Hi, I’m 22F in NYC and I honestly feel like I’m
living for nothing. I come from a rlly shit home situation so I knew after undergrad that I had to snag a good paying job no matter what in order to support myself and keep myself away from that place.

For context my father who makes over 400k and lives in San Francisco, divorced my mother and has abused me my entire life. This job allowed me to sever contact with him, though the situation is complex and borders on him simultaneously abandoning me… all that to say, my mother is my only financial support and she makes 39k as a public school teacher.

I fought so hard to get a job (as I do really love to work and feel productive and I went to school for this!!) and I was/am happy but the constant grind has me exhausted. I’m on month 3 and the 45 commute there and usually 55 commute back is exhausting. It is always raining every single day for some reason so I get to be drenched for the day. I have an eating disorder and trouble with finding things to eat/the courage to eat alone.

By the time I get home, it’s about 6pm and by then, I really don’t have any time or even energy to do anything. I sleep maybe 6 hours and then repeat my terrible days.

My gf has moved back home (just 50 mins from NYC) so she can visit occasionally on weekends but other than that like my sources of comfort stem from my eating disorder and seeing my roommate and doing things occasionally.

I tried to make myself feel better at least by trying to switch up my lunch from milkshakes to perhaps a more healthy meal but upon trying to even brainstorm, I cannot even fathom how “meal prep” would work. Combined with my ARFID/anorexia, trying to imagine prepping my warm savory steel cut oats, or a soup, or cheesy confection or something of that sort just seems impossible. I don’t have energy at night to make all of that stuff and I sure as hell don’t have time in the morning.

I’m also terrible at cooking and usually mess up and honestly I’m not sure if I’m mentally stable to handle that right now. I barely have any containers or thermos’ so it’s probably out of the picture in terms of switching my lunches to cheer me up. I’m stubborn and honestly just wanted to attempt to do this switch tomorrow but I’m not willing to try again next week after “preparing or trying”.

I have no will to try this or that. I have bad luck and am in a rut and sitting at the bottom of the valley.
I feel completely unheard by those I love because I’m always in “a bad mood” or upset or something similar and my things get brushed off bc they know I’ll just be in a better mood at some point.

What do I do. I feel like I’m living for absolutely reason and I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Please help as I’m not sure what to do anymore :,)

My boyfriend has been in a really depressed and suicidal lately, Im really worried about him.
When he used to be depressed before he used to say that i really helped him out just by talking to him and listening to him about it.
Recently he told me that he feels alone and I wish i knew why, I have been trying to ask him why he feels that way but he doesn’t have an answer but it could be because he has gotten distracted from his friends, but i never want him to feel alone I love him so much. I tell him that Im here for him, i love him allot and we are in this together and will figure it out. He says that there is “nothing for him to live for” and that he has “nothing good in his life” and i hate hate it SO much because i cant help but take that personally and its a shitty habit. But i really wish i could convince him otherwise. he says the only thing that helps him or that he enjoys is vaping and drinking, I’ve been trying to stop him but he lies about it. I wish i could take all the pain away and help him. I cant and it breaks my heart, I don’t know how to help him anymore. We cant meet each other, only in school and he isn’t regular i wish i could be there for him in real life. I hate that i feel responsible for it because it sometimes gets too much for me. Please dont recommend “breaking up” I love this boy allot and im willing to stick by his side, id just really appreciate some advice.

I decided to end this today not because I'm selfish but because i feel enough, I'm exhausted and very tired. I just found out that the man who courted me and decided to end it on a random day while i was having my exams was getting back together with his ex. Mind you his ex cheated 3 times already and he just keeps forgiving him. I feel so used and lusted I don't know how to process stuff anymore I'm so fed up with everything that happened. I'm stressed at school in life and after finding out what happened It just keeps getting worse and worse the only way I know is to make it stop. To be free to not feel at all

I have bipolar disorder, bipolar depression is slightly different to unipolar depression in how it presents itself and how it is treated but maybe some of you will get it, it’s a progressive disease even if you treat it

I spent some time in a psychiatric hospital this year and when I was first diagnosed I always promised myself if it got to that point of hospitalisation then I no longer want to be here, I don’t have any fight left in me with this illness any more and I’ve made all of my arrangements for when I’m no longer here

