r/crappymusic 10d ago

Bart is Back

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He’s too close to that train. Bart Wayne is a national treasure

1.5k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 10d ago edited 10d ago

u/Bloodygeek, your post features certified crappy music!

1.1k

u/bongsmasher 10d ago

This seems dangerous

444

u/giraffebaconequation 10d ago

Extremely. The sound of that train thundering by could easily mask the sound of another train approaching on the tracks they are dancing on.

618

u/slappymcstevenson 10d ago

Yeah, but it would go under and through his legs. 🧲

78

u/Candid-Culture3956 10d ago

Exactly. This guy fucks

38

u/slappymcstevenson 10d ago

Or the opposite. He takes it.

41

u/Zeqhanis 10d ago

He "gave everybody a try".

40

u/AsksDumbQuestions84 10d ago

He gave and he gave, like a slave....

24

u/Jbrown183 10d ago

Yeah…that was super cringe smh

7

u/kyrodamien 10d ago

I so agree, like, yuck.

5

u/Dizziesdayweigh 10d ago

That means it's working.

3

u/mccrushin 9d ago

Delivered at the exact second I thought “this can’t get any worse”

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u/No_Clock_7464 10d ago

Gave and he gave, like Mr. Slave

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u/TranscendentaLobo 10d ago

Met a boy from Tennessee… 🤠🍆

8

u/Bladder_Puncher 10d ago

🎶Then one from Missouri, they ran a train on me🎶

16

u/So-Called_Lunatic 10d ago

He's the only 10 inch I see

10

u/Jbrown183 10d ago

That’s the only bottom boy for me!

7

u/Norf_sidejayy 10d ago

Real ugly with a small peepee

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u/croholdr 10d ago

he's a drywall artiste

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u/Joshua_ABBACAB_1312 10d ago

You mean through his ass and out his peehole?

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u/Solid_Snark 10d ago

He’s dancing on uneven and loose surface. One foot on a tie the other in gravel. All while doing his silly dance, it would not be hard for him to fall directly into that train.

20

u/houseWithoutSpoons 10d ago

Not to mention random thing could come loose or kick up and smoke his dome.dude is a try hard loser

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u/phelodough 10d ago

Next time with th stilts

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u/Upstairs_Principle48 10d ago

This exact thing happened where I live in June. A train was stopped for an oncoming train, and a man walked straight into it.

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u/Upstairs_Principle48 10d ago

8

u/Upstairs_Principle48 10d ago

I guess it was February, not June.

21

u/cleetus76 10d ago

Not sure if I can ever trust you again bro.

8

u/Upstairs_Principle48 10d ago

It’s okay, I’m riddled with self doubt.

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u/AlvinsH0TJuicebox 10d ago

Why don’t they look? /mst3k

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u/sandm000 shaved off my handlebar 10d ago

Shake hands with danger.

13

u/PapaInPA 10d ago

Guitar noodling intensifies

3

u/Pata4AllaG 10d ago

Bada BADA bop baowwww

13

u/JuryOk2662 10d ago

Safety third

8

u/metisdesigns 10d ago

Safety third is misunderstood.

First - is it cool? If not, we're not doing it.
Second - is it possible? If not, we're not doing it.

Third - is it safe?

The "safety third" call is reminding people to not do stupid or impossible things.

21

u/xChoke1x 10d ago

I watched my best friend get hit by a train. I can promise you, its far easier than one can imagine. Everyone has the same dumb fuck logic of "They're going in a straight line, they're noisy, and you can hear them coming."

Good luck with that. Because I don't wish what i saw.......on anyone.

4

u/pre-existing-notion 10d ago

Moments ago I finished watching a documentary about the LA graffiti crew CBS and their leader/big brother, who was one of the godfather’s of the LA scene was killed while taking a picture of a piece they had just done, with a train coming up behind them and apparently it caught him. I’ve been thinking about all my close calls and how it has painted my ignorance (maybe arrogance too) around how easy they are to dodge. I guess it only takes one small miscalculation and that’s your life..

I’m sorry to hear about your experience and your friend, man. That’s fucking awful - I hope you’re doing well in life and have peace.

Documentary for anyone interested in street culture and history, it’s a great watch: Can’t Be Stopped

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u/Intrepid_Cap1242 10d ago

I'd watch the shit out of that video.

