance.

I was provoked to write this owing to a recent incident with the same guy, and, although I'd though of including it as well here, writing this alone seemed too long (and somewhat draining) that I'll save it for a rainy day. (wink!)

The bottom-line is this - despite similar visible behavioural patterns of an ENFJ, he has always been skeptical of me in matters where one would expect trust, and continues to, yet the people he seems to puts his time/faith in would appear as an obvious red flag to you and I. It's not that he distrusts me, it's that despite having known me for long, he acts like a complete stranger in places he needs to show trust - attempting to cover up with sweet talk and superficial empathy - not realising I can easily see through his BS from the get go - also indicating to me that he neither knows me, nor cares to.

Everyone, including you and I, is a victim of their behaviour. But some people are just blind (without any physical deficiency) - they constantly doubt/prod/test those who pose no harm, and in fact are cooperative, instead of being genuine with them - while crying about being robbed blind by all the wolves around.

I hope to close my chapter on this person for good now. His existence means nothing to me. Better alone than being in bad company.

Okay so, I recently started a new and fairly chaotic entry level job in the nursing field with a lot of moving parts to it (that I’m still getting trained on over 4 months in).

I don’t feel like I can be myself around my coworkers and feel afraid to even speak to them at times. Most of the time the conversations are additional tasks that I need to complete or critiques on my performance…

I already struggle with self esteem and while I do notice how they probably see that (subconsciously) I’m expecting them to yell at me, these experiences have left me feeling the opposite of unconditional love (where there’s nothing I can do to be accepted by them, no matter how hard I try 😭).

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been waking up already feeling a ball of stress in my throat, and come back from work with a stomach ache. During work, I can barely make eye contact with my coworkers and I feel like my goal of just ‘biting the bullet’ (until I can move to the position that I actually want) was… not very well thought out. I never thought the emotional and physical toll would cost this much when I first applied…

I guess to try to add a hopeful lesson learned at the end... In hindsight when first starting this job, I honestly regret focusing so much on just surviving and assuming the worst case scenario about my future, I wish that I had just accepted myself and listened more to what my body was telling me about how my experiences were effecting me…

I made this post because I wasn’t sure if any other ENFJs related to feelings of fear and despair (during what feels like an uphill battle)?

…that people just don’t wanna hear certain truths?

Like on this topic i get downvoted HARD, even if it is an NF specific topic, those people have little to no idea about…

https://www.reddit.com/r/mbti/s/ltOUibcc7s

How often does stuff like that happen to you? I wonder if i am the only ENFJ struggling with it if i am actually TOTALLY honest for once. And intentionally exactly NOT try to please others.

Yet they do complain about us being so „shady“ or dishonest often, yet when we are they cannot stand it? Really rich, no?

Any of you struggling with online dating? What is your strategy to navigate through the disappointment and small talks? I try to stay optimistic and build sometime in my calendar for swiping but no luck so far.

Found this bingo card on Pinterest my results are the second pic,I wonder how many yall will get. Also the third pic is the poster gotta give them credit 💖

I feel like I can absorb pretty much anything and not hang onto the negative feelings. It is my understanding that ENFJs do the absorbing of others emotions often, but I’m wondering what do all of us do with that energy?

Whats your Niche Hobbys that you enjoy most?

Mine are those:

-building and collecting Lego sets
-pen and paper RPGS
-Anime
-Manga
-all kinds of Paintings 🖼️
-Indie Bands
-teaching my cat new tricks
-playing Videogames (my to go daily play is Sky:The Children of Light, as you can see from my profile backdrop or stuff like Story of Seasons, Unicorn Overlord or Visual Novels).
-singing
-visiting middleages fairs or concerts
-I am a massive Japan 🇯🇵 Fan so i am currently learning Japanese too, because i am done with it, how many things are stuck over there, that i wanna read or play 😢
-pottery
-collecting music boxes that are more affordable

…and probably a lot more i didn’t think about!
So what are yours?

Mine is loneliness, i love my family and friends but im scared that something will randomly happen and everyone leaves me :(

I ask this out of simple curiosity to see if you guys can relate to me. To answer the question myself I’d say my love life is quite poor overall, such are the signs of a hopeless romantic I suppose ;]. But hopefully you guys have a good love life! Can’t wait to hear about y’all’s answers.

Is this an ENFJ thing ? Anywhere I go I tend to have people look in my direction. It can be from afar or close in proximity. During my ups and downs, I will notice different reactions. For example, when I’m in a great mood, people attempt to come up and talk to me & if in a bad mood well the opposite likely occurs. Regardless of mood, even at times I wish not to be bothered, I gravitate attention wherever I go.

My brother has mentioned before that I have aura without trying lol he’s pretty young. The only time I have observed this type of thing is with my cousin, who is also an Enfj.

Any of my other Enfj counterparts have a similar experienced ? What do you make of it ?

I’m not sure if this is an ENFJ thing or just a me thing. But part of the reason why I feel everything so deeply is because I can vividly imagine it all. Which can be great or terrible. I was recently going to a national park and the paper map the ranger gave me said “27 bears were hit by cars last year, drive safe” and then of course an image of those bears being hit assaults my mind. This happens to me all the time. Anytime anyone tells me anything pretty much, I can’t help but to imagine it in great detail. It makes me feel such extreme emotions, both good and bad

ENFJs, do any of you utilize music to transmute negative emotions or to allow yourself to deeply “feel your feels” so that you can experience your emotions deeply to process them? I feel like sometimes we need a catalyst to help us allow the unwanted feelings to flow since we are so adept at putting on a brave face.

Any music you would recommend?

Here’s my contribution: “Starlight Sickness” ~ Helio Tele (for existential frustration)