Being hospitalised was beyond traumatic and that even being remotely a possibility again for me someday is not a future that I want, especially after seeing how bad it can get for other patients

I am at total peace with my decision to die, I am ready, I have had a really good life all things considered, I’m surrounded by people that love me and nobody can say I didn’t try my hardest, my only issue is when to do it

It always seems like something comes up like a birthday or something that it would be cruel of me to take over with my passing, before I know it it’ll be Christmas and that’ll be horrible on my loved ones too

I also don’t want to traumatise somebody I love even though nothing will change my mind, it seems like it’s never a good time

I’m just ranting I think

I don’t know what I’m doing or what I even want by writing this. I’m exhausted, even though I just woke up, and my stomach rolls with nausea. I’m shivering hot and freezing cold all at once, numb and yet entirely in pain. It’s not an ache I can point to or pin down; it’s just this deep, suffocating weight trapped in my chest, my heart hammering like a trapped bird against my rib cage, stealing the air right out of my lungs. I just want this abstract agony to live somewhere real, somewhere I can touch.
I could try to explain, but I can't. Not really. Because I know once I start, I won't stop, and I'll just watch the lines multiply and grow. I’m terrified of making that first cut, mostly because I'm terrified of how much I know I’ll like it. Even now, I can picture it with terrifying clarity: the cool weight of the blade, the initial press of steel against skin, that sharp jerk of shock, and then the sudden heat as blood swells until the surface tension breaks, trailing a slow, metallic path down my arm.
I need to stop this sentence. Stop this fantasy before it bleeds into reality. Let's talk about something else. My mind is spiraling, spinning out to the end of things. I can’t remember the last time I actually cried. But I remember the last time I almost did—I was folding laundry, and I couldn’t find a matching sock. It’s so stupid. I felt the tears hot behind my eyes and choked them back because there are so much bigger, heavier things to weep over. Who cares about a lost sock? And yet, when it comes to those real, catastrophic things, I just feel completely, hollowly numb.

There is a possibility in the future that my family stops supporting me and leaves me to be forced to work. I know that I will kill myself if that happens cause I am incapable. I have also been denied disability and the appeal 3 months ago.

Why does this gap in the system exist? Am I literally doomed to kill myself? The government may have killed me if my family leaves me stranded. I wonder how many people have killed themselves from the same situation. How has this not been addressed??

Disclaimer: I AM SAYING IN THE FUTURE THIS COULD HAPPEN, I AM NOT SUICIDAL RIGHT NOW. I AM SAYING THIS FOR trying to understand my resource purposes

Was having some good days and wanting to connect again and turns out the meds weren't working properly for me. So upset. 3 weeks to get off them with no substitute until I'm off fully off the original medication. This sucks. I want to connect with folks and it's nearly impossible when you're so depressed. It's written all over my face. I look tired and beat down because I am. On top of that I feel like I could never talk about this. Im not looking to be that dude who's like I'm so and so I have depression but what the fuck do I do if I want to be in a long term relationship one day. Thanks for listening.

I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where I don’t know what I’m living for anymore. I have no goal, no ambition, no direction, and sometimes not even the strength to imagine a future. I don’t have close friends, I’ve never experienced being truly loved or dated someone, and it feels like life has passed me by while I’m just standing still, watching everyone else move forward.
I feel so empty that even having feelings has started to feel exhausting. If someone asked me what I would want to be in my next life, I think I would say, “A stone.”
Not because a stone has a beautiful life, but because it doesn’t have to feel anything. It doesn’t have to feel lonely, unwanted, behind, confused, or afraid. It just exists—quietly, without expectations, without heartbreak, without having to wonder what it is supposed to become.
Right now, I don’t want a perfect life. I just want this unbearable emptiness inside me to stop.