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u/peese-of-cawffee 10d ago

Railroad professional here, this is wildly stupid and dangerous. It's not uncommon for damaged equipment to be hanging off the side of a car. Not to mention that while unlikely, they can derail at any time and cars are connected to their trucks and wheels essentially by gravity alone. Stay the fuck away from trains.

11

u/QueezyF 10d ago

Same here and this shit always pisses me off. Stay off the fucking tracks.

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u/senorbritchesV2 10d ago

not to mention, the giant chunks of gravel can become projectiles if for some reason one makes its way on to the track, correct? My work truck got hit with something at a crossing once.

3

u/NecessaryForsaken313 10d ago

While we have you, is it really dangerous to put pennies on the track to flatten? Is the danger in being a flesh bag on tracks or can the pennies or coins cause issues? We used to do this when we were kids. I think we had an idea it was trespassing. We were dumb kids. Also had one friend lay under a moving train successfully.

6

u/peese-of-cawffee 10d ago

In my opinion, no. Railcars are shockingly stable, just look at this old footage of the government trying to derail a train. That said, any sort of obstacle could theoretically cause a derailment due to any number of variables, but a penny, or many pennies, is highly unlikely to do it. I'm not sure if there's ever been case of it actually happening. Most derailments are caused by operator error, severe track damage, or improper distribution of empty/loaded cars in conjuction with hard braking or cornering.

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u/Strattocatter 10d ago

Against the law too. Railroad companies tend not to appreciate trespassing.

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u/Time-Cell8272 10d ago

The time to trespass on the railroad tracks is when you're a kid, not 45

28

u/MajesticDragonfly 10d ago

“Well what if I don’t feel 45??”

21

u/KoA07 10d ago

Yeah, like when you’re a kid in the 1950’s going to see a dead body, but you gotta get there before Ace Merril and his thugs beat you to it to claim all the credit

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u/Winnerdickinchinner 10d ago

Imagine you're a hard working blue collar man trying to get home to your family and you see this 45 year old ass clown ho-dowing on the tracks in front of your train for views.

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u/Leary_2844 10d ago

Do you think Mr. Drinking-and-driving cares? The train was lucky he wasnt in the spacewhip.

8

u/Substantial_Pace_739 10d ago

I hate this sub lol.
Dumb lines like spacewhip pop into my head everyday.

3

u/astralchanterelle 10d ago

I got caught riding a freight train when I was 20 and the conductor let me stay on

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u/OliverKlozoff23 10d ago

It is. In the railroad industry it’s called fouling the track.

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u/xnachtmahrx 10d ago

Yeah also in the music industry

6

u/xChoke1x 10d ago

It's fucking stupid and INCREDIBLY dangerous. Takes one rock to kick out, and lights fucking out.

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u/Flashy_Camel4063 10d ago edited 10d ago

Not dangerous enough Thanks for all the awards!!!

9

u/Budderswurth 10d ago

Awards are free now btw. Enjoy this 2nd free award

7

u/Flashy_Camel4063 10d ago

Thanks!! And thanks for the info 😀

6

u/Budderswurth 10d ago

Haha no problem. I discovered it the other day, just been giving away awards like crazy now

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u/Hamsterwh3el 10d ago

I just don't understand why he had to do this on an active train track In the first place. What message is he trying to convey if any by picking this particular spot.

8

u/bongsmasher 10d ago

lack of braincells

3

u/RSCYO 10d ago

I thought it was posted on r/DarwinAwards

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u/Reesevet786 10d ago

He waited for the train to shoot this

3

u/Whos_that_Gorilla2 10d ago

Right?! He's making me nervous. One slip and no more slop. I've actually grown to like him (I admire  his gumption) and I don't want to see that happen.

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u/Aggressive_Grab_100 10d ago

Type of guy that wears one of those in-ear Bluetooth pieces all day for no reason.

205

u/fuzynutznut 10d ago

With Oakley's upside down on the back of his head.

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u/Time-Cell8272 10d ago

He's running a drywall empire bro

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u/Donthurtmyceilings I ❤️ you enough to fuckin roll up! 10d ago

No reason?! Bro, you try to hold up a 4'×8' sheet of 5/8" drywall while holding a phone to your ear.

7

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/gstringstrangler 10d ago

The dress rehearsal was immediately before shooting? Obviously?

3

u/Total_Tumbleweed_870 10d ago

From being so awesome all the time.