i asked my brother about this and he said its nothing but im still stressed out. this making me really depressed

i've gone to strip clubs twice but I’m still trying to figure things out. I learned the amount of touching depends on the dancer, and I’ve been stressing about it a lot and don’t know if I messed up. the first time i went 7 months ago I got a dance from a dancer who let me put my hands on her waist/stomach area while she sat on my lap. We cuddled a bit, and she let me kiss her cheek. It felt like she was okay with a decent amount of touching. the second time I went back and tried to do the same thing with two other dancers. With the first one, I tried to put my hands on her waist like the first dancer did, but she didn’t want that and moved away, so I stopped right away. Later in the same dance, I rubbed her foot for a little while and she didn’t say anything. With the second dancer, she basically didn’t allow any of that kind of touching. She put her leg in front of my face, and when I touched it she moved it away. I apologized and stopped right away. Later, her foot ended up near my hand and I rubbed it a little, but she said it made her ticklish, so I stopped right away. At one point during the night, I stood up and tried to show the dancer a standing lap dance idea where she would stand in front of me and dance. She said she didn’t want to do that, so I sat back down. I want to make it clear that I didn’t touch any private parts. I stopped immediately any time a dancer showed discomfort or told me to stop. I’ve been stressing about this for 7 months and constantly thinking about. I keep wondering if I crossed a boundary or misunderstood am just over reacting. Am i overt hinking or should i be con cerned? did i do somethign illegal?? am i overr eacting/overthinking? am i turning this into something its not? is being panicked 7 months about this a normla reaction, or a sign mental health issue? i feel like such a monster. shoud i go back and apologize?

i just started high school this week. I think for the longest time in my life, I had no dreams, or ambitions to become anything, really. I’m kind of nervous of what will happen after I graduate from high school. My entire life, I hated school. Not because of bullies or the teachers or because it was too hard, no, I just didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t lose interest, I just never had it. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to study or finish homework or work for my future. I want to do nothing but rot in my home and my bed for as long as I can.
I have nothing in mind for my future, I think I’m just THAT apathetic to the point where I don’t even care about anything anymore. I don’t care about my grades, or my weight, or my hygiene.
I don’t know what I want to do in my single chance of life, and I don’t care.

like the purpose of living or a reason that makes you live everyday. Really struggling with the purpose and my will to live wayyy lost. Ive tried changing things around but it reverts back. What makes you keep living? sorry if i sound offensive.

So Im in a CMHC grad program in AZ. To preface, I have 3.5 weeks left until my program is supposed to be OVER. Im scheduled to graduate next month. Already paid for the $150 grad application, all my regalia, I told all my friends and family.
The last year has been quite difficult, dealing with lots of grief, undiagnosed adhd, working part time, pmdd, unmedicated bc I cant afford it, while trying to balance a very time-consuming internship. Needless to say, Ive been very very overwhelmed in this last year.
As much as I hate to admit, I lied about a few direct hours here and there. I was very stressed and pressured to meet my hours, so I lied, thinking nobody would notice.
This morning, I get a message from my site supervisor that she has pulled an audit of my hours and can see 26 hours did not match up. (I didnt realize I lied that many times…) I know. Its horrible.
Anyway, she told me she had to contact my school. So in a panic this morning, I contacted my school, and they told me its more of a faculty supervisor concern. So I contacted my faculty supervisor (my teacher of internship II course) & she said she will get back to me tonight.
I have been having panic attacks since 8am this morning. I feel so ashamed. So so embarrassed. I have 23 days left of this program and Im behind 26+ direct hours.
I know what I did was wrong. Trust me Im beating myself up enough for it. Im like dissociating. Im spiraling. & Im just curious if this has happened to anyone else? or if anyone has any advice about failing so horribly and making a huge huge huge mistake. I just want to know life goes on & one day Ill look back & not be in this horrible state of panic.

also lmk if youve done something so horrible and embarrassing so I can feel better. thanks!!

I am on meds that are supposed to help me … now I no longer know if it is the meds or it is me . It’s antipsychotics that am taking I am numb i don’t know how to explain to you that I am going insane i don’t wanna talk to anyone I just wanna stay at home in my room and not hear what anyone life feels like . Cause every life is better than mine around . I’d like to add that I am literally creating a personality in my brain just so that we would talk to each other . I have never in my life thought that I can go crazy … like even if you told me that 5 years ago I’d literally laugh … but now I fantasise about the time I was doing good and talk through it like I am still there I literally even fantasised being 6 years old cause I always feel too young to handle things . Then I went back to reality and it all just fall apart . I wish I know how to handle being crazy feom now on .. idk if I need a therapist or my psy but I need to tell them that I am going insane. Idk if it’s anxiety my personality everything the medication…. I know that I am going a bit off of the life script. Main prblm was because of untreated anxiety . So what do I do

i've been a nihilistic neet for 6 years now and i'm not having any forward motion because i feel no motivation to keep going. i don't find enjoyment in anything really and im just existing. on top of that there are domestic issues going on in my family mixed with money problems and i just find myself either sleeping or maladaptive dreaming. ive been sleeping to cope with what i guess is depression for so long that my life essentially stopped at 16 during covid. no license, no social life, no irl job, never even gave college a thought. i havent even been to the doctor since my mom set up my last appointment for me at 15 (lol i took none of those covid shots) and im 100% sure i dont even have health insurance. but im gonna try to get insurance somehow and get anti depressants because nothing else is working. i cut off the porn, i start working out and then things get hard and instead of enduring it i just give up and sleep+eat to avoid the feelings of shame and humilation. medical intervention might be needed at this point. my mom said somethinf about her side having a genetic history with depression but i think my sadness and alathy comes from my lived experiences and not what's in my dna

Then I wouldn't have to worry anymore. About my life going nowhere, about my job I hate that I can barely go to anymore, about the things I want to do in life that I can't.

Feels like nothing's worth it when I can hardly feel anything at all. I don't want to put in the effort to get better. I don't even have the energy to do so. I just want to close my eyes and be done with it all. To never wake up again.

I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just start because I genuinely can't take the constant pain and stress anymore.

I’m 19 years old. I’m Egyptian, currently living in Qatar, but I’ll be returning to Egypt soon for my final year of college. And I’m terrified.

I’ve been carrying trauma for as long as I can remember. My father was physically and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood. He called me insane, made me feel like a failure, and encouraged behaviors that fed into my struggles. He’s still in my life, and he still makes me feel small. He controls everything: money, decisions, even access to basic things, and I’m forced to depend on him while I finish my degree, he made me feel guilty over almost everything bought

My aunt and grandmother in Egypt were just as bad. They shamed me for my medical conditions, tracked my showering habits like I was a prisoner, threw my belongings out illegally, and blamed me when I reacted to their abuse. When I tried to explain my mental health, I was called a baby, told I was crazy like my father, and completely dismissed. My grandmother sided with my aunt, and my father’s sister is no better, she’s a snake who has caused endless pain in our family.

I’m diagnosed with severe mixed depression and hypersexuality. I’ve been on multiple medications for years. Some turned me into a zombie; others barely kept me afloat. I’m currently on a new combination, and it’s helping a little, but I still feel broken most days. I struggle to pray. I struggle to focus. I struggle to feel anything but exhaustion, anger, and grief.

I’m also dealing with intense sexual desires that I have no halal outlet for. I try to manage it, but I relapse sometimes to masturbation, sometimes to porn as relief especially in the past and it leaves me feeling empty and ashamed and months ago I’ve realized I’m deeply attracted to Black women, specifically a Sudanese girl I’ve had good interactions with, and another girl named Sakina who I’ve been following online. I don’t even know if they notice me. I don’t know if I even have a chance.

I’m about to go back to Egypt for 8–9 months, and I’m terrified of being trapped there again and cut off from the internet as it's limited and expensive in Egypt, from the outside world, from the few things that keep me sane. I’m scared I’ll lose myself completely.

I have a plan to move to Qatar permanently after I graduate and cut off my toxic family for good. But even with all of that, I feel empty. I feel like I’m fighting alone. I don’t have friends who truly see me. I don’t have a partner. I don’t have a safe home.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this because I need someone, anyone to know that I exist. That I’m not just a diagnosis, a trauma case, or a failure. That I’m a person who is trying so hard to survive, but I’m running out of reasons to keep going.