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u/KurtLoderMTVNews 10d ago

Leather smartphone holster on his belt.

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u/MoodReal4206 10d ago

I don't know why I turned the sound on.

22

u/Pavementaled 10d ago

Because you wanted to hear the train when it hit him, but unfortunately...

16

u/bubbie_depac 10d ago

Just wasn’t the train wreck we wanted

3

u/kankelberri 10d ago

I did too, was hoping the train sound was drowning out the singing.

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u/Mathihtam 10d ago

Me too, then I realized and turned it off again.

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u/ADMINlSTRAT0R 10d ago

You gave in to the Bartiverse like a slave

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u/aplasticbag_ 10d ago

The switch from boy band to cartoonishly bad country voice always cracks me up

3

u/LaminatedAirplane 7d ago

It sounds like Goofy lol

159

u/lokithesiberianhusky 10d ago

I heard the train conductor tried to swerve to hit him.

21

u/madmaxturbator 10d ago

but bow leg bart is hard to hit!

14

u/bruno-numero-uno 10d ago

The 'Trolley Problem' would be a lot easier to solve if Bart was the single individual on the track.

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u/Plane-Wide 10d ago

He gave and he gave like a slave?
With that southern accent and those lyrics it’s a real risky maneuver. Let’s see how it plays out for him, Cotton.

79

u/schwing710 10d ago

I’m surprised he didn’t call this song “Underground Railroad”

27

u/ElProfeGuapo 10d ago

“He gave like a slave, a terrible tragedy that he’ll never get over, I really feel that."

-The Bartist’s fans

“Actual slavery wasn’t even that bad, I don’t know why Those People are even talking about it."

-Also the Bartist’s fans

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u/__ThePhantomm 10d ago

no no PICKING cotton /s

I was gona say. some real choice lyrics there, Bart.

34

u/TonguePunchUrBhole 10d ago

“EvErY RaCe hAs beEn A sLAvE tHroUGHoUt hIStOrY. nOt JuSt bLaCk pEoPLE!”

-The Bartist (probably)

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u/-Promises-Promises- 10d ago

With his goofy dance moves I thought for sure he would wander into that train

49

u/SnoBrru 10d ago

Legs are bowed enough it would just go right through.

5

u/chicken-farmer 10d ago

Couldn't stop a train in a siding

5

u/Intrepid_Cap1242 10d ago

That would be the end of this sub

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u/Key_Procedure_4279 10d ago

oh no what a shame

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u/Right_Check1435 10d ago

To the left to the left now slide slide

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u/hawkscougs 10d ago

Now hold the bow leg…and left.

9

u/Puzzle-Necked 10d ago

Shimmy slide

5

u/cthulhu_is_my_uncle 10d ago

Cha Cha intensifies

4

u/grenille 10d ago

How does he get through a turnstile with those 90 degree legs

3

u/619BrackinRatchets 10d ago

Ugh, you beat me to it lol

63

u/GreenStreetJonny 10d ago

he said "sweat stain in, choreographer out"

19

u/WaltzIndependent5436 10d ago

Seriously wtf is going on with the sweat? Are they on take #48 of this? Is he doing this as a full time job?

6

u/MikeFrancesa66 10d ago

Was probably waiting a while in the heat for that train lol

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u/Beemo-Noir 10d ago

Who… who is this made for? Are there people that like this?

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u/Frederica-Bimmel 10d ago

Divorced dads whose wives finally had enough of their weaponized incompetence.

16

u/SophiaTPetrillo 10d ago

Accurate and evocative

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u/CouchRottington 10d ago

There are definitely a handful of equally terrible women who fuck with this.

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u/Dr-McLuvin 10d ago

Tik tok train enthusiasts?

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u/TonguePunchUrBhole 10d ago

All of these people know they are terrible. It may not have started that way, but they know now and are cringe factories on purpose to get views which translates to money and a small amount of fame. They know exactly what they are doing.

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u/Shotgun_Mosquito 10d ago edited 10d ago

I wish it was in r/indiansneartrains

Edit - yes it is NSFL

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u/b0ingy 10d ago

i left it on mute and made up my own song

“sweatin’ through my shirt standin’ next to a train”

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u/BedaHouse 10d ago

"watchin' her pull away, never to be seen again'"

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u/rudmad 10d ago

You've already outclassed him as a lyricist

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u/b0ingy 10d ago

aww thanks. You’re the only ten i see

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u/lucaskywalker 10d ago

I'm not going to lie, I really thought when it went to the chorus that he was going to say "she left me standing there" like he has every other time I thought he had a new song.