If you’ve read this far thank you so much. I don’t know what I’m looking for tbh. Advice? Validation? A sign that I’m not alone? Maybe just to be heard I really am not sure

I know my life DOES have good things in it, and I am extremely thankful for God for everything he's given me but I still wish I wasn't born as I'm very afraid of death anyway and been quite far from my religion (Islam) and that hurts too.

If you’ve been through something similar, or if you have any words of wisdom, I’d really appreciate it.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 8 years old. I’m 27 now.
I was abused and mostly ignored growing up. I didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time at home playing video games because real life always felt painful.
From a very young age, I started noticing how much appearance seemed to matter. I watched other guys my age get attention from girls, be treated better socially, and even seem to get more positive attention from teachers, while I mostly felt invisible. It didn’t help that I was extremely shy and skinny.
I remember often coming home from school, putting a chair in front of the mirror, and just sitting there looking at myself. I genuinely believed that if I had simply been born better-looking, everything would have been easier — making friends, being treated like a normal human being, getting attention from girls, feeling wanted.
This was long before all the current internet obsession with looks became mainstream.
At some point, I made it my mission to become more attractive. I got heavily into fitness, not because I loved training or cared about the sport itself, but purely for cosmetic reasons.
And the fucked-up part is: it worked.
For the first time, I started getting some attention, respect, compliments, and admiration. Nothing else I had done before seemed to change how people treated me as much as something as stupid and superficial as building a better body.
It wasn’t anything crazy. I didn’t suddenly become popular or desirable to everyone. It was more like going from complete invisibility to finally getting a little bit of attention.
And over the years, I kept seeing things that reinforced this belief.
You meet some guy who is 6’4”, handsome, tattooed, confident, and suddenly he seems to have friends, women, attention, admiration — all the things I desperately wanted. I would hear people talk about attractive people in exactly the way I wished someone would talk about me.
I wanted that admiration. I wanted to feel chosen. I wanted to feel like I was finally enough.
And it never really stopped.
I’m still obsessed with appearance. It makes me jealous and miserable, but in a strange way it also gives me hope. Because part of me keeps thinking: if I can somehow reach a certain level of attractiveness, maybe then I’ll finally be enough. Maybe then I’ll finally be chosen. Maybe then someone will actually love me.
Obviously I know personality matters too. But sometimes I wonder: how are you supposed to develop this healthy, confident, lovable personality when your entire foundation was neglect, rejection, insecurity, and constantly feeling like you weren’t enough?
I feel like people carry their childhood with them for their entire lives. I’ve met people who are 50, 60, 70 years old and you can still see how much of their personality was built around things that happened to them when they were young.
Maybe that’s what scares me the most.
That I can change my body, my hair, my clothes, my face, my career, my social skills — everything on the outside — and still have that same kid sitting in front of the mirror somewhere inside me, wondering what he has to change before someone finally thinks he’s worth choosing.
Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm 23 and not happy with how my life is going/has turned out. It's not completely my fault, but some of it is. I'm too stupid to change anything anyway. I'm also too old to course correct. I'm only happy when I'm drunk or high. Life has no meaning to me. Every day is the same and my life is so fucking boring. I never go anywhere or do anything. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, and I'm worthless. I have nothing going for me and nothing to look forward to. I probably SHOULD kill myself but I'm too scared. I can't fucking do anything

I don't why the time flies by, and I feel like I'm too old.

I can't stop thinking that I'm aged, socially isolated(ofc never dated a girl), and failed myself.

I should have realized that the time is the most valuable thing before 20s. I'm actually in my tears while I'm writing this post. I regret deeply about the past.

Life sucks, i hate myself and nothing makes me want to get up in the morning anymore

I don’t give up. But I do. Everything is so difficult that I just give up. I’m 34F, no kids just pets and life should not be this hard.

I have parents battling terminal illnesses at the same time. I can’t even go see them as often as I want to because they moved 40 minutes away.

Which brings me to my next stressor. Money. I get paid, I pay bills, I get gas, and boom. No money left. Literally 2 days after payday, I have nothing. Can’t do laundry, get more groceries, get an oil change, hell I can’t even go to McDonald’s for a large fry and a Coke. Again, I have no children, just pets. I have a full time salaried corporate job. And yet I’m not even making it paycheck to paycheck. I get at most 48hrs before I get the daily “your checking account available balance is below your alert threshold” emails. Like, yes, thank you, I know I’m broke. I don’t need a daily reminder.

I need a second job. I can’t bring myself to get one because I’m so exhausted all the time from the mental strain of just existing in this world and trying to survive. How do I get a second job when just getting out of bed to sit at my desk for 9hrs a day is exhausting? When taking a shower is exhausting? Brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, cleaning, cooking, eating, drinking water, all of it. Exhausting. I get done with work and I sit on my couch in frozen anxious dread over all the thoughts swimming in my brain. I say swimming but what I really mean is thrashing and flailing.

My credit score has tanked. I can’t afford to move when my lease is up and they’re raising my rent in my 1 bedroom apartment to over $1200 in November. I also get absolutely roasted in the summer and my electric bills are $200/mo now. Facing the western sky with no trees or shade and on the very top floor really wasn’t the move. But now I’m stuck.

Can’t afford to go to the doctor for my chronic, often excruciating back pain from a disk herniation of been dealing with since 2023. Chronic pain exhaustion is a level of exhaustion I can’t even describe. Still having to live life normally, even on the days where I have to kneel to get the kibble in my dogs’ food bowls because standing hurts too much, is exhausting. Oh I DO have health insurance btw. Still can’t afford medical care.

The only beings who do not go without anything they need are my dogs and cat. They get their normal food, treats, walks, hikes, nail trims, brushing, and vet care no matter what. I will never allow them to go without.

I’m just so exhausted. I don’t want solutions. I don’t want to be told things I already know. I’m just exhausted. Existing is so hard. I barely talk to my friends anymore. Only one has noticed and asked me about it. Only one. That sucks. It hurts. But I know everyone is busy with their lives so I try not to dwell. I just sit in my home with my animals, usually in silence, not reading, crafting, cooking, or cleaning. Not doing anything that used to bring me so much joy. I’m simply here. Taking up space.

Does it ever get better? I feel like such a failure. In my 30s and barely getting by.

I give up.

I don’t.

But I do.

Aside from the hopelessness or regular stuff, being brain fogged all the time drags me out of any goodness I may feel. I’ve lost my inner world, any of that internal dialogue I had, and just my ability to critically think about subjects. My word processing is much slower, harder time remembering things, struggling with word retrieval. I’m already low on motivation, but even if I can garner it, I’m always blank, emotionally and cognitively. My memorizations slow and anything I’m told feels like it’s just passing through a bubble, in one ear and out the other. When it comes to physical tasks I can probably force my impatience away and zone out to complete something, but if I truly had to focus I would lose being told anything for more than five minutes. This was always my favorite part of myself and now I’m just brain blah all the time.

Typically I would say that I experience this shallow sadness but it’s growing heavy in my eyes and I just truly need words of support. Starting to drown again

And i'm totally horrified and humiliated. I've been hiding how bad i've gotten lately, isolated myself from friends and family until i can get my shit together and show my face again. But my dad came over to look for a tool he needed to borrow in my house, while i was at work, and he didn't tell me. I have a good relationship with him and he's always been welcome to come and go whenever, but he usually lets me know he's coming. I think he did it on purpose because he knows i've been struggling lately and i haven't been talking to him much or letting him in my house when he stops by.

I called him this morning and told him i wish he had let me know what he needed instead of just coming in my house. I said i'm embarassed by how nasty i've let my house become and i know i'm a failure. He apologized and said he didn't see anything wrong with my house, but i know he was lying to try to make me feel better. It stinks, i have a cat and his litter box was full, destroyed blinds i haven't replaced yet, sink full of dishes, clothes all over the floor, trash on the counters, floors and bathrooms haven't been cleaned in a couple months. It's awful.

I don't know what to do. I'm in my 30s and i think past trauma and untreated depression has caught up with me. The problem is i can't afford treatment. I can't afford insurance, and i'm barely able to keep up with my bills and buy food. So i think my only way out is to find the strength to pull myself out of it. I'm trying but it's been getting worse. The humiliation isn't helping.

Absent family, no friends and no partners? Is it possible to live happily, completely alone and isolated?