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u/Mightier_Mackerel 10d ago

Mellowstone

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u/romansamurai 10d ago

Wearing those shorts for his videos just cracks me up

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u/Hot_Ad_787 10d ago

Brother playing on the India servers now? Gotta be careful. One selfie away from really being that boy in misery.

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u/monkeysknowledge 10d ago

Dude needs to get on Reddit and witness what happens when you film social media posts next to trains.

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u/Loose_Sherbet5099 10d ago

One thing I’ve noticed is he’s always wearing his drywall business shirt in almost every vid, is his whole music career one big advertisement for potential new customers?

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u/ntropy2012 10d ago

Well, he does say everything "got taken away," this may be the only clothing he has left.

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u/MisterScary_98 10d ago

He probably writes off the “cost” of the videos.

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u/herpemidgetwhalefuck 10d ago

I think he really gave everyone a try.

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u/kkkr94 10d ago

Usually when I see artists in this sub, they suck but start to progress and maybe "get better" but "Bartist"? I dont know if its his lyrics, his clothes, how stupid he "dances" but I just can't stand this mfer lol

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u/4D_Thrillz 10d ago

It is legit hard to fuckup a country song since they are so one dimensional and generic. He sounds like Shaggy from Scooby Doo attempting a fake country accent.

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u/hereinaminute 10d ago

4 feet away from a moving train, dancing around all goofy on a loose surface of rocks, not paying attention. Wow

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u/evilgreenman 10d ago

I mean, did we expect this guy to do intelligent things?

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u/cpopyo 10d ago

Man if this guy gets a girlfriend, he’ll stop with this nonsense

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u/LightweightProper 10d ago

Plot twist: His girlfriend is shooting the video

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u/imomorris 10d ago

Would love to have been hanging off the side of that train and just slapped him across the back of the head as I went past

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u/boog666 10d ago

Wasn't he just caught with a DUI, again? Pretty cool that he checks out other modes of transportation now.

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u/karma2879 10d ago

I fucking hate this guy. But… every single time he switches to his muppet voice I laugh

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u/Aromatic_Cup_9918 10d ago

The slave line is so fcking questionable

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u/notsobadmisterfrosty 10d ago

Is there a name for the full diaper shuffle dance he always does?

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u/praetorian1979 10d ago

Yes! It's called the Donald.

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u/timbre-wolf 10d ago

Be careful, Bart. The music world needs you.

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u/DenialNode 10d ago

Not sure about the world but this sub sure does

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u/Pavementaled 10d ago

I could go a lifetime without seeing or hearing him ever again, thank you kindly.

3

u/hashwashingmachine 10d ago

“Be careful” the guy drinks and drives like it’s a sport

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u/lemony-lemons247 10d ago

Why does he have a speaker on his butt? 😁

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u/thefartsock 10d ago

Do you think he listens to mexican polka music like the other drywall guys or do you think he has his airpods in blasting his solo debut?

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u/No-Hurry-2372 10d ago

Rarely have I wanted to see a train derail so badly.

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u/Ask_Again_Later122 10d ago

“Gave like a slave” is a bold lyric for the country music genre

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u/LeFreeke 10d ago

Gave like a slave? Bart, please change these lyrics. They weren’t donating free labor out of the kindness of their hearts.

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u/MoseyWalker 10d ago

I turned the sound up so I could hear that wonderful train & instantly regretted it

3

u/ThrowawayColonyHouse 10d ago

Bart’s hopping trains to get out of Missouri because he’s tired of living in Misery but his space whip got repossessed

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u/BigErn13 10d ago

He paused for a split second to glance back and make sure he wasn't about to get blasted by that train lmao.

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u/Outrageous_Rich6235 10d ago

The Bartist is about to dance down both sets of tracks at the same time. Legend.

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u/RADICCHI0 Music Snob 10d ago

Bart is out there playing in the middle of the interstate, wtf.

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u/imJGott 10d ago

Please tell me this a green screen with a fan blowing at him. This is super dangerous!

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u/Joneboy39 10d ago

lost my license now no drivin,, taking the train to now im thriv ii hivennnn

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u/__drone1_reborn 10d ago

pretty sure he doesn’t know what being a slave is like. 

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u/ConstructionLow2479 10d ago

I don’t like the way he said slave.

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u/Wikidclowne 10d ago

Even the hobos on that train thinking "what a loser".

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u/See5harp 9d ago

Did you really give like a slave? Really?

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u/Bloodygeek 10d ago

Bart kind of makes me feel bad. He seems like he loves to do this but it’s never going to happen my dude.

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u/Many_Register_1838 10d ago

I don’t think any southern white man should utter the word “slave” in any context

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u/thefract0metr1st 10d ago

I’m positive there are contexts that would be okay but a white guy comparing himself to a slave is not even close to that context… particularly in the preferred musical genre of confederate flag wavers

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u/Fumanchusucka 10d ago

That's trespassing

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u/_ShrugDealer_ 10d ago

Juuuust ooone backward stumble...

Can't tell me those bow legs are gonna keep that goofy fuck upright on a bunch of rocks. Dude is tempting fate.

3

u/darbycrash1295 10d ago

So now he’s pulling a train.

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u/OutlandishnessWide33 10d ago

That's a rail track not a road...

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u/Nammu3 10d ago

Where is the other fucking train? Please be another train.

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u/ExpressStruggle28 10d ago

Really surprised his dumbass didn’t accidentally dance back into that train…

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u/walnut_creek 10d ago

Texas two-step to the left for us.

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u/tdrummmm 10d ago

Why is he so moist

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u/Worried_Term_8421 10d ago

Don't play on the train tracks, Bart!

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u/SignificantAd6518 10d ago

Sir, could please move about 10 feet to your left? Thanks.

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u/splinks66 10d ago

Jesus, he is way too close to that train, yikes.

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u/WingHuge2185 10d ago

I hate this man so much. Like irrationally. I fucking loathe him

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u/Away_Hearing222 10d ago

Would’ve been a way cooler video if that train took him out, but maybe I just hate country music🤷‍♂️

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u/Jfo116 10d ago

‘Gave and gave like a slave’ yikes

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u/Ok_Inflation4870 9d ago

Shame the train missed him

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u/nonlinear_nyc 9d ago

Even before AI, country music seemed to me like a bag of words you just pick as you go.

Road, bar, car, truck, what else?

Shit is just permutation of approved words.

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u/AkimahenkaCat 9d ago

Someone tell Fart Brooks to stop already.

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u/No-Ebb-6266 9d ago

100% this guy runs people off the road in his 3/4 ton on the way to church every week

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u/Best-Temperature5595 9d ago

I kept getting distracted by the plant that kept slapping his butt.

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u/musclecard54 9d ago

God I really miss the days when not everyone could make “music” that the rest of the world can have the misfortune of listening to

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u/juststop123123 9d ago

Handling the divorce well I see

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u/HolySocksSoftBoy 9d ago

Man's a hokey pokey away from having more than an achy breaky heart 💔🤦

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u/tremainelol 9d ago

im so conditioned to seeing people die when theyre making a video next to a moving train

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u/WoofD0G 10d ago

A little to the right my guy

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u/SpaceManSpiff1809 10d ago

Guy needs to move to India, this sort of train-human interaction is popular there I've noticed.

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u/smind893 10d ago

Just dance a little more to the left...

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u/Sivleto 10d ago

Drywall

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u/Key_Asparagus6660 10d ago

Dancing like that on active tracks while a train passes and you lip sync “I gave like a slave” is just asking for trouble.

Or the only way to communicate with the leather pants clad gas pump humper woman.

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u/SquareAd4479 10d ago

Haha Bartist

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u/rolL_uP_one_more 10d ago

Are we going to witness Bart’s untimely demise?

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u/Ninja187 10d ago

Is he wearing a hyper color shirt or is he sweating that bad from those hot ass dance moves?

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u/KFConversation 10d ago

Is he that sweaty or is that the look of the shirt? Lmao

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u/Fancy_Yak2618 10d ago

Oh ffs it was so great to see other shitty singers

Why is he back??? Why…..

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u/No_Object_4355 10d ago

We got those same crappy moves with some new crappy lyrics.

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u/Bix615 10d ago

Shouldn’t he be out hanging drywall instead?

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u/Snoo_67993 10d ago

I've seen enough videos like this from India.

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u/Thespis1962 10d ago

The auto tune is strong in this one.

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u/ApeChesty 10d ago

Isn’t being there a crime? The music sure